in the great pantheon of cinematic fuck-ups it's tough to think of any creative endeavor that fell apart in such spectacular fashion as game of thrones season after season it ground relentlessly forward with the speed of your average glacier endlessly teasing us with the prospect of a spectacular payoff only to deliver absolutely nothing a bit like tatiana except in this case you can't pay a little extra for a more satisfying conclusion but never fear because like some kind of intoxicated and borderline psychotic sam beckett the drinker is here to put right what once was wrong and
in this case we're talking about the mount everest of wrongness damn i thought captain marvel was a tough fix so strap in and prepare yourself as the drinker fixes game of thrones normally with this series i'd give you some kind of detailed breakdown of the problem that i'm trying to fix but jesus christ i think i'd end up hitting youtube's time limit if i tried that so for the sake of our collective sanity i'll give you the simplified version season 8 of game of thrones basically revolves around two major events the battle of winterfell and
the battle of king's landing in the battle of winterfell a combined army of dothraki wildlings northerners the unsullied and a small irritating child make a desperate stand at winterfell in the hopes of killing the night king and ending the threat of the white walkers once and for all i could probably make an entire video based around the completely idiotic conduct of this battle but the end result is that the human forces are all but wiped out before [ __ ] super arya leaps in and saves the day you go girl jesus what a [ __
] anticlimactic ending to a story arc that's been part of this show since literally the first scene of the first episode anyway with the white walkers beaten the gang and their magically regenerating armies head south to king's landing to get rid of cersei and take control of westeros despite the fact that dany's becoming increasingly unstable and just about everyone around him keeps trying to warn him that she's a [ __ ] nut job jon snow's only possible responses are gee is my queen you are my queen [Music] a daenerys she'll be a good queen you
are my queen i don't want it i told you i don't want it i never wanted a crown does anyone else get the feeling that the writers totally didn't know what to do with this ridiculous shell of a character anyway they teleport to king's landing and cersei executes my sunday which is a totally smart thing to do when she's literally your only leverage over dany so guess what happens next then they attack the city and cersei's army magically forgets how to fight or shoot ballistas including the whole of the iron fleet so dany's magically regenerating
armies just kind of storm in and kill everyone then dany gets an attack of the crazies and incinerates the whole of king's landing because she's still sad about my sunday then john gets in one more [Music] queen before shoving a knife in her [ __ ] gut then the dragon flies away with her corpse and everyone decides it's a good idea for bran the warght hard to become king and the show ends with thunderous silence as everyone desperately tries to understand what the [ __ ] they just saw that's the simple version of this ridiculous
conglomeration of unapologetic retardation but why is it so bad well how much time have you got for a start danny's decision to destroy king's landing is absolutely antithetical to everything she's ever represented as a character she was always defined by her desire to help people in need to free slaves to stand up for the oppressed yes she was willing to use force to do it and she was capable of dishing out punishments to anyone who wronged her but the idea that she would level an entire city and kill hundreds of thousands of innocent people just
because one of her friends got killed is pure insanity jon's character becomes an absolutely pathetic parody of himself consistently refusing to do what's required of him and take the most sensible pragmatic course of action for no other reason than because the script needs the rest of the plot to happen not only that but the show ends with jon exiled to the north for the heinous crime of saving the entire world from dany it's absolutely disgusting and pathetic and it genuinely had me shouting in frustration in fact there's a general sense that the show had far
too many characters and not enough for them to do this season that's why a lot of them basically revert to their default personalities and go into a holding pattern until they're needed just kind of watching events unfold when in the past they would have been instrumental in shaping them the night king and the white walkers get destroyed in the most ridiculously unsatisfying way possible by a character that's had almost no involvement with them throughout the entire show arya was absolutely the wrong person to be involved in this [ __ ] her character arc basically ended
the previous season but the writers just couldn't stand to let go because they wanted their girl power moment or something well i hope it was worth it you dicks in fact the two big confrontations of this season are basically ass backwards the underlying theme of this show was that the various human factions were so busy squabbling for power amongst themselves that they failed to notice the growing existential threat north of the wall and only by putting aside their disputes and uniting together did they stand even a chance of surviving instead the show nukes the white
walkers in the first few episodes because it didn't know what else to do with them and then it's right back to people scheming and plotting and fighting for power it's so [ __ ] stupid and short-sighted that it genuinely made me wonder why are these people even employed anyway you get the point there's a [ __ ] turn wrong with the final season of this show to the point where the efap guys have spent literally days tearing it apart now i've got literally minutes to put it back together in a way that delivers some kind
of satisfying conclusion just like tatiana so how the hell did we go about fixing this mess well i mentioned before that my biggest gripes this season were the misplaced and totally anti-climactic resolution to the white walker arc dany's total change of character in the final episodes the crappy choice of ruler and the total annihilation of jon's character so let's use that as our baseline and get to work so in the new and hopefully improved version the season begins with most of our characters gathered at winterfell for a showdown with the white walkers they're hoping for
reinforcements from cersei but so far she's refused to send any preferring to fortify her position at king's landing and let the others do the fighting for her knowing the night king is going to go after bran jon orders him sent south to safety the battle begins and it soon becomes obvious that they're badly outnumbered the human forces take heavy losses and jorah and brienne both get killed in the fighting arya tries to assassinate the night king only to get struck down and turned into a white walker herself jon's even forced to kill her to put
her out of her misery realizing they can't hold their position any longer a heartbroken john orders their forces to fall back enraged by the death of her friend dany uses her dragons to cover the retreat incinerating many of their own troops in the process but buying time for the others to get clear with their forces heavily depleted they're left with no choice but to retreat south towards king's landing where they intend to make their last stand but tensions and mistrust rise between the two factions as many are angry at dany for her actions at winterfell
privately she begins to wonder if the people of westeros will ever accept her as their queen even if they do manage to win arriving at king's landing on her dragons john and dany demand that cersei allow their forces into the city and assist them in the upcoming battle explaining that politics and loyalties mean nothing now all that's left is survival reluctantly cersei agrees especially since jaime is with the army but secretly she plans to betray them and have them killed once the battle's won as the white walkers close in and snow begins to fall on
king's landing bran confers with the others explaining that the night king intends to bring about the final winter an endless season of cold and death that will kill every human being in westeros that's been his plan all along and the only thing standing in his way is bran himself when john asks why that is bran refuses to answer saying only that they'll meet each other before the ends the night before the battle jaime and cersei are reunited and she explains her intention to betray the others jaime tries to dissuade her plan but she refuses to
listen to him saying she'll never give up her position as queen as long as she's alive with this in mind she's hidden enormous stockpiles of wildfire around the red keep and plans to ignite it at the climax of the battle killing jon danny and the night king in the process the final battle for westeros begins and despite fierce resistance from all the combined armies of humanity the white walkers gradually gain the upper hand pushing the survivors back towards the red keep obeying cersei's orders euron greyjoy opens fire on dany's dragons while they're locked in combat
with their white walker counterpart killing one of them with ballista bolts dany swings around to take revenge on the iron fleet with the white walker dragon in close pursuit but just as euron's about to shoot her down she suddenly peels away at the last second and the bolts hit the white walker dragon that was following behind killing it and causing it to crash into euron's flagship in the confusion dany proceeds to rain fire and death on the iron fleet destroying most of its ships in the process meanwhile the battle for king's landing is reaching its
climax as the night king and his forces breached the citadel making straight for bran in the throne room nothing the human defenders throw at him is enough to stop him as he closes in even when john leaps forward and tries to strike him down the night king blocks the blow and lifts him clean off the ground like he's about to strangle the life right out of him that's when bran finally reveals the connection between himself and the night king they are in fact one in the same person and this is the moment where one will
be created and the other destroyed just as he once did with hodor bran uses the power of the three-eyed raven to travel back in time to the moment of the night king's creation merging his consciousness with his enemies so that they become the same person bran's mind has in fact been trapped inside the night king all this time existing in the past and present simultaneously a spirit split between two bodies and in that moment bran's own body dies but his soul is made whole once more inside the night king that was his true purpose since
the very start of this story the blue glow leaves the night king's eyes and he releases his hold on jon turning towards his former brother and silently begging him to finish him before it's too late understanding his wish jon bids his brother goodbye and plunges his blade through his heart finally killing him the death of their leader causes the rest of the white walkers to wither and die where they stand ending the battle in a matter of seconds and averting the final winter moments later dany lands her dragon on the red keep and rushes into
the throne room to embrace jon realising she has them where she wants them cersei orders the wildfire to be detonated but jamie refuses to carry out her order he knows now that his sister has become just like the mad king he once served and just as he did back then he kills her to spare thousands of innocent lives becoming both a king and a queen slayer with the threat of the white walkers ended at last and peace restored to westeros a gathering is held to decide who should take the throne after seeing the respect and
loyalty that jon's earned dany realizes that the people of westeros will never truly accept her as their queen and agrees to give up her claim instead she'll return to essos and rule the people she liberated there while john is crowned king of westeros with tyrion as his hand and his sister sansa as queen in the north in the end the two part ways on good terms recognizing that their futures lie along different paths and each vowing to rule as justly and fairly as they can and perhaps avoid repeating the mistakes of their ancestors and that's
it that's how i try to fix game of thrones i mean it isn't perfect and obviously there are dozens of smaller stories and characters that i just didn't have time to deal with here otherwise this video would be about three hours long but i do think that this kind of basic restructuring results in a more dramatically and emotionally satisfying ending that treats the characters with more respect and ties in better to the overall themes of the show you know when i think back on just how badly game of thrones shat the bed i can't help
but wonder who was truly responsible for this mess i mean dan and dave certainly copped the lion's share of the blame and perhaps rightly so game of thrones proved that they were great at adapting existing material for their show but when they finally ran out of stuff to copy and paste they were a bit like what do i do the fact they'd been signed to a lucrative contract with lucasfilm no doubt played a part in their decision to condense about three seasons worth the plot into a truncated six-episode mini-series it felt rushed and sloppy because
well it was in their desperate rush to wrap up game of thrones as quickly as possible so they could move on to bigger and better things they ultimately sold the seeds of their own career demise by creating the biggest disappointment in tv history their greed selfishness and general incompetence was bad enough but i can't help but think that a lot of this [ __ ] could have been avoided if george r r martin had done his [ __ ] job and finished his books in the eight years this show was running instead of getting distracted
by every production gig publicity event convention and shiny object that came his way you can practically spot the moment when dan and dave ran out of source material and the carefully building tension intricate narratives and nuanced characters of the books began to give way to big dramatic payoffs and set-piece battles that looked great on screen but felt kind of dumb and empty in a lot of ways i actually think george is his own worst enemy instead of having the restraint and common sense to pull the focus of his narrative together as the series reached its
climax he instead allowed his books to balloon into a colossal mass of characters and subplots that's all but impossible to manage naomi's like 72 years old and believe me the focus creative skill and mental energy needed to write books like this does not improve with age that's why it's been 10 years since his last book came out and there's still no sign of a finished manuscript never mind the tortuous editing process it'll need to go through and if you think he's ever going to finish this series in his lifetime then you're more optimistic than i
am that's for [ __ ] sure ultimately though i guess game of thrones should serve as a sobering reminder for all of us that no matter how high your eyes all it takes is one bad decision to bring it all crashing back down to earth anyway that's all i have for today go away now
