The skill of self confidence | Dr. Ivan Joseph | TEDxRyersonU

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Never miss a talk! SUBSCRIBE to the TEDx channel: http://bit.ly/1FAg8hB As the Athletic Director and head coach of the Varsity Soccer team at Ryerson University, Dr. Joseph is often asked what skills he is searching for as a recruiter: is it speed? Strength? Agility? In Dr. Joseph's TEDx Talk, he explores self confidence and how it is not just the most important skill in athletics, but in our lives. In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

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Video Transcript:

In my past life as a soccer coach once you win a national championship everybody wants to come play for you really not true once you pay them $25,000 a year in scholarships everybody wants to come play for you and parents would always come to me and they'd say okay I my son or my daughter wants to come play at your University what is it that we have to do you know what are you looking for and being the Socratic Professor that I am well what does your son or daughter do what do they do really well that we'd be interested in and typically their answers are well they've got great vision they're really good they can see the entire field or my daughter is the fastest player there's nobody that can beat her or my son's got a great left foot or really really great in the air and can hit every ball like yeah not bad but to be quite honest with you those are the last things I'm Looking for the most important thing self confidence without that skill and I use the word skill intentionally without that skill we are useless as a soccer player because when you lose sight or belief in yourself we're done for I use the definition of self-confidence to be the ability or the belief to believe in yourself to accomplish any task no matter the odds no matter the difficulty no matter the adversity the belief that you can Accomplish it self confidence so I'm using a great I don't have it I'm so shy out that one I'll never do good I'm going and you start to drag all the way down here but I used the word skill because I believe it can be trained and I'll show you a couple of ways which we do hopefully I won't run out of time I don't use any slides because my speech always goes here or here or here so we'll see which way we get to the easiest way to build self-confidence There's no magic button I can't say eh this plane is going down who can fly it put your hand up I can I'm confident repetition repetition repetition right what does Malcolm Gladwell call it the 10,000 hour rule there's no magic button I recruited a goalie from Colombia South America one year I big tall six foot three man you know he had hands like stone I thought he was like flipper every time I throw him the ball down down onto the ground I was like oh my God we're in trouble simple solution get to the wall kick a ball against the wall and catch it kick the ball against the wall and catch it his goal was 350 a day for eight months he came back his hands were callused the moisture on his hands were literally gone he is now playing in Europe magic null repetition repetition repetition the problem is we expect to be self-confident but we can't be unless the skill or the task we're doing is not Novel is not new to us we want to be in a situation where we've created we've had so much pressure in that and what I mean cuz pressure builds diamonds we want to be in the situation where hey I've done this a thousand times I didn't my speech I practice in front of the mirror hey I'm sounding good and then I read in front of my kids and my and my wife like oh my gosh a little nervous then you get in front of the Glenn cool oh my goodness I'm a little more nervous By the time I get to the ACG we're 2500 people can't say any more right 2,500 people we're 2,500 people are there I won't have a single ounce of nervousness because of my ability to practice right over and over and over again the problem with repetition is how many of us bail after the first a bit of failure how many us bail after the first bit of adversity Edison was on that video it Depends who you ask is anywhere from one 1,000 to 10,000 tries to build that lightbulb 1,000 to 10,000 JK Rowling should be on that video you the army publisher she took her Harry Potter book - I believe the number was 12 or 13 I don't I'm pretty confident but after two or three noes I'd be like dang it after six or seven I'm like maybe not definitely after nine or ten I'd be looking to be a soccer coach or something else beside it often Right I mean 12 times somebody said no but practice practice practice and do not accept failure maybe it shouldn't be repetition maybe the answer should be persistence because we all repeat something but very few of us really will persist so that's one way to build self-confidence get out there do what you want to do and accept and do not accept no the other one is self-talk we all have a self top tape that plays in our head Anybody go shopping and put on a pair of pants this week if you're a woman the first thing that always comes damn I look fat in these pants and if you're a man it's the opposite no muscle I'm so flabby right we all have this tape that plays in our head as a student if they asked me the question it was like gosh gee please the police professor don't pick me I don't know the answer I don't put I look down right if you're in the when I let me tell you something and the VP of Business Administration trapeze this but when they hired me as an athletic director I sat in an architect's meeting and I am as bowed as dumb as a post when it comes to anything to do with numbers and angles and they're like the Funday bellator valve of the architectural there they're what do you think dr. Joseph let me look into that for you and get back to you right I was God God please don't ask me please don't ask me we all have this negative Self-talk that goes in our head guess what there's enough people that are telling us we can't do it that we're not good enough why do we want to tell ourselves that we know for a fact that thoughts influence actions we saw it there with the with the video Sheldon dr. levy showed right we know that our thoughts influence actions why do we want to say that negative self-talk to ourselves we need to get our own self affirmations Muhammad Ali what was his Self affirmation I am the greatest who else is going to tell you there's need to be quiet moments in your bedroom quiet moments when you're brushing your teeth that we need to reaffirm I am the captain of my ship and the master of my fate that is my affirmation I came from a school of 1,000 people I live in a town of 1,000 people for 15 years there's no reason that I should be in charge of national debt apartment building Maple Leaf Gardens but I am the Captain of my ship and the master of my fate if I don't say it if I don't believe it no one else will how do you build self-confidence get away from the people who will tear you down there's enough of that Muhammad Ali I am the greatest there is no one better than me it's a difference between hubris and Eagle and false pride it's just reminding yourself in quiet silent moments I put it down on the list It's right beside my mirror write about all the things that make me who I am because I make enough mistakes and the newspapers will recognize it and people around me will recognize it and they'll tear me down and pretty soon I'll begin to believe it there was a time when my confidence was really low there was a time when I took this job when I came from Iowa I don't know if I could do it I had to bring out my self-confidence letter a letter I wrote to myself when I Was feeling good Ivan congratulations on getting your PhD before 40 congratulate I am 40 under congratulations on winning a national championship good job on raising three good kids and marrying the right woman I wrote a letter to myself it was my own brag sheet my own letter about the things I was proud of because there are moments and we'll all experience them in our career in our life and our job hunting in our relationships when we are not feeling Good about who and what and where we are and I had to bring out that letter and read it time and time again for a period of about two weeks to whether me through that storm it was important stop the self-talk the negative self-talk if you'll watch you'll see some athletes they'll have a little bandage or a little brand around them Lance Armstrong is a perfect one what's his self affirmation LIVESTRONG isn't a brand it was to remind him of who he was LIVESTRONG then it came a brand he would move that from one arm to the next arm when doubt and fear came into his mind LIVESTRONG put it on there let's go we'll all have it replace it two ways to build self-confidence worried about my time I'm gonna tell you of one way that you can build self-confidence in others we are coaches and educators we are teachers we are people who will create value in the world and in doing that we Are critical by the nature of what we do I'm a I'm a coach I want you to score a goal ball went over high Dan get the ball went high Thank You coach I know that feedback tells me that so what do we do I need you to put your elbow or here I need you to put your knee over the ball and either follow through boom land good eight notice I never made it as a professional what can we do we fix mistakes when I'm fixing that mistake Johnny this is terrible you need To bend your knee you need to do this this what have I done - Johnny self-confidence bend your knee think of this through this next thing you know Johnny's crushed ignore what Johnny does wrong and find Bob or Sally or Frida over here great goal Frida I loved how you kept your knee low you followed through and you landed like this great job Johnny oh great Johnny's not demoralized his confidence isn't shot and what I've done Is I've built up Freitas imagine how we could change the way we parented kids instead of get that glass off the counter what's wrong with you if we catch them while they're good great job great job Thank You Alice for taking your glass to the counter it's so simple but we forget about it or as educators or somebody as a team if we manage to praise the positive behavior that we wanted to reinforce we forget it sounds so simple catch them When they're good we forget it it's simple here's what they did there was a study in Kansas that did this they did video and we all do video and we showed the video of them doing the run of the play this goal happened because the basket wasn't protected we didn't rotate here right we needed to do this and then to cover the slot and if that's the baseline improvement of the Kansas State team went like this then they said they ignored all of that And they just showed them the times they did it right the times they did it perfect that presented no goals spoke to the same points improvement went like that it changed and revolutionized the way we as coaches interact with our student-athletes we can apply that to the business world we can apply that to our student group works we can apply that to our management teams easily catch them when they're good last and certainly not least my son is really Good at this self-confident people interpret feedback the way they choose to I asked my son who was by the far terrible terrible athlete gets it from his dad the games they win five nine how's the game oh great I scored three gold that two assists I'm like I did not see him touch the puck but he has his own perception of how he did I love it right I'm that I'm that guy I'm like I remember when I was taking my when I met My wife is in the comments Pauly I'd like to would you like to go to the movies ladies did a good thing up and she goes no I asked her again cuz I think that she just hasn't seen me in the right light maybe that's not the wrong shirt on right cuz I'm interpreting that the way I want to interpret it finally I asked wrote again actually gives me this one comment right oh she sent it to her friend because that's what you did it back then he Would not she wouldn't unless it was the last person on earth that hell was freezing over there was a small chance we had to save the planet Earth some people's like there's no chance I'm like you're saying there's a chance all right because that's how I'm gonna interpret it if I could give you one thing to take from this it is no one will believe in you unless you do listen to the words of that video here's to the crazy ones The Misfits the rebels the Troublemakers the round pegs in the square holes we're supposed to be different folks and when people look at us believe in yourself thank you

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