How I Overcame My Fear of Public Speaking | Dr. Justin Moseley | TEDxWilmington

Transcriber: Doğa Köse Reviewer: Raúl Higareda Have you ever been nervous or felt fear when you’ve had to speak in public? Maybe you’ve been on a stage in front of a room full of people, or maybe you had a shared presentation in front of your coworkers. Or maybe you’ve been in a room full of strangers and they made you stand up and say who you are, where you’re from, and what you do.

Now, at some point, most people have felt what it feels like to be afraid to speak in public. For me, I grew up with a tremendous fear of public speaking. and my earliest memory of having a fear to speak happened in the second grade.

Our teacher was going around the room and calling on students to read. Anybody been there? I was thinking, “Please don’t call on me.

Please don’t call on me. ” And she called someone else. (Sigh) I can relax.

But as they would get to the end of what they were reading, that anxiety would start to build again. “Please don’t call on me. Please don’t call on me.

” And then it happened. She called my name and this wave of anxiety came over my body. And as I started to read, I started fumbling over my words.

And the more I tried to get it together, the worse it got. And I started hearing other kids laughing at me. And by the time I finished, I was so embarrassed.

I remember thinking, “I never want to do that again. ” And it created this memory early on. “You’re not a public speaker.

This isn’t for you. You just need to stay quiet. ” And I kept that memory for years to come.

Fast forward to my freshman year in college. I had to take a speech class. When I got up to give my speech, that familiar wave of anxiety came over my body again.

My heart started beating out of my chest, my adrenaline was racing, my throat got dry, my my muscles started to tense up, and when I was looking at my note card, my hands just started shaking. And when I tried to speak, my voice started trembling. And I felt this wave of heat come over my body, and I felt like I was about to pass out.

And somehow I made it through the speech, but that further anchored into my mind, “You’re not a speaker. You just need to give this up. ” And I continued to believe that for years.

Public speaking is not for me. But over the years, I kept feeling this feeling inside that I had a message to share, that I needed to speak, that I could make a bigger impact. So that led me to the first key that helped me overcome my fear of public speaking: the realization that everyone has a message to share.

Each and every one of you has a message inside of you that the world is waiting to hear. And your message matters. But maybe you’re like me.

For years, I didn’t think I had a message to share. I wondered, “What could I share that would help someone else? ” Well, my friend and mentor, Rory Vaden, says it best.

He says, “You are perfectly positioned to serve the person you once were. ” Think about that. There’s stuff you’ve been through in your life.

There’s lessons you’ve learned, obstacles you’ve overcome. And there’s lessons you’ve learned along the way that you can take and help other people. Because right now, there’s someone going through what you went through in the past, and you can take those lessons you’ve learned and help them overcome their challenges.

So I started going through my life, and I started thinking, “Well, what have I been through, and what lessons have I learned that I could use to help others? ” And I started sharing those, and I started helping people. And that's why I'm here today, sharing this message, because I overcame the fear of public speaking years ago, and I wanted to share what helped me so other people can share their message with the world.

So first, I realized I had a message to share. Then I started asking myself, “Well, what goes through my head that makes me so nervous before I get up to speak? ” And I would think thoughts like, “They’re going to judge me.

What if they don’t like the way I look, or the way I’m dressed, or what if they don’t like the sound of my voice, or what if I mess up and I say the wrong thing? ” All those thoughts that were going through my head were about me. Me, me, me.

And I realized I needed to shift that. And that led me to the second realization that helped me overcome my fear of public speaking: realizing that sharing your message is not about you. It’s about the people you’re there to serve and what’s in it for them.

And my friend Rory Vaden says it best. He told me, “Fear disappears when the mission to serve is clear. ” When you have the heart to serve people, you take the focus off of you, and you start focusing on what’s the benefit that they’re going to get by hearing my message.

And that changed everything for me. When I took the focus off of me and I started focusing on what are they going to get out of my message, I realized if one person takes what I have to say and applies it to their life, it was worth it. So key number one is you have a message to share.

Number two, your message is not about you. It’s about the people you’re there to serve. Now the next thing I started to do was I started to study, “Well, what is fear?

” And fear is our body’s natural response to danger. When our body feels danger, we go into the fight or flight response. And we get ready to run or fight for our lives.

So I was studying, “What are the common causes of fear? ” And the most common physiological responses to fear are increased heart rate, increased adrenaline, shallow breathing, muscle tension, sweating, dry mouth, and butterflies in the stomach. I used to get most of those when I would get up to speak.

But I started to ask myself, “What other times do I feel those feelings? ” Well, I feel those feelings when I get excited. So I looked up, “What are the most common causes or the common physiological responses to excitement?

” And they are increased heart rate, increased adrenaline, shallow breathing, muscle tension, sweating, dry mouth, and butterflies in the stomach. Our bodies go through the exact same physiological response in response to fear or excitement. So the way to tell the difference, if it’s fear, it’s associated with a threat or danger.

Or if it’s excitement, it’s positive anticipation. So it all comes down to, “Am I in danger or am I looking forward to this? ” And that led me to the third key that helped me overcome my fear: I could transform my fear into excitement.

When you get up and you start to share your message and you feel those familiar feelings, what I used to do was say, “Oh, there’s that fear again. Remember when you used to speak before? That didn’t go so well.

They’re going to judge you. This isn’t for you. Why do you think you should do this?

” And that fear would overtake me. But now what I do, I shifted that and I created a new story. So when I feel those feelings, I tell myself, “You’re excited.

You’re about to go out there and transform someone’s life today. ” And now I really do get excited because I know that if I go out and if one person takes what I have to say and they apply it to their life, I can make a positive impact. So I want you to remember, when you get up and you start to feel those feelings, you have the ability to transform that fear into excitement.

So if you’re still wondering, “Why should I share my message? What impact do I have to make? ” Well, I want to take you back to 2012.

At the time, I was giving the biggest talk that I’d given at that point. There was an auditorium full of 200 people. And I was ready.

I knew my message. My mission to serve was clear. I transformed my fear into excitement and I went out there and I delivered.

And at the end of the talk, a man came up to me. He said, “Dr Justin, I want to thank you for sharing that message. ” He said, “I recently underwent quadruple bypass surgery.

” He said, “When I was laying in the hospital bed, my family brought in my little grandson and they put my grandson on my lap. ” And he said, “I looked at my grandson and I made a promise right then and there that I’m going to get my health back because I’m going to be around to watch my grandson grow up. ” And he said, “What you just shared with me gave me exactly what I needed to get my health back.

” And not only did he go on to get his health back, at 65 years old, he completed the Ironman, which is a grueling race, which is a 2. 4-mile swim, a 112-mile bike ride, and a complete marathon of 26. 2 miles.

Not only has he done one Ironman, he’s gone on to do multiple Ironman races. And the reason I’m telling you this is because I never would have been able to make a difference in his life if I wouldn’t have overcome my fear of public speaking, If I hadn’t realized I had a message to share. And if I didn’t get out and start sharing that message, I never would have been able to help him.

But just like that man needed to hear my message in that moment, there is someone that’s desperately waiting to hear your message. There's a message inside of you that the world needs to hear. So I want you to ask yourself, “What impact can I make?

If I overcome my fear of public speaking and I start sharing my message with the world, what lives can I touch? What legacy can I leave? What positive impact can I make in the world?

” I want to leave you with one of my favorite quotes from B. J. Palmer.

He says, “You never know how far-reaching something you may think, say, or do today will affect the lives of millions tomorrow. ” If you would have told me years ago that one day I was going to be standing on the TEDx stage in its iconic red circle sharing my message with the world, I would have said, “There’s no way. ” But I’m here, I did it.

And if I can overcome my fear of public speaking, so can you. So my hope is that you’ll find your message, you’ll transform your fear into excitement, and you'll go out and you'll start sharing your message with the world, and you’ll make a positive impact. I’m Dr Justin Moseley.

Thank you.