Navigating Autistic Burnout

burnout is a common autistic experience that sometimes feels like it's going to last forever even simple things like brushing your teeth or trying to keep yourself fed can feel impossible and if you're like me trying to make decisions about basically anything feels instantly overwhelming so in this video today I'm going to be sharing strategies to move efficiently and gently through burnout so that you can finally wake up feeling motivated and energized the first strategy I want to share with you today might sound oversimplified but it is the most important and that is acceptance you may

have heard a phrase before that says what we resist persists so it's like if I tell you don't think about pink elephants you're probably thinking about pink elephants if we're thinking H I want so badly to get out of burnout I hate this I hate this why is why is this here why is this happening and we push and we push and we push that feeling of burnout grows stronger and stronger so the first and most important thing is accepting I'm in Burnout when we have this acceptance we're not giving in we're not resigning to

defeat or anything we're just accepting our current present circumstances yes I'm in Burnout so we have to label the problem before we can start solving it even something as simple as just acknowledging it out loud or in writing can be really effective and then sitting with that taking a moment and you know reading what you just wrote about being in Burnout or sharing it with a friend and actually processing oh yeah I'm in Burnout because how many of you find yourself in Burnout keep moving through burnout but then never really process that you're in it

until you have a big meltdown or something right so as soon as you know you're in Burnout as soon as you can recognize that take the time to accept it then we can move forward from there we need to prioritize rest I know I'm a single mom this can sound impossible how do I rest there are not enough hours in the day but shifting our mindset to creating more space to do nothing whenever possible um one concept that has really helped me a lot is the idea of ending my day with spoons left okay so

if you're unfamiliar with Spoon Theory I have another video on that that I can put a link to up here so Spoon Theory in short is just kind of a way for us to communicate how much energy we have available to use that day and I kind of have always operated under this notion that I need to use all of the energy that I have every day and do the best you know work to the best of my ability accomplish as much as I can because that's the best use of my time and that's what

I'm on this Earth to do you know be productive get stuff done but especially when I'm in Burnout it's so important to end the day with some energy left for myself even if that's just energy to sit on the couch and not have my mind spinning and going a thousand different directions even if it's just energy to be quiet on my porch swing on the back patio it's so important not to totally deplete yourself every day and learning how to undo this pattern can be really really difficult if you're used to just going and going

and and going until you feel like you're running on fumes you know if you feel like that's the mark of a productive day it's going to be it's going to be timec consuming to change that pattern but it is not impossible it's actually very important and we've got to rewire our behaviors we got to we've got to rewire our thought patterns to prioritize things that are healthier like in the day with some energy left and if you can end the day with that energy or those extra spoons it makes the next day easier so we

all know what it feels like to wake up feeling totally depleted it's like oh my gosh I am starting the day exhausted how is it going to get any better right but when we end the previous day getting in bed you know not crashing and falling in bed with all of our clothes on CU we were too tired to put pajamas on you know but we actually get in bed with intention and it it doesn't feel rushed it doesn't feel strained we get in bed we prioritized our bedtime again I know it's easier said than

done it's a totally different feeling waking up the next morning so prioritizing rest is so important you can do this in all kinds of little ways it I say a lot in my groups like um sometimes autistic people we get an idea of how to define something so rest is marketed to us as you know cucumbers on the eyes and a face mask and our feet up and a robe that's like one very small way to rest and that might not that might not even be restful for you so there's all different ways like is

it playing a musical instrument is it watching your favorite TV show is it being out in the garden what things add energy to your day one thing that I want to share that adds energy to my day is comfortable sweats and it also helps me rest when I feel comfy and cozy I have some brand new sweats here that I want to show off I did just get my hair done today so I'm not going to put it on over my head but I will post some pictures so you can see like the full thing

but the these are my comfort sweats they are weighted they're weighted sweats okay what I mean by weighted it's just like a thicker heavier material than normal and it feels so good these are my sweatpants too I brought these to um Broken Bow my family went to a cabin in the woods and these are the perfect Cabin in the Woods sweats there's cat hair on them don't judge me I got a medium in both I'm 5'6 and the medium pants are perfect they have different colors they have different styles but I I highly recommend them

for neurode diverent people because they sit so comfortably on the body and provide this really calming weight I will put a link in the description that you can use if you click on it it will give you 15% off so that you can get a pair of your own or you could gift them to somebody and if you're watching this when I post the video we're really close to Christmas so what better neurod Divergent gift than a pair of weighted sweats the third idea that I want to share with you is the concept of stepping

into the River of Life bear with me for a moment so so it's kind of in that same vein of what we resist persist I almost don't want to say go with the flow cuz it's going to be upsetting to some of us okay let's look at it a different way so how can you move with the current of your life how can you work with the available resources you have how can you allow your environment and your circumstances to support you and I'm just going to leave it with that it's kind of a mindset

shift rather than everything's stacked against me nothing's going my way how can we start to make small shifts in our Focus to notice the things in our life that actually are supporting us that actually are working for us what we focus on we create more of think about that if you'd like I don't want to trigger any demand avoidance you may reflect on that if you choose to do so what we focus on we create more of how can we work with what is currently available in our lives to feel supported sometimes it can even

help to make a list so you might write you know ways I'm supported or people who support me or ways I feel taken care of things in my house that I love if anything like that Sparks an interest just go with it and see where it leads you it's really important in these stages of burnout to remind ourselves that not everything is going poorly not everything sometimes it can feel like that but there are assets there are resources around us that we can utilize to help us through these tough times the next strategy I want

to share is focusing on activities that make the biggest difference so for example like I said I'm a single mom chores stack up all the time and I think oh my gosh how am I going to get all of this done okay is it more important what's going to make the biggest difference for my family is doing the laundry going to make the biggest difference or putting new sheets on the bed okay well the kids need more clothes this week to wear to school because they're growing out of everything so laundry is probably the most

important and we can go another day or three or let's be realistic 5 without washing the sheets anyone else right that's not like a make or break we can we can either strip the sheets and sleep with a blanket on or we can just wait a few days so it can be helpful to Think Through the demands placed on you what needs to be done what's going to make the biggest difference in your life and focus on that thing first also if it's not urgent it doesn't have to be done right this minute I just

write it down on a list and I walk away from it it will be there on that list when I come back to it it's difficult but important I can't do everything all the time the next strategy on my list is to automate as much as possible so um one of the things I automated most recently is the cat feeder so the cat food is automated the cat water is automated um that's one less thing that I have to think about every day automating monthly bills is really helpful if you're not doing that already other

things I've got on my list here someone to mow the lawn someone to clean the house stick with me okay I know you've got I know you're saying okay stick with me um food delivery meal services uh put schedule reminders in your your phone anytime that I commit to something y'all this is like the camera is backwards so anytime I swipe my hair I have to like do it the opposite way that it looks in the camera um so anytime anytime I say yes to something I will immediately put it in my calendar and I

will set an alert that's the only way that I show up to things on time and and remember to do the things that I commit to okay but I know many of you have some push back about this because you're thinking how in the world do I pay for a house cleaner when I'm barely able to work how in the world do I pay for someone to do my live okay let's explore some options so first of all and you're not going to like my answer I'm sorry but I promise it's important and it has

been really helpful in my life or I wouldn't share it the first step is changing our mindset stick with me I'm not saying I'm not like toxic positivity over here I promise okay allowing your money to work for you creating patterns in your life where you invest your money in ways that support your lifestyle so think about kind of how you grew up and how money was used and what you use it for and why how would you feel supported in your life especially as it pertains to autistic challenges so for me as a single

mom making dinner every night is freaking hard and like why do we need to eat every single day but we do and it just keeps happening and so for me prioritizing in my budget food for meal delivery services it really adds so much value to my life it adds more time that I can spend working in making money it adds more brain capacity so that I'm not thinking about you know all day like what am I going to make I need to go to the store I need so it saves time it saves money and

overall I feel that it's an investment in my well-being because sometimes it helps me to order dinner for my family so when we start thinking about okay what are the challenges that I face in my life and how can I how can I make my money work for me then start slow start small it doesn't have to be this huge overhaul of hiring a house cleaner I know that can be really intense and that's Out Of Reach for some of us I totally understand and I have been there I mean for years I just worked

part-time so I could stay home with the kids and it was kind of like hey let's just let's just do the best we can with what we have and we'll be you know be grateful to make it to the end of another month I've totally been there and extra P purchases have not been possible other than what was just absolutely necessary but slowly shifting your thinking towards okay if and when more money becomes available or you know I got an extra 20 bucks this week wasn't expecting it putting in an account for blank what can

you invest in what types of services what types of support can you plan for in the future that would allow you to live a more comfortable life especially pertaining to your autistic challenges so that's kind of a topic for another video but just kind of stew on that because a lot of us have gotten used to living without accommodations and without helpful services and supports because we're used to living without it a lot of us might think well I've lived without it before so why can't I just keep living living without it like I know

how to just push through because over time that wears you down and it depletes your spoons it can cause health problems when we're over taxed and overstressed right so slowly shifting our money mindset to investing in automated services and different supports that can actually free up more time and energy for for us to do the things we love to do and like I said there there is a trade-off there has been a trade-off for me yes it sometimes feels like more money when I pay for meal delivery services but what is that adding to my

life it's adding time it's adding energy that I have to actually invest in my business or to spend more time with my children and those things pay off in other ways so it's just a different perspective a different approach to take and when I say start small with this it can be as simple as hey one day a week we're going to order takeout that's going to be on Fridays and then you have that to look forward to every week hey on Fridays I don't have to cook and then you get used to having that

little bit of extra time that little bit of extra Freedom another way to approach this is to trade services with neighbors or friends so let's say you really need some quiet time and you need a little breather from your children happens to the best of us can you trade with your neighbor hey I'll watch your kids on Thursday from 3:00 to 5: if you can watch mine on Monday from 3:00 to 5:00 and just knowing that you have that little break in your schedule for you that can add a lot of value it can can

add a lot of healing to your life to just create space for what you need now if it's overwhelming for you to watch other people's children I get that I love my children but I don't often volunteer to watch other people's children um you can trade other services so I used to be a flute teacher so I could say hey I'll teach your daughter flute lessons if you watch my kids once a week you know you can be creative what services do you have to offer that you could trade a friend or a neighbor to

help you out now in the same vein I want to mention that it is not only okay to ask for help it's NE necessary it's good it's beneficial I know you don't want to hear that CU I don't like hearing it either I don't like asking for help I don't feel that I'm very good at it I would rather just be hyper independent and not have to depend on anyone but life really opens up when you allow other people to show up for you now I know some of us many of us probably are rebuilding

our support systems maybe even after a late autism diagnosis that has kind of shifted our relationships this can take time to have this support network where you can ask for help so start small put yourself out there even though I know it's hard take a little bit of a risk it is kind of like working out a muscle it gets stronger over time it gets easier to lift the same amount of weight it gets easier to ask for the same amount of help and then maybe a little bit more you never know until you try

be brave you can do it another important thing to do when navigating burnout is to familiarize yourself with the signs of burnout versus depression this is something I wish I knew early on I really struggle with depression especially in high school and college but looking back I I think a lot of it was autistic burnout and if I would have known you know how to regulate myself through stemming through rest through more regulatory activities um I would have been able to move through those Seasons with a lot more clarity and a lot less shame and

guilt a lot less confusion about why my body was reacting the way it was to certain circumstances I have another video over burnout versus depression that I will link here both of these things are treated very differently and I've noticed I also think about both of those experiences a lot differently in my head so have the right label depending on what I'm going through really helps me navigate it another really important thing for navigating burnout is to make sure that you're prioritizing your regular Health Care checkups so your yearly physical your dentist appointments your eye

appointments all of these things I know that this can be demand avoidance this can bring on so many stressors for autistic people to have these Health appointments but it really is important that we keep putting ourselves out there keep pursuing proper health care because this can eliminate other factors or help us identify other factors that might be standing in the way of us healing at your yearly checkup it's really important to get blood work done and I know especially for women it can be really helpful to check your iron levels and your thyroid because oftentimes

we can find issues with those things and managing those can significantly improve our burnout status here's the simplest thing on my list today and that is staying hydrated so whenever people come to me and say Hey how do I get through burnout I have nothing left I don't even know how to put one foot in the front in front of the other I don't even know how to put one foot in front of the other right now um and I think the simplest thing we can do is to stay hydrated so what I aim to

do and again I'm not a medical health professional you should talk to your doctor before making changes I aim to drink half of my body weight and ounces of water each day and that's a really good way to make sure you're getting enough hydration water is one of the easiest ways to regulate our body most of us are dehydrated much of the time so I keep actually it's right here I didn't I literally didn't plan this it's just here with me all the time I have a water bottle in front of me I actually really

love this brand I'm not in partnership with them but it has like a little squishy rubber top and it's really sensory friendly to me and then it has a straw um and I find that to be easier to drink out of so keep a water bottle beside you stay hydrated you can flavor it with some lemon or other fruit of choice that makes it kind of nice but yeah staying hydrated drinking water super important especially during burnout staying hydrated can also help you sleep better just make sure that you are not drinking past a certain

point in the evening cuz like for me I can't have many liquids after like 8:00 p.m. or I'm going to get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom so just keep that in mind that you might want to have a cut off time for fluids before bad time and then lastly as we wrap up here I want to say it is not selfish to prioritize rest kind of going back to what I was talking about earlier in the video many of us have been taught that in order to have a

productive day or to do what we're supposed to do we need to give all of ourselves every day this is just not a healthy concept it is really important to prioritize rest and you can actually show up more fully for yourself and for other people in your life when you rest I have found that I'm actually more effective and more productive when I rest rather than push through things I had this picture in my mind when I was thinking through this video I was thinking of a carnival game and I don't know if you've played

a similar one but I was thinking of something with water guns and like boats and there's like a Target and you've got this water gun and you have to shoot the target to make the boat go straight and whoever is boat gets to the Finish Line the fastest wins and I feel like a lot of times I'm trying to play all tin lanes and I'm just running around like shooting the boat I'm going to shoot this boat with a little water and then shoot this boat and this boat I'm just trying to divide my energy

between all of these different tasks in my life instead of just focusing on this getting it done focusing on this getting it done there are a lot of challenges associated with that especially for autistic people because of our differences with executive functioning PR prioritization can be difficult and I'll put a link to another video on Executive functioning in the autistic brain here um but the the idea here is okay let's let's try not to accomplish everything let's focus on one thing let's rest and then we'll have rather than having like a little bit of energy

to give all the time we'll have a lot of energy to give sometimes and there is so much more progress that can happen with that flow of energy but it might feel uncomfortable at first if that's not your pattern I know many of us are used to just frantically trying to get things done all the time because we are in Burnout our nervous systems are disregulated one way to regulate our nervous system is to focus on less to rest and then to use that energy intentionally towards one thing or a fewer things if you're like

me and just cannot focus on only one thing but I'm trying and remember it's not always going to be this way there's definitely been seasons in my life I look back and I and I think wow I felt like this is what life was going to be like forever and it's just not true there's a time and a season for everything except where you're at right now there might be some grieving there you know oh I feel unsupported I'm burned out I don't have what I need I'm not making enough money I'm not getting enough

sleep okay accept that that's the truth of where you're at right now be still take deep breaths check in with your body sit with the pain sit with the overwhelm actually breathe through it and let yourself feel it feel the weight of what it feels like to be in Burnout I know that sounds scary but the only way through it is through it and if you're resisting it you're not moving forward be with those emotions be with the weight be with the heaviness be kind to yourself as you process it notice any guilt that comes

up any shame that comes up from feeling like you should be doing more why where's that voice coming from you're one person you have limitations not necessarily because you're autistic but because you're a person and we all have limitations autistic people navigate the world very differently it's not helpful to compare ourselves to other people and how they do life we do it differently and that's okay if you are looking for some extra support and validation for a community that can be there with you in the tough times I would love for you to check out

my online community Through mom on the Spectrum I have a 7-Day free trial I'll put a link for that in the description below it would mean so much to me if you would give this video a thumbs up if it was helpful to you I'd love to hear from you in the comments about your favorite burnout tips especially anything I may have left out thanks for watching and I'll see you in the next video bye