REJECTING WOMEN is a SKILL: wanting is free, giving is costly

I'm Dr Orion taraban and this is cycax Better Living Through psychology and the topic of today's short talk is rejecting women is a skill men this is extremely important to learn how to do for several reasons first and foremost you must understand that wanting is free that is it costs the wanter absolutely nothing to want things but it costs The Giver something to give things so there is actually this inherent asymmetry in wanting and giving wanting is free giving is costly this is why it's actually a fairly decent interpersonal strategy to want a lot of

things this is because it's a low-cost low resource strategy that every once in a while will actually succeed in securing The Wanted thing so it's almost like magic through wanting you are sometimes able to conjure value out of nothing simply by wanting it from the right person add to this the social script that men are taught from Boyhood that their role is a provider in a relationship and you have the perfect conditions for an unconscious reinforcement protocol on the one hand there is little incentive for women to stop wanting things from men because at least

every once in a while the wanting works so it's maintained through variable reward schedules and on the other hand men are often punished for not giving women what they want usually with emotional punishments like shame guilt-tripping and withholding and so the male behavior is maintained through negative reinforcement it's a simple trap but it ensnares millions of men the fact of the matter is that most people especially women will never stop wanting things from you and the more successful you become the more people will want more things from you and this is certainly true in the

sexual Marketplace the more successful you are with women that is the more optionality you have the more desirable you are the more attractive you become more women are going to want more things from you their wanting is free however your giving will cost you time energy opportunity and money this is why it is very very important to learn how to reject women whether you like it or not you have limited quantities of these resources and if you spend them as if they were unlimited you will eventually find yourself depleted and alone this is because women

generally don't stick around when you have nothing left to give and among the various resources spent by givers the limiting factor especially the more successful you become is time time is your most precious resource simply wanting time is not sufficient grounds to give it I'd want my time too so just like you're not out there on the street handing out a hundred dollar bills to everyone who asks you can't give your time to everyone who requests it men must learn to reject women now before I go any further if you're liking what you're hearing please

consider sending this video to someone who might benefit from its message its Word of Mouth referrals like this that really help to make the channel grow and if you're thinking about going to grad school be sure to check out my personal top rated GRE self-study program at Stellar gre.com you can use 10 percent you can use the coupon code psych to get 10 off all membership plans it's fantastic now the main reason why guys really struggle with rejecting women besides the cultural scripting mentioned earlier is scarcity mentality most men do not have options with women

and this puts them in a place where it's really tough for them to reject them even when the women are obviously not good for them it's like if I only had one client it would be pretty tough for me to say no to that client even if his requests deviated from my standard practice I'd be caught between my values and my livelihood which is a pretty difficult place to be I might need that client more than that client needs me which would put me in a disempowered position relative to that client this is why success

and optionality can actually make men more virtuous as they are not pulled to compromise their values for any one person or opportunity so a lot of guys just can't fathom saying no to a woman because that woman is like their only client however let's now assume that you're actually a successful guy who has increased optionality with women another reason why guys struggle with rejecting women is that for lack of a better word they fear their emotional response they are afraid that saying no will provoke the woman's anger or jeopardize the continuation of the relationship and

let's be real that can certainly happen there are a lot of entitled women out there who are used to being Daddy's Little Princess and have not experienced enough personal rejection from men she has yet to develop the emotional callous that would enable her to treat no as information and not a personal affront so while it's possible that a woman May storm out of your life if you don't give her what she wants it's probably for the best that she created a vacancy a lot of guys fear this negative emotional reaction because of the way that

they were brought up maybe they grew up with mothers or sisters who were tyrannical and emotionally manipulative and with fathers or brothers who were unwilling or unable to stand up to them spending the first 18 years of their lives in this environment trains men to believe from a very young age that a relationship with a woman is predicated on catering to her desires or else and that is absolutely not the basis of a healthy or fulfilling relationship for either party however if a man does not challenge this script he can find himself in all kinds

of really difficult relationships as an adult so you need to be able to reject women in order to safeguard your limited resources but why is this a skill it's a skill because you can learn to reject women in ways that actually make them feel better as a result believing that rejecting another person will hurt them is kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy if you go into an interaction with the assumption that you're about to deliver a painful hurtful piece of news that will be difficult for the other person to hear you might be training the other

person to feel hurt as a consequence of your delivery consider the possibility that you could actually leave a woman better than you found her as a result of rejecting her don't believe me let me give you a quick example from my own life several years ago I had a first date with a woman we met for a drink had an easy flirtatious conversation with good chemistry and went our separate ways a week later I texted her to schedule a second date two minutes after I sent the text she called me on the phone and we

had a three minute conversation that I swear to God basically went like this she said Orion I got your invitation and here's the thing I know based on our date last week that you're a man that I could fall deeply passionately in love with you're attractive you're intelligent you're successful you have everything that I'm looking for in a man and because of that I'm afraid of losing myself in a relationship with you so while I'm tempted by what you're offering I have to stay away as I'm just so attracted to you and wouldn't know how

to control myself and I said all right well thanks for letting me know and if you change your mind you know how to find me and we hung up and I left that conversation feeling like a million bucks I mean what just happened this woman said no to me she said no to a second date let's not have any Illusions about this she rejected me but she rejected me in such a way that I felt really good about being rejected her rejection was like a compliment now she was probably just feeding me a line but

that doesn't really matter the point is that rejection doesn't have to be a painful hurtful experience for the recipient if you approach it in the right way this is why rejecting women is a skill and all successful men must Master it what do you think does this fit with your own experience let me know in the comments below and if you've gotten this far you might as well like this episode And subscribe to this channel you may also consider becoming a channel member with perks like priority review of comments or booking a paid consultation as

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