Best HFY Stories: An Alien Unboxes Some Fan Mail

great days and glorious Victory my name is spiff Monk and today we will be doing something a little different spiffo pans the camera around to the side of his office floor covered in boxes upon boxes with a peek around the corner showing the sight of many more boxes piled into the storage room behind it many of my viewers have been sending me packages called fan mail I thank you all for this I genuinely do not believe that I deserve this level of attention but I shall trust my audience even though I'm sure most of you

[ __ ] are trying to kill me spiritful mumbles that last sentence under his breath with a smirk and grabs one of the boxes today we shall be doing something called an unboxing I have no idea why you find it entertaining as far as I can tell from the psychology Professor I know apparently is something to do with a thing called Chris presents and birthday presents so since you like it here we go we'll be opening some of these boxes I emphasize some because you lot have been sending me so many damn packages anyway let's

open the first one I have this odd feeling I won't get past this first one though spiff attempts to open the box the packaging on the outside being the first hurdle at first he attempts to be nice hearing some things about humans has been a bit testy with wrapping he quickly gives up however as the packaging proves a bit more fortified than normal he acquires at first a pair of scissors and with vigorous swearing and a few new scars from the doll scissors he gives up and grabs a tari saber from its mount on the

wall using that instead spiffo finally opens the box to reveal another box this one is brightly colored and sealed with tape really another box is this what you humans refer to as a nesting doll I don't know if this is going to be worth the effort but let's find out this box is called Lego and thankfully it seems to be significantly easier to open than that damn shipping box after some more swearing and some sweat Spiel finally gets the Box open and dumps his contents on his desk surprisingly without any more damage to his person

it turns out to be a large box full of Lego bricks these particular ones appear to be the assembly pieces for a Star Wars set namely a set for the Trade Federation now that we have that open let's see what this leg ho is all about h a one piece set apparently a banking Clan manificent class cruiser ooh these look very interesting spiff looks looks carefully at the packaging and shows us some of the pictures it's a small set for a CIS manificent class with a reasonable level of detail this one about the size of

a small dog for scale I have a lot of different bags of small blocks in varying shapes sizes and colors and a book with a book that's full of pictures a picture book what insult is this you think I need pictures to oh wait no it's simply showing steps on how to assemble this Whatever It Is by The Stars there are so many steps look how thick this book is well we may as well get started I suppose Spiel tears open the first few bags emptying their contents onto his desk when the camera can see

them the first cardinal sin for most newbie Lego builders Spiel suddenly stops and cringes as if someone had just stabbed his soul oh why that was OT it was as if I just heard a million voices scream no at me yes spiff carries on eventually getting to the last bag the one that has the most small bricks and Detour bricks and as he opens it it predictably explodes spraying its contents all over the floor blasted bags why would they design a bag that explodes when you tear it open what idiot make this SP Biffle proceeds

to pick up the mess mumbling curses under his breath the whole time he misses a few key spots here and there all right now that the mess is cleaned up let's get to it how do i h find a specific part put part connect part simple enough picking up the manual Spiel opens to the first page where he is greeted with a diagram containing the different bag numbers for the inventory list the first step has him opening the first bag and assembling the Minifigures it is here that SPI sees he has made his first critical

mistake he realizes he has to search through the entire pile of Lego just to find one piece a mess he made himself well it appears I have made things much much more difficult for myself by opening all the bags at once perhaps next time I will read the instructions first SP lets out a huge sigh and vaguely attempts to reorganize his pile of Lego into block sizes and colors trying to make sense of the Mountain of nonsense he fires the few bits and pieces to actually assemble the first few Minifigures of turrets and cannons after

several hours of trying to assemble the Lego structure having to assemble the parts find the part then get annoyed as he found the wrong part and has to look again spiff decides he'll put it aside for now given he's not even a 10th the way through it and has has other packages calling his name he slides all the parts into a container with a loud groan with how long this is taking I will finish it off camera some other time looking at this book I'm only on page 27 of 228 Gods humans do this for

fun oh wait why am I surprised at this again pulling up the next package he slice the packaging with much more care than the last one but still uses his old Cavalry saber to do it unfolding the lids reveals yet more packaging but much more vibrant than the Lego box oh what be this then vibrant colors and Inca patterns looks like human children playing with a substance tearing into the wrapping paper reveals yet another box my humans do like their boxes don't they H Silly Putty Play-Doh well that's okay I appear to be receiving children's

toys think the humans are trying to tell me something Spiel looks mly perplexed for a moment while he tries to read the Box this box does not appear to have any extra parts but I don't trust it I doubt it will be hazardous but if this explodes on me there will be retribution spiffo opens the Play-Doh box to find several plastic jars with color Lids on them pulling the jars out reveals a plastic Extrusion with a sort of lever on top this is what you give your children on Earth well this will be interesting if

for nothing else to see how your children grow up to be such Terrors of the Void the species characteristic glow of spiel's eyes fade slightly and he pauses for just a moment as a memory strikes him quickly shaking his head to clear the thought the glow returns to his eyes at full strength as he opens the rest of the packaging let's see what we have here this time I'll be reading the instruction manual before I open everything up spivel starts to read the manual while quietly mumbling under his breath hm yes three years or rer

requires parental supervision flammable flammable spiff stares at the camera and fails to say anything for a few moments okay that is a bit odd but this is meant for children but choking hazard why would they have to warn about that even a molding would know what's food and isn't at least it seems to be basic assembly instructions nothing too complicated now let's see what's in these containers spiffo proceeds to open the jar with a green lid inside is a strange Brown substance that Jiggles ever so slightly wow that's an unsightly color why would this be

the color they have their children play with spiffo pours out the Play-Doh and unsure of what the hell it even is he retrieves a spoon from a drawer nearby and uses that this is rather I don't even have words for this why would humans give their kids such a disgusting substance in such a repulsive color I mean what even is it for and why okay okay next spiff quickly boxes the Play-Doh set back up and sets it aside he stands up and sees the clock several hours have passed since he started well I need to

take a moment and get some air yes that's it get some air I need air spiff gets up and walks off camera only for a loud shout and muffled thud to be heard in the background spiff lets out a rather vicious eridani slur followed by several minutes of sobbing Spiel comes back on camera clearly limping and holding one of his arms one can clearly see a dent in his arm a dent suspiciously shaped like a Lego brick well as it turns out I missed one of those Legos and wound up stepping on it as if

to add insult or injury I fell on another one as I hit the floor I have not experienced such pain since I was at University for Nano Electronics courses and had to escape my previous bed mate God that I hate being a roommate with a Fran damn biters those cursed things are going to kill me spiff stays in his seat cringing in pain for a few more moments then meticulously trolls through his office and picks up a few more Lego bricks from the pile including the one that had embedded itself into his arm he looks

at the damage caused and cringes with a squeal you monsters allow children to play with these that with substance as flammable in these torture ises what is wrong with you SPI goes off camera the camera cuts a bit and reappears about 2 hours later Spiel Now Sports a bandage on his arm and a scowl on his face right let's keep going I'll do one more for your sake and stop there what's this then spiff opens another box again forced to use his Cavalry saber to do it and inside is a sealed mint condition box of

Jenga ooh Jenga hm okay it appears to be a puzzle box of some kind okay how does it work spiff opens the Box spilling the contents onto the table he seems genuinely confused for a minute while he figures out what it's for these AR Legos thank the gods and also they don't seem to fit together in any way I'm missing something let me see now spith looks at the Box reassembling the tower the way it says so on the box and looks at it he finally figures it out and uses one of his spinley fingers

to take a block from the middle gently sliding it out and putting it on top he continues to do so for a bit longer managing to get the tower up a third of his height he tries to lift another block and it collapses loudly into a pile of wood damn it spiff reassembles the tower again and does it again managing to get the Tower taller by a third before it collapses again he restarts the tower seven more times each time only getting up a third of the way up before the tower collapses he spends two

solid hours trying to get it beyond that and fails every time his wife appears in the background and observes his actions for a bit she joins in reaching around and picks at the tower the two spend an hour together picking The Tower Apart but each time they fail to get it past that certain threshold the video ends with spiel's outro playing alongside some text by the editor he then shows a picture of the fully assembled manificent on his stand with spiel's face posing next to it covered in bandages and bruises some of the bruises are

Lego shaped hi editor Jimmy here I'm not not going to show the rest of this as it's about 3 hours of spiff and his fam just plain jenger and yes they eventually got the tower up to halfway before it fell then gave up trying kind of wholesome actually anyway see you next time please don't send him anything dangerous top comment L dude everyone has stepped on a Lego at some point or another it sucks we feel your pain reply to comment just be thankful it wasn't a D4 that probably would have put him in the

hospital spi's response why' you let children play with torture devices reply because it's fun to build things Lego lets you build things like this