The Doomed Castaways of the HMS Wager (ft. Sara Rubin) • Puppet History

[Music] wow welcome one and all to puppet history today we'll be taking a never wanding look at yet another chapter in the heavy heavy book we call history while our guests ruthlessly compete for the coveted capsules and title of History wizard oh Ryan margara are you ready I was in the middle of a burp and then I got startled by the curtain and it got stuck oh the incomparable a Reuben are you ready I'm so ready have you been working out Professor you look good I mean maybe a little bit you look Juiced you look

beef I think that jacket it's just too small well then let's crack [Music] in is that a giant vat of molasses oh oh yeah yeah yeah yeah uh it's just a you know boys project that me and Ryan are working on no just something we do after hours yeah we have a little fun around here well let's get into lesson huh now to begin you ever go on a trip with your friends only for the whole thing to end up in disaster travel delays gross group rentals and you can't even agree on what to do

honestly my trips have been pretty smooth like oh well yeah I haven't had do you ever have I have travel delays I was stuck at an airport for about 24 hours but that was like you know whatever it was fine the air conditioning broke though and then all of like the airport had water on the floor because of the humidity in the air and people were slipping and stuff sometimes feel like misery follows you wherever you go he's a misery magnet well our story today features a group trip that went about as arai as it

could today we're talking about the wager Mutiny cool okay so ships ships ships are on Deck yeah and a wager this his name probably Oh I thought there' be a fun little bet going on like who's going to die first kind of thing or like how long are we going to until we all die kind of thing do you want to put a bet on when we'll die okay oh out of the three of us Grim I feel like either you have like the lifespan of a dog where it's like 15 years but every year

feels like 20 or you're going to live for like 3,000 years he's like Eternal yeah you're like an eternal being every year for me is about like 035 human years oh so you're like the people on that that ship in interstellar go I'm like the elves in uh Lord of the Rings I think you outlive me I assume you probably eat better than me you probably get better I definitely like drink less um not that that's a judgment on you but just I know for a fact that I drink L I think that's a good

good assumption well in the middle of the 1700s Spain was caught up in that favorite hobby of governments everywhere colonizing the Spanish were the dominant dominator in South America and basically the only euroes on the Eastern shores of the Pacific Ocean England meanwhile was somewhat of a colonizer itself and like two horrible boys arguing over a cupcake that isn't Theirs to begin with they started fighting over for who could steal what land from whom between 1739 and 1748 the two countries had themselves a war fought not in the Homeland but in their interests abroad every

time I come on here it's about it's talking about colonizing oh yeah I mean we hear at puppet history do not endorse colonizing that's another strong stance to take very strong in this political climate I can't believe you'd be so bold to disrupt the Spanish transpacific trade in September of 1740 dispatched Commodore George Anson to lead a squadron of six warships to sail around the tip of South America and generally [ __ ] some Spanish [ __ ] up you know crowd the lane no easy buckets are these these basketball terms working for you there

Ryan no easy buckets no no easy buckets is something that I say every time I block somebody from getting the ball in the net yeah from getting the ball in I go no easy buckets this is my Lane My Lan so are you are you on platform shoes when you do that I could jump really high actually prove it prove it right now you want me to prove it right now how I going the ceiling touch the ceiling touch the ceiling like you're a nerd I just did it whoa so quick the camera the camera

didn't even catch it well by the time the Squadron made it to the tip of South America things were looking Bleak Brits were dying left and right of scurvy and on board one of the glorified Supply ships the HMS wager there were only a few able-bodied men left to navigate the straight of mellin fighting high seas and fierce winds add to that the fact that the wager was in bad shape not having been built for this kind of voyage there weren't reliable charts for the waters that they were navigating and the wager original Captain had

died on the journey over and this was the first time the new captain David chep had been in command of a large vessel there's a lot of red flags here yeah number one your naming your ship wager yeah HMS fingers crossed yeah oh question starting out with a bit of a lob here what happened to the HMS wager a it wrecked off the coast of modern-day Chile B it sank to the bottom of the ocean or C it was the only boat in ansen Squadron to make it through the straight of mellin oh are you

both already locked in I'm locked in I've got my answer okay right what you got I put C cheap good cheap good um I put C because the story was called the The Wager so I figured the boat would be around for a bit longer it be weird this is the end of the story yeah oh God Sea Dogs Sea Dogs for our finale here that's F very good oh we always have fun when we oh we love to have fun um points for neither of you oh what but I going to give a Jelly

Bean for a little drawing way to go Sarah ran it's as simple as that you sometimes you just got to do a little drawing I don't know how many times I have to tell you that I'm not going to conform to your rules okay uh yeah it crashed on May 13th 1741 The Wager had entered a large Uncharted Bay as a hurricane pummeled the ship and the 12 men fit for Duty yes 12 less than 10% of the men on board tried to keep the boat afloat captain Chief the clumsy o fell down the quarter

deck ladder and dislocated his shoulder meaning he had to Captain from below deck was everybody else just sort of like hurl in their guts in the in the brg like yeah like between uh you know just injury and malnutrition and scurvy uh they just they they weren't having a good time I'd be so sick to go back in time with like a jet ski and just zoom right by these guys they'd be like who's that demon yeah they think you were a God or something i' have like some of those cool like Oakleys sure so

let me get this straight you get one chance to go back in time do anything you want you want to drive a jet ski around and make people confused yeah okay I love it the sparse crew tried to convince him to let them turn the boat around but chap had been given orders to meet up with the rest of Anson's Fleet and he didn't want to be laid on one of his first days on the job on May 14th at 4:30 a.m. The Wager struck some rocks broke its tiller and began to flood some stuck

below deck immediately drowned and then the situation stabilized the boat was well and truly stuck which meant they couldn't sail anywhere the masts of the ship were gone by this point anyways but it also meant they couldn't sink to celebrate the fact that they were no longer at immediate risk of drowning some men broke into the supplies got rip roaring drunk and played dress up with some of the officers clothing very funny so this this kind of an interesting you know the ship didn't sink it's just sort of stranded here on these rocks and can't

go anywhere now kind of the main thing you want to ship to do is move though so and there was no like Escape little shippies oh so there were uh where we we'll get into that nice now the majority of the crew hopped into the small boats and rode to land there they found an abandoned indigenous Hut which Captain chep immediately claimed as his own that first night the only food they had was a sack of biscuit dust which was combined with water and a seagull someone killed to make a delicious BK obviously this is

a dire situation but biscuit dust sounds pretty good plus seagull blood I guess I don't know about that part biscuit dust sign me up I mean I like that they were like it's not a soup it's a bisque it's a beautiful is unfortunately in the midst of the hurricane it turns out the biscuit dust had been mixed in with tobacco and those who had the soup became violently ill that sucks uh over the next few days the 150 or so members of the crew rode back and forth to the deteriorating wreck salvaging what supplies they

could they also began scouring the coast for food finding some sea Critters and celery which it turns out cured their scurvy good to know Ryan vegetables they help I'd rather die you don't e vegetables I'm trying to cut back on them yeah what who's trying to cut back on you're trying to cut backet this is off my doctor's orders I'm trying to cut back on my veggies the doctor literally said you shouldn't eat many vegetables no of course not I don't know what's up with you you could be full of worms for all I know

that sounds what do you think I'm Oogie Boogie from The Nightmare I have a giant wheel at my house that just like whatever lands on that's when I eat I whatever you do in your own time is your business that would be pretty [ __ ] sweet though if I had a giant wheel and I was like tonight I'm eating popcorn hooray I thought may your vitamins were too high I have started taking a multivitamin that's good I guess you know do what you can unfortunately searching for food was a demoralizing task as the drowned

and Bloated bodies of so many former co-workers were bobbing about in the decks of the wager or lapping up to shore where the survivors were huddled how horrifying people died yeah oh you left that part out yeah a lot of people died how many died uh a bunch well they drowned when the ship they drowned when the ship went down a little bit yeah this is a historic recollection here I doubt in the history book it says a bunch of people died a bunch of guys died well eventually some locals appeared in canoes The Wager

boys got a few sheep from them but after a bit of exploring their situation became clear they were not actually wrecked on the mainland but on an island without any real way off the boats they still had three small exploratory boats weren't big enough to continue sailing and they didn't have the tools needed to build a bigger one with all this information cheap decided there was only one thing to do what is that a die B try to convince the natives to accept them amongst themselves or C build a little town there we go I

put C oh I didn't ask for your answer yet I drew a picture though there's the little town yeah but this is a disingenuous drawing now that you know that you can get a jelly that's not true that's not true it's not coming from a true place look at the level of detail on this house it's almost like you could walk in do it you just told me you would never draw one of those because you didn't want to follow my little rules hey people can change oh that's sweet H Sarah what' you put I

put a I think this guy is a little [ __ ] and I think I think he gives up and he's like let's die people let's just give up well that's going to be a point for Ryan he's cocky he's a cocky guy oh no oh no that's what happens when you don't draw a little house oh God I really could have used that point no be all right yes chap figured the men would just establish an outpost right there on a random beach in the southern islands of Chile one of the first things chep

did was to read aloud the articles of war and remind everyone that they apply on land as well as at se basically no one was allowed to Mutiny on quote pain of death yeah that's going to work when you say don't Mutiny me here's the rules I wouldn't even mention it I feel like the rules are going to make people want to Mutiny him yeah with that some of the men built a housing unit with canvas from the sails used as curtains to divide the space up into separate cabins as one of the men wrote

quote this is a rich house and in some parts of the world would purchase a pretty estate considering where we are we cannot desire a better habitation wait they like built like a legit house sort of sounds like a makeshift sort of cabin out of canvas that's pretty impressive I mean did they have those supplies already with them on the boat or did they scavenge on the island to build this thing I'm sure it's a combination of both but yes they went to the boat and got the sails to use for tent material would you

be confident in your shelter building capabilities I'm not very strong I don't know if you could tell you look strong Sarah thank you I'm strong of will how about you I dig a hole and then use that as like the foundation and then build some sort of per you know what using digging a hole uses a lot of energy yeah that's true burs bro but if you're going vertical you have to be very confident about like how high you can go with the supplies digging is hard I don't know I think do like a definitely

a triangle situation and then I would really just insulate the [ __ ] out of it and uh I would also have a little um beaver in there to be friends with if you could convince a legion of beavers to build it for you that's the best case scenario that's yeah so if you have like a little flute or or a little like like an ooop I think I'd probably just crawl into a little hole and sleep like a little bunny rabbit well you can do that yeah I can and I'm I'm guessing given your

past history on this show Sarah you'd have the beaver build your house house and then you would eat it yeah cuz you yeah I mean you got to do what you got to do out there you know what I'm saying like thanks for the house here comes the forking knif you got to do what you got to do within short order there were 18 houses a street running down the middle of town a hospital tent and fires burning 24 hours a day they caught rainwater with empty barrels and since the wager Bell had washed ashore

they used it to call out meal time oh the men read books that had been salvaged and started naming the geography around them the body of water they were on was dubbed chep's Bay the mountain that overlooked The Village was anointed Mount Misery and as for their home itself wager Island wow they've bu a little Los Alamos situation there that's kind of cool nice it's so funny cuz like they come from a place of structure like a society of structure and then immediately they're like we need the same structure again we need a dinner bell

yeah we need a town also you said there was a canoe of natives that came by yeah they stopped by and got some sheep from them wait so they were just show up like yeah just build on our beach [ __ ] it it seems like maybe it was not a very hospitable Island so oh I see they're like you want to build there go for it pound yeah basically it didn't take long however for the beach to be picked clean of shellfish and for the supplies from the ship to start looking thin Captain sheep

tried to ration the food but as the men grew hungrier thieves would break into the supply tent now when you're stuck on an island this is more than just robbery it also clearly endangers the lives of everyone else else paranoia began to set in as one man John Byron wrote quote ill humor and discontent from the difficulties we labored under in procuring subsistence and the little prospect there was of any amendment in our condition was now breaking out a pace that's a long way to say this blows this sucks this [ __ ] sucks there's

really there's really only one way that this usually goes yeah eating each other oh I see what you're saying yeah how long was it before this happened cuz you described a fair amount of infrastructure that they built how long were they on this island before uh right now I think they've only been there for like a couple weeks that's a lot to do in a couple weeks they were they got nothing else to do well at this point the crew was starting to question their allegiance to Captain chap for one he wasn't the captain when

they set off for two Once In Charge he pretty quickly crashed the boat and for three there didn't seem to be much of a plan other than to hang out on the beach which was becoming a problem as the food they were able to scr up was becoming rarer and worse they were forced to mix seaweed with flour and fry it with Tallow from a candle they called it SLO cakes and they fraking gobbled them up that doesn't sound bad honestly I'm actually really surprised by their Ingenuity me too they're pretty resourceful and that sounds

legitimately good I love seaweed and candles usually smell good sometimes I want to eat a little Yankee Candle you know what flavor does a certain flavor appeal to you gray flannel gray that's not not a Yankee Candle that came from the hip shouldn't have said a candle we have it home because I know where it's from you have it home as early as June 3rd Less Than 3 weeks after they crashed a group hatched a plan to blow captain chep and his Hut up to Kingdom come with a barrel of gunpowder at the last minute

some of the men got cold feet and abandoned the plan instead running off into the Wilderness hoping to start life a new with nothing upon discovering that there really was nowhere to go the cowards set up another Camp a few miles away even amongst those still with Captain sheep's Camp competing philosophies were developing those remaining loyal to Captain chep and those liking what this other guy John bulkley was saying unlike chap bulkley was trying to figure out a way to get everyone back to England bulkeley's plan was to modify some of the small boats they

still had to fit more men and make a go at traveling back through the straight of mellin yeah you like this that's a good I mean sounds good to me I couldn't think of anything better besides like I don't know catching a fin of a dolphin right the power of friendship to steer him to England but riding a dolphin there's no dolphins in this water going back the way you came that seemed smart the man tried to persuade the captain of bulkeley's plan but chap wouldn't hear it chap being a new captain feared that if

he fully abandoned his charge and went back to England he'd be shot for cowardice instead of going south back through the straight of mellan chap wanted to go north and meet back up with the rest of the Squadron still it didn't seem like he was working too quickly toward that goal they were languishing on the beach and Men kept dying it's hard to obey orders when they boiled down to hang out and wait for death it really puts things into perspective cuz like sometimes I'm stressed about like getting work done yeah but at least I'm

not worried about being shot when I go back home for cowards that's true laying on a be pretty sweet though could you really blame him he probably had a nice book a blanket getting some rays yeah starving well that part not starving living in fear yeah but getting a sweet tan sweet tan yeah I'm sure he was really tan now if the men went with bulkeley's plan without the captain however well that's Mutiny baby and grounds for death if they ever got back to England bulkley thought the king might have some mercy on a group

of men Shipwrecked at the edge of the world but to be honest no one could be sure some claimed that legally the captain no longer had authority over the men since their ship was gone and they were technically unemployed a loophole yeah they're kind of damned if they do damned if they don't cuz if they go back to England they might be like that's Mutiny you'll die for that tensions kept building and some of the men began openly disrespecting Captain Chief's Authority one midshipman by the name of cousins was being particularly rebellious 27 days after

the Shipwreck cousins approached the Purser to ask why a buddy of his had his allowance suspended in the conversation cousins mentioned Mutiny the Purser aimed his gun at cousin's head and fired but missed hearing the commotion captain Chief stormed out of his tent someone said cousins was there to start a mutiny at which point Captain chep put his gun against cousins cheek and fired what happened to cousins hey weren't you paying attention his head got exploded B the gun didn't have bullets so he survived and was a model Cast Away or see he died an

agonizing death over the course of 2 weeks you guys ever shoot anybody in the head not yet okay no good okay Ryan what do you got nice and slow nice and slow yeah like the Green Goblin sure and Sarah I also did nice and slow do SE dogs and yeah yeah yeah yeah we're going to see this all brought to life in thrilling uh dramaturgy I don't know bye dram I love the theater Mutiny maybe listen I'm just tossing ideas out no wrong answers drink a brainstorm what the look at the hips on that guy

who dares question my authority oh well look who it is Captain chap oh what are you going to do shoot me bang oh that should send a message to everyone about stirring up trouble oh my God you you shot you shot me holy moly you're still alive I mean obviously now send the sergeon over here to help dig this bullet out of my skull um no what oh boy I reckon I've got a tough couple weeks ahead of me no I'm so proud of us for getting that right also I loved how he said you

shot me like will barel and Austin Powers that was a wild one my God you ever been shot before yeah was it John wil's Booth he thought you were Lincoln easy to make you were standing next to him in the booth Wow points for both of you hey all right nice yeah the surgeon was forbidden from immediately attending to cousins and the poor wretch didn't die until 2 weeks later at this point 45 men had died and seven had deserted Into the Wilderness leaving 100 men on the almost all of them pretty upset at their

socalled Captain for now shooting one of his guys in the face and then denying him medical attention not a way to win fans I guess I thought there was like 20 dudes here there was aund there's aund guys yeah wait yeah I'm confused I thought you said the the ship was going with like 14 dudes there were 12 men Manning the ship during the storm uh cuz most of the others were incapacitated or sick yeah they were under they were underneath 99 guys versus one guy yeah yeah yeah OD get you got to get them

now over the next few months that's right months things settled into a frustrating stasis poor weather this being the southern hemisphere's winter lashed The Outpost the men worked on making their small boats bigger and when the grumbling amongst the crew would start to Crescendo Captain chep would tell them he was considering sailing back to England and up the alcohol rations thereby cooling temperatures just a by September as bulkley wrote they were eating quote dogs rats and in short everything we can come at these smaller Boats were now being sent south to explore and plan a

route back to the straight of mellin with or without the captain that sounds rough huh doesn't sound ideal no now again I do think that this is heading toward eating people I feel like once you start cracking into the animals that aren't normally eaten yeah it's a slippery slope right at the beginning of October the men tried to convince Captain chap to sail back south but he still refused with the decision down to probably dying on the way back to England where you'd maybe be hanged for Mutiny or definitely dying sitting on a Chilean Beach

it was finally time for a good and proper Mutiny led by bulkley the men tied up Captain chep and told him that they were taking him back to England for trial for shooting cousins chap said he'd rather be shot than taken as a prisoner and the men agreed to leave him on the island well if it's between getting hanged when you go home or dying laying on a beach you go for the beach I think I'm going with the beach Vibes Vibes die vibing yeah yeah also it feels like dying back there is probably better

than like be a coward bring shame upon your family etc etc but if they do it right they knock him over the head with a rock they could bring his body on the boat make it like formal wrap him in like a [ __ ] like English flag or something and be like oh he tripped they're not going to like examine his head wound and be like they clearly just killed him he tripped and fell on a knife exactly and now you go back they're like you didn't Mutiny you took care of your captain you

wrapped him in a flag look how cute he looks he looks like a little burrito yeah on October 12th 151 days after the wreck the 90 or so mutineers set off in a modified Long Boat dubbed the speed well and two smaller boats back on wager Island captain chep and about 10 others watched them leave keeping for themselves only a small boat and some meager Provisions shortly after leaving wager Island the mutineers realized they'd left some supplies that they could really use so they sent a group of nine men on a small barge Back to

the Island to get it but the barge never returned eventually the Longboat turned around and sailed back to wager Island what the hell none of these dudes should be out there none of these dudes know what they're doing no that really ruins a dramatic exit that's like breaking up with someone and coming back like forgot my keys [ __ ] what did did they find a nothing they had no idea what in the hell happened B chap had murdered them all or see they wrecked the barge and were waiting for the Longboat to pick them

up a lot of twists and turns in this story huh life was a lot more exciting back then I guess that's one way to think about it yeah Brian what do you got uh B betrayal Beach I think he killed everybody uh Sarah how about you I'm saying b b boys basketball drible drible drible D drible we're going to find out via the magic of theater I'll be back in a second oh my God I love the theater so much well you've really done it this time chap you've driven away the only friends you ever

had and oh captain we're back we were supposed to pick up some extra sails or something but a few of us got to talking and honestly sailing back through the straight of mellin on that rickety Long Boat started to look like a bad idea so we want to stay with you now H how wonderful how very wonderful in that case prepare to set sail we're fulfilling our mission and meeting back up with the other British folks someplace north of here I have no idea where they are uh okay what a bunch of losers pick a

lane oh back oh [ __ ] this is a wild goose chase for Real uh oh my God we've been waiting for so long where the heck are you guys hello huh well I guess we'll just sail to Brazil what a mystery what the [ __ ] is happening is there more okay okay these are the most Hess dudes of all time yeah like no interaction they just go with the the most recent thing that was said to them eat your foot all right all right I guess so w points to neither of you that's

fine um that was a crazy one huh yeah basically the nine folks who hopped on the barge go and get more supplies had gotten some pretty cold feet when they actually set sail they figured they'd rather rejoin Captain sheep than try to get to Brazil in their rickety little boat chap now with a crew he felt he could trust decided to charge North in their two tiny boats to try and rejoin the British Squadron wherever the hell they happen to be for 3 months Chap and his men tried to get North but never made much

progress sailing more or less on the door that Rose ends up on at the end of Titanic eventually they returned to that home away from home wager Island there were only 14 men left and death wasn't going to be long and finding those last survivors meanwhile after shrugging off the loss of the barge and nine men the speed well set off for Rio the trip was in a word shitty people kept dying or being abandoned on Shore to die until finally on January 28th 1742 15 weeks after leaving wager Island the speed well spotted the

Rio Grand that is the Brazilian Rio Grand not the Texas Rio Grand of the 90 who had set off only 30 were left now from here the story involves a lot of waiting in Port Towns basically thumbing for our ride back home finally on New Year's Day 1743 10 mutineers landed at spithead England more than 2 years after leaving imagine how good that must have felt what happened to the other 20 they were like Rio rules I'm want to stay here some actually did stay yeah no [ __ ] I like this place kicks ass

look at all the beach volleyball now unfortunately for these Hard Scrabble survivors they still weren't technically safe they were after all admitted mutineers after some consideration the Admiral T decided to delay any Court Marshals until after Commodore George ansen returned in the meantime many of the survivors actually re-entered sailing professions I guess realizing it was the only job they knew how to do bolley and the carpenter cumins wrote a book about their Journey though when it was published many readers believed bulkley should probably be hanged in 1744 Anson returned likely having spent the last few

years wondering what the heck happened to a supply ship Anon decided it didn't really make any sense to hold a trial until chap returned bulkley must have laughed to himself sure we'll wait until Captain chap gets back good idea well he doesn't really have great ideas himself as a general rule of thumb if you commit a crime probably don't write a book about it whole OJ Simpson if I did it this is how I would do it kind of thing I mean make a pretty penny back then however you can I suppose also makes sense

now why those folks chilled in Rio don't have to do the whole answering for Mutiny thing someone tells me the Chiefs going to show up I mean you never know with that guy ain't that like cheap bulkley took a job as command of a 40-gun privateer named the sapphire where his skilled seamanship repaired the damage his own book had done to his reputation he knew if he kept it up it wouldn't be long before the admiralty handed him the coveted role commanding a royal Navy ship then on April 9th 1745 400 64 days after Bley

returned as a disgraced mutina a captain David mother [ __ ] chap arrived in England that's right Ryan you finally have proof ghosts are real because David chap left for dead on a beach at the edge of Oblivion was back [ __ ] how the [ __ ] did he do that maybe he was a good Captain the fact that he could get back yeah he did crash his ship immediately yeah a lot of people died yeah but that was like that was like part for that was like part for the course everyone was dying

on ships all the time back then I think we're all asking the same question here how a native people led his men on a four-month hike North to a small Spanish settlement B they were stuck in South America for another 2 and 1/2 years before for convincing a French ship to take them to Europe or see they hitched a ride on a Dutch ship Bound for England well these all sound why are they you need to give us like one gimme that sounds crazy I don't do gimmies G they're actually hard questions yeah cool locking

it in oh you guys are locked init I'm not locked in oh sorry Sarah I'm just changing it at the the 11th Hour okay see the Flying Dutchman Flying Dutchman and Sarah how about you I also said SE Dutch that's why you changed it you knew we' be doing some Sea Dogs no I just thought that sounded right well I think we've all been through enough here so points to everyone all of those steps plus many many more were what chap had to endure to get home that's crazy Dam dude wait all so like one

happened after the other natives LED his men on a four-month hike North to a small Spanish settlement they were stuck in South America for another 2 and 1/2 years before convincing a French ship to take them to Europe and then they hited a ride on a Dutch ship Bound for England how many of the original crew oh you're going to love this by the time his gang landed in England only Chap and two others were still alive but alive they were holy [ __ ] yep with how many people are dying you got to be

like [ __ ] your pants like being like am I going to die in like a couple days yeah that's a lot to be one of those last guys like it's very lucky with cheap back that Mutiny Court Marshal could finally happen bulley was for good reason suddenly very afraid for his neck chap however was under the impression that if he tried to get the mutineers punished they would try to get him in trouble for shooting cousins in the face it was mutually assured destruction and both sides had been sitting on the edge of death

for too long to really want that everyone decided to let bygones be bygones not knowing that no matter what the Admiral T had already decided that after the wager wreck what happened on wager Island stayed on wager Island chap received a promotion because of his fanatical loyalty and everyone lived if not happily ever after then for a little bit longer what happened to chap after was he like decorated was did he go back to captaining I mean a lot of them did go back to uh seaf fairing you know which I guess why not you

know it's can't get worse than that I suppose the fact that they went through all of that and we're like let's go again let's get like in Twisters when you have something tragic happen to you with a twister you go back and you chase it again yeah face your fear face your fear ride it exactly it that's what I do in ghost files every season I ride it what have you drawn there is that the professor Eugene Levy what did you draw I don't even know what I drew here it's just like a little guy

look look look at the expression on his face he's like that's him riding the jet ski he looks like a '90s comic strip character like an alternative like bush is bad I hate this that's what he says that concludes our history lesson but only because of time limitations there was an entire other group of wager mutineers who were abandoned by bulkley who also managed to find their way back to England the story is very big and sprawling and the good Folks at your local library can help you learn more about this or anything but at

some point we got to tally up these points so that's what we're going to do I'm going to go Vibe with the tallies to see who wins the coveted capsules and title of History wizard in the meantime enjoy the musical stylings of the wreck of the wager wow I'll be back wa but now at this he's got some shoes let me see he's this one great he looks like a Mr Men He looks like somebody that Super Mario would fight in the early stages of a video game we need the guy on a t-shirt ASAP

wow look at him like Skeleton on the hole the detail on him is beautiful it's shipping out sails to the West going to prove to the rest of the world they ining fights with the best hot crew hot crew High SE around the globe with Captain David cheap we've got we got the stuff 100 hurricanes to call our blood the wind start picking with I finally realiz the camp B at F we got a problem you don't know St what the hell was this guy ever thinking what the hell was this guy ever thinking the

C bad at boats I can't believe this I'm laying smashed on the Rocks a multile birg sinking the surf so Greatful tide crew stranded but they're trying the best except for all the ones who got hide hot blood long nights eating seagull and the getting in fight we might be [ __ ] trying to keep our K up we're running out of love andion started ringing uple in the I'm not too certain i' have taken this if from the start of it I only would have known the C man folks nobody likes him got no

deser of the plan surpr that nobody's killed him somebody this [ __ ] bad at folks and also everything we're going to ride on this beach I really think there someone should kill him got a m against David dragged us halfway around the world damn us all to the bloody Beach I'm wrecked in the bay can't believe I didn't check his resume he don't die the took a single Hurricane to call his love oh that was an Abrupt ending holy [ __ ] beautiful very good I like the implication that the boat hired the captain

oh wow what a performance that was really something hey you guys are never going to believe this but according to to our very simple tally today's winner is Sarah Ruben oh but does winning a silly competition compared to the thrilling Tranquility that you feel with the once daily brain pill forget it all come get your prizes folks yes free free pills forget it all just do it don't eat those okay that's going to do it for this one Sarah thank you so much for gracing us with your presence Ryan thanks for being a friend and

for all you folks at home thanks for watching puppet history where the details are always a little fuzzy well now it's the waiting game what about like a sack of apples or something yeah he's got to show up sooner or later I don't know bag of horse shoes I don't fellas fellas I just saw that no good dirty rotten Elmer Walter Williams he's in the retirement room with a briefcase full of cash he must know the Heat's turning up and he's trying to escape to re retirement with your Moola you thinking what I'm thinking you

think it's time to drown a horse Ryan grab that hose Dr Sprat when you hear us holler give that molasses MTH a crank and we'll send that cloppy [ __ ] to Sweet monkey hell that's right it's time to kill a horse Mr Ed die God speed boys God speed [Music] well well well you unsaddled [ __ ] we know you C don't don't pet me we know you killed Shane in the street like a filthy dog and now we caught you with a bunch of money The Jig Is up any last words before we

molass your ass oh you waiting for your lawyer we got attorney hostful and molasses Esquire on retainer that's right Dr Sprat give us the juice wait you stupid idiots don't you see he's a puppet he yeah we know he's not like a real horse what no he's an actual lifeless puppet I bought it at a store for children I've been controlling him this entire time you've been what a puppet controlling another [Music] puppet I calculated all the angles perfectly of course was there ever any doubt I had my doubts shut up you the screwy puppets

off his Rock maybe or maybe no one in the universe is my mental equal so yes my brain's a little more divided than average but that's a tangent all those math terms hogy Sprat why I do think the professor has finally done the math rearrange the letters in your praty hgos of course who the hell is praty hag I'm Pythagoras you simplified equations h you were the only historical figure Shane's ghost never saw because you never died because I am the only being smart enough to have uncovered the key to immortality Through Math I'd tell

you both but you're too dumb to understand maybe you could tell us a little bit so we could figure out the rest yeah no but what I can tell you is how your whole puppet history Empire came crumbling down in the course of one season as you of course remember 2500 years ago some dick named sylon tried to burn me and my cult followers up in a house fire but being a genius I managed to escape by moving in the opposite direction of setfire I fled into the night and took shelter in a dank old

cave picking up my mathematical work where I left off soon via the power of math I determined the way to extend life indefinitely immortality is not really as complicated as you might think car the and Death Becomes mostly a skill issue as the Millennia tick by and I traveled the world every now it again I'd hear tell of another Immortal being a little blue nerd who had met pharaohs seen Mount vvus erupt and spent a disproportionate amount of time in France this was of course impossible only I had the mind to crack the code of

immortality I dismissed the rumors as ramblings of fools until a few years ago while folding laundry and letting my YouTube algorithm drift one day a little blue freak popped up onto my laptop screen telling Tales from the exact moments of history that I'd heard rumors about I knew then Professor that you were my lifelong Nemesis dancing with me through the sands of time it turned out you weren't Immortal but instead a lucky idiot who stumbled upon a magical genie who granted your wish of becoming a historical time traveler popping in and out of wherever the

narrative juice was worth the squeeze even though you weren't Immortal you controlled Legions of dedicated followers people real people they were obsessed just like my cult had been it wasn't right I was the genius so I decided to take your show from you and install myself as the rightful leader and F of all knowledge your show it turns out has a complicated succession plan in place first under the guise of Elmer Walter Williams I murdered a strange producer Shane mday in the streets like a dog meanwhile I hooked you buffoons and much of the rest

of the crew on drugs so no one noticed as I knocked off every last name on that list and moved on to the most delicate part of my plan marrying Dorothy Ruth and becoming her next of kin rip to a real one and that means once the two of you are taken care of puppet history will be all mine legally all it took was a little murder and now there's no one to stop me from branding it puppet mathematics has a ring to it math God you are one six son of a [ __ ]

your bosses at the department of puppet safety are going to have your badge for this guys Focus there is no Department of puppet safety I made it up I made this all up but don't feel bad for falling for it I am History's Greatest genius you keep history's good name out of your murdering mouth hey what do you think he meant when he said when we're taken care of and have we ever learned what the retirement room actually does it puts morons out of their misery be seeing you no no no no no no threshold

delivery to Purgatory complete the dep independent variables these may be interpreted as the ratio of differential change in the depend variable y to the differential change in the independent variable X thanks for watching puppet mathematics we'll see you next time smash that like button whoa this show sucks take it from me I know my trash yeah I'm that little rat from seasons 1 and five of puppet history I ate some rope remember that uh what else have I done I don't know anyway it seems like they're serial killing fuzzy little puppet guys like myself but

they forgot about me so I'm here in the dumpster but the new guys been throwing out so much neat stuff that I thought I'd open a little commemorative puppet history exhibit in here sort of like the Museum of the moving image um oh like check this out a hat and I don't know what those letters are cuz rats can't read and then uh I don't know what this is and then over here go jeez it's so dark in here oh they you know what they tossed out a leaky old Generator let me plug it in

and get this light going and uh it doesn't seem to be working what what's going on here what the heck is [Applause] [Music] that itching for more history we'll head on over to Watcher TV for an Extended Cut and to watch all episodes a month early [Music]