Men do the right things with the wrong women: the importance of a system

I'm Dr Orion terban and this is psycha Better Living Through psychology and the topic of today's short talk is men do the right things with the wrong women this principle applies to both men and women but it's just too much content to cover in one episode so I'll be talking about how men do the right things with the wrong women first and then I'll discuss how women do the right things with the wrong men in a future episode first a caveat in these episodes I'm going to be assigning numbers to people now I'm not doing

this simply as a means of measuring the person's physical attractiveness more than anything else I'm using these numbers to represent subjective interest so a six here is someone you could kind of take or leave whereas a nine is someone that you're actually really interested in this has a lot to do with perceived physical attractiveness especially with men but it's definitely not the whole story okay let's get to it we'll start with approach guys imagine you're at a bar and you see a six on a bar stool and a nine in the corner surrounded by a

bunch of her friends after a couple of drinks most men are actually going to end up approaching the six why because they're going to incorrectly perceive her to be the safer option the fact of the matter is that most men are intimidated by attractive women they think that women also use the metric that men apply to them which is a failure of intersex understanding this leads them to think that the nine is out of their league so she functionally represents punching outside their weight class on the other hand they tend to think that the six

should be like shooting fish in a barrel especially if they consider themselves to be like a seven or an eight they're more likely to think it's This Woman's lucky day or this is a sure thing the issue is that it certainly isn't a sure thing this is because while men tend to titrate their standards to kind of match the attractiveness of the particular woman they're dealing with women kind of don't I know it might sound Bonkers but that six is very likely to have the same standards with respect to the men she's willing to mate

and date then that nine is and this actually makes the six less safe than the nine this is because it's actually going to hurt worse if and when a six rejects you than if and when a nine does give it your perceptions if and when a nine rejects you you're probably going to think yeah I kind of get it it was a long shot anyway on the other hand given your perceptions if and when a six rejects you you might actually get your ego bruised who does this women think she is I was doing her

a favor do you understand it's actually all in your head but isn't everything anyways in any case this is a part of the reason why sixes actually tend to get approached in bars more often than nines and it's attention it's this attention from men that can inappropriately mislead these sixes into believing that they are perceived to be more attractive than they actually are so let's assume that you go up to the six because you perceive her to be the safer option because you kind of believe that you're the more attractive option you're going to act

like you're the more attractive option you're going to be more confident you're going to take bigger risks and most importantly you're not really going to care about her own interest in you after all you're not that into her anyway so you think it won't be any skin off your back if it falls through that confident indifference is like crack to women they'll swear up and down that they hate it when men behave that way but I guarantee that they're not going home with the empathic nice guy at the end of the night next in your

interaction with the six you're likely going to be a bit more sexually aggressive than you would with the nine like you're going to be a bit more motivated to move the encounter in the direction of a sexual opportunity to quote Alec Baldwin and Glen Gary Glenn Ross it's [ __ ] or walk and why is that because if you perceive her to be a six there might not be much else besides the sexual opportunity to justify your continued investment of time energy and attention so you're unlikely to spend the whole evening talking to this girl

you'll communicate your sexual intent more quickly and see how she responds if she's not receptive you'll probably cut your losses sooner and move on and if she is receptive you can choose to act on it or not all other things being equal men who are more sexually aggressive but important caveat not men who are too sexually aggressive are more likely to transition a sexual opportunity into a sexual encounter and this is simply due to the fact that it is very rare for women to take the lead on these things like they can pump the brakes

but they're generally not going to step on the gas and just like driving men who step on the gas tend to get to where they're going more quickly now before I go any further if you're liking what you're hearing please consider sending this episode to someone who might benefit from its message because it's Word of Mouth referrals like this that really help to make the channel grow also you can tip me in proportion to the value you feel you've derived from this episode either through the YouTube thanks button or through the donation button on my

website I don't do product placements or corporate sponsorship so I rely on your donations to make all this happen I'm very appreciative thank you for your support I will also soon be starting a Weekly Newsletter so if you want to opt in you can do so on my website okay let's get back to it let's say that you succeed in bringing this six back to your place and you both enjoy a lovely consensual sexual encounter once you're finished how are you going to behave are you going to be telling this girl that she's the best

you've ever had are you going to start planning this second date while she still lying there in bed once she leaves are you going to text her the next day hey I I want you to know that I had a great time last night smiley face winky face no once you're finished you might be thinking when is this woman going to leave and you're probably not going to be texting her anytime soon after a certain amount of time this will probably motivate her to reach out to you because most women don't like the idea of

Simply being a one night stand and you might be cool and indifferent about the prospect of a second meeting do this a few more times and this woman might be blowing up your phone trying to invite you over for a home-cooked meal and guys end up thinking why is it always the ones that I'm not interested in who always seem to want a relationship with me the answer is simple my dudes you did the right things with the wrong woman I guarantee that all of the things that you did to pull the six are just

as effective in pulling the nine why because these two don't belong to different species they are the same animal they are woman and if it works on one it will work on the the other the problem is that your attraction literally [ __ ] with your perception and you end up thinking that the two are somehow categorically different they're not that's all in your head but what do guys do when they Finly meet a woman that they're really excited about they throw all of that effective Behavior right out the window they disclose their attraction and

positive emotions quickly and clearly they hesitate in expressing sexual in interest and communicating sexual intent they start planning the second date while they're still on the first they text the next day they smile and compliment and buy gifts and pursue and none of that [ __ ] Works none of it and it wouldn't work for the six either but you wouldn't even think of doing those things with her because you wouldn't believe the effort would be justified by your attraction my dudes treat the nine like the six when you invest any given woman with more

interest and emotion than she invests in you then you make her the adored that turns you into the adorer the pursuer and this is a problem because women are kind of like prey animals when you start to chase them a lot of them have this Instinct deep inside of them to just run away even if it's from a really great relationship opportunity like they don't know that yet they just feel you chasing and so they just feel this impulse to run away and even if it's wrong this instinct is kind of in the service of

their survival like it's more adaptive for them to run from a false positive than for them to not run from a false negative understand this is why it's really important not to pursue women if you do in the vast majority of cases you'll only succeed in chasing them right out of your life I understand that this can be ult but as a man it is essential that you keep a tight rain on your emotions finally meeting a woman that you're authentically excited about after months or years of unsatisfying Engagement in the sexual Marketplace is kind

of like getting pocket aces in poker after a string of bad hands if you start jumping up and down in your chair and pumping your fists in the air you are going to blow that opportunity man so what do you do when you get pocket aces in poker the same [ __ ] thing you do on any other hand you get dealt in poker you need to stick to your system and keep control of your emotions otherwise that hand is going to be wasted on you my friend run the experiment for yourself whatever you're doing

to make that six pursue you for a relationship works that is your system do the same thing with a nine and observe the results you're welcome what do you think does this fit with your own experience let me know in the comments below and if you've gotten this far you might as well like this episode And subscribe to this channel you may also consider becoming a channel member with perks like the priority review of comments or booking a paid consultation as always thank you for listening