The Spiders and the Bees

Mommy, why do humans hate us? I don't know, Matthew. Our species is completely harmless to them.

And we keep the mosquito population down, who are responsible for killing more humans every year than other humans do. So humans have no rational reason to fear us, but they still do? I'm afraid humans aren't that smart, Matthew.

*MWAH* Sleep tight, don't let the bed humans bite. Love you mommy! I love you too Matthew.

Mom? I think the hate that spiders get is a tad bit undeserved. Okay, fine if you're in the shower and you see a spider crawling up your leg like a fricking pervert then that's an appropriate time to freak out.

But other than that, spiders are most likely not going to hurt you. Their webs are to weak to trap you, they don't know how to open doors, and there's only like a fifty percent chance that they're venomous. Ok, but for real unless you live in Australia the chances of you dying by a spider bite is pretty low.

There are venomous spiders, yes. And if you're having a negative reaction to a spider bite, then you should get treatment, but a large percentage of spiders are harmless. Even the black widow - - known as the most venomous spider in North America, won't kill you if you're a healthy adult.

Their bite will be painful for a couple of days, sure, But like you'll walk it off! That was, that was a joke, if you get bitten by a Black Widow spider, then don't walk it off. Go see a doctor.

And hey! If you're lucky enough, you'll get super powers. So wait, the two most dangerous spiders in North America are the Brown Recluse and the Black Widow?

What are you trying to say about dangerous colors, America? Oh wait the Great White Shark is even more dangerous, never mind. Technically sharks are like.

. . .

the second least dangerous animal out there, Besides puppies, cause like. . .

They don't wanna eat humans. I-I mean like if you had to fight a spider and a shark, The-the shark would win. Also spiders kill pests.

According to this comic I made in 2014, and this National Geographic article, a single spider can eat about 2,000 insects a year. So if you are not a fan of flies, moths or mosquitoes, which incidentally kill 600,000 people a year, then you're on TEAM SPIDER! Cause they're also not fans of them.

Well, they are fans of them, but they. . .

. . .

they are fans cause they eat them. I'm not saying you have to be roommates with arachnids, I'm just saying that if you see a spider. don't put it through torture, continuously smashing it with a blunt object!

Euuuuugh, it's still moving, it's still moving! ! KILL.

. . .

. ME SQUASH Instead, get a cup and carefully place it over a spider. They're really dumb, so doing this will be easy.

Then scoop up your new best friend with a piece of paper, and yeet it back into the wild with the rest of God's glorious creatures. THUNDERCLAP Yeah. .

. actually, there is a high chance that they won't make it, being thrown into a completely different environment. But they should have thought of that before they decided to live in my house!

Even though a spider has 8 eyes, they have terrible eyesight. So that spider that landed on your face did not do it intentionally. Some spiders that live in caves care completely blind.

They don't even have one eye! But even if they did have eyes, their whole world would still be pitch black. What a sad life to be a part of.

Just every time you're outside, seeing the sun, just think that somewhere there's a colony of spiders, just in pure blackness, just never seeing the sun, never seeing their children smile or graduate college. They're just sitting in a cave for all their life. So is nature's.

That is the way this- the cookie crumbles Also we're forgetting the most amazing thing about spiders, which is that they are incredibly talented in "web design" LAUGH GIGGLES Proportionately the silk that makes up a spider web is stronger than the fibers that make a bullet-proof vest. So next time you go to a gun fight, put on a spider web instead. The amazing thing about spider webs is that not only can they save Wilbur from being slaughtered, but it's just STUPID incredible that something so small Can make such an intricate shape from nothing but the material inside their own bodies.

The Golden Silk Orb Weaker Spider has too many middle names and has enough silk inside of them to make three full spider webs. And it's this guys job to pin that spider down and pull all it's silk out like some type of spider predator. It's okay though.

The documentary said he was just harmlessly immobilizing the spiders. I can't believe this is someone's job. I don't think telling people I'm a YouTuber is that bad anymore.

"So. . .

uh, what do you do for a living? " "I harmlessly immobilize spiders with thumb tacks and pull silk out of their abdomen to add to my ever increasing, collection. What about you?

"OH! I, uh, make YouTube videos. .

. " I see people with arachnophobia being irrationally afraid of these harmless little guys, And I just don't see the sense of fearing something that ultimately does good things for the ecosystem. But you know what we should be afraid of?

! BEES! BEES ARE TERRIFYING!

Look, they're sucking the blood out of this guy to make honey! HYPERVENTILATES Oh, they're dying out at an alarming rate? GOOD!

! ! !

! Okay, that was a joke, bees are without a doubt the most important insect on this planet Not only do they have the best work ethic of any living thing on Earth, which is why none of them are YouTubers. They also pollinate 30% of the world's crops Don't ask me who pollinates the rest, cause I don't know.

Without bees, humanity would turn to pure anarchy. Bees are so important world-famous comedian Jerry Seinfeld made a documentary about the life of a bee, and what the world would be like without them. Ever since 2006, bees, just like the memes say have been "dying at an alarming rate".

The scary thing is that scientists don't know exactly the reason for this bee-pocalypse. But they think it has something to do with new pesticides being used on farms, parasites that kill the bee, And global warming. So once we've figured out how to fix these three problems, we'll "bee" in good shape!

It's a little bee pun. We like to have "pun" around here. Now what can you, a concerned citizen, to stop the dropping population of bees?

Most likely nothing. Cause I don't think anyone watching this makes laws about pesticides or stopping global warming. So we just gotta sit back and hope the people who make those laws know the importance of bees.

But. . .

maybe you should plant a couple of flowers, just to be on the safe side. The reason I have a fear of bees is that I have gotten stung by a bee, Not THREE times, Not FOUR times, BUT TWO TIMES! Two- two times.

Now obviously as I've grown, I see the importance of bees and I know not to throw rocks at them. The first time I got stung, I was outside, and I guess I was too playing too close to a bee hive 'Cuz I got stung on my arm, and I cried a lot. The second time I was in my backyard, barefoot, and I was walking around, and- You know how sometimes when you're about to do something, and your brain realizes you're about to make a mistake, but your body is already committed to the motion and you don't have enough time to stop yourself?

So I was in the middle of talking a step, and I saw I was about to step on a bee, But my body didn't have the reaction time or the motor skills to avoid the step and. . .

(and we can all guess what happened after the step) *James cries* I'm sure the bee was just acting in self-defense, but. . .

. . MAN that scarred me!

Some people may have an allergic reaction to bee stings, and they should go to a hospital if they get stung, but in my case, It just hurt a lot. And my Mom put baking soda over where I got stung, and I cried. When people found out I was afraid of bees, they would always tell me that bees are docile creatures, and they only sting you if they feel threatened.

They would say the same thing about spiders by the way. So whenever I would see a bee, I would silently freak out, and would stay as still as a rock, 'Cuz unlike spiders, with bees, you're not allowed to fight back you'll both lose if that happens. I gotta show this bee how unthreatening I am.

They should be able to just look at me and know that. But then, when a bee lands of your arm, HOLY FRICK That's true fear. You just have to quietly watch the bee, hoping it didn't just have a bad day and decide to end its life on you.

That never happened though. Ever since I took a calm approach to bees, I've never been stung, and I've never been bitten by a spider either. WASPS THOUGH!

! ! !

THEY'RE JUST MEAN! ! They can just pack up and leave for all I care!

I don't give a crap about wasps. *Wasps attack James* So what did we learn? hmm.

. . .

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