My Mom's Cruel and Unusual Punishments

42.73M views1738 WordsGrade 15 Readability5.0/5 RatingDownload TxT File

Thanks for raising me mom! You made me like this. Second Channel ➤ Twitter ➤ Website ➤ Colorers ➤ Rushlight invader ➤ PajamaParty Doodles ➤ Vopsea ➤ AntiDarkHeart ➤

... Show More

Video Transcript:

Mr. James on Saturday morning at 10:03 a.m. you were observed coloring a picture of a dinosaur is that true yeah can we go to ESS even though your mom had repeatedly asked you to clean up your toys you disobeyed her and colored anyway I plead the fifth Your Honor I have no further questions James I hereby sentence you to 15 minutes in the timeout corner I'm no scientist but I think mom's play a very Important role in society without moms who would drive us to soccer practice who else would tell us that it's not okay to eat cupcakes for breakfast and who else would point at construction workers and say that's why you need to get a college education James oh and I guess they also give birth to you and take care of you but like anyone could do that now before I talk about how I was raised I just want to give out this disclaimer That my mom is a great mom she loves me at least she used to if you asked me when I was 15 if my mom was a good mom 15 year old me would have said no okay but like when I was a little I'd be talking with my friends and we would be talking about our parents and they would say stuff like yeah my mom lets me stay up till midnight and she lets me play really graphic and vulgar video games yeah my mom doesn't care if I were clothes with skulls on them and she lets Me eat an entire tub of ice cream for dinner my mom lets me play with knives and I used to think that their moms were so much cooler for letting my friends have that much fun but now as an adult I realized the sad truth that these kids moms weren't cooler they just cared about them less I'm not saying every mom out there is perfect but a mom who takes the time to make a responsible member of society is pretty high up on the good mom list anyways I love your mom and now I'll immortalize and monetize some of that love when I was younger and still in need of adult supervision my mom would take me and my twin sister out to run errands with her and as you would expect we were rowdy and wanted to do our own thing but my mom was prepared for this she would bring two plastic baggies filled with ten M&Ms and every time my sister her I misbehaved she would eat an M&M right in front of us and she made sure we saw her eat our M&Ms she didn't give us a warning either if we did anything remotely bad she would say hey hey look at me hmm and I think that parenting technique is the psychological reason that M&Ms are my favorite candy bar mm-hmm something me and my sister really like doing was hiding in those circular racks of clothes that they have set up in department stores being in the middle of one of those racks is such a surreal experience I totally recommend it but my Mom didn't like it when we had fun so she had to reach her arm in and try and grab us do you need any help oh no I'm just trying to get something in the back there's a really nice belt that would be great for spanking my misbehaving I was spanked as a kid nothing too bad I probably deserved it anyway I don't remember any specific actions I did that earned spanking but I do remember outrunning my mom a lot another thing my mom did when I was very little was Sometimes when she was washing her hands she would turn to me and go achoo and flick water in my face it really bothered me but I never spoke out about it and one day I just couldn't handle it anymore and I started crying why are you crying but I was too sad to articulate how it was really feeling have you asked her about this today she'll say that she doesn't remember doing that sneeze gag ever but I remember it vividly so to get back at her I put a rubber band around The dish sprayer so when you turn on the sink it would spray water at you come to think of it I do remember one reason I was spanked every time one of my siblings insulted another sibling or told him to shut up we would have to pay them 50 cents this resulted in a really weird dynamic when it came to insults we would get excited when someone called us a name that's 50 Cent's but sometimes us kids would just be messing around with each other we didn't really mean the Insults so we would feel bad taking someone else's 50 Cent's like someone would say hey James what's 6 plus 6 and I would say 9 idiot and my mom would hear me and say James that's 50 cents and my sister would feel bad so she would insult me back and say James you you you're an unpleasant person uh-huh swear words cost you $5 that's why I don't swear in videos but now I can afford it so you mom you piece of my mom never washed her mouth out with Soap she wasn't that kind of person but she did threaten to if we swore and one time after I set a pretty naughty word penis she said if you don't behave I'm gonna get the soap and I said I don't care soap tastes good all right you big dingus shove this in your mouth you won't do it no balls so I bit into it and immediately regretted it now people are eating soap for views so I guess we never grow up did anyone else's parents put a password On the family computer because my parents did and I didn't know we were the only family that did that we had a rule in the house that we were only allowed to be on the family computer for however long we read a book for but luckily I would just read a book for 15 minutes get my mom to type in the password and then she would just forget that I was on the computer and let me stay on for hours and I played a lot of Neopets and runescape also I wasn't Allowed to have a TV or a computer in my room because then I would have easy access to inappropriate animes when I was little cell phones were a thing but my mom didn't let me have one so I had to talk to all my friends over a landline I hope I don't have to explain what that is cuz that would make me feel really old and I'm supposed to be in the prime of my life but basically I meant if I was upstairs in my room talking to a friend my mom could grab a phone Downstairs in the kitchen and just join in our conversation completely uninvited didn't matter who I was talking to I'd be having a conversation like this I think the reason I internalize and hide away all my problems is because of how invasive my mom is in my personal life luckily I would almost never be talking to a girl so at least that didn't happen this other time my mom was giving me my sister a ride to school and on the radio she was listening to the worst sub-genre Of rock music Christian rock just kidding even like whatever you want anyway we were pulling up to the school and I told my mom to turn the music down what why because I don't want people to think I listen to this mom you see I was in junior high so I cared a lot about what other people cared about so she turned the music down but as we stepped out of the car she turned the volume all the way back up and blasted the music for everyone to hear [Music] looking back at the situation I think that's pretty hilarious Gigi mom these aren't all the times my mom embarrassed me but those are all the ones I'm gonna include in this video I didn't even mention the time when I was four when my twin sister wanted to do ballet lessons but she didn't want to do them alone so my mom signed me up for lessons too but that's a story for another video and that video will be Titled top ten reasons I'm gay that was a that was a joke mom love you mom you made me like this and there you have it everyone that was my mom again I just want to say that despite whatever I say in my videos that my mom is a great mom I wouldn't be here without my mom she also reads all my scripts so all of my videos are James's mom approved okay well I shouldn't say that she just tell me to take out a lot of jokes and I'm like and also speaking of my mom my Mom's birthday is coming up so happy early birthday mom and if you guys wanted to wish her a happy birthday that'd be cool too I was serious when I said these aren't all the times my mom embarrassed me I definitely have enough material to make a part two again I love you mom thanks for not being one of those moms that are like no you're not allowed to be an artist you have to finish college and be a doctor in other news if you can't get enough odd ones Out videos then you should check out the twos out a couple days ago I posted a video where I answer riddles so that was a lot of fun also thank you to my four colors who helped color this video you guys should all check them out and if there's anything you should take away from this video is that you should always call your mom and wear seatbelt

Like it? Make YTScribe even better by leaving a review