Why Women Aren't Attracted To "Nice Guys”… | Oestrogen Expert Dr Sarah Hill

but these like bad boys they seem to get a lot of the sort of sexual attention right what is that about but but that's but that's like despite the fact that they're bad boys I mean so so it depends on how we're defining Bad Boys okay so little bit yeah yeah so a lot of those are cues related to testosterone right so having you know being risk tolerant so being willing to do things that are really risky um and you know and and being a little bit arrogant because you know you're always going to succeed

I mean those are cues related to status and related to sometimes uh testosterone levels right and so we know that women like both of these things in their partners and so because of that those men will tend to do pretty well on the mating market for for men who um you know don't have those qualities so so men who are not you know risk seeking and are not arrogant um that's not necessarily going to not do them favor unless that also is you know an indicator that they have other qualities that aren't working for them

you can have somebody who's very successful right and has high testosterone who's not a jerk right and that guy will do pretty well why would you tell your son to go to the gym I would tell my son to go to the gym because um it's like one way that you can naturally increase your testosterone levels is by building muscle and also another thing that that does um is that muscle mass is related to reductions in anxiety and the reason for this is because if you're a big dude it means that you're going to be

able to protect yourself and so your brain makes the adjustment and it makes you more confident and less anxious when you have um when you have some muscle mass and so I would say go and do those things and then also doing the things that you can to get access to resources and Status right so study and work hard um because ultimately people who do that tend to do well and people um who do well financially and do well in terms of you know ascending the status hierarchy they tend to also do well in the

mating Market if they're men have you got a daughter I sure do your daughter comes home mom I've tried my best and no one's interested right yeah no so for my daughter then I would say then you just need you need to wait right you're probably you are probably in the wrong you are probably in the wrong mating pool um would be my would be my advice to her why uh my advice to her well because so a few things so many of the things that women um sort of possess that men desire in their

choice of Partners um are things that women don't have that much control over right it's like a woman's like Youth and and reproductive value and these things related to fertility you would tell her to hit the gym I I mean I guess I might tell her to hit the I might tell her to hit the gym it probably make her feel better but I don't think that I would tell her like you know you should probably go and get your hair done and you know um I'm trying to think oh well go off the birth

control pill so that if if she was on the birth control pill which she is not um but I'm just thinking in an abstract way like what I would what I would tell her like things that women can do to increase their attractiveness to men I mean it's like okay go be more beautiful like what are you going to say um and so like I said my real advice if my daughter said this would I would say you like probably need a different pool of mates what if she was 35 if she was 35 hm

good question so if she was 35 what would I recommend like is this like what I would actually recommend to my daughter or do you are you trying to get at like what should a woman do because here's here's I I have two different answers right so if a woman is just like looking for if you want me to write a pamphlet called 35-year-old woman here are the things you need to do to find a partner I mean it would have a whole list of unsavory like things that you know I mean it would be

like consider Botox men are attracted to women who have features related to Youth and fertility consider having a Brazilian butt lift because men are also interested in this why don't you also consider you know um spending time on your hair and makeup but I don't think I would write that book you know that's not the advice that I that's not the advice that I would I would give do men find confidence attractive in women because this is I was thinking about this as you speaking because I I can think of many people that I know

many women and men but many women that I know that are um you know maybe you know approaching their 40s and they're beautiful but they're single and they don't want to be single and it's not necessarily it's not necessarily a physical thing it appears but seems to be more of like a self-esteem confidence thing and I can see how in men confidence matters like if they're stood up straight and they exert those like those signals of dominance or not dominance but like a high status right that' be attractive is it the same in women are

men attracted to like confident women yes and no so women who are seen as more confident like that is seen as more attractive for example like somebody who has some self assurance of themselves instead of you know sort of like kicking their toe on the ground generally um people find that attractive both men and women but the degree to which that is prioritized is hugely different between the Sexes and if you are a woman and you sort of go out and exude those cues related to like social dominance for example and social status that's not

going to necessarily get you a mate and in some cases it might actually detract from your attractiveness as a mate because people seem to view women who are in positions of power more negatively than how they perceive men and women who are in positions of power they're sort of a there's a there's definitely a double standard there and there and this is something that has been fairly well studied where they find that there's nobody more polarizing in the world than powerful women so for example you know somebody like kamla Harris who is running for president

um people seem to either really love her or really hate her um so 's this polarization that happens with powerful women this happens for anybody who's run for any political office that is a female you get these sorts of issues and women who are confident and um and uh direct and assertive are seen as being cold and and you know like we call girls bossy right when they have these kinds of qualities whereas if it's a boy or men it's like leadership potential and so there is a double standard in how we tend to perceive

this and and it's not you know over the course of evolutionary history women did well when they chose um High status men right that would have prefer that would have given them preferential access to resources for themselves and their children we don't get that same kind of a pattern for men choosing women right men who chose women who were you know high in status and um you know socially dominant that doesn't necessarily translate into anything that's going to correspond respond to increased reproductive success bit of a sort of correlated but uncorrelated Point people talk about

daddy issues and in your work I've I've kind of seen hints of an explanation for daddy issues I if my father isn't around that has a big impact on who I am is there any truth to this idea that people can have Daddy Issues yeah no there absolutely is and so and and when I when I say this you know Daddy Issues just simply referring to the fact that women whose fathers are not invested in them or absent during childhood that these women will tend to have more unrestricted or precocious sexual development and sexual behavior

relative to what we see in women who grow up with investing dads so just to give you an example of some research that's been done looking at this research finds that women who grow up in a household without an investing dad so Dad is either gone or dad is there but you know in name only so he's not really investing in in um in in the family the those women go into puberty significantly earlier they UND do girls who grow up in two parent homes with investing fathers they also tend to have an earlier age

at which they begin having sex relative to women who have two dads in the home um and they tend to have um a greater number of sexual partners sort of overtime relative to girls who grow up with two parents in the home wouldn't they then also go into menopause area that's a really great question and um there is some evidence that suggests that there may be a decrease in ovarian reserve that might go on but there hasn't been anything linking that to menopause just yet which is the the amount of eggs they have in their

ovies what role does the father play on our sexual preferences and decision- making so if my if my dad am I taking as a woman do I take cues on what a good partner is from looking at my dad I have not seen any research that has looked at that I've seen some research looking at whether women prefer Partners who are kind of similar to their dads do they um and they they do seem to um and which is interesting and in its own right um but I do not know anything about men like and

their preferences and whether or not their sons then tend to emulate those preferences that's an interesting question if you love the dver CEO brand and you watch this Channel please do me a huge favor become part of the 15% of the viewers on this channel that I've hit the Subscribe button it helps us tremendously and the bigger the channel gets the bigger the guests for