You're only as GOOD as your ROUTINES: structure is more important than you think

I'm Dr Orion taband and this is psycha Better Living Through psychology and the topic of today's short talk is you're only as good as your routines this episode was inspired by my recent travels in Japan something about me is I'm constantly in the process of experimentation and I've recently been experimenting with new ways of living and part of this experiment was to take a month off which I haven't done since I started working over 20 years ago and spend some time living like a local in Japan I visited Japan many years ago and I loved

it it's an enchanting place and in my opinion it's one of the best cultures that exists on the planet today so I wanted to see what it would be like to spend an extended period of time there and on the whole I had a fantastic time however as the month went on I found my mood beginning to deteriorate and this was surprising to me as I was ostensibly on holiday doing whatever it was that I wanted to do whenever I wanted to do it I was having new experiences and eating great food and generally having

fun but I frankly wasn't feeling feeling as well inside of myself as I do when I'm back home living my little day-to-day life and that's when it kind of clicked for me and I realized that a lot of my sense of self a lot of my emotional regulation a lot of my self-esteem a lot of my happiness and satisfaction and joy actually come from the structure I have created over the years and the routines that I have cultivated in my daily daily life like I already knew this intellectually but this trip really helped me understand

this more deeply on an emotional level and then kind of makes sense because as an entrepreneur I've been able to Custom Tailor nearly every aspect of my life over the years to my personal preference so my day-to-day life really works for me because I was moving around from place to place in Japan I didn't have consistent access to a gym so my exercise routines fell off and because I was staying in short-term rentals I didn't have access to a good kitchen so I wasn't cooking my own meals and because I was in a country where

I didn't speak the native language it was much more difficult for me to make connections with the people I was meeting so I wasn't supported by my friends and confidants and because the constant travel demanded that I be at certain places at certain times my sleep weight Cycles were disrupted so I wasn't feeling as rested and focused as I usually do it might sound boring but in my day-to-day life I often do the same exact thing every single day I wake up at the same time every day I make the same breakfast every day I

start work at the same time every day not because anyone is telling me I have to be anywhere at any given time that might actually be easier to maintain but because I'm telling myself where I need to be at any given moment of the day and this consistency kind of helps me stay in the zone it allows me to dependably perform at a very high level day after day I also noticed that after two weeks I really started to miss my work this is because I don't really think of my work as a job yeah

it's the primary source of my income but it also gives me so much fulfillment and it provides me with meaning and connection and inspiration and it's intellectually stimulating and emotionally rewarding I usually feel better at the end of my workday than I do at the beginning of it that's that's the truth I don't feel like I need to take time away from my work anymore than I feel like I need to take time away from fulfillment connection and stimulation in many respects I might need that work more than that work needs me so what's the

upshot here well after kind of patting myself on the back for making good choices with respect to my lifestyle and my line of work I had to come to grips with the fact that a lot of my satisfaction and performance had less to do with me like with factors that inhere in myself like intelligence or creativity or what have you and more to do with the structures in which I routinely find myself basic stuff like sleeping eating exercising sex and connection these things regulate my emotion and clarify my thinking more than I think I previously

appreciated it's not like I had some kind of meltdown or breakdown when they were disrupted but the change in me wrought by their disruption was not insignificant and it only took about 3 weeks for me to start to feel the negative effects of that disruption now before I go any further if you're liking what you're hearing please consider sending this episode to someone who might benefit from its message because it's Word of Mouth referrals like this that really helped to make the channel grow and you can also hit the thanks button and tip me in

proportion to the value you feel you've received from this episode I really depend on your support and your donations because it makes everything here happen I really thank you now all of this made me think of the millions of men out there who are struggling with depression struggling with low self-esteem and purposelessness and dejection men who just feel shitty in their own subjective experience and I thought wow if I don't feel great when I deviate from my routines for like two weeks how would it feel to deviate from my routines for years how would it

feel not to have a structure to begin with and I think it would feel a lot like depression which I experienced very intensely when I was younger and my life was a mess I think there's a connection there it's like of course how can anyone feel good inside themselves when they are not supported by these structures these routines I just don't think it's really possible for the vast majority of people I don't think we're like hardwired to be able to do that my dudes you are only as good as your routines allow you to be

what do you do every single day tell me what you do repeatedly and I'll tell you how happy you probably are these things are more responsible for your quality of life then you likely give them credit for and if your depression leads you to contact a therapist and that person doesn't ask you about your sleep and your nutrition and your exercise and your relationships and your work and your sex life then you're not really talking to a therapist you're talking to a drug dealer and that's exactly the solution they're going to offer you as I

discussed in a previous episode it's important to rule out the confounds if you have all of these things dialed in and taken care of and you're still not feeling very hot then there might be other things to consider but why not rule out the things that we know for a fact significantly impact mood and cognition first like things that frankly you may not need to pay a therapist for before you hire the services of a professional like how could that be bad for you A lot of people especially young people and especially young men have

difficulties with the idea of structure they only view it in its restrictive attribute uh like a cage or a cell the best model I have for structure is a skeleton without a skeleton you're just a puddle on the floor you're not going to move and you're not going to get anywhere it's your structure your skeletal system that allows you to stand upright and that creates the opportunity for Locomotion for movement in your life without that structure you're a soft bag of flesh wriggling on the floor so get your routines down gentlemen Channel your inner Postman

and do it in spite of your feelings do this and your habits will eventually move you forward when you're finding it hard to carry on support the Habit so the habit can support you it might be hard at the beginning but it's probably hard anyway so what do you have to lose what do you think does this fit with your own experience let me know in the comments below and if you've gotten this far you might as well like this episode And subscribe to this channel you may also consider becoming a channel member with perks

like the priority review of comments or booking a paid consultation as always thank you for listening