Adele Misses British Humour | British Comedy Marathon | The Graham Norton Show

Olivia Coleman has gone one further ladies and gentlemen because in her new show she had her daughter in her in the it's like Russian dolls and and you know and and your do plays a role in this is the night manager the new series that you got read oh in her in her what are you doing I don't know iwhere you just nodding okay all right it's a UK thing all right I got it I got it um but they they they wrote the bump in yeah when I first went to meet the director and

um I just found out I was pregnant and I thought I can't lie it's going to become obvious and so I said I was pregnant and uh Susanna went oh okay so um she said I must talk to uh talk to the producers and and so this is my impressionist it's lucky she's not here cuz then I can tell you it's really good okay it is it's absolutely SP on yeah and then and I was going un if you remember Fargo Francis mcdom was pregnant and it really added to it I think it would help

sort of fingers crossed and they went away and came back and said yeah okay we can do pregnant yeah uh yeah we're riding in so and it was good CU you didn't have to carry a bag in front of yourself or bagg coat got so big there was there would have been no hiding it and then and also I was waddling quite a lot and Susanna once said could you uh could you walk less pregnant my pelvis is uh so this is uh the night manager uh coming out in bbc1 next month see that I

look like someone like a a snuck into the back of shots it's clearly it's like a model shoot spherical being it's like it's like when they left the paper cups on the mantle piece in downtown she look like she's back there fixing his suit like a wardrobe person like exactly I would have known didn't say it but when she said it I was like it kind of D look Daisy you get to use your lovely English voice I do throughout I do John not so much no have an American accent in it do it he's

so good no it's incredible you're accent is so good oh thank you I mean I tried it in the British but it didn't work out I'm a stormtrooper I'm an A Savior wel did did you do it on on Street uh yes yes um and JJ was just like uh John I I don't think it's right it's not so let's go with American but what if you hadn't been able to do American then I would have been pissed be fired fir this is based on your life I mean this is things yeah I mean Loosely

gram no with things like isn't the washing machine that happened to you what the the washing you were very hung over oh yeah yeah come tell Jody Foster that story all that stories already cool L gra when I was teaching which is what this show is based on I I went home one weekend and I was in my 30s I was probably 33 years of age I went home to see my U mother and then I went back and while I was at home my mother did my washing for me cuz I was only 33

then I went back on the on the Sunday night I got really drunk uh and then I I went for a curry and then the next day I went into school I'm going to I went into school and it was a school in slow and it was quite a rough school but they had a really brilliant hearing impaired department so there were hearing impaired kids who uh you know struggled they were they were really looked after in school anyway I was really hung over I went there and about break time I felt really uncomfortable I

thought something's not right you know so I went to the toilet and I pulled my trousers down and and some of my mother's knickers had got I got mixed up in the Washi done and I was wearing my mother's under and I went oh god oh no oh I remember going oh you loser this is such a low point you [ __ ] loser and then and then the curry and the booze the curry and the booze kicked in from the night before so I I I did like a feal Jackson Pollock and I started

I started going oh God not this not this as well oh Jesus so I cleaned myself up and I pulled my mother's pants back and I went back into the um classroom and I saw one of the hearing impaired kids just looking at me like this and that's when I remember my I had a microphone directly here we [Applause] go so maybe Man Down isn't that farfetched Pi up on is what's happened to facts that facts aren't what they once were yeah facts I thought you talking about the defunct way of sending messages no what's

happened to that well tell you what's happened to that the Internet it's the least of its victim yes well well that's the thing the internet has happened to both forms of fact both faxes and facts the internet has seen to yeah because now essentially you can't tell truth from from lies they they both look perfectly nicely typeset they're both on websites you people loads of people endlessly saying how mainstream media is all lies it's not all lies is it I mean I mean in in fact there's a lot more recourse if there is a specific

lie in mainstream media than there is on a random website that someone's just put up there but people are going around saying no mainstream media is all lies and that is [ __ ] and the fact that people think that is extremely worrying but it's one of the other terrible effects of the internet that we that the truth you know it is out there but it may never again be discerned but also we do seem to be going backwards like you talk in the book about how we now have to listen to people saying the

Earth is flat yeah yes that that's that's one of the pieces in there is about the the new uh the new Flat Earth International Conference it isn't a conference from The 14th Century this is a conference that started I think in 2017 and is a growing thing and that's because people are so contrarian people are so willing to believe unsubstantiated things that have websites that they are now going back on the conclusion we have all rightly drawn about the shape of the planet we live on and people are sort of going and by people I

mean idiots and saying I I'm a questioning person so why am I going to go along with this idea that the world is round well I tell you why because people went up in a rocket looked out of the window and took a bloody photo so don't understand anything Kevin said no not I I got something about balls at the yeah is that what he said yeah he said balls yeah he did say balls no can you seriously not understand not very much I I was going to kind of question him as he was going

along but I actually tried a show in America done one gig a guy complimented me approached me after the set and he goes man are you actually Scottish and and I said yes and he goes man your English is pretty good chest St I do you follow the soccer that was an outside chance do you follow not really no no and I know you guys call it football here we do I know that much well that's that's a good star that is a good star yeah yeah do you know who David Beckham is yes because

of his underwear ads okay I think you found the level of our crowd uh I'm going to move this out of shop because we can't really see you behind it so I'll just put that down put that down there safely no back off no seriously AB sailing in to protective now and the evic for the uninitiated hello what makes it such a kind of special thing well certainly for a gener my generation and perhaps a bit younger nowadays there's lots of you know football on TV there's games all the time but when we grew up

you when we grew up the only game you'd ever really see was the FA Cup Final in particular um you get match of the day that's been going forever but you know the actual live games the FA Cup Final you wake up Saturday morning greme wouldn't you and watch all the build up and um and it's every young lad that likes football and there are some and there are some quite a few um sort of dreamt about playing the FA Cup Final being part of it and I think I think that's what it is it's

it's a really traditional event that was known right throughout the world there are other you know there are other cir but also does this thing of the because what it does is this is the only thing I do know about it is that it throws up these weird things where tiny clubs will suddenly be with a major Club sort of David and Goliath the wonderful thing about the competition is everyone can enter all the small teams and they they starts in something like August and then gradually they go through tiny clubs then you can meet

a decent non-league side then you can play against a professional club and if you get all the way through to the third round you could conceivably draw one of the the giant teams sort of the United's the liverpools etc etc and now match of the day obviously it's going all right the way through now because it's got these FA Cup specials can't believe I've just have to explain what the FA Cup does did you know you didn't know to you no idea youve no idea into a hotel and somebody came out and said oh do

you need help with your bags and I thought they were doing a bit so um I went oh I've been traveling all day you have no idea and then they um kept talking like that so I had to like slowly transition out of it and I know that that sounds like an exaggeration of their voice but then I was back in the country several years later and they were on TV on gogglebox cuz it was Steph and Dom from gogglebox they so they actually talk like that that is Hil I never knew that that was

a real hotel bed yeah you stay there I stayed there and accidentally made fun of them to their face have I seen pictures of you at football matches uh no have you been to have you been to a cricket match no no it's a very long game yeah it takes days possible to explain to Americans that you can have an international match where England are playing India or Australia and it goes on for five days and after the end of the fifth day it can still be a draw I know there was I know what

cricet is I know it's it's like relatively violent and saying like there was this episode of Friends where Ross is dating an English girl and she she her friends her mates this happened her mates get into a cricket match and he tries to play and he just like breaks all the bones in his body it's wild I think wasn't that rugby or rugby wasn't that rugby that was rugby you know what Cricket is Cricket it's like it's isn't that the one with the things on the floor and you put them with the balls no that's

cro we don't have an international cro Star right I don't know we could have canell no no Cricket it's like it's you know because in uh Jenny the block you're playing now what's that is that uh baseball softball stickball stickball which is that's a bit like Cricket isn't it it's hard to it's hard exp it's probably the closest sport in America is baseball but cricket last 5 days we break every now and then for food and we spend a lot of time rubbing our balls on our trousers what he's not even joking why do you

say it's it's like baseball though I've never seen a cricket match so I don't know I think just because of a ball and you try and hit it I think that's with a stick you hit it with a stick and you run bases as well you run in between wickets um on a pitch [Music] go back and forth yeah like basketball yeah and yeah it's like a cross between the two when you go with all your jokes you hope that there's obviously there's different references that they won't get and some things are very British Centric

and I didn't know that if they knew I have a joke about um well it involves the words Hanky Panky what is it I can't do the whole joke why not because it's on my new TV show I'm doing one of our songs from our album okay okay I like the fact you check with me whether Hanky Panky was all right that nice just you you just yeah you looked at me and said Han it's because the word Hanky Panky so I might be offended but what if the joke isn't funny on the joke do

you want me to do the joke it's just a silly joke it's a joke about words that come with another word so there's like chitchat or chat so what's the difference between chat and chitchat why people say you have a chat or we just had a chat we had a bit of chitchat but it's pretty much the same thing the difference of course is chit but people never have a chit they never go would you like a chit no I don't have time for a chat could we have a little chit or I probably a

chit CH so I was gathered all these words up like um like willy-nilly nitty-gritty you get to the nitty you do sometimes get to the gritty not the nitty hurly Bly dilly d wishy-washy aiy Daddy and hodg Podge but my favorite is Hanky Panky because well everybody hopes I can only speak as a man but men tend to hope for Hanky Panky on a daily basis but often we must make do with [Applause] hanky sometimes sometimes uh we get to the end of the day and uh it looks like panky's on the card oh I

didn't I didn't think Panky was was happening today and we're like I'm not sure I can do Panky cuz I went hanky early daughter but if you can refrain from hanky there's a good chance of rampy pumpy I didn't know whether they had the phrase Hanky Panky in Australia so I said to my tour manager who is the sweetest smallest malt man he's a tiny sweet maler maltier with a BAL head so like you've eaten the top of and I said uh he those grats here I said grats can you go and find out if

if they know the phrase Hanky Panky here because I don't want to do this joke and everyone just STS at me so he went over to the largest Australian Security man I've ever seen he's just standing like that and he just went excuse me are you familiar with the phrase hanky pank and he was just like you better get away from me sir oh I like I think that yeah that's a great joke were they familiar with it yes it went very well me tell me about the fact okay it's not it's not it's not

funny but I'm I'm interested in what your opinion is because you can be underwhelmed you can be overwhelmed right but you're never just are you about this two days not you me I SP about this two days ago well you're right like you can be disheveled but never shoveled well ruthless but not you never say go he's got a lot of Ruth right yeah this is a good point good point wow I feel like other words they always go with like like torrential will always go with rain people T not to say my favorite is

a Kimbo you can only have legs can you have arms a Kimo I thought was just legs of Kimbo I think Have You Seen Her Dance I'm you're right the welmed this is a good thought if I ever went solo that would be my name welmed no legs are Kim please welcome WellMed how did it go you work with Jessica a lot of you taught her any Scottish phrases or I don't think I've taught her too much but I remember sitting here on this couch a we while ago with um uh I was about to

say Dame medal stre but she's not a Dame no she should be you're right she's American American Dame called metal stre and and I try a Scottish phrase on her to see if you could understand what I was saying so I'll try it on you okay oh yes all right this place is pure Hing May ball bags it's Hing your ball bags this place is pure Hing my ball bags this place is pure Hing me ball bangs yeah but what does it mean it means that this place is making your balls feel it's good it's

good protected kind of this place is full of EGS or idiots that's not very nice to say you said it toor street I'm sure JB Cameron can you can you understand all of this in terms of the East ends Vibe it is [ __ ] up complicated it's like celebrity goggle balls sure I'm just watching he most Sur Real panel in the world but now we just thought if could our American Stars you know do uh a cockney accent so these are uh Cockney Expressions e end Expressions but written phonetically okay so you you'll get

it as we go along so de if you want to read if you on the screen so if you read this phonetically it you should sound like sender if you get them they're good okay this is very good J just try this one this one Jamie you got there's only cockies in the house it's got we've got that can you use it in a sentence yeah yeah you could so but tryy just say that c a panda there you go see panda panda panda C panda with cheese C panda with fries this what youd have

it with you know what P okay P quar pound quar pounda with qu qu P qu pound with fries it's like you live in the East end it's like you're in Walford okay here's here this is another good one this is another good one try try this one Cameron how much is it it's about 1050 how much is it yeah how much is it how much is it how much is it basically that's the same thing we see in Long Beach how much is it one last one for user what have you got for user

coo that's how much it is oh this try that try that you got that you got that all over this is all over it he's all over it go on J me wasn't bad do one more time me do you know what I mean me me yeah very good very Emma very at home with animals so in Scotland do you own sheep yes and you commune with the Sheep um that's putting it too strongly I walked through the sheep field you've walked amongst the Sheep shouting at them but yeah but isn't there a thing with

a stream oh there usually is yeah well okay I've never told you this but no please sometime back so we have a at the bottom of the sheep field there's um there's a a pond where I wash and there's a a sauner a woodfine saer so we go down there and get in the sauner and and in the summer I walk to and from with nothing on much like the Sheep yeah they're appalled obviously just appalled oh god um but um one one night that hot it was a hot summer there was a kind of

real thundering on the door of our of our place and and it's miles away from anywhere so I thought oh God okay the man in The Mask has come to take us away and I was there on my own with my little daughter who was little then in little 0 and we went downstairs and opened the door there was a massive and very good looking policeman outside who said um I'm so sorry to um to interrupt your evening uh Miss Thompson but um we've had reports of an intruder on your land um and on your

field and I said really oh God when when when was it well it was sometime this afternoon um I woman was walking her dog and she saw a 52-year-old man coming naked up through the Sheep at which point at which point I thought okay something has happened or my boobs have dropped so low that from a distance they read as testicles and I I was so embarrassed with this because this polican was so lovely and so good looking I nearly whipped up honestly it's not that bad I think it was probably [Applause] me but that's

what happened at the she but now now did you guys uh all chat backstage of course we did and now were you okay with uh Jody's accent I love the accent but could you understand it yeah can you understand it no I didn't understand I didn't understand one word that we said you you laughed three times yeah well that's that's a sign of discomfort you don't know because Jody whiter Jody whiter went to America and Jody was on uh The Late Show with Steven Kar and you had a lovely time chat away Stephen asked you

the question you answered them the person who does the subtitles I feel wasn't really Following the show uh this is what they wrote I'm make sense do make sense no there's nowhere called who do field it's a real place where are you from Huddersfield [Applause] yeah Huddersfield beautiful I know oh someone went to drama school classically trained you really were a blue coat weren't you I was a blue coat yeah at the place you showed which was next door to heam nuclear power station thing is I got Senter because I was I worked at a

really good one in in Yarmouth Great Yarmouth got sacked which is another story and then uh was sacked and then and was sent to we'll move on to that in a minute but sent to this one sent to that one as a sort of punishment it was like a you you're going to morham to do six months because you have just you've just done something which what had you done well something that was considered cheeky in the 70s but now is illegal it was it was actually an incident where it was my first attempt at

standup comedy and uh what happened was I I'd always wanted to do standup comedy I didn't have the guts to do it I got very drunk I had to go at doing it as a blue coat my mate said to me just copy all the other comedians at pontins and steal their jokes and basically talk to the front row so you're supposed to say where you from they say Scotland you say who paid for your holiday where you from Wales you make a noise like a sheep rubbish jokes right but I said that's terrible he

said don't worry you're just padding what you're doing is you're looking for comedy gold which is where from they say Kent and you say what did you call me right now at ponon this used to take the roof off right so I tried it but I was very drunk so I go on stage and I say where are you from this BL says Scotland I can't remember the joke I say hello then I said to the where you from the guy says Wales I'd black out and I go hi I panic and then I say

anyone in from Kent and this blo shouts out me and I said well you're a [Applause] [Laughter] [Applause] [Music] So Daniel GL what an amazing year you've had cuz this time last year you know this was not going to be the year that was coming this is amazing no I was just chilling out I was I was chilling and then this film came out I was like I doing this Indie this indie horror and then you know it's been it's been life changing lot's happened I'm so happy with you so Oscar nominated for best actor

but also the B this weekend come on you've got to get something you're nominated for best actor and rising star that would be true cruel to give you nothing I mean it happened to Craig David with the Brits do you remember with great David he got nominated for six bricks and he didn't come with nothing so if he can go away like he had six so there two in it so I'll be that's a good attitude to have David came back he came back it took about 20 years but he came back so that's the

plan like 20 years later I go yo you got to give me something man but U you've had some practice now with the the big sele because obviously the Golden Globes so who did you meet at the Golden Globes ah how how long you got man it's just like oh so did you meet these guys at the Golden Gloves no I met I met her I met I met her before is Awards Governor Governor's Awards and she was really cool and we just spoke about stuff it was really nice and then um but I I

met I met I met good story it was the he was really nice was a nice person it's cool like it was English cuz his accent was so Flawless and get out and I was like oh my God and anytime I meet anyone who's English I'm just immediately like I love London I miss it do you live there oh so you about London yeah yeah we talk about London l and no I met I met I met that's what happened yeah I met Denzel I met Denzel and Denzel and Oprah at the same time it

was what it was just this segue it was just this like this I don't know like africanamerican excellent segue or black I don't know what happened it's like Denzel came up to me was like oh he came to English accent he was like yeah mate yeah cheers mate cheers mate cheers mate and I'm like what what's happening how do you know who I am and he was like and then he went to his wife like he he thinks I don't know who he is and then and then he goes come me Oprah and then I

was like cool me BR let's me oh and then uh and then I just yeah I hugged her I hugged her so tightly she felt so good man she felt she felt good apparently she smells really she has an amazing smells amazing gra like I swear like opra is just premium can the rest of the couch you must have all met Oprah does she smell amazing I've never met Oprah but when I do I'm going to hug her for sure smell the Golden Globes but she was too far away you go inhale deeply inhale deeping

around and Adele you've never lost your accent I mean because you've been in America for a while now yeah I've been there for a while now yeah for sure no I don't know it's never no and is it true is it true that Angelo like picks you up on the way you think he does but Angelo sounds just like me by the way do like yeah so obviously the whole time I've been there he's been there and um he goes to school of American kids and sounds like me um so but yeah I kind of

correct him a lot as well obviously but that's not how you say it yeah he does on on on like you know the word like free as it like the number three oh yeah he's like it's not free three it's like three like you know he's got he's a little bit more well spoken than me probably because of his dad's but um yeah we've both still got our accents and you live there and obviously enjoy living there but there must be things you miss oh my gosh yeah I mean we weren't supposed to live there

this long all like you know before covid we used to spend over half our time here and oh right okay but then obviously you know I got locked out the country with um well if I came back here I wouldn't have been able to get back there basically so I was stuck there for most of Co but um yeah I mean I miss like British I miss British humor I mean you know yeah our humor is this just doesn't always travel so I find myself having to like explain my jokes a that much fun um

but um yeah I you know I miss the humor I miss my family I miss you know a lot of um like my condiments you know I I love a I love a sauce like I love a sauce marm might well marm might's not quite be vibrant like you know like Sal cream and Branson's pickle and stuff like that and um but I found a store there that does it all oh yeah I did she's in she's in I'm in [Music]