Menopause is Misunderstood | Shirley Weir | TEDxGastownWomen

[Applause] I am 49 and I am a menopause chick last New Year's Eve I laid in my bathtub looked down at my body and I did something I had never done before I said thank you I said thank you for giving me two amazing children thank you for carrying me this far of my journey and knowing that I would most likely reach menopause in 2016 I promised it a party now I tell you this because ten years ago that scene looked very different I still went to the bathtub to retreat but it was often to

curl up in a ball rock back and forth and try to figure out what was going on in my mind and in my body I was experiencing things I knew nothing about I had chronic sleep deprivation chronic brain fog and nobody had warned me there was something called perimenopausal rage but I could come unglued without warning in fact I would say to my husband I think this is the beginning of dementia did you see the title of this talk and think I don't need to know about menopause yet well that's okay you are not alone

the word menopause makes us feel uncomfortable what did you think of when I first said menopause hot tired old the beginning of the end that's okay often women will give me a much longer list they tell me things like irregular periods heavy bleeding anxiety acne loss of libido less hair where they want it more hair where they don't and moodiness and rage but what if you saw the word menopause and you thought wise confident beautiful we'd have a gap you see the way we think about menopause is ruining our ability to enjoy it we've adopted

society's views and advertisers and somewhere along the line we learned that menopause is taboo now perhaps that's because google gives us the gray-haired lady with the bed and bookstores shall our books underneath a sign that reads ailments and disorders and magazines like this magazine that I pulled off the newsstand just last month the cover shouted hooray for hormones and I thought finally a positive article about midlife but inside I learned that at 30 you become the Pillsbury Dough girl and at 40 you lose your mind and at 50 you pee your pants this doesn't look

like a party to me I turned 50 in a few months and I realize it's not menopause that fascinates me it's what women are willing to put up with this is the next generation want to adopt these stereotypes do we sure don't get me wrong weight gain brain fog urinary incontinence they are real and they are common and I talk with women every day who are navigating their own set of challenges but the good news is we can learn to navigate those challenges we must first unlearn the media innuendo the cultural myths and the misinformation

what is instead of being the beginning of the end it was the beginning I remember how I thought I had dementia like finally decided to address it with my doctor this is me flat on my back naked except for that gown the size of a post-it note and if she gently pried my knees apart I prepared to say menopause for the first time so after my path my doctor said anything else and I said yes I think I'm showing the first signs of menopause well she looked at me and then she looked at my chart

and she said oh you're 41 you're too young and I know she said something about birth control pills sleeping pills and Prozac but honestly I couldn't hear her because the voice inside my head was screaming Shirley suck it up and I left her office that day confused and embarrassed but I couldn't help but wonder am I the only one so I embarked on some research I was on a quest I wanted women to be prepared for perimenopause at least in the same way we prepare our children for puberty I talked with hundreds of women and

you know what 70 percent of them told me they said they had no one to talk to about menopause or that they would never talk about menopause with anyone and that's when I knew this was more than cracking open the conversation we have to change the conversation we have to stop painting menopause with the big giant negative brush and find a new way to see menopause through new eyes one day a young reporter called me and I quickly launched into everything I had been learning menopause is one day it's the 12 month anniversary of your

very last period the average age of menopause is 50 1.2 perimenopause is the 5 to 15 years leading up to menopause and it's a phase of our lives where the majority of the hormone fluctuations occur and perimenopause can start as early as our mid to late 30s and I went on to tell her how there is very little research on perimenopause in fact if your grandmother said going through menopause she probably meant going through perimenopause and I wanted to tell this reporter all the stats 20% of women sail through 20 percent of women have their

worlds rocked upside down and for the remaining 60 percent of us we experience things that are both annoying and disruptive but this reporter she interrupted me and she said wow you sound like you're the smartest you've ever been I was stunned I had read a lot about menopause and none of it said anything about making me smarter but then I considered her words what if she was right I am smart I am confident I am beautiful so if I can take the inconvenient aspects of perimenopause and park them over to the side or just a

minute I realize that mid life is shining this big bright light on Who I am what I want in my life my relationships my career it's given me an opportunity to make self-care a priority and look that's my own name at the top of the to-do list that reporter she gave me an amazing gift that day she inspired me not to miss one part of this beautiful unfolding will you help me write a new script for menopause this is important it affects 100% of women can we reframe menopause to navigate the challenges and celebrate the

positives can we imagine a future where women no longer feel alone embarrassed or ashamed and where it's okay to say menopause at the cocktail party and don't unsubscribe from the media we need them to help us tell this story but call them on it when they get it wrong chances are they never thought about giving menopause and makeover before and when we make positive intentional word choices guess what women will actually look forward to midlife and that's a good thing because if we're going to live to be a hundred we're going to spend over half

of our lives there so I've changed my mindset on menopause and now I invite you to change yours can we replace hot with bull [ __ ] with beautiful and what if the next time you hear the phrase hot flash you think pleasure or orgasm yes what if hot flashes were like orgasms women would be feeling that power surge and we'd all be looking over and saying I'll have what she's having [Music] [Applause]