Get Unstuck! The Power of Emotional Fitness | The Tony Robbins Podcast

well hello there everyone and welcome back to the Tony Robins podcast Tony thank you once again for joining us I'm the token mail on this podcast it's nice for me to be able to come to my podcast here uh seriously if you're joining us right now this is our family podcast this is our Modern Family you may have seen our identity podcast or maybe the mindfulness one this is when where I'm kind of doing the introduction um and I'll do a few minutes but I'm going to turn you over to my two favorite ladies in

the world who are going to give you their perspective on the subject at hand and so what is the subject of hand Mrs Robinson well nice see you to nice to see you toner we thought it might be an interesting lens to share uh there's such a um an awareness in in in the world today about mental health and I thought it might be an interesting perspective we talked about this that from each of our reference or from each of our experience what do you do what do you do when you feel stuck when you

do what does that look like cuz that is so relatable for all of us and it looks different it's such an intimate journey into the interior of one's own mind you know I speak for myself and uh what une Earth's mind with inside myself or or what uh disentangles uh could be a different process for yourself or for Mary uh and yet human for all of us and relatable for all of us uh so I know at events uh you certainly do a deep dive on beliefs that's our little pup Halo by the way are

Yori who's joining in she's joining I'm just going to put her on the couch keep going uh and yet uh what I feel has been so beautiful about these conversations as it feels intimate and at home and uh possibly just a different uh lens or perspective or share differently than at an event that's why you said to me she would tell me I'm not telling you the subject just come I want to hear your spontaneous response because I over prepare every time I do an event of any sort so I think I understand where you're

going with this I want to say one thing to you which is uh um you know when people talk about mental health you and I have had this discussion before uh you know we're emotional creatures and our minds can create great emotions or negative emotions um our bodies can through biochemical changes that then show up in the mind and show up in the emotions it's a complex process and you are bouncing back and forth and I loved your term why don't you share it because I really liked what you came up with do you remember

this was actually just a couple weeks uh ago that Tony and I were it was was a Sunday and we were sitting outside and talking about uh really mental well-being from the perspective that it's something that we claim for ourselves and uh mental well-being includes uh clarity of Mind flexibility uh and a state of well-being and and which comes with an ease and it's something that we're each empowered with and it's an inside out job uh where I look at mental health is something that we're getting assistance maybe from medication or a therapist or psychiatrist

or something of that nature maybe this isn't what we talked about so if I'm going off on a list I'm listening your Def and and so and mental health a lot of times can be looked at as what's wrong rather than what ra that's really rather than what's right and yet mental wellbeing it's it's a state of wellbeing it's a state of ease a state of clarity of Mind life is Meaningful it doesn't mean that your life is perfect doesn't mean that your life doesn't have stress I don't know anybody that doesn't have stress in

their life or frustrations or concerns or fears or worries I mean that's just part of the human condition at times some people live in it and some people live a pattern where but think in in terms of the quality of your life if you have a sense of well-being what are your relationships like how does it feel when you wake up in the morning when challenges happen then how do you roll or flow it doesn't mean you don't get stuck but you don't stay there and to me it's it's a state of Readiness it's it's

emotional Fitness as opposed to you know emotional intelligence emotional intelligence is really valuable you know intelligence is a resource you can be really a smart person and be smart in this moment but a state of Fitness is different that's why I use emotional Fitness when I describe it is because when you're emotionally fit you're ready it's like my muscles are ready something happens so I can make it happen and I think you know we mental well-being is a state of being where you're able to enjoy your life you're able to find meaning in your life

and you're able to learn from the challenges and nothing really you know smashes you if it does you pick yourself up very quickly and it's just like good Being Fit the more mental well-being the greater the balance of that in your life the better you can roll cuz listen the one thing that's Universal for all human beings I found in my life and I've had the privilege of working with the most successful to the most challenges in what you know 195 countries now every country in the world and I can tell you nobody escapes this

world without extreme stress at times uh you might think they do you might think oh my God their life is so great because they have this perfect family or this perfect business or this perfect economics or this perfect education or whatever you think it is but I get to see people from every Walk of Life in every culture the most successful most challenging everybody has a place where they get tested and that's part of being on this gift of this planet where we're here in Earth School figuring out you know who we are and what

we're about what we are here to contribute and give and create but I think one of the skills of that mental health mental Wellness whatever you want to call it state of well-being is your ability to deal with challenge quickly and not get stuck I think stuck States if if I was going to give you my two cents for you guys that might want to play here is to get your perspective on how do you get out of stuck States it's all been there you're stuck in a relationship and you you know you just can't

get through and you get pissed off or you get frustrated or you get sad you know some people get angry and they fight some people run some people freeze those are the three patterns we all have when we get across something that's overwhelming to us you know what is your pattern and what can you do so you don't get stuck in that pattern and you get out of it really quick it's not that you'll never get there it's just you don't stay there that's how you have a great quality of life that's why I like

that word Fitness I mean you use Fitness and you use flexibility excuse me flexibility yes emotional Fitness and emotional flexibility something about having flexibility in there translates to like yes if you're prone to getting stuck okay my goal is flexibility asking for a friend asking for a friend ton I have a question for you do you mind please I'm gonna throw it back to the archives here remember this guy yes I do call power my first book I wrote when I was 23 so my question is if you have only recently come into the Tony

Robbins EOS spere if you're listening out there you might have come in through his financial his most recent Financial books or life force the most recent health and vitality and Longevity book but before that there was this guy I really like this guy a lot I love my tiny tone and this book in particular tone I have to say like this I I walk away from I'm like okay I can get a grip when I need to get a grip on things my question for you is back in these days used to use the term

internal representations yes and I would love to know what that means to you today cuz it's not if you've been to events or things today you don't use that anymore but I'm sure it's represented in some other way but to me it means like what I'm picturing the story I'm telling that whole combination of like this cocktail of stress that I've somehow gotten myself worked up into this lather of of feeling stuck or feeling angry and I know that I'm representing it to myself that way on the inside and I know it's not like that

yes in real life but talk to me through that lens well my my focus in my first book at 23 um you know I was you know figuring how to help people and help myself I looked at what helped myself and what helped myself was not getting stuck in my head it was uh having a bias for Action so unlimited power is really the capacity to act to get yourself to take action um so many people live in their head they go to therapy in their head they go in circles and nothing changes because it

just becomes a circular conversation and so what do you got to get yourself to act well to get yourself to act you have to get yourself in a state where you'll do it so you can take anything and make it represented in your mind as evil or good you know as difficult or easy and the way we represent things is the way we feel so the example you've heard me use before is going to dinner and you're supposed to meet your spouse your boyfriend and girlfriend at 7:00 at night and you get there at 700

and they're not there what do you feel I ask people and I ask this in seminars all the time what do people say somebody says I'm pissed off and somebody says I'm worried it's only 7 you know what if it's 7:30 though and they've not called her text I'm really worried I'm really angry and you see division in the room right what if it's 8:30 and they've not called and they've they've not shown up and they've not texted and the woman says you know I'm full cuz I didn't wait for the bastard you know that

kind of thing but the the point is how you feel about that experience two people can have the same event but they don't have the same experience and it's how they represent it in their mind so one person represents they don't care they didn't show up again they're probably screwing around with somebody else they're going to be angry the other person says what if they're in an accident so whether they say that or picture it however they represent it controls the way they feel which is your state and your state controls what you do so

my whole Focus was if I'm going to get you to act I got to get you in the right state to get you in the right State I got to find out what's keeping you from that and one thing that's keeping you from that is I would say today what you focus on or the meanings you give because that's a simple way of describing it but the actual process is how you represent that situation you can call it representing it you can call it what I focus on you can call it the meaning I give

it those are words I tend to use today CU to me they're simpler whatever you focus on you feel whatever you focus on you don't experience life you experience life you focus on if I'm focused on what's wrong my life is wrong I focus on what I love my life is love right that's a different way of representing it it's a totally different feeling it'll produce a totally different set of behaviors and those behaviors will get a different result but the other thing that affects it you know in my model that I talked about there

is the way use your body and I think that's where you got to start because your emotion is controlled by your body I don't just mean biochemistry from the standpoint of you know whether you ate meal or you have low blood sugar low hydration which obviously affects people's emotions your wife my wife my wife gets this thing called hry phology first is what my motto is but also when I'm working with people when somebody gets up and goes yeah I know I need to do this oh in that state they're never going to do it

so I will do something to provoke them to tease them to move them to shift them where you'll see a change in the tempo of their voice and the way they move in their facial expression I'll get them to laugh I'll do something bizarre crazy weird I will break the pattern of the way they're representing things and the way they're using their body because it's the combination of what you focus on represent meaning the story you tell yourself and what's going on in your body that creates the state you're in and from that state all

your behaviors come so to me I want to answer your question it really comes down to yes the way you represent the world is the way you experience the world ask people what's life oh it's a test well then what's life like if it's a test if it's like a test then it's hard and I got to study and I could fail and or someone say then life's easy cuz I'm good at tests right depends on the person or is life you know uh a battle then those people always are looking for someone to fight

where they expect there's going to be a fight it's always a struggle and they find a way to make it a struggle because that's what their body does and then you know if is life a party is it a dance is it sacred is it a gift like however you represent life it'll change completely what you're feeling and what you're doing so that's what I meant by internal representations and I I use meaning now and I use Focus because I think they're just easier words I made things more complex then I think to try to

prove to myself I understood every aspect of the human mind still a great book thank you I'm glad you love the greatest tone tiny tone well I appreciated uh that response uh two things that I notice at this stage of our life we've been together close to 23 years and 24 but who's counting 24 and what I recognized the first probably decade or 15 years we were getting over ourself you know and conditioning comes up and and uh Impressions or uh expectations and all those Dynamics and at this stage uh there's just an appreciation and

uh love uh and almost a uh a humor at times that surprises me and I certainly appreciate if I have uh if I'm off or stressed or if you're your offer stressed in a moment we have such an understanding of each other's intent or an appreciation of each other's intent never question the intent and and and nor do I and I'm sharing that because those of you that are listening uh that's it's it's there's a larger belief of a knowingness of uh the allowance or or acceptance of the human what might look like behavior in

a moment but uh to know the nature of each other to know the purity of intent to know the Innocence to know um and and behavior can come up and express just like it can for all of us uh that's such a a benevolent lens and a benevolent um way to perceive and experience each other I think at the time when I was talking about you find my question recently you told me I shoved it up your ass or tush sorry I think I think ass will probably feel through on this podcast oh boy my

wife was telling me what's going on and I you know listened for a very very very long time that we're sharing this sharing all this and at the end I said honey you know you might want to consider the possibility that you know those you understand we all have a primary question we ask and sometimes those questions enhance our life and sometimes they don't you actually have a primary question that's really beautiful she asks all the time now where's the good in this where's the great in this and you know where's the god in this

really is what you're asking so much honey and it's one of the most beautiful things about you but in this particular situation she was stressed and when you can't meet your primary question mine has always been how can I make it better and if you can't do it you feel a little crazy in I'm not doing it justice here because we have so little time but I teach it at day with Destiny and it's one of the most profound things we teach and my wife knows it and so she was really struggling with this so

I said fine I said honey you know you might want to realize you know you're not really asking your primary question here because that's your power and her response to me was well let's just say that uh in that moment I was less Keen to entertain what uh was needed or not needed or any notion of my primary question uh and I absolutely let him know that so uh but what was interesting not and and and not in a connected benevolent way uh but what was beautiful I walked up the stairs and saw myself and

witnessed my behavior and uh you know I brushed my teeth and caught my breath and came back down and met you in the hallway and I said ton I'm so sorry uh I just behaved ridiculous and what you were offering was actually incredibly kind and but my response was laughter not laughter at you it was after because uh this is I think one of I don't know where you're going with all this but I do want to plant the seed because one of the greatest gifts on this planet God has created for my life and

that we've co-created together is our relationship and our family's relationship you know the Mary and Billy and our our little baby girl and our kids and grandkids and I think one of the secrets to all relationship is to never question the intent I know that's hard in the beginning when you're beginning a relationship and sometimes even harder when you've been around for a while for some people but you and I both made a decision early on that we knew each other other Souls yes and that we knew that no matter how things looked on the

outside there was never bad intent there was never the desire to hurt the other person and there never has been and so I adore you I love you and I respect you all the above so there's no way for me to um have a reaction to something Beyond a moment then to realize and I blame myself I said okay that's probably probably should have waited a little longer before offering that that peace that don't try to fix it Robins don't try to fix it I know not I know that much I know not to fix

things but I thought it been long enough that maybe this would be a good piece but I was wrong and I actually apologized to you for that so but but it's really I think so much of stuckness in relationship maybe I bring it up to stuckness again I'm trying to connect it to his theme you know me I'm trying to actually have a through line here um I think comes from the fact that people we make up meanings yes and the meanings we usually make up and this is human nature I've read all kinds of

studies on this where we usually if someone else does something we don't like we we make up the motive as NE negative if we do something that isn't so great when we're not beating ourselves up it's like we have pure motives but I know every motive that drives your soul is nothing but goodness and yours too Mary be and I'm not just saying that cuz we're all present that's why we're family um because we're all here to serve something more than ourselves and we all love each other completely and I love our family completely um

and that's such a gift because when you have that Foundation all the other things you're going to face in life you can deal with and I know not all of you have that yet and I'm not uh I'm not claiming that you do but you can claim that kind of relationship with a friend yes most people do it better with a friend than they do it with a loved one unfortunately because they have more expectations of a loved one yes um friends we you know they have a bad day we go all right we might

not like it they understand they're having a bad day um but we do that with the CL closest to us most people treat strangers better than they would they'll treat their most beloved they'll say things that they wouldn't say to a stranger you know so I think it's important to not get stuck in madeup meanings cuz there's more on the line yeah yes when I get really stressed and when I get really you know overwhelmed which can happen for sure um part of why I stay out of that for the most part is because I'm

constantly stacking the good and um recently I I saw some friends who um they're not close to us but people we know and they were two people that were really lovely and they really truly fell in love with each other I think about 10 years ago 12 years ago they met at an event and so that's how I knew them got to know them because they became Platinum Partners and um the relationship came to quote unquote ahead recently and they're ending that relationship and I knew it was going to end it was obvious and it

was because of all the negative stackings like all the little meanings that people stack like if a problem shows up and you just honestly deal with it at the table and you don't just deal with it you take responsibility go listen I'm feeling this it's not you it's probably my own triggers from the past and and you don't make excuses for your triggers and I just want you to know it's not you if you deal with things when they're small it's easy I always talk about kill the monster while it's a baby don't wait till

it's Godzilla taking the city right but I think one thing that helps my life is we go through more in a week than most people do you know in a month or whatever I mean you know I the last what six days I went to bed sometime between 6:00 and 7:00 a.m. and some cases I got to be up three hours later for another meeting it's not what I recommend but I'm I'm dealing with people it's but I'm dealing with people in the Middle East I'm dealing with people in China I'm doing all these these

business portions and they're complex issues that are being dealt with people I'm helping overseas and someone who's you know just lost their baby all these things happen all the time but what keeps me going is every single day I stack the good and if I'm ever really stressed the first thing I do is change my physiology if I'm really stressed and by the way you can be stressed and no longer think you're stressed anymore it's something was stressful and it's over you've resolved the problem or you resolved the argument or whatever Somebody went through but

that energy is still in your body it's there and so what I'll do is I'll go you know your what's your thing you tell everybody my bro what did she say Mary if somebody works at a seminar we're an event and it's a real stressful event they're crying their eyes out their makeup's halfway down their face all right go wash your face brush your teeth get back in here you're fine that's her standing that's her reset that's her stress like she does it she does it it works for her it works for her she goes

up there like she just said it earlier when she said she ran up the stairs one the story she brushed my teeth and I came back down a different state right go so she knew how to change her physiology first cuz your mind is not going to work when you're locked physi ially and a lot of 20 people are locked or they're stuck is physical so for me I if I can't I jump in water you know if I'm not at home a freezing shower if I get in it here I love jump in the

cold plunge or or the hot water in the cold plunge anything like that for me water temperature changes so radical yeah it'll change things or I would just go out and frankly you know I'm fairly vocal no one's around and I would just give out a good scream of intensity I as like again it sounds stupid as hell but I do it do it and all that energy gets on my body and the bra resets I've done that with people in seminars that were just completely stuck you didn't matter what you asked them what they

did they were so angry so harsh to the person around them and I'll just get them stop and say I want you to tell me where that is in your body find the location where is the where is the worst I'll make the sound of that as loud as you can no even louder I make them push and push till there's nothing left and then all of a sudden boom their mind works perfectly they solve the problem so physiology first but I think the second thing I want to mention is I understand the power of

stacking so my other thing to do that's easy there's no temperature change like that I just literally take out my journal or I take out my iPad or a computer and I'll write 20 things that are magnificent in my life and it always starts with our family there's no exaggeration to that and I write down what's magnificent not what's okay it's magnificent right and I make myself feel and Associate to that because like I said earlier you don't experience life none of us do we experience life we focus on and when you're in it the

pattern just stays the same you think that you're stuck because you think this will never get solved you're stuck because you think it shouldn't have happened it's unjust you're stuck because people didn't support you you're stuck you got some meaning that's in your head and now it's in your body so you change your body and then instead of trying to deal with the meaning most people don't they don't you know overreact to their kids because what happened this time it's cuz it happened again or their husband or their wife because it happened again or somebody

door CU it happen again when we overreact it's cuz we've stacked negative experiences so what I do is I stack the positives and then um and then I also lastly I'd say as I I pay attention to my language I grew up in environment where my parents uh had a belief that um you know you just stuck it out and you fought till it was done and you could say anything and you said it with total intensity and they use very uh colorful language um but you couldn't leave the room if you left the room

the relationship was over so I I saw some battles so I never threw things or broke things or did anything of that nature cuz I saw that but I certainly borrowed the language patterns I grew up with and then I came and fell in love with this little creature over here and then you too Mary B where you know Bonnie Pearl's most intense words often is sugar and shoot and she's certainly C of the other words don't get me wrong but the majority of that she uses these words that soften and you do too you

have all these sweet words and so one of the things I noticed is I'm really exhausted really stressed my language patterns change you know I'll curse you know on something not out of person just in the situation sometimes I I'd use that for intensity shoot isn't strong enough for what I want to express in a situation or move something but it's good to notice your language patterns cuz if you soften the language patterns you know like this is stupid this is C versus this is curious or isn't this wild or you know isn't this interesting

that we're doing this pattern again as opposed to what the hell is wrong you know I like can you give us the I'm fascinated that's right this really fascinating to me as opposed to what other FW I would have used in the old days so I just think those are three things look at your physiology look at your stacking and unstack by stacking new things and then language but I'd love to know Mary B what do you do when you're getting stressed sincerely what do you do to get out of it because you do a

great job but you understate your value in that or um I I'm so glad you mentioned stacking because that's one thing I learned from you that never had the understanding of before um but yeah like when it feels overwhelming when I have the the sensation or the feeling that stuff is on top of me to use a terrible metaphor life life feels too much to handle it's because right I have all these things stacked or sometimes it's just it's not even a whole bunch of things it's just you also tell me sometimes things have to

be decoupled yes and so sometimes I'm just like I have this thing and this thing and they're not even related but they're happening together and it feels like this goes if this goes that goes and it's like sometimes just pulling two things apart is enough for me to just get the spaciousness I need to come back into sanity to be like okay I'm not completely my brain isn't completely useless because I'm just so yes yes you're also good at at gratitude Mar being yeah I just I think that's a fair when you say that's fair

I mean one of the reasons you're beloved by some people is you're so incredibly loving and sweet to everybody Mar B even times when it's difficult your nature is you hold an identity for yourself as being a good person to your core and you are but I think because of that uh you constantly build gratitude and I think that's the thing that I've I've seen you come back to yeah you know you pull the thing apart and it's like no you know this is you know this is all part of the process and I'm so

grateful I'm so grateful of this and this you how you speak that way I think that's one of the patterns at least I observe in you is it true y those big beliefs like I think it's so helpful I think there's there's a section in here of beliefs that I'm making this up but like my these aren't in there but my go-to ones are like everything happens for a reason that's right just something that no matter what knowing that I actually really do believe that with conviction that that kind of okay if I really believe

that which I do yeah then this two Shall Pass then whatever it is I saw I saw um my were talking about this um the other day when we were having lunch outside I was saying I saw I think it was um a group of actors I think Tom Hanks was one of them a group of them there were all very successful actors very successful U men in the business at least there weren't any women in the group and they were like as men sharing which men don't usually do like you know what's the one

thing you wish you would have known that would have made your life a lot less stressful and Tom Hanks said this too shall pass and you should have seen all their heads going up and down you know slic alone with show the other day and we're having some really cool conversations he one of the coolest people I know he's just a really amazing human being and all the things he's gone through people have no clue but it's that same thing like we could all relate to that we had this cool dinner recently that was I

got invited to was like John bonjovi is a friend of ours he's a great Rock and roller if you're not familiar with him really brilliant guy been the business 35 or 40 years is that how young our audience is we have to pre-frame Bon Joi keep going keep going I just can't hold this in I don't know I hope they know he is he's going to go I think he's going to go on tour again for his 35th or 40th year if I go which one it is but he called up and said we want

to have this goats dinner and I said what's a goats greatest of all time he goes you know I'm not going to tell you I'm the grace of all time but in my category you I'm one of those he goes you are in your area he goes so I want you and I and he goes I want Tiger Woods I want Tom Brady he said I want Tom Ford from fashion and I want uh slide all get together and have dinner so we had this really cool dinner and it was a privilege even to be

there but what struck me is what you thought people talk about I'm not going to reveal anything was shared there if was Private of course but what I noticed number one was the most important thing that people were dealing with with all they've succeeded in their life was relationship every single one of them to some some really great some more challenging at times um and then also was just just all the pathways we've gone through all the challenges we all faced and how much we value them now you know how you look back on them

and go think God that happened I can see that that made me so much stronger made me care so much create so much more um part you I hope you tell us what you do and you you came up with what you told me you do and I never even knew this and I've been with you 20 years this internal thought you have that you you use I thought it was beautiful is it not this to show pass it was a different one for you will you share it yes of course uh I want to

mention one thing Mary another thing that you do that I find ever so beneficial and useful is uh when you get enough Clarity of mind you use humor and you'll mimic back and replay back the circumstance uh not harsh sarcastic but tongue and cheek exaggerated and that will invoke a laughter uh and break it feels like the only thing sometimes that can move me out of fear mhm I see that anyways I it feels like a safe way to get out of fear well it's awesome technique it's certainly works for this family works for us

but I just wanted to I just wanted to mention that because sometimes that gets that's a beautiful information that's true is the gift of humor what dowi you do when you start to feel stuck honey which oh gosh you know what do you do uh well you know you you both talked or mentioned uh the fact that I go up and wash my face and brush my teeth I mean I don't do it every time but the purpose of that is to get some distance so I can self-reflect yes so I can recognize what possibly

I've missed uh so I can perceive uh you know with fresh eyes with fresh eyes but also myself because usually if I'm upset I'm seeing it outside myself and so I get distance so I can actually self-reflect and see myself in it uh and then when I recognize that it's me because it is always me uh I from there look to um act and and uh it usually looks like I'll I'll reach out and and just like I did in that moment and say I'm sorry I was behaving ridiculous and I thank you for knowing

my intent uh but I'll usually look to apologize uh to to clear that energy do the other thing then if I'm really lock stuck uh I will remind myself that all is well that's it yes I'll remind myself how do you do that all is well and I'll use an affectionate name I'll sometimes I'll say sweetheart sometimes I'll say all is well bunny Pearl all is well and I'll usually look outside if I'm not outside just to broaden perception because all is well yes all is well the waves are crashing the wind is blowing birds

are coming and going like life is happening all is well no matter what I'm believing and thinking and no matter how uh acutely tense of stress that I might be experiencing that's in my own internal view cuz if you look out around you all as well life is happening people are laughing people are walking people are talking uh and that is always so humbling and so that is definitely an um uh an internal lens of a um reminder that no matter what is happening all is well so definitely all is well uh many times I'll

ask myself a question uh what have I missed and if I'm not able to say if I'm really stuck and I'm blind a lot of times I'll come to somebody else that I love and I'll say look in this circumstance what am I missing because I actually really have a hunger to see uh to understand and specifically to see myself because that's the only thing that I can shift and change uh as you know inquiry of uh the four questions of is this true byon Katie is that I I find that uh ever so useful

or even sometimes if mind is really going and I'm feeling like you know ego was just justifying and rationalizing and and really building an architecture inside my mind I'll just I'll be like okay what am I actually even believing and I'll just write down whatever that is the one statement and just look at it and it looks ridiculous to me yeah because because in the moment yeah the moment that I can actually visually see it and it's like it just starts unraveling actually in that moment because it when it's just happening inside mine it's happening

ego building it so quickly that uh it helps me to fix it on paper uh and then I look to take responsibility I Look to take responsibility and that's completely selfish I I want to clear it up I I I want to clear this space inside of myself and inside of anybody that intentionally I I uh not intentionally unintentionally I may have uh hurt uh by my tone of voice or intensity or lack of awareness we all get stressed we all get overwhelmed we all misinterpret things we all have triggers from our past but our

job is not say you're triggering me our job is to you know notice those triggers and get rid of them you know stop engaging in them and sometimes that takes a little time to do but over the years if you're if love is the guiding force we've done that and you if you ask me what the greatest gift of my life is um there's no question it's our relationship and our family um I I've had the privilege of working with people from every Walk of Life millions of people and I have the privilege and pleasure

of knowing that I've been able to help a lot of people in a lot of different ways that I'm grateful for and proud of but uh there's nothing more important than those you love most and you having something that continually grows in its depth of love and its depth of appreciation its depth of gratitude and its depth of respect but I think you have to start there and enhance it it's not some place that you get to someday because people treat you a certain way it's a align in the sand that you set because because

it is so important I agree I love you I love you too sweetheart I'm curious don't you feel honey for those that are listening right now maybe going through a really challenging time or really painful time or they're stuck or maybe they just got a diagnosis or they have a Health Challenge or their beloved does or possibly they just lost their job uh hindsight is so beautiful because you have broader perspective and yes um so we've all experienced loss at a physical level we've all experienced disappoint we've all experienced you know relationships that we thought

were one way they became another we all experienced people we thought were friends that maybe weren't um so disappointment and pain are part of life it's what we do with them and we're all going to feel them and I think it's important when they happen to let it touch you you know my friend Jim ran my teacher was one of my great teachers and he always said let Life Touch you don't let it kill you but let it touch you because out of that pain you develop drive so I think everything has its purpose in

in your life and that's where that belief of you know life is truly happening for me even though it doesn't feel like it even though it doesn't look like it it's happening for me not to me but it's my job to figure out how it's happening for me I think everyone has what I call a global solution something when you're finally willing to let go of your pain no matter how bad the pain is a death a loss of a job a disappointment a relationship end there's something the global solution is what do you value

more than your pain you know if a woman uh mom loses her did in a drunk driving accident it's horrific but the one that makes it through is the lady started mad mother's Against Drunk Driving cuz she just took that and said my legacy is going to make sure that my child's life had meaning and I make sure millions of their children don't die that's inspiring that's beautiful it's painful but it's beautiful in my opinion that's God that's Grace that's um the Invisible Hand that's guiding us to make our life about something more than ourselves

and I think that's the way out of pain what do you value more than your pain because you'll hang on to your pain till there's something more value you might value your kids not feeling your pain and taking on responsibility for your pain so it's like I got to get my act together because I don't want my kids to feel this or um someone dies in your family and you say listen if I fall apart everybody else does you're the one person that pulls it through I think we all have that capability not all of

us use it um and part of that I'll think also is is your own beliefs about yourself and your expectations yourself not that you're perfect not that you're always going to have the answer but that again you have a responsibility to something more than just yourself I think that's the missing piece for a lot of people I'd love to put a frame on it to tone as long as we're going into this place um and we we have nosed at it but just to be really direct around it we've recently Even in our own family

friends of ours um close to home we've had people that have taken their own lives much too soon and I'm wondering like especially just in this world after Co we're so lucky we have so many people in our lives on any given day like there's like 25 people in this house by the time we have our first coffee in the morning not you thank god um but I feel for people that just feel alone and I'm wondering if you could offer anyone if anybody out there is listening and we've talked about this like we've all

had days where it's just like man like I don't what to do I can't do this I don't know like where if you're in that place if anyone out there listening is in that place anything like where to start where do they start that's a great question you got to start where you are I know that sounds stupid and trite but it's true you're not going to start with something Way Beyond where you are right now so you got to see where you are if you've been through enough you know I got a call yesterday

I spoke to someone today was a very dear friend and uh they just lost their baby and then so that's Tough Enough we've been through that several times uh we know what that means for someone so you can be there to comfort them but then they just found out the reason lost of the baby is the mom has cancer and so we found that out today and their dog died about 5 minutes before they found out the cancer piece I me you can't make up these stories right so what do you do well the first

thing is you got to have compassion for yourself for that person you got to connect emotionally even with yourself and give yourself room to feel whatever you're going to feel and then you can't just stay there though or you'll just wallow and suffer and you can but it's not my choice when it comes let's talk about the specific Su suicide situation talking about because that's been something I've had some expertise in obviously as you said there's been some friends of yours friend of yours that just recently took their own life and the devastation that does

to the family the one thing I remind people is everybody blames thems but we're not God um you don't know what's going on there I could have prevented it I could have done this I could have done that or people say you would have done that because you got the skill I said well maybe I certainly have the skill in this area but there's no guarantee on anything because we have free will and there's certain people that can do it you got to say what's the real challenge the real challenge is that people today don't

have a compelling future if I asked you what's the vision for the United States the vision is division right now the vision is uh well the world's going to go to hell the world you know the the environment is being destroyed by the way these are exaggerations they're stories they're narratives but people change your story change your life when the story is it's over when the story is there's no great reason to live when the story is there's nothing compelling to move towards we can all deal I've said this a million times but it's true

we can all deal with a really really insanely difficult today if we have a compelling tomorrow but if we don't have a compelling tomorrow that's why so many kids are saying I don't want to have children it's absurd because that someone's convincing that the environment's the world's going to be destroyed in 12 years it's totally bull we all know it's bull anybody's done their homework knows it's bull but people love exaggerations to promote whatever agenda they have and then people buy those agendas so and invariably when somebody takes their own life it's CU they have

no compelling future they think that dying would be less painful than living and you are not responsible for that and you can't even responsible that as your own child um because people can make those choices now can you do things um to help yourself and help other people get out of that the answer is yes I think maybe the answer is in those situations you got to bring people together you got to love everybody you got to have the compassion and then you got to think about what do we do to honor this person so

that there's something meaningful that comes from from it and then how do we prevent this as family as Society is that we notice when people don't have that compelling future and we question it because all a belief is is an unquestioned thought you've told yourself something over and over again till now you feel certain about it and people act upon what they feel certain about when I see people that are suicidal what I do is take away their certainty That Dying will be you know will be less painful than living um when you switch that

they won't do it we all as human beings we move away from massive pain what we associate pain to we move towards whatever you think is pleasure or will be a lot less pain and so the meanings those internal representations we make are what control that so right now in society there's not a lot of vision for people that's our job as parents as family members as friends um and we're not going to be perfect and we can't know what's going inside with everybody so I wish I had a magic wand I could say here's

the answer there isn't the answer is for each of us to take responsibility for ourselves and become an example of what's possible with deep love and consideration for those around us and knowing that everyone's going to do things that a different Tempo in a different way and they have different goals but helping people finding a meaningful life is possible in the middle of concentration camps if you know somebody who's really depressed my favorite book of all time at least one of them is man search for meaning we're actually going to make the film we're in

the middle of uh finding the right writer for it as we speak but we brought the rights to it if you haven't read the book you must read it uh Victor Frankle one of the heroes of my life uh because here's a man who's in a concentration camp and witnessed his family being murdered in front of him and decides that he's going to find a way to figure out why certain people make it and others don't and that will to live comes by having compelling future and of the Jewish people for those that made it

it was that vision of I'm going to make it through this and I'm going to tell the story so it never happens again never again was the cry and but the difference between somebody who just went for the moment of survival getting the food getting the cigarette getting something for their need he knew those ones were going to die quickly the ones that were thinking about the Future made decisions differently and I think we all need to create compelling future a meaningful future and appreciate where we are today and give oursel room to learn and

grow in this experience called life this Earth schoal so to speak wow thank you and when I think of originally what was the intention of these conversations uh it was that people would experience how we relate to each other uh the love that's in this family uh knowing one day our daughter and our children will listen to this it's Beau and uh and as well just relating in this humanness and the beauty of this Human Experience uh and to know that that's where we all meet and we're all walking this path home and uh we

all have this inner world to understand to transcend to find meaning uh to appreciate uh and you know our daughters just just over two and there's this little book called The Listening rabbit uh and for those of you that have somebody in your life that maybe is going through a challenging circumstance and you just don't know what to do uh I'm going to do a dreadful job of of recapping it but just let me give you the lens of it there's a little boy that's building this big blocks and it falls down unexpectedly and each

animal maybe the bear comes and he wants to rebuild it and uh you know the kangaroo is like you know if you remember it you can rebuild it back again and but he didn't want to do all these things and you know if you wanted to shout about it another maybe the bear wanted if you want to shout about it and this little boy's name's Taylor he didn't want to do all the above and this little rabbit came and just nestled down beside this little boy and just sat there and uh said nothing and did

nothing and then this little boy went through all the experience of you know he shouted he he wanted he all the things that he didn't want to do he exper and life came to full fruition and uh he asked the bunny not to leave and I don't know why I'm sharing that right now and the rabbit listened and the rabbit listened yes and the rabbit listened is the thank you is is the is the whole point the whole point of it and and I'm I I was so touched by the Simplicity and yet the beauty

and a lot of times you know when we don't know what to do our presence yes our just our our presence our love we cannot underes estimate the power of love and uh Love In Action sometimes has a non-doing it can simply just to be with somebody is such an extraordinary gift um and uh you've held the space and uh for so many tone and uh it's it's such a powerful GI in all the ways in action and in non-action uh that you do in this home uh probably more action than non-action but sometimes those

I I I it it's just the power of uh you are such a beautiful listener Mary you are such a beautiful listener uh and the gift of that and so you know for those of you that are listening and thinking well gosh I don't I'm not Tony Robbins and I don't know how to do what he does or I don't have those lenses just the the power the profound power of love and every moment of Life offers us a moment an opportunity to possibly love more not less uh no matter what the circumstance and that

alone is a bomb that alone is transformative and uh you do that every day and so the intention of this was to share uh an inner lens and and and uh uh a relating uh a sense of a uh the atmosphere of this home and this family and how it all comes together and knowing that it's not just the listeners that'll be listening one day it will be our daughter and our children makes and it makes me happy uh and I think it's beautiful and so thank you for coming on this ride of the Unexpected

Journey of maybe not having a plan and a structure where Tony creates uh tension I want to be comfortable I want a candle I want to wear my burgundy socks uh incense going and I wanted to share this space uh called home uh and so thank you and uh thank you sweetheart you create this space called home you and Mary together um The Sounds the smells you know you can't come in our house everybody comments about the music you know this is amazing it feels ethereal or the smells of this place the flowers and the

incense and all those things I'm always touched by people entering a home because they feel the essence of this family the love that we all share but also the little things that you all do to create an environment I think that's important thing to think about is how do we create the environment that nurtures the best in you and the best in your family how do you create an environment that nurtures playfulness and joy and love thank you thank you thanks thanks for having me on the Tony Robbins podcast I'll but it's been a great

visit I love you both so much and those listening I hope there's some seeds in here for you if you start to feel stuck that a you be a little nicer to yourself a little kinder to yourself cuz kindness can also break the pattern it's not always easy especially those of us that are tough on ourselves but as the the years go by you begin to realize you're wasting your time beating yourself up because all that does is lower your energy and a lower level of energy leads to more mess ups um better to probably

just appreciate these are part of the Dynamics of Being Human and then just see what what works for you is it changing your body really in a strong way is it writing down all the good stuff is it remembering some core belief like all happens for reason and purpose and it serves me or you know all is well or you know life's always happening for me not to me some core belief that goes beyond or is it some Global solution something that you value more than your pain something or someone you value more than your

pain something you want more than your pain and then just realizing that we're all here continuing to learn and that as we long as we continue to learn is the months and the years go by you get stronger you get wiser it doesn't mean you don't have challenges but you have better quality ones that's really the goal people I've always said date with Destiny the biggest problem people have is they think they're not supposed to have any and the truth is problems are sign of life so if you have a problem it's just calling to

you but hopefully you trade your old problems for better quality problems different Quality quality challenges and we continue to grow because if you grow and you give when you grow you have something to give you grow and give then life is really meaningful it is and love is the most meaningful thing of all and it's hard to love at a deep level if you've also not gone through pain or suffering or disappointment or frustration because then it's just fake it's just like chemistry um when you get Beyond chemistry to something that has depth that's when

life really has that magnificent feeling where you feel like it's all a blessing it's all a blessing isn't it it is indeed love you guys good talk love you listeners I don't know you personally but I hope we meet you someday and we hope some of this serves you when you get into a tough position or you can use this to help somebody else blessings to you so I had an idea to begin this portion of this podcast episode I would like do you want to hear it I'd love to okay great I would like

to invite everyone out there listening watching to invite into your mind a single thought focus on just one thought any thought pick one just one and focus on that thought and it might be happy sad hungry inspiring it could be all sorts of emotions but the truth is this is what we know that just that one thought caused a whole grip of effects to go through your body whether it's hormones and neurochemicals your heart rate fluctuates your blood flow changes all from one single thought so then imagine this parade of thoughts that just marches through

our minds all day um one of my favorite spiritual teachers his name is Richard Rory he's also like a recovery coach he says like a monkey ceaselessly swinging from Branch to Branch our mind ceaselessly jumps from thought to thought and that's kind of what we're talking about here today what do you think about all that Sage Robins well I certainly have some monkeys in my mind that can swing Branch to Branch it's so interesting uh we can certainly all get stuck um speak for myself in the Labyrinth of of mind and uh how do we

find our way through or out or uh back home uh although we never really left I think you bring up such a great point because mental health certainly is a Hot Topic today and what does that mean like okay our mind our mentality it's thoughts those thoughts that rules our entire life and I don't think I understood that honestly till recently when you first come into the idea that yeah like what is that little voice in my mind that's like constantly in there telling me what to do what to think what to worry about and

so as also our topics of keen discussion lately anxiety depression sleeplessness suicide all the way out the gamut of thoughts we can call them emotions but I think it really does thought start with a thought and then and obsessive recurrence of those thoughts and we all know what that feels like so we can talk about it in terms of someone who isn't well or we can talk about it in terms of you and I and everyone we know because this is The Human Experience and you might not be feeling it right now you might be

in the throws of it right now but if you're going to get down to like the source I think we have to then talk about the thoughts and beliefs that are making you feel this way yes and for those of you who are joining tune in I mean tune in to yourself uh I invite you to call your attention back to this moment and back to the sensations within you uh I know that we've walked through this practice on our meditation uh conversation but it's really the same practice of noticing a lot of times so

much in our life can be on Audible pilot you know we don't even we're not even aware of what we're believing thinking about a circumstance uh possibly until we feel that Schism or that resistance or I'll speak for myself or that stuck uh that stuck bound energy uh and what's so fascinating depending upon whether we attach to the thought or not because they're coming and going all all day you know whether we're not in control of that yep we we have the gift you know we can't control the external circumstances but we can control where

we place our attention yep that's it what we focus on we feel as tone would say but as we've started to really pay attention to this and you say notice and in the beginning I'd be like notice what like what is this mindfulness practice like notice what and so when you first said notice I was like great that's really going to Buck me up when I'm feeling down and now I see okay it's calling attention to this thought that's causing the emotion that's causing your whole life possibly what we're unconscious to cuz you know if

we're calling our attention to notice to notice what I'm believing and and thinking to notice even what the story sometimes if you know say if I'm I'm I'm really bound or stuck in a circumstance I'll look to write down it's like okay what am I even frustrated about what am I I hooked by what am I so charged at and if I was to have a conversation with you Mary oh gosh you know mind ego could just have a Heyday and be so utterly dramatic and add all of its rationalizations and justifications and assumptions and

uh and yet to write it down in in in a in a short sentence like what is it for myself that helps me to fix it and and and uh cuz otherwise from my own reference mind you know ego mind is is building a whole architecture uh justifying building this architecture justifying what I'm believing and thinking even if it's completely false uh I know from my own reference when I'm stuck in mind and and it feels bound it feels permanent and for my own these are just slight things that I find helpful I'll say to

myself hey sweetheart it's only energy it's simply a thought and you know I'll that lens or that uh belief that it's only energy because it's reality and energy can shift it's not something that's this smant building that you know would take such force to move or to to to to U plow over no this is a it's a thought internally in mind we are energetic beings it is energy and energy moves and so when I'm bound you know I'll remind myself of that CU it feels like a permanent challenge it feels like oh my word

if I'm you know down a rabbit hole in something that I'm suffering with and and feeling um so in it so in mind either in sadness or frustration or anger or uh believing whatever thought it might be uh that feels permanent in that moment and those moments feel like the longest moments ever isn't it interesting how when we're having a great time and in Unbound Blue Sky it's like wee and time goes like so fast moments like right after you have an interaction with someone that didn't feel right and then you just process it and

the minutes after that are just like you see it again you see it again you see what they said you see what you said you see what you didn't say you see what you would have said if you if it happens again I speak for myself it feels hellacious to suffer it feels like it's going to last forever it feels never ending uh it feels physically it's not just a mental experience because the body follows mind it feels uh grueling uh it feels depressive it's a depressive state does that mean I'm depressed a fixed identity

does that mean that it's a permanent condition means no it's a Wave It's a wave in this Human Experience that we all navigate and I I find that extraordinary that there's nobody that is excluded no matter where we come from no matter what life experience no matter whether you're no matter who you are the president of the United States suffers as much as I or you would might be different threads but we all know pain we all know joy in moments we've all suffered and felt sadness or anger or frustration those are common threads because

they follow common beliefs or common thoughts that we all have it's not even personal human thoughts yes we believe that we're thinking them but we're being thought Tony uh would call it like a flavor what flavor is it for you is it mad is it sad are you scared are you worried are you anxious are you pissed off are you frustrated whatever you're like oh yeah I get this whatever it is that's what we're talking about here today yes and what that feels like and you might be like I don't I don't suffer okay do

you fall right asleep at night without a care in the world you just drift off plus fet to sleep or are you one of the millions of Americans that need to ingest something of some kind to to fall asleep like what's going on we're living in a different world today where you know there's less of us or less of our children but even us as adults that you know are in nature and and being outside is a way to decompress it's a way to have a broader perception that oh my gosh there's all this life

happening you feel the sun on your face or you hear birds tweeting or whatever that might be for you but that you know it it it makes us for myself anyways feel so small against something so vast and so large I just feel like a you know just like an ant would be walking along we're just we're the same and so for myself getting out of nature uh and I recognize that a lot of times you know we're spending how much time on our phones on social media just you know these and then that's training

us to what our young the younger generation that I Need Your Love approval and acceptance I I I need your attention I need you to confirm what I'm saying or or or posting is okay and I want you to like it that's painful that's painful to want anybody to like you because you know uh not everybody does because of their own references I for those of you listening maybe some of you might enjoy what I'm saying you some of you might think gosh this is completely redundant and it might be uh because it's human and

uh this is where we all meet just the other day uh I went to the beach and nobody was on the beach uh and I was sitting there and I was believing I was going to do a meditation and then I just started feeling the sand and I was just feeling the sensation of the sand in my feet in in my in my hands and I was I ended up rolling on my tummy in the sand and I didn't care about being dirty I didn't care about anything I was actually just feeling like the Earth

feeling my body my being in that moment and where there was nothing there was no stimulus there was no uh phone I had nothing it was just me and there was a couple Birds Shen around and that felt free I'm not doing a great job articulating I ended up walking into the beach or into the ocean with my clothes on and that felt honest well that's a radical change of your physiology um you know and just I don't know sometimes we can get so civilized of I need to go get this I need to go

get my bathing suit I have to do this and it was like do I yeah no actually I feel like just immersing right now and the body is a vehicle and as we believe the these thoughts and the thoughts are you know if they a suffering state that affects our our our our our bodies Our beings and so to move in a way that is sincere no matter what that looks like even if it looks crazy I find to be beneficial to get through the the bound energy and then I will go more contemplative and

take a look at actually what I'm believing and thinking to inquire and question it right if you're listening to this and you are someone who has attended a seminar or an event if you've done Tony's audio programs or read his early works like unlimited power or awaken the giant within you might be listening to us like guys like you know what to do it's physiology move your body make a radical change in your body right change your state if you've been to uh a upw you know that and you walk out of those doors and

you know what to do we are suggesting that even though we know that that there are times yes when life happens and it's between the people that you often love most or at least care about in some way that like you feel a level of emotion that even though you know what to do you get I call it stuck stupid like I get stuck stupid of course I have all these tools at my disposal but as a human being we still get hooked and it's like I can't even think straight like let alone like have

the wherewithal to be like yep physiology first I should go you know make my little move and and it's like that is exactly what you should do in fact but what that that radical change in your body might look like walking into the ocean if you're lucky enough to have an ocean nearby it might look like hey I got to make a sound I need to make a movement with my body yes go somewhere wherever you need to go that you can do it but mind follows body as well so if your mind is if

you're stinking thinking has got you down then your body can snap it out cold plunge many timeso I will not go in the cold plunge I will take a nice hot shower that does the trick for me or a bath yeah some sort of like physical bodily washing to be like wow I want to like get this feeling off me and it is you know in the same way that Tony will teach you could ask someone what they're after what motivates them what drives them what their outcome is however you want to language that and

they can tell you anything they want to tell you but dig under it and it's a feeling that we're all after so when we're stuck there's some little red flag waving like hey this does not feel good I would like to feel differently and sometimes you know that's an interesting you just brought up an interesting point I would like to feel differently uh and sometimes we don't we don't feel differently well I'll share my own experience sometimes it's just this is what it is and uh allowing uh that to be in a moment not that

it's not as permanent peace I'm not saying I'm going to stay there but just recognizing that you know this whatever it is is coming up uh to the surface and connecting and and having compassion that this must be coming up to the surface to be understood to be healed y uh and not um I've certainly distracted myself I've certainly numbed myself I've certainly avoided uh gosh you know all the all the threads that really take me my from in in the moment from what's actually most real what's most honest uh and I don't even being

honest from an external perspective just like what is true and I there's no right or wrong way uh in this Human Experience and sometimes uh it can be really messy and that's okay and it's not meant to look a certain way we don't judge when it's well maybe we do but you know the weather today if it's cloudy if it's sunny you might have a preference but both perspectives are allowed and it's it's almost it's like okay hey yeah how could you not so you go to gratitude for what you could appreciate enjoy right now

at times sometimes I don't sometimes I don't sometimes I'm just sitting with what is and and um just tuning in to it's it's okay it's okay cuz what I've recognized about myself too if I have though I shouldn't be feeling this well I am Y and so then I'm judging the experience of the Judgment of what that that's that's lunatic you know then I have judgment over judgment suffering over suffering and it it's disconnecting me from it's like all right uh how could you not believing what I'm believing how could you not it's just compassion

for this Human Experience it's it's not always easy it's not always easy and and and that's okay that's okay but we do have the gift or the choice to to rise above the the noise or the confusion of mind uh the narratives that are untrue uh or we can sit and process you know because you really think what is processing it's just thinking so what is thinking we're usually regurgitating the thoughts that are causing us to suffer and that's okay until it's not yeah and so it's it's an opportunity to apply all those things like

okay what's the story that I'm telling myself about what just happened or what and it's just a story is really just that whole all those thoughts sewn together into a story so to share a personal example that's related to that this happened between you and I the other day I forget where we were discussing with a little passion and you said to me Mary it doesn't mean what what you think it means yes and I almost like lost my mind I was like yes it means to me what I say it means to me and

I understand that it means something different to you but like don't tell me that's not what it means because I'm telling you that's what it means to me and in that moment like I realized a few things I realized like wow okay I need to get there myself of like wow that is the meaning that I'm giving to this right now M and when I see it there it feels like it's there all of a sudden in bold face and it's like that's the meaning I gave this my bad like in that moment I'm often

ready to take responsibility and say I need to make a new meaning because I know better I know that life is more important than like that life is too short I know that this is a person that I love and why am I wasting a minute of this life upset with with you know and so things start to unravel but for me it usually comes to a point and then when I do hit that threshold of big emotion that feels like it's out of my range then it's like okay we're we're we're hitting the nerve

here well thank you for sharing that and I don't know which moment cuz they happen uh uh and it's this Human Experience I I feel as well that for those that are listening that you're maybe at a place in your life and you feel like a can't I just can't do this another minute uh and a lot of times when we have those thoughts we believe that we're alone in that we believe it it's because of something that's happening in our life that's unique to us and all of us have felt that if you think

of what suicide it's it's like it's a belief I can't I can't do this I can't live this life anymore and we believe that and then we act on that and we believe in those innocent moments that we're the only person that that's experiencing that or that's believing that thought or that's experiencing that pain and uh we've all been there I've been there believing I can't do this I can't do this another minute travel back for a moment to some of the most or one of the most not some one of the most painful what

you believe circumstances of your life that felt like the pain of that circumstance whether it be a breakup or maybe a loss of a job or possibly a diagnosis and in a family member or something and in those moments in that period of time that felt like it was never going to end when you revisit it from this perspective what do you notice do you notice that uh gosh you know what I I didn't know it at the time but I really grew or I I I evolved out of that or felt like it was

the ending and the death and oh my gosh i' open this door to something different and uh that's also for myself is just to know that the reminder that life is indeed happening for us and that um from my own perspective when I suffer most it's usually what takes me closer to Source it's what takes me closer to God um it you know in those moments when I've been in such pain that I'm literally on my knees and so humbled uh and so ripped open or stripped down uh that uh it's cuz if you think

of of you know what's causing that suffering it's just ego mind anyways and so what's beneath that are a greater level of coherence of heart when we get out of our own human way or wanting somebody to behave differently than they are wanting somebody your beloved to look at you a certain way to say that they love you a certain way and then they don't and we're upset about that and we forget that oh my gosh I'm here to offer that love I'm here to embody and be that love mind is such a trick and

such a trickster and so some Global beliefs the global belief for myself that all is well even no matter what is happening I'll just say to myself H all is well and then the reminder that it is not my will when I want it to be my will I'm crazy and my will doesn't bring me the greatest happiness uh and I I remember hearing or reading you know not my will but thine be done what did what did that that even mean what does that even mean but that there's a Divine intelligence greater uh than

our own and to surrender to that to recognize that what life is offering us is sincerely a gift uh that is a realignment or a a tuning into a greater not even meaning a greater reality a greater um a greater reality of the truth of the moment uh if I'm upset because it's raining out outside that's on me but it's raining outside that's not changing so I have the choice to appreciate that or not so the greater Truth for you it are it is these meanings that you have given to life the meaning of life

itself the meaning of what you're here to do with it does that does that feel accurate like I'm I'm trying to understand like okay how would you how can people understand that and I'm trying to understand it myself so it is it's like okay like well do you believe that there's something larger breathing this breath course yes do you believe that that entire that Divine intelligence is orchestrating your life I do yes so when I want to control my life or I want to control another human being to behave a certain way and I'm suffering

because they're not uh they are God's child just like I am and their being their isness who they are and so when I Surrender the control when I Surrender that life needs to look different than I want it to in order for me to be happy that's simply crazy and it doesn't work that way and so I don't know if that's a belief or if that's I suppose it is or if that's actually accurate life is yep life is and and catching up to that reality uh I find to be very helpful and if I

think that it should be different or somebody else should be different uh it's brutal yeah it's simply brutal uh and so having a lens of a belief and for those of you that are agnostic if you know if you believe in Source you know what what is the source that created this moment for you to listen right now for us to share right now for us to connect right now okay I am I am that I am I am light I am love and by the way I don't mean I me I mean the I

am that is a Consciousness that's looking through my eyes and looking through yours that has a greater intelligence Than The Narrative of the thoughts that we might be attaching to in that moment that's something I do I'll I'll I'll pray and I'll the other day I was walking up the stairs and I was like dear Lord I know that you that this is selected for me this life this moment is happening happening for me uh thank you for uh connecting me to that truth right now do I see it in an instant no but it

just creates that opening that that that that softening that um CU that's all it really takes sometimes it's just a softening of the lens of the grip that gets so tight uh the reminder of our own innocence and whomever is that life is placed you know alongside of us or across from us recognizing their innocence as well um I find that ever so helpful I think that what you're saying is so you what I'm hearing is you do you take it to some kind of of higher identity and you almost get in touch with your

highest values like I I realize I'm realizing with the way what you do naturally ties into like what Tony would teach like like why do why is it so powerful it's not just Tony it's like a a list as long as my arm of psychologists that say when you're really in touch with your highest values when you've consciously given time to think about what is values what do we mean just what's most important to you in life then when you're hooked in a moment or you're feeling like this wave of whatever it is anger sadness

depression anxiety it's like come back to what is most important to you and often times it's it it should be so strong and so emotional that that's enough to knock you out like if you say you're you don't lose your connection to God your identity is is so that that's so strong for you it reminds me of this uh a priest that I had in college a a frier said to me once Mary let your problems bring you closer to God not take you away from God Amen and that's part of I think what you

do is when there is an issue or circumstance or situation that's when you're like like okay God that's when you really to do some talking ABS with my whole heart and soul cuz isn't that why we're here to come closer to life itself to connect with this Divine miracle and sometimes when things are going wee there's so much that we can take for granted so if it takes something a thought an experience a diagnosis a loss of a job a loss of a relationship that decimates Us in that moment to uh I am not in

control that's humbling to me to recognize that there is something greater that we're living that we're serving that we're that's remarkable and uh I believe that that is why we are here in this existence uh for us all to uh touch upon that reality and pain can be a catalyst for that if I I don't know for yourself if you think of painful times in your life did they take you closer to God to closer to life or further away sometimes in the moment it might be further away uh when I look back I I

there's a stripping of of what's false there's a stripping of what's synthetic there's a stripping of What's um no longer needed uh and that feels very honest and that doesn't always happen day today that usually happens with something that's really uh a painful circumstance it doesn't have to be uh a lot of times it has been I'm speaking from my own reference yes I find that at this stage of my life ever so uh accurate if I think of you know it took me a over 20 some odd years to have our daughter and I

think of the very first miscarriage I you know miscarried a little girl at 4 and 1 half months and that was painful at that time it felt like that pain would never end and yet I look back at her me and I have such compassion and and also such appreciation that I never had that child at at this time because I I number one I probably wouldn't be sitting here and that blows my mind I I I wouldn't have had our daughter today and that really blows my mind and heart and then all the other

miscarriages along the path and all the other what perceived to be loss I didn't have the wisdom in the moment to realize that life was happening for me but from this perspective I recognized with every fiber of my existence that life was happening for me I was I'm just catching up to that I was just catching up to that reality uh and that's that's really beautiful to appreciate that all of it uh cuz it it carves us it opens us us it calls us it Tunes us it reminds us uh or at least it's an

opportunity to to to be as such I agree that brings tremendous Clarity and in that Clarity uh a state of clarity of mind I experience well-being I experience more flexibility and Clarity of mind I experience more ease I experience more peace more happiness until the next opportunity when I'm stuck stupid and I've got monkeys flying through mind and uh this beautiful process happens all over again because life is always offering us a moment to wake up think that's beautiful we hope that this helps you come home thanks for joining thanks for tuning in uh thank

you for the this moment and just know that you're not alone even when it might feel like you are we sincerely all meet in this thing called life those are certainly all the attributes that has led me here so uh I'm thrilled to be with you and meet you thank you we're on the same team if you're listening we're on the same team see you next time bye for now [Music] go on you do a great job with that m b so where do you want to go with this money Pro well why don't you

ask me a question to start with here you'll be the interviewer here and I'll give you my best answer since you're one wanting to make this go a certain direction I have a question for tone two when you're ready okay great well would you like to start you want me to start are you ready well I yes absolutely are you ready see this is definitely off the cuff as you're and by the way this is how she wants it I like its organic nature and it's actually very um it's how we relate it's real life

and spontaneous and and playful yes uh and unexpected yes I just like when we start something to have a clear plan so you can see it's a different approach so we can deliver the most value in the shortest period of time but I think if you're a listener you probably appreciate different gears and this one's a different gear that's the whole purpose of a podcast so I appreciate your leadership in this area thank you and I also appreciate uh your willingness because it gives the further those of you that are home and many of you

listen to Tony on stage or maybe in an audio program uh I have the privilege to live with tone and it's a different aspect and quality of you a different facet of you and you're so beloved and uh I just enjoy sharing that part of you as well that's very sweet thank you we like showing off tones [Laughter] flexibility we're going to we're going to a car dealership an upper upper level Quality Car Dealership I won't mention the name of the brand but it was a very high level Brandman engineering German engineering thank you very

much Mary and we're trying to get there and we're trying to work this thing out and and my wife in the middle of we picked out the car and everything else and with the guy you know he you know that's Tony Robbins oh my God and I was like yeah great it was a good deal here for my wife and everything else and she pops open this thing of of tuna this canister of tuna tuna salad tuna salad and she's eating it in the middle and it smells like crazy she's like I just have to

do this cuz otherwise I get angry and she's right the other day I apologized to you recognizing that stylistically sometimes I can be forceful aggressive I want to get into the Ring of Life I want to tidy it up that's completely selfish that's all about me I want it to be over I want to be connected deeply and yet not respecting or honoring in that moment that you needed space and distance and so for myself admitting that's a apologizing for that I'm sorry I I I didn't recognize the impact to me coming hello knocking on

your door it felt like the very natural thing to do for who for me I wasn't including your your uh experience I wasn't including that for you time or space would feel kind or or supportive it was completely selfish I wanted to be free I wanted to be connected I wanted to be back home inside of myself and inside of the container ship of our our our friendship our relationship I love that so there's nothing to apologize for and it's it is it it helps to have an awareness no matter who you surround yourself with

that their model of the world might be totally different yes and I think that's really that was the rub it wasn't something it wasn't lack of Love or want not caring we both wanted to repair things it was just a difference of rules and models of how we actually go about repairing yes and poorly executed on my part no not true but but I but still that was my perception therefore I wanted to tidy that up and now uh I we haven't really had a moment since then but I I'm very aware like all right

hey we're getting a pickle feeling a little hot you walk out the door bless you know I'm going to work on inside my inner world and then when I bump into hey may I I don't have to be demanding and I can be very demanding for those that are listening uh uh and so that felt kind that felt kind to be honest with myself therefore I could be honest with you and it felt kind to understand that we're different and that's okay um it's very kind that's that it's very kind and I appreciate it and

it's also okay so you might make that modification and then my work also becomes hey she's probably going to come knocking on my door any moment oh no I can be ready like what anate amount of time you're going to be in there time am I going to be in there how much time do I need to process for example as long as you want and so my work will be hey she's just coming to do the same thing that I'm the place that I'm trying to get to but I do think it's helpful to

acknowledge like sometimes if it's just feels like why is this person acting this way they're probably thinking like why is this person acting this way our models of the world are different here we are that's okay MH we don't have to change the other person's model of the world to have to get along with them just fine true or love them a whole bunch and live really harmoniously and still have some shakeouts like humans will and then be like whoa what I learn from this what's my blind spot how do I still need to grow

there's more work to be done there's always more work to be done inside the garden of the Mind