I Was Sidelined By My Family's Favoritism Toward My Adopted Sister Until....- Reddit Family Tales

I was sidelined by my family's favoritism toward my adopted sister until her shocking true identity was revealed at my birthday party family trouble has plagued me 35f for as long as I can remember but recent events have now gotten to the breaking point I feel like I'm drowning and hurt uncertainty and hatred right now so I'm hoping anyone who has experienced a similar circumstance may offer some guidance or insight to put things in perspective my adopted sister 34f is just one year younger than myself she was adopted by our parents when she was a newborn

and I have spent my entire childhood with her that would seem to bring us together like a couple but the truth is far from that romantic notion it was evident from my very first Recollections that our parents gave preference to my sister they lavished her with attention gave her everything she desired and appeared to listen intently to everything she said when I proudly showed my mother a sketch I had done when I was 5 years old she dismissed me since my sister was reciting the alphabet for the 100th time although it might not seem like

much it was a sign of a pattern that would shape our family's Dynamics for many years to come the distance between US just got wider as we got older my sister had trouble reading in elementary school and our parents worked with her for hours every night even though I did exceptionally well in school I seldom ever got more than a passing good job on my report cards my sister had a dance recital in middle school so my parents were not there at the award ceremony when I won the scientific fair that was always the case

her wants accomplishments and hardships all came before mine I don't want to imply that I was abused or neglected in the conventional sense our fundamental Necessities were always satisfied including having a roof over our heads and food on the table however the emotional neglect was genuine and extremely distressing early on I discovered that being Flawless achieving excelling was the only way to Garner any attention in our home so I did just that with an almost obsessive Zeal I immersed myself into my studies in high school I was cooped up in my room preparing for AP

exams and filling out my college applications while my sister was out at parties and hanging out with friends it was worthwhile I received a half scholarship to a prestigious University this will finally make my parents proud I thought however instead of applauding my accomplishment on the day I departed for college they fussed more about how my sister would handle my absence College was enlightening I was evaluated entirely on my own merits not in relation to my sister for the first time in my life I made true friends friends who appreciated me for who I was

and I flourished both socially and academically I obtained a position at a prominent company after graduating with honors with unwavering resolve I ascended the corporate ladder during the ensuing 10 years my inner voice which still yearned for my parents praise propelled me to every advancement and accomplishment I'm pleased of what I've accomplished and currently work for a Fortune 500 firm in a Senior Management role however that pride is constantly laced with resentment because my family never seems to be satisfied with whatever I achieve in contrast my sister has never truly settled into a profession and

has alternated between jobs she still resides with our parents who provide her with both emotional and financial support my parents may have been pleased by my accomplishment but it appears that it has just strengthen their partiality for my sister they constantly offer justifications for her lack of focus such as she's just trying to find her passion or not everyone needs to climb the corporate ladder to be happy at the same time if my achievements are recognized at all they are frequently greeted with a lackluster congrat our family relationships have been damaged in every way because

of this Dynamic family get togethers are a Minefield of barely veiled bitterness and passive aggressive remarks I've made an effort to discuss my feelings with my parents but they consistently brush them off as envious or too sensitive as for my sister she seems to take great pride in her preferred position and frequently makes disparaging comments about me being married to my job or too busy for family I've been in therapy for for years in an attempt to resolve these problems boost my self-esteem and establish sound boundaries but every encounter with my family seems to set

me back regardless of how much progress I made I've thought of severing all connections but it would be devastating to lose my family dysfunctional as they are this leads me to last week's events which have caused me to re-evaluate every aspect of my relationships with my family as is customary our parents threw my sister a lavish birthday celebration friends extended family and even some of of her former classmates were invited with catered food an open bar and even a live band the house was decorated as though it were a wedding ceremony as a comparison last

month's birthday was celebrated with a little dinner for the four of us during which the most of the discussion focused on my sister's most recent business venture a pet related social media app that she believes will be the next big thing after approximately 2 minutes my parents eyes drifted away as I attempted to discuss a significant project I'm overseeing at work I made an effort to BL in at the party I tried my best to encourage my sister on her special day by interacting with family members in a courteous Manner and striking up little conversations

however as the evening went on I sensed the old bitterness Rising within me it wasn't just the extravagant celebration it was also the way our parents showered her with praise how family members inquired about her life while hardly noticing mine and how she absorbed all the attention as if it were her natural inheritance in an attempt to calm the anxiety attack I could see coming on I found myself with drawing to a corner and drinking a glass of wine when she saw how upset I was a cousin came to see how I was doing with

sincere concern in her voice she inquired are you okay for the first time that evening someone had taken the effort to inquire about my well-being I started to reply but my sister's voice broke through the throng before I could she raised her voice and tapped her glass with a spoon saying attention everyone I'd like to make a toast as everyone's attention was drawn to my sister the room became quiet she was a little shaky on her feet and her cheeks were flushed which indicated that she had consumed a significant amount of alcohol as she began

her address she was still able to put on a convincing smile initially it appeared to be a standard birthday greeting she toasted our parents for their love and support thanked everyone for attending and conveyed her appreciation for the celebration her tone then shifted and I got a shiver down my back she said I'm especially grateful to Mom and Dad with a tone of voice that I had never heard before I've always received greater treatment from them than their own daughter just take a peek at this celebration when was the last time they threw my sister

a party like this as everyone in the room turned to stare at me I felt my face heat up but my sister wasn't finished but I guess that's because I've always been the better daughter she added sounding a little slurred by the champagne yes my sister has a nice career and makes a lot of money but who do Mom and Dad truly love in the end who makes their life happier it's not the icy work-driven automaton who hardly has time for family I couldn't believe what I was hearing and was still with the exception of

a few painful coughs and my sister's voice which seemed to get louder by the second the room had become eerily quiet she said you know it's funny with a tiny wobble everyone constantly praised my sister's intelligence and her potential for success but look at us now I'm here with family and friends who genuinely care about me while she's by herself married to her job I turned to our parents and the the hopes that they would intervene and put an end to this vicious act however they only sat there appearing uneasy and doing nothing to stop

it I had never felt more alone in my life than I did at that precise time my sister continued to babble criticizing every element of my life including my appearance the fact that I didn't have a romantic partner and even the suggestion that I succeeded in my work by sleeping my way to the top I felt myself getting smaller with every word years of repressed hurt and rage threatening to blow up my aunt our mother sister stepped up just as I was about to burst into tears and thought I could take no more she had

a determined and angry expression on her face I was standing when she approached and gave me an envelope her voice broke the tension in the room as she stated don't open this until I'm done talking her eyes were flaming as she turned to face the throng the scene that followed resembled a scene from a soap opera according to my aunt my sister wasn't taken from a foster home she was her biological daughter it seems that my aunt wasn't prepared to become a mother when she became pregnant suddenly in her early 20s she requested my parents

to adopt the child instead of ending the pregnancy my aunt continued I thought I was doing the right thing her voice trembling with passion I believed that my sister and her husband would provide a better life for my child I believed she would develop into a nice caring person who was appreciative of her life however instead she turned to face my sister who had turned completely white instead you've developed into a conceited self-centered br who believes it's acceptable to make fun of her sister in public I've watched this familial Dynamic unfold for years and I

can no longer keep quiet about it chaos broke out in the room screaming my sister demanded to know whether it was true our parents were shooting daggers at my Aunt while attempting to sooth her family members were pointing and muttering and me I felt as though the Earth had vanished from beneath me as I stood there gripping the envelope once more my aunt's voice broke through the cacophony my aunt expressed her dism saying I always thought that if my daughter was being raised by my sister she would grow up to be a wonderful person but

obviously I was mistaken no good person would ever attempt to make their sister look as bad as you just did then turning to face me she instructed me to open the packet there was a blank check inside my aunt told me to fill in whatever amount you want I had planned to give this to her as a birthday gift but after seeing how she's turned out I have no interest in rewarding that behavior my aunt then left leaving a startled quiet behind her it was shortlived in an attempt to take the check out of my

hands my sister lunged at me she was so hysterical that our parents had to physically restrain her as she shouted and sobed it was more than I could handle I fled to my room shut the door and sobed years of suppressing my hurt and bitterness and feeling inferior came rushing out I ignored the banging on my door and the muted arguments coming from downstairs while I sobbed for hours a week has passed and I'm still unsure about what to do with the exception of of needs I have not left my room despite our parents attempts

to speak with me I find it difficult to confront them my sister has alternated between begging for forgiveness and the check of course and sending me angry messages there's a part of me that wants to cash that check go and never return I've tried all my life to win the love and acceptance of people who don't seem to be able to give it to me perhaps I should give up trying perhaps it's time for me to prioritize myself however I also have a fear of losing my family despite their dysfunction they are the only family

I have ever known it's terrifying to consider living without them going on vacation by yourself and having no one to call in case of an emergency in addition I'm experiencing a lot of mixed feelings regarding my sister on the one hand I'm upset with her for her actions during the party and for years of subtly insulting people however I can't help but feel a little sorry for them it must be really upsetting to learn that you're adopted especially in such a humiliating and public manner does that justify her actions not at all however it makes

matters more difficult regarding my parents I find it hard to comprehend how they could have watched while my sister sobbed at me were they simply taken AB back or does their lack of response reveal their true feelings for me years of emotional neglect and favoritism how can I even start I feel as though I'm at a fork in the road and I'm unsure of which way to go should I make an effort to repair these damaged relationships can something wholesome be constructed from such a poison poisonous base or do I go on and attempt to

start over one in which I'm not always looking for unfulfilled approval Reddit I'm lost I've tried my entire life to gain the love and acceptance of my family only to be rejected and humiliated in the process from here how do I proceed should I accept that certain families cannot be repaired or is there any chance for reconciliation any insight or counsel would be greatly valued I feel as though I'm drowning in hurt and confusion and I'm no longer sure which way is up first update two days have passed since the terrible birthday celebration and I'm

still getting over it all my aunt came to visit me this morning as she continued to discuss the adoption she appeared worn out when she became pregnant she was young and afraid it seemed like the ideal option for my parents who had been trying for another child to keep everyone safe they decided to keep it a secret for years she had been accumulating money with the intention of transferring it to my sister when she was ready to be self-sufficient she came to the realization that was more deserving after the party she gave me an empty

check I felt both guilty for stealing something intended for my sister and Justified that someone recognize the unfair treatment despite my attempts to decline my aunt persisted claiming it was back pay for emotional labor that evening I decided something I checked into a hotel across town packed my luggage and left my folks a note I needed time to reflect I ignored the calls and messages from my relatives throughout the course of the following several days I performed formed some introspection talked to my therapist and sought advice from a financial adviser regarding the check I sent

my folks an email 5 days later I assured them I needed time but was Secure I laid up my requirements for mending our relationship they had to admit to the years of partiality all of us go to Family Therapy my sister apologizes in public they start treating us equally and cease condoning her actions they instantly responded that they were relieved and asked me to come home so we could discuss we decided to get together at a cafe close to my hotel it was a stressful encounter my parents agreed to treatment and pledged to improve our

ties as if they were sorry they expressed reluctance to publicly apologize for my sister's adoption claiming it was traumatic I refused to back down and insisted that she issue a public apology for her actions with an uneasy truce we departed everything but the public apology was approved by my parents who indicated they would talk to my sister about it over the following few days the negotiations went on at first my sister sent I rate messages and refused to apologize but as I persisted her tone started to shift she apologized via text saying she was unhappy

and intoxicated at the party I retorted that the apology should not only be for the party event but also for years of nasty Behavior more irate text followed and then there was Stillness my parents attempted to mediate the situation by offering Solutions like a written statement or an apology limited to the family I was conflicted as this went on there was a part of me that wanted to be forceful and insist on the respect I so well earned another part wondered if fighting was worth it because it was so exhausting I was reminded by my

therapist that putting my health first is not selfish setting boundaries she stated is necessary for healthy relationships I've made the decision to offer my family one final opportunity to comply with my demands I'll use my aunt's check to start over somewhere else away from family strife and past hurts if they are unable to I'm feeling both nervous and optimistic as I get ready to give this order whatever occurs will influence my life and relationships in the future I'm hoping I'm making the correct decision I will update you I appreciate everyone's support knowing that I'm not

fighting this battle alone is reassuring second update since my last update which was a week ago things have drastically changed I've made the decision to revoke the terms I established for reconciliation but not for the reasons you may expect after arguing with my family for days I came to the conclusion that their attempts at compromise were more about minimizing the harm than showing sincere regret increasingly manipulative my sister's apology texts alternated between gaslighting and guilt tripping you're tearing this family apart she'd write and then I don't even remember what I said at the party are

you sure you're not exaggerating in the meantime my parents persisted in trying to reach a solution that seemed to ignore the true problems rather than deal with them they objected to the concept of admitting their part in creating this unhealthy relationship and instead proposed a private family gathering where my sister would provide an apology I started to lose sleep check my phone frequently and get nervous whenever it buzzed as the pressure increased it became evident that my mental health was suffering as a result of this negotiation at that point I decided to remove my conditions

not because I believe they are irrational but rather because I Now understand that meaningful change cannot be coerced or negotiated my family just isn't there yet and it must originate internally I wrote my parents a quick email I'm descending my previous conditions I need space and time to heal please respect my wishes and don't contact me for a while they reacted with astounding speed the volume of calls texts and voicemails on my phone surged I had to ask security to take them out of my office once they arrived they also reached out to a few

of my pals in an attempt to persuade me to return home we love you please come home how can you do this to us and your sister is devastated she's not eating we're among the desperate angry and manipulative texts they sent emotional Warfare has been going on Non-Stop sometimes the guilt is unbearable sometimes I question whether I'm exaggerating or whether I should just go home and try to forget everything however I also recall the years I spent feeling invisible having my accomplishments disregarded and seeing my sister consistently given preference to assist me deal with the

stress I've started going to my therapist twice a week by barring my family's phone numbers and configuring email filters she has been assisting me in a establishing boundaries although it seems drastic it's essential for my mental health at the moment my workplace has turned into a Haven for me to avoid returning to my empty flat I've poured myself into tasks and stayed late at work some of my co-workers have expressed concern after noticing the difference in me even if I can't adequately describe the circumstances I appreciate their support I still haven't paid my aunts check

though as a continual reminder of the decision I must make it rests in my desk drawer to show that don't need their money or approval I feel like tearing it up some view it as a Lifeline an opportunity to start over somewhere new I've begun looking at employment prospects in other cities and even other nations it is both exciting and frightening to consider a whole transformation was it truly possible for me to start aresh and leave everything behind I'm taking things day by day for the time being I'm getting better at accepting the unease that

comes with uncertainty and having faith that I'll know what to do when the time comes certain days are more difficult than others sometimes I miss my family so terribly that it hurts my body however there are also unexpectedly peaceful moments when I notice that my breathing is easier than it has been in years I am aware that this Voyage is far from finished there will be more emotional obstacles to conquer and more challenging choices to make but I'm prioritizing myself for the first time in my life it feels right but it's also unpleasant and uncomfortable

I appreciate all of your ongoing help and guidance having this place to process and share is more important than you may realize when I have more to report I'll provide another update I'm concentrating on getting better and finding my identity outside of my family's shadow in the interim third update 3 weeks have passed since my last report and things have significantly worsened when my sister unexpectedly showed up at the door last Saturday when we were visiting my aunt we were taken aback she stormed in obviously drunk and Furious yelling you've ruined everything you are attempting

to take my life after stealing my mother the stench of alcohol was over overpowering and her eyes were crazy my aunt and I had to hold her back as she lunged at me allegations were made by my sister who said I had always been envious and had turned everyone against her even after everything that had transpired the hatred in her voice was startling I was shocked by my aunts response her normally composed manner had vanished you need to leave now she said forcefully her face hardening as she dragged my sister out of the house my

sister resumed her tiate outside attracting neighbors attention my my mother is not you I heard her shout at my Aunt I was exposed to you you can no longer act as though you care a few of the neighbors threatened to contact law enforcement my sister eventually pulled away in her automobile my aunt was clearly shaken within she revealed that she struggled with guilt over the adoption during our hours long conversation she had believed that telling the truth would fix things but she now understood that the harm was much more extensive I believed I was acting

appropriately she muttered however I might have just made things messy for everyone wide- ranging effects have resulted from the occurrence later my parents called in a rage accusing me of trying to ruin our family and inciting my aunt against my sister I tried to explain things to them but they refused members of the extended family have taken sides causing the family to become severely divided what started out as a private issue has turned into a full-fledged family conflict the intensity of it all overwhelms me I feel guilty even though I know it's not my fault

but I also want to withdraw and start over somewhere else because of my sister's condition my aunt is worried about my safety and has proposed that I remain with her for a bit I'm thinking about it but I'm afraid it could make things worse I'm making an effort to remain somewhat normal throughout this whole ordeal I try to look after myself go to work and see my therapist however this familial conflict is a continual burden I wonder if this will have any repercussions is it possible for a family to overcome such ingrained animosity and rage

is it better to give up or is it worth trying I'm trying to avoid getting pulled back into the pandemonium and I'm concentrating on my own recovery for the time being even though it's difficult I'm committed to finding a solution whether or not my family is on board I appreciate your unwavering support everyone you don't realize how much it matters when I can I'll provide another update ideally with more positive news update four a month has passed since my last update and I've made some decisions that will change my life I came to the realization

that I needed to take immediate action to safeguard my mental health and create a future for myself following the tumultuous incident with my sister at my aunt's place I've poured myself fully into my profession asking my supervisor if I may move to another location to work for our company or take on more responsibility I was surprised by how supportive she was I'm currently in the running for a senior management job that would take me Across the Nation it's thrilling as well as frightening along with the opportunity to oversee a large project the new position offers

a substantial wage increase to get ready for this change I've been working 12-hour days going to every training session I can and networking frantically my increased Zeal has sparked curiosity among my co-workers but I've been able to sidestep most inquiries a few close co-workers are well aware of my predicament and have been tremendously helpful regarding the money part I ultimately decided on my Ants check I made the decision to cash it after giving it a lot of thought and spoke with a financial adviser I was ble to reframe it as an investment in my future

one free from toxic family Dynamics with the assistance of my therapist I've secured an apartment in my prospective City using a portion of the funds with a view of the city skyline it's a compact contemporary space I've put the remainder into a diversified portfolio I feel autonomous and financially secure for the first time in my life the final separation from my family has been the most difficult aspect all of their phone numbers and email addresses have been blocked by me I've requested that my aunt not forward any of their texts I know it's essential for

my recovery but it's been excruciating like cutting off a piece of myself of course there are periods of uncertainty I occasionally feel inclined to phone late at night in an attempt to make amends however I then recall the years of gaslighting the ongoing sense of inferiority and the violent altercation at my aunt's house it makes me more determined to keep going I recently began seeing a new therapist who focuses on estrangement and familial trauma she has been assisting me in overcoming my sadness and guilt to replace the family centered Customs I've left behind we're concentrating

on establishing a new network of support and developing new ones additionally I've joined a support group for those who are separated from their relatives it has been both upsetting and consoling to hear their stories I've learned that I'm not the only one going through this and that you can have a happy life without the family you were born into regarding my aunt we have kept up our friendship while setting clear limits she doesn't try to act as a med Ator and accepts my decision to break off contact with the rest of the family although her

assistance has been priceless I'm careful not to rely on her too much I feel a mixture of exhilaration and apprehension about the future though intimidating the idea of starting over in a new place with a demanding new job and no family safety net is also freeing I feel for the first time that I am living my life according to my own terms free from societal norms and familial expectations I've begun pursuing new interests and pastimes that I never had time for while I was pre preoccupied with Family Matters I've joined a local hiking group I'm

learning how to cook and I'm even thinking about painting I've not felt this at peace in years as I pack up my flat and get ready for this new phase yes I am saddened by what I have lost but I am also hopeful about the future I'm no longer the neglected kid or the family scapegoat I am only me Paving my own way I want to thank everyone for their support along this journey you have no idea how much your words of support have meant my last update will be this one one I should put

this chapter behind me and concentrate on writing the next one good luck to me thank you for watching if you haven't subscribed yet please do so and hit the notification Bell to stay updated with more shocking real life stories happening around you