You know that person that gets on your nerves and you always react to them the same shameful way? with irony shouting or even confronting them? Well, Neuroscience tells us that it's possible to change this horrible behavior And this is key to a better social environment, bet it with family or at work.
In Portuguese the verb to be can denote permanent states ("Ser") or transitory states ("Estar") unlike English and other languages. So what do we have to learn? That we ARE not anything [permanently] ("ser"), but rather that We ARE something always at a transitory estate of being.
("Estar") We're not sad or happy. We're in a transitory state of sadness or happiness. A lot of our feelings are in fact transitory rather than permanent.
So for instance, if you were, are or will suffer from depression You are not depressed [permanently] You are in a transitory state of depression And this realization is liberating, because it gives us the chance to take control of who we are. So we don't have to lose control when someone annoys us. Neuroscience has shown us that it is possible to change this type of horrible behavior.
We're not born with our emotional circuits ready. Quite the opposite. Most of our emotional circuits are built throughout our life history and are a result of how we deal with life.
So like a computer, our emotions are close to a software rather than a hardware They're more like acquired things than innate things, natural things intrinsic So our emotions aren't simply intrinsic, but to a greater degree they're built by ourselves. . .
and that's why we're able to change negative habits and teach our brain how to act differently. . .
. and we can also change related behavior as well such as a person that annoys us. So what do you have to do?
You have to change from annoyance to less annoyance, then to indifference and, who knows, maybe someday to gratitude. At a deeper level, our emotions are bets our brain takes In other words, they're predictions not certainties. We see ourselves reacting to the world but, in reality our brain is predicting constructions of the world.
So, that means we can effectively change these predictions by creating new emotions. That's why neuroscience and other sciences keep showing us that we as humans are creatures created by ourselves. Generally speaking, we use feeling and emotion as synonyms.
Scientifically, though, they're very different Emotion comes first. Emotion is the physical state. Feeling comes later.
Feeling is the interpretation of emotion. Feeling is the mental experience. So, taking the annoying person as an example.
. . .
How does that work? What's emotion? Emotion is the change in your heart beat the change in your body temperature or the queasiness you get.
Feeling is the interpretation of these changes Then we interpret these as irritability, anger or even sadness. It's interesting noting that sometimes you have completely different interpretations for the same heart beat and body temperature change So, our feelings are an interpretation and we have the malleability to choose how we're gonna interpret that emotion. Nothing comes with information.
Nothing from the outer world. What matters is how we interpret the information Because the only access we have to the world is through our senses and few senses are intrinsic to us. Such as feeling comfortable and uncomfortable.
Most of our feelings are complex and are defined by our interpretations and reinterpretations of our own history So what should we do, then? We should keep interpreting things the same way if we get positive reinforcement if they're good to us and reinterpret the negative reinforcement that harms us Then what happens? Humans seem to be good at repeating the same mistake.
. . But we don't need that.
So what's the first step? We should start the first change in behavior and then after this first one, we must remember to repeat, repeat and repeat it. That's the only way we can change this behavior We should learn by repeating and repeating it, till this new behavior is crystallized and easier to deal with.
So why is it so hard to change? It's because when we act uncontrollably Be it through irony, swearing or harassment The brain will first get relief Only later it will get shame. So the next time, with the same person and situation what would the brain get?
It'll get relief, because it came first last time around So you automatically act the same way. And that's what we need to change. By teaching our brain that relief is not what should be getting the attention shame should, but you need to change it.
So that it can happen. Contrary to what people may think our emotions -- our emotional processing, results from a cerebral orchestra and not from a mere limbic activity. So what does the late studies tell us?
They show us a strict link between our limbic and frontal parts of our brain. Suggesting us that there exists a cognitive processing in our emotions. Meaning we can have more control over our emotions This is what we call Self Control.
This is what searching for emotional balance really is. Another common mistake we make is trying to read other people's emotions Why does that happen? If our world view is based on our own history, every time we try to read someone else's emotions We're in fact betting on it, making a prediction more based on our history than theirs And that's a waste of time and lots of companies are spending a fortune trying to read other people's emotions.
What's their goal anyway? Actually their goal is to control the other. While we should be spending our time trying to control ourselves So, no one makes us feel anything.
We decide what we feel. or at least we have a chance to do it, and that means we can control ourselves. Something very powerful that gives us the opportunity to better control ourselves.
If we have more control over what we feel it means we have more responsibility over ourselves. if we keep acting uncontrollably with those that annoy us, the responsibility is ours not theirs That shows us that responsibility means a lot of things and that's exactly here where lies free will. How about you?
What do you do to change the behaviors you dislike in search of more emotional balance? Tell us. If you liked this video, leave a comment If you're searching for a life with better emotional balance Please subscribe to our channel.