My Family Hijacked My Vacation Plans For My Golden Sister And Her Kids. But....-Reddit Family Tales

my family hijacked my vacation plans for my golden sister and her kids but this time I had my own secret Escape Plan Reddit I need some perspective on this I need advice with my family predicament which has been accumulating for decades but it's a long one despite growing up in a seemingly typical Suburban Massachusetts family I 35° fah have always struggled with this particular Dynamic The Golden Child has always been my older sister Kate 42f our home has been a Monument to Kate's life since I can remember with every wall adorned with her accomplishments and

every discussion focused on her life my parents were too busy getting ready for Kate's College interviews to buy a cake for my 10th birthday which I can still clearly recall they even attempted to pass off Kate's leftover graduation cake which still had her name on it as my birthday cake as I grew up Kate's accomplishments eclipsed every significant event in my life Kate had recently been selected to the debate team so my parents were hardly aware that I had made the Honor role in Middle School Kate had to tour a college campus so they were

unable to attend the ceremony when I won a local painting competition in high school knowing that expressing my accomplishments would only elicit a brief that's nice dear before the topic of Kate was brought up again I learned to celebrate them in private in my room even our possessions revealed the priorities of our family the newest technology stylish clothing and everything Kate needed for her many extracurricular activities were always in her room in contrast my room was filled with hand-me-downs when I expressed interest in taking music lessons I had to make do with Kate's abandoned violin

her old clothes and her old school supplies I had trouble playing the violin since it was too large for me we already spent so much on Kate's piano lessons this year my mother responded in response to my request for a suitably sized one all the way through High School the trend persisted I was forced to use borrowed library books to study while Kate received private instruction for her Sates my parents took out a loan for her to buy a car for college they advised me to take the bus when I needed assistance getting about Kate's

needs and desires were at the center of every Financial Choice family discussion and holiday preparation it was really difficult in college with the full backing of our parents Kate had earned her degree from a renowned University they could only agree to pay half of the tuition at a public school when it was my turn they clarified we're still paying off Kate's student loans you'll need to figure out the rest on your own in order to make ends meet I worked two part-time job jobs while I was a student frequently dozing off over my textbooks Kate

in the meantime was beginning her career at a position our parents had helped her land through their contacts 7 years ago Kate got married and everything changed or rather grew worse for a whole year our family's whole attention was on the wedding for her ideal wedding which included a designer gown an opulent location and a guest list of more than 300 my parents took out another loan despite their concerns about the payments I recall all hearing them in the kitchen one evening and their insistence that nothing was too good for Kate's special day was there

ever any question that she was her maid of honor I was supposed to coordinate bridal showers plan a lavish bachelorette party and manage any minor emergencies that arose my mother told me don't be selfish Elizabeth this is your sister's special time when I expressed how stressed I was with juggling these obligations while working a full-time job the twins followed our parents were ecstatic when Kate revealed she was expecting twins even though they were still repaying the wedding loan they contributed to the down payment on a home close to them I witnessed them spend their retirement

money which they claimed they couldn't access when I needed assistance with college on the day they signed those documents however they claimed that this was different this is for our grandchildren who was the default babysitter you ask yes I do it started out as sporadic babysitting the request Elizabeth could you watch the boys for a few hours became a weekly ritual which was later extended into evenings whenever they had appointments my parents were in favor of this Arrangement stating this is what family does Kate and her husband Jack 43 million assumed that I would always

be there to assist them whenever I attempted to object even while I adore them the twins who are now active seven-year-olds are draining the routine is the same every weekend Kate unexpectedly drops them off at my place usually with a pretext that she needs me time or has essential errands to run the lads run a muuk transforming my tiny apartment into a catastrophe Kate starts crying about how overwhelmed she is when I try to set limits or ask for Advance warning and my parents criticize me for not being supportive I put in a lot of

overtime to establish myself in the marketing industry I recently received a promotion offer that would involve greater hours and More Travel my mother remarked but what about the twins your sister needs you here Kate added you can't take that job Elizabeth who will help me with the boys when I brought up this topic during a family dinner in the hopes of receiving some congratulations it seems as though my time profession and life are completely irrelevant my father adds family should come first Elizabeth my mother always responds your sister has two children to look after you

don't know what tired really means when I tried to explain how overwhelming it all is Kate accused me of being envious of her life and her kids she replied you're just bitter because you're still single as though my marital status were the only factor that determines my value as a person after a particularly demanding weekend with the twins I made the decision to finally treat myself to a beach vacation last month they had successfully damaged my laptop and left permanent markings on my couch I knew I needed a vacation I discovered a small unpretentious Resort

in Florida that was ideal for a tranquil Retreat My Mother's Eyes glowed when I brought it up during our weekly family supper oh that's perfect we should all go together the twins would love the beach before I could protest Kate had already begun organizing events she stated you can take the boys swimming while Jack and I have some alone time as though my trip would naturally turn into a time for them to be looked after in exchange for my assistance with the twins of course my parents even offered to upgrade my reservation to a superior

Resort where they would all stay totally disregarding the fact that this was meant to be my vacation they began organizing activities and outings centered around what the twins would like I made a choice that would alter everything while I was lying in bed that night I reserved a separate Resort on a quiet little island I kept the change in plans a secret from everyone silently I began preparing by scheduling time off work packing my things covertly and ensuring that my emergency fund was available even though I know it's dishonest I simply couldn't stand it any

longer at the airport they will be separated from us while I board my flight to another location they will be traveling to Florida I've disabled location sharing and I'm ready for the inevitable criticism yes I am aware that there will be drama yes I am aware that they will be upset but I want to prioritize myself for the first time in my life I've been the Dependable sister the ideal daughter and the always available Aunt for 35 years to meet my family's expectations I've given up my social life my weekends and my own needs I

was constantly babysitting so I missed out on dating prospects I have declined advancements that might conflict with the needs of my family to be there for them whenever they need me I've put my personal life on hold right now I'm fleeing a lifetime of being taken advantage of not just a holiday I intend to utilize this as a turning point to set clear limits with my family and perhaps even take a complete vacation from them I'm sick of always making sacrifices being the family's pillar of support and being the Dependable fallback option Reddit what should

I do am I exaggerating is it appropriate for me to want something else for myself or should I merely follow their plans and accept my place in the family first update I appreciate all of your help and guidance since my last post a lot has transpired and I want to explain how it all turned out although everything went according to plan the day at the airport was more emotionally fraught than I had anticipated I purposefully chose a different check-in station that was far from where my family would be when I arrived early I watched everyone

come through the glass walls of the terminal Jack checking their booking details my parents looking excited Kate handling the Twins and Kate hauling baggage I silently went through security for my own flight as soon as they started to head to their check-in counter as soon as they realized I wasn't at their gate my phone began to buzz the bewildered text first appeared where are you gate B12 is where we are then the anxious ones how are you Elizabeth has something taken place and lastly The Irate ones how could you treat us like this the guys

are in tears before I boarded my aircraft I switched off my phone I experienced A peculiar Fusion of Liberation and remorse for the first time in years I had lived with that guilt for the majority of my life however Freedom it was exhilarating and it was new the crowded tourist destination they were going to was nothing like the little island where my resort was located years of strain vanished the instant I set foot on the beach no twins to babysit no family problems to handle no schedule to adhere to the ocean me and complete freedom

in fact the first two days were challenging the twins would be eating lunch now or Kate would typically require a assistants going to bed at this hour so I kept checking the time it's difficult to break Decades of indoctrination however something changed on the third day I experimented with things I had always wanted to do but had never had time for I loved every minute of my silly yet fun surfing lesson I became friends with a bunch of Lone Travelers when I enrolled in a yoga class by the beach I even had a spontaneous dinner

date with a fascinating man I met at the resorts coffee shop one evening even though it was only a casual supper it served as a reminder that I could live life apart from my family when I eventually turned my phone back on after 5 days that was the true test there were dozens of voicemails more than 300 text messages and 147 missed calls even my mother had called my place of employment to report a family emergency fortunately I had previously told my supervisor that I would be taking a holiday some of the voicemails were played

for me my mother's tone changed from one of concern to one of Rage to one of manipulation Elizabeth how could you leave your family in such a way the twins are inconsolable did we raise you this way even worse were Kate's messages you've ruined everything The Lads are persistent in their request for Aunt Lizzy I can't handle meetings by myself so Jack had to shorten them however one message struck a different chord my father sent it and he seemed unsure for once Elizabeth please let us know you're safe even though I don't understand what's happening

I had never heard him talk to me without instantly defending Kate or pressuring me to do more before I texted our family group chat just once I'm having a great vacation and I'm safe when I get back I'll get in touch with you please give me space I then turned off the conversation and resumed talking to myself the following 5 days were life-changing in addition to reading bedtime stories to the twins I also read three novels I spoke with other guests without interruption every evening instead of rushing home to assist with baths and sleep I

watched the sunset in order to digest years worth of suppressed emotions I even began journaling I ate dinner at a little Beachside eery last night when the Elder waitress saw that I was alone she inquired as to whether I was content with my seclusion she said something that stuck with me after I gave her a brief explanation of my circumstances family is vital honey but not at the expense of your own well-being putting yourself first is sometimes the boldest thing you can do I didn't head straight to my flat when I got home in order

to give myself time to get ready for the inevitable confrontation I had reserved a hotel room for two nights during this period I updated my work emergency contacts changed the locks on my doors and above all put my boundaries in writing I accidentally liked a co-worker's post on social media which is how my family found out I was back my mother and Kate arrived at my apartment building in a matter of hours constantly buzzing my intercom across the street I watched them from the window of my hotel room feeling oddly cut off from their spectacular

performance I'm going to confront them tomorrow at a neutral coffee shop not my res I know it won't be simple but I've prepared what I want to say when I consider it my hands tremble but I'm choosing myself for the first time in my life and I know I'm doing the right thing in spite of the worry the guilt and the drama that will undoubtedly ensue I'll provide another update following my talk with my family I'm grateful because Reddit gave me the confidence to take this first step toward Independence second update as scheduled my family

and I gathered at the coffee shop and it was even more heated than I had antip ipated this is what took place the encounter at the coffee shop began politely enough I got there early and sat at a corner table where I could see the front door and the emergency exit a habit I'd formed from years of expecting family drama I could hardly grasp my coffee cup because my hands were shaking so much my parents Kate and surprisingly Jack all showed up together I am glad there are no twins I raised my hand and said

what I had practiced before they began their planned speeches I'm establishing boundaries and they can't be negotiated the two hours that followed were a master class in manipulating emotions Kate started crying as she described how my absence had traumatized the twins my mom attempted to instill guilt following all that we have done for you unexpectedly Jack tried to mediate by offering a compromise in which I would only see the kids every other weekend for the most part my dad sat quietly and uneasy Kate statement you're being selfish family means sacrifice was the pivotal moment something

broke inside of me clearly but calmly I responded Yes family means sacrifice but it's supposed to go both ways when was the last time any of you sacrificed anything for me the ensuing hush was deafening I revealed everything for the first time the years of being Kate's second best friend the unfair Financial treatment and the ongoing belief that my life and time were not as valuable as theirs I then showed them my calendar for the previous year with every weekend designated for babysitting and every holiday tailored to their requirements attempting to interrupt my mother said

but that's what ants do I responded by saying something I had never before dared to say no that's what paid babysitters do and Kate if you need this much help maybe it's time to consider hiring one from there the discussion took a different turn my mother followed Kate as she rushed out remarkably sorry Jack remained and acknowledged that they had exploited my availability after remaining silent for a while my father said we we never meant to make you feel this way it was something but it wasn't an apology I carried out my strategy when they

departed I relocated to a different area of the city and got a new apartment although it's smaller than my previous residence it's in a safe building with a doorman who has been informed of my predicament only my workplace and a select group of close Pals now have my updated phone number rebuilding my life from scratch was the most difficult aspect not the relocation or the planning I had no true hobbies and few close acquaintances because I had spent years being there for my family I began modestly I enrolled in Pottery lessons joined a local reading

club and accepted dinner invitations from co-workers that I had previously consistently declined it was a weird first weekend of real freedom I did things that were previously Unthinkable including staying up late going to a farmers's market and spending hours perusing a book shop Kate didn't text me urgently mom doesn't make guilt tripping calls no requests for last minute babysitting my family's response to my Rel location was harsh but expected when my mother attempted to contact me via the company switchboard they learned that my new job does not allow personal calls during business hours on one

occasion Kate even visited my office but security was alerted beforehand she wrote a tearful letter accusing me of destroying our family Jack was the source of the unexpected development he apologized by email for his part in making the scenario possible at first Kate objected to him taking the twins to events on the weekends but she has since come to terms with it it's a minor yet important modification my folks are having a hard time adjusting dad occasionally texts usually in an embarrassing attempt to strike up a conversation mom fluctuates between angry outbursts and icy quiet

she left a voicemail last week stating when you're done with this Rebellion we'll welcome you back this isn't a phase and she doesn't get it my new reality is this without regular family interruptions work has significantly improved I'm more productive and focused after noticing the shift my supervisor assigned me to oversee a significant new project for the first time in years I'm also dating casually but I'm taking it slow internally there has been the biggest shift I no longer have the ongoing background anxiety that I had for years I've started exercising frequently improved my diet

and slept better according to my therapist yes I have finally begun therapy I am beginning to recuperate from what she refers to as chronic family stress syndrome the twin sent me a gift last weekend that included handcrafted notes expressing how much they miss me even though it was bittersweet I remained Resolute I carefully wrote them back to let them know that although I love them I need some time to look after myself I had to write it even though Kate is unlikely to read it to them there's a lightness about you now you look years

younger observed an old acquaintance of mine when I ran into her yesterday she is correct I feel lighter in spite of the angry text the efforts at emotional manipulation and the guilt that still surfaced more liberated family love shouldn't feel like a prison sentence I'm discovering respect for personal space acknowledgement of One's Own needs and reciprocal assistance rather than only one-sided sacrifice are all components of true love my new flat will be one-month old next week this is the first time I've ever dared to throw a tiny housewarming celebration only a few buddies from pottery

class book club and work no expectations no drama no family just individuals who embrace me for who I am I'll provide another update soon I'm grateful to redddit for giving me the confidence to make a life shift update three completed update it has been a life-changing 3 months and I want to describe how it has all come together the confrontation I had been dreading and anticipating arrived last week my father unexpectedly came up to my place of employment his method was distinct from Kate's emotional manipulations or my mother's prior frenzy attempts when he asked if

we could have lunch together he was composed even resigned we got together at a piece ful eery close to my workplace for the first time in my life he truly saw me as his daughter not as Kate's sister or the family's fallback option he remarked you look healthy in a startled tone happier the fact that he hadn't seen my discontent for years weighed heavily on the observation that lingered between us the family had presented him with a proposal they were prepared to make concessions if I agreed to take back my place in the family I

could have every other weekend off he went on to say they'd even pay for my time with the twins as though making money off of the commitment would make it more alluring they still didn't understand I realized as I looked at him across the table they did not view my Independence as a basic right but rather as a negotiating chip dad I replied I'm not negotiating my freedom I'm living it the conversation that ensued was the most candid one I have ever had with my father I described how their incessant focus on Kate had impacted

me emotionally as much as practically I told him about memories he had forgotten or had never noticed dreams disregarded accomplishments overlooked and birthdays neglected his reaction was surprising he sat for a long time in quiet not making the normal defense of their decisions at last he stated we thought we were doing what was best for the family we never saw how much we were hurting you although that wasn't quite an apology it was the first time I had ever been acknowledged when he inquired about my new life that was the true turning point he paid

attention for the first time as I discussed my Pottery lessons my job advancement and the new acquaintances I had made even though it was not flawless I showed him pictures of a vase I had built I was shocked by what he said next you seem to have built a good life for yourself without us both the recognition and the grief in his voice were genuine we agreed at the end of lunch that nothing would ever be the same again he gave me my first sincere Embrace in years as he Bid Farewell I hope someday we

can be part of your life again but on different terms that exchange appeared to set off a final round of family Strife after learning of our lunch my mother began a fresh round of emotional attacks she has been informing family members that I need an intervention because I'm having a breakdown Kate has been making passive aggressive remarks about selfish sisters and broken families on social media because she feels deceived by our father's approval of my decisions the difference is that none of it has the same impact on me as it formally did I've gained a

Viewpoint from my new life that I didn't have previously their actions in my opinion are an attempt to keep control over someone who has finally gained their freedom my new flat seems like home now my attempts at Pottery and pictures of my chosen family friends who value my Independence and respect boundaries Adorn the walls I've begun teaching my less experienced co-workers at work ending the vicious Loop of toxic support that has long and snared me my connection with time has changed the most I get to spend the weekends any way I want I've started learning

Spanish joined a local hiking group and even started dating someone who respects and values my limits I'm creating a life for the first time that is true to who I am rather than what my family demands of me the twin sent me a homemade card last Sunday which was obviously written under supervision it was filled with regrettable statements about how much they miss their aunt this would have previously led me into a downward spiral of uncertainty and remorse rather I responded with a tender yet strong letter stating that although I may not be as involved

in their everyday life my love for them hasn't changed and that sometimes grown-ups need to look for themselves according according to my therapist I am exhibiting what she refers to as post-traumatic growth not merely moving past the past but creating something more robust and wholesome in its dead she has assisted me in realizing that I am not responsible for resolving the dysfunction in my family yesterday was the most recent development Jack Kate's husband contacted me to let me know that my stance has caused changes in their home not to place blame on me they've finally

recruited part-time help to help with the twins and he's become a more involved parent Jack believes it's better for for everyone but Kate is having trouble adjusting I'm sitting in my home office getting ready for a business trip next week as I write this last update something I could never have done in my previous life a frame quotation that speaks to my path is on the wall behind my desk sometimes the bravest thing you can do is set yourself free I want to express my gratitude to everyone who supported me and followed my tale you

gave me the confidence to make my own decisions if you're wondering if people in comparable circumstances are selfish for Desiring their own lives know that you're not being free is not selfish treating oneself is not unkind setting limits is not a sign of treachery I have no idea how my relationship with my family may develop in the future perhaps one day we'll discover a different kind of connection one based on respect for one another rather than Duty in the interim I'm concentrating on fostering the life I've built including my friendships interests profession and above all

my sense of self this is not merely a conclusion it's just the beginning and I'm looking forward to what comes next for the first time in my life thank you for watching if you haven't subscribed yet please do so and hit the notification Bell to stay updated with more shocking real life stories happening around you