My Parents Skipped My Wedding Because I Married Before My Perfect Sister. Now....- Reddit Stories

my parents skipped my wedding because I married before my perfect sister now their perfect family image is finally crumbling after being together for 4 years I 32f got married 8 months ago except for my sister Molen 30f and my parents everyone went to the wedding my parents decision to skip the event was startling but I wasn't overly shocked by my sister's absence because we've never really gotten along however considering our past I should have anticipated it I'll give you some background on our family's Dynamics I can't completely blame my parents for constantly favoring my sister

over me throughout her life she has been exceptionally good at almost everything she was the center of attention in every room she visited as soon as she could walk she won every spelling be science fair and talent show in elementary school class president valedictorian and prom queen were all very much the same in high school tall slender and attractive enough she pursued modeling while in college before concentrating on her business degree she got her first modeling job during her sophomore year and I can still remember it to celebrate my parents invited all of our family

members and her friends to a lavish party her first professional headshot was framed and hung in our living room where it remains to this day directly above the fireplace the same year I received my degree in computer science they merely murmured well done and resumed organizing moline's next photo session she immediately climbed the corporate ladder after graduating and Landing a job at a prominent company she already has a corner office and a corporate car at at the age of 30 making her a senior executive in the meantime I work for a respectable computer company as

a mid-level software developer although I'm pleased with my work and it's a decent profession it's not the type of employment that makes parents boast in front of the family in addition I'm bigger and shorter than my sister my mother made crude remarks about my appearance signed me up for workout classes I didn't want to attend and put me on diets all the time when I was growing up she would say Molen never struggles with her weight or you could look as nice as your sister if you just put in a little more effort even though

I had learned to ignore these remarks by high school they had an impact over the years I've accepted these distinctions I ultimately came to terms with the fact that my parents never took as much delight in my accomplishments as they did in Molin what was my option I tried to get their approval for years by attending classes they recommended joining clubs they encouraged and even attempted modeling for a short time a failure my sister never lets me forget however nothing was ever sufficient I was merely the second daughter and they were completely enamored with my

sister's achievements I gave up attempting to impress them sometime in my mid-20s I concentrated on creating my own life growing professionally on my own terms and forming bonds with individuals that respected me for who I am to be honest following that things have improved knowing that my parents were constantly concerned about maintaining appearances I kept my interactions with them superficial in order to prevent conflict during our mandatory Christmas meals and SP family get togethers I would nod and grin while they raved about Molen most recent job lover or vacation spot since they had Molen to

Swoon over they didn't seem to notice my emotional distance then at a computer conference I ran upon my spouse through a mutual friend he noticed me actually saw me unlike my family he liked my dry sense of humor my ability to code and yes even my body type right from the beginning he never once said I should change or make comparisons to other people he opped to me after 4 years of dating when we were alone at home enjoying takeaway and our favorite TV in the background it was Flawless naturally I told my folks that

I was engaged last year my first clue should have been their response there was no congratulation only Stillness my mother then questioned whether I was certain I wanted to jump right in and recommended that I might want to improve my physical condition before the wedding my father didn't say much at all during the engagement party my husband noted their odd reaction which I was too anxious to fully comprehend at the time they crouched over my mother's phone in a corner for the majority of the evening my husband then informed me that he had heard them

talking to Molen on the phone who was clearly crying they were talking about how this wasn't the plan and how they never expected Rebecca to get married first according to what he vaguely heard there were some minor setbacks during the wedding planning process despite not even being engaged at the time my mother had already made many wedding Pinterest boards for Molen and was not interested in assisting me in selecting a dress or location my mother merely remarked that it was practical and suitable for my figure when I selected my dress a straightforward yet Exquisite A-line

gown that made me feel lovely my future mother-in-law who treated me like the daughter she never had and I ended up working together on the majority of the preparations I carefully reviewed and double checked the guest list with my spouse to be sure no one was overlooked before sending out both electronic and paper wedding invitations I am certain that my parents received theirs because the electronic invitations included red receipts I called texted and emailed them several times after realizing they hadn't rsvpd my mails were either ignored or met with evasive responses stating that they were

very busy and needed to check their schedules I couldn't waste too much energy worrying about it because I was too busy getting ready for the wedding my in-laws were incredibly helpful offering assistance with everything from seating maps to floral arrangements even at the lovely bridal shower hosted by my husband's sister the painfully obvious absence of my own family was never brought up even though my parents weren't there the wedding day itself was beautiful we held a laid-back afternoon celebration after the morning wedding in a garden setting everyone was right when they said we looked so

content and in love but there were times when their absence felt like a physical anguish such as when I saw the front row seats empty or at the fatherdaughter dance that I was not able to attend I sought answers after the honeymoon and wedding they said they were deeply hurt that they had never gotten a formal invitation when I eventually reached them on the phone my mother launched into a lengthy tiate about how careless I was how she had always wanted to assist in organizing her daughter's weddings and how she couldn't comprehend why I would

leave them out of such a significant occasion I was perplexed by this since I was positive we had given them both kinds of invitations during the call I verified that we had indeed sent them by looking through our records even the physical invitations delivery was confirmed I didn't confront them about their attempts to Gaslight me I just said I was sorry for the error and hung up later my husband brought up a number of incidents that demonstrated their true intentions such as the way they appeared surprised rather than delighted when we told them we were

engaged or the way they continued coming up with reasons not to assist with the wedding planning because he didn't want to add to my anxiety during the wedding planning process he hadn't brought up these findings earlier but in retrospect the pattern was clear the idea that I the less successful daughter was getting married before their beloved Molen was too much for them to Bear their demeanor simply served to validate what I had always suspected but had resisted that I would never be able to compete with my sister in their eyes the most depressing thing was

learning that even my wedding day which ought to have been a celebration of love and Fresh Starts turned into yet another front in their never-ending War to preserve their ideal Family Image with Molen at its core Molen recently got engaged to someone she's been dating for a year according to family members I spoke with in family group conversations that I don't participate in my parents openly Express their excitement about organizing an elaborate wedding for her they are already boasting about securing up scale locations and luxury gowns and my mother is taking Meen to private fittings

at upscale stores all the motherdaughter time I was not allowed it's intriguing that a large number of our family are suddenly refusing to go to Molen wedding and engagement party my parents actions at my wedding apparently became a topic of conversation in the family I just tell my family members what I think is real when they inquire as to why my parents didn't attend my wedding they couldn't bear it when I married before their beloved daughter I present the facts as I perceive them without embellishment or an attempt to win sympathy my parents got in

touch with me a few days ago and accused me of purposefully attempting to spoil moline's wedding according to their claims the relatives they have spoken to are using reasons to avoid going to any of her wedding related festivities my cousin to whom my sister vented informed her that people are reluctant to come because they have heard about my parents treatment of me my parents claim that because I'm envious of my sister's impending lavish wedding I'm spreading false Stories the problem is that I'm only telling folks the truth about what happened perhaps they should consider their

conduct instead of blaming me for the results if the truth makes them appear terrible as things continue to change I'm finding it harder and harder to keep up the appearance of a relationship with my parents their behavior during my wedding finally made it clear to me that I would never be sufficient for them regardless of what I did their absence at my wedding is no longer the most difficult aspect it's coming to terms with the fact that I never had the kind encouraging parents I always desired I'm concentrating on creating a life life with someone

who genuinely appreciates me for who I am right now but I'll keep you updated if anything important changes first update since my last post which was two weeks ago a lot has transpired I ultimately made the decision to speak with my parents face to face over their actions at my wedding and their current charges that I ruined my sister's special day after reading your encouraging remarks I felt it was time to put everything on the table when they began texting me about their tarnished family history my parents quickly started making accusations during our phone call

saying that I was jealous of Molen and had planned the entire thing I did something I had never done before I agreed with them but not in the way they had anticipated in place of defending myself as I usually would I said to them you're correct I'm envious not meenk career not her accomplishments not her appearance I'm envious of the unwavering love and support you've shown her which you never even made an effort to show me there was a pause in the line my mother then began claiming that I was exaggerating and that they had

always treat treated us equally something broke inside of me at that moment feelings that had been repressed for years came flooding out I informed them of each birthday when mine's most recent success eclipsed my own accomplishments when melen had a modeling call back my mother canceled my high school graduation dinner about how her prom outfit cost more than the total cost of my college textbooks for a year I continued despite my father's attempts to cut me off by accusing me of exaggerating I talked about how it was to watch them spend years organizing my sister's

fictitious wedding while showing no interest in my own I told them how painful it was to see my parents seats vacant and how my mother-in-law had to help me with everything from wedding preparation to clothing buying their reaction was instructive they flipped it on me rather than accepting any of my arguments why did you never speak up if you felt this way as if I hadn't tried to speak with them for years my mother insisted my father went on to say that by discussing these emotions with our family members I was being unjust and spiteful

my mother said something at that point that ultimately clarified everything we never imagined you'd go to such lengths as to try to ruin Molen wedding out of spite but we always knew you were insecure about her success she stated this is not how we brought you up I became aware that they couldn't even hear me they believed that their behavior and my emotions had nothing to do with the entire circumstance it has to do with moline's reaction they were more worried about her impending nuptials than the hurt they had caused me even during this discussion

about their absence from my wedding I didn't attempt to make things better for the first time in my life I didn't retract or apologize rather I expressed my thoughts to them directly you're correct on one point I was raised by you you instilled in me the belief that I would never measure up that moline's accomplishments would always be more significant than mine that upholding your ideal Family Image was more essential than my feelings however you also taught me that I deserve better than this which was something you didn't mean to teach me before my father

spoke there was a long pause he spoke spoke in a cool collected tone maybe it's time for us to stop acting like we're bad parents since you've already determined that we are and you obviously take pleasure in seeing us suffer since you are family we assumed you would assist in resolving this issue but it is clear that you have made your own decisions the last blow was delivered by my mother perhaps you simply couldn't cope with not being the center of attention even though we always tried to treat you both fairly Rebecca that's not our

fault you made the decision to play the victim I refrain from arguing why would it matter everything I had been saying had just been validated by them they were unable to admit their involvement in any of anything even at this last discussion I just hung up and said goodbye I was surprised to feel relieved after the call tears were shed to be sure but they weren't the Frantic heartbreaking ones I remember from my early years they were liberating tears for the first time I had expressed everything I needed to say without holding back or feeling

guilty about how I felt later my my husband saw me gazing at the sunset from our back porch he sat next to me and grasped my hand without saying anything they're never going to change are they I asked him after a time no but you have he said squeezing my hand and that is what counts he is correct I've changed the young child who frantically tried to win her parents approval is no longer there they no longer need to validate the woman who came out of that last conversation although acknowledging that my parents will never

be the people I need them to be is painful it is not as painful as holding out hope that they would change for the first time I don't really care what happens with my sister's wedding or the family drama I've had my say and they now have to deal with whatever comes up the most peculiar aspect I feel as though a burden I've carried my entire life has finally been lifted although it's not the happy ending I had hoped for with my parents perhaps it was the one I needed the ability to quit striving for

love that ought to have come naturally second update 3 days have passed since my runin with our parents and things have taken a surprising turn Moline made the decision to become involved in the drama but her strategy failed horribly my sister sent me a thoughtfully composed message yesterday morning she had developed a condescending tone over the years and it was evident in her text what you said to your parents was totally inappropriate they have helped us through every stage of our lives and given us everything you cannot simply blame them for being poor parents because

you are insecure about the decisions you have made in life she continued the message with her typical blend of moral superiority and covert Jabs I understand that your wedding wasn't exactly what you had envisioned but that doesn't mean you should try to destroy mine there's nothing wrong with wanting a celebration that honors those of us who have put in a lot of effort to meet specific standards Rebecca not everything needs to be a contest I didn't bother to answer I've discovered that interacting with her merely provides her with more ammunition after years of putting up

with her manipulative conduct I just blocked her number instead Molen has never been one to put up with being ignored so I assumed that would be the end of it my husband who was laughing so hard that he could not speak called me at work a few hours later Molen was apparently unable to get in touch with me directly so she found his personal number probably via a common acquaintance and sent him a string of texts outlining the precise reasons why our sister relationship has never been good she began her initial communication to him in

a sufficiently professional manner as Rebecca's sister and someone who cares deeply about our family's well-being I feel compelled to reach out however it soon turned into her actual motivations she informed my husband that he had an obligation to help me behave in a more suitable manner because he was the new man in Rebecca's life the messages become increasingly patronizing family Dynamics are complex she told my husband a professional software architect with an MBA adding that someone with Rebecca's sensitivity might not understand the bigger picture she advised him to assist me in seeing reason before I

irreparably harm family relationships her attempt to play on what she believed to be his social climbing impulses was the true kicker though in fact she wrote surely you understand that maintaining good relationships with successful family members like myself could be beneficial for your future Rebecca's behavior is only hurting her own prospects and by extension yours having always been able to see through moline's facade my spouse thought her attempt at manipulation was humorous he particularly liked her presumption that her business rank or the prospect of networking opportunities would somehow impress him in his own words she

really doesn't know me at all does she we went over the messages together when I got home that night I was laughing with my hubby instead of feeling offended or upset seeing meenk deceptive methods exposed particularly when they were aimed at someone who was totally impervious to them was liberating I learned something significant about my sister as a result of this encounter she is still that insecure adolescent who needs to tear others down in order to feel Superior despite all of her achievements and success it's clear how little she knows about good relationships that she

believed she could control me by manipulating my husband when her direct approach failed she swiftly turned to trying to use my husband against me which was the most revealing aspect she used to do precisely that in high school she attempted to turn my friends against me when she was unable to bully me directly different decade same strategies with this fresh Viewpoint I Now understand how moline's actions went beyond simple sibling rivalry throughout our early years she made a concerted effort to keep her status as the favorite Child always telling our parents and me how much

better she was she had to overshadow whatever I accomplished she had to point out my shortcomings to everyone I made friends with my response to her games is different now her messages would have caused me to fall into self-doubt 10 years ago I would have been upset and hurt 5 years ago today simply put I'm sick of the drama and find her blatant attempts at manipulation amusing my husband's response was ideal rather than becoming embroiled in her drama he merely responded thank you than you for your concern about Rebecca's well-being as her husband I'm focused

on supporting her happiness not managing her behavior I think it's best if you direct any future concerns to Rebecca directly have a nice day Molen sent one last message after not receiving the desired response I see she's poisoned you against the family too don't say I didn't try to help when this all blows up in your faces ironically moline's attempt to assist has further strengthened my resolve to keep my distance from the destructive dynamics of my family nothing has changed as evidenced by her messages to my spouse she is still the same cunning individual who

feels the need to dictate every story and who perceives any departure from her ideal family script is a danger knowing that her attempts at persuasion were so totally unsuccessful is perhaps the most Pleasant aspect of the entire incident she succeeded in bringing my spouse and I closer together rather than causing us to drift apart totally unconcerned by her fears of social repercussions we joked about her texts and planned a weekend trip during the evening I've come to understand that true family isn't about upholding facades or dictating stories it's about standing together laughing together and supporting

one another when someone tries to manipulate you even your own sister I'm more certain than ever that I'd be better off keeping a safe distance from Molen wedding drama instead of getting sucked into my family's never-ending power struggles my husband and I have made the decision to concentrate on creating our own happiness success is said to be the best form of retaliation but I'm coming to realize that real SU success isn't about impressing people it's about accepting your decisions and surrounding yourself with individuals that encourage rather than impede your own development I feel more successful

than ever by that metric third update after my sister's unsuccessful attempt to control my husband two weeks ago things have taken unanticipated turns the situation is becoming worse despite my parents desperate attempts to repair their reputation I found out through Family Ties that my parents have been on a mad quest to correct the narrative they have been phoning each relative separately and accusing me of spreading vile Tales because I'm envious of moline's Ideal wedding they claim that I'm just resentful since her wedding will be far more sophisticated and gorgeous than mine was according to their

most recent tale I purposefully left them out of my wedding so I could act like the victim it's funny that they still reside in the same home they've owned for 30 years and have the same email addresses since the invention of email but they're saying I sent their invitation to an old email address and an old physical address the good news is that their attempts to limit the harm are failing miserably our family members don't believe it actually a number of family members have shared their personal accounts of my parents history of partiality according to

one aunt my mother had previously engaged in similar Antics at Family weddings in an effort to guarantee that Molen was the life of the party the way my extended family has reacted to my parents manipulation is the most fulfilling development important family members some of whom were expected to have significant Parts in the event have stopped supporting moline's wedding they may no longer have access to the the exclusive location they were able to get through Family Ties even a family friend's luxury garment business has unexpectedly experienced scheduling conflicts at a family get together last weekend

things reached a Breaking Point it seems that when someone naively inquired about my wedding pictures my mother became upset out of jealousy she started a defensive tiate about how I had changed after getting married and was attempting to destroy the family her tantrum backfired stunning a number of relatives who were unaware of the circumstan es and further harming their well-maintained reputation it's especially ironic that my parents frantic efforts to maintain their ideal family facade are the reason it's falling apart each time they attempt to justify their absence from my wedding they wind up disclosing more

about who they really are people are becoming more aware of their deception the more they attempt to portray me as the bad guy family members are now picking sides after previously remaining impartial recently even my father's brother who had always kept silent to maintain Harmony apolog OLED for not speaking up sooner about how they treated me he has made the decision not to go to any of Mel's wedding related festivities with his family I don't have to answer any of this explicitly so I haven't the truth is taking care of everything for me miline and

my parents always wind up revealing more of their destructive conduct when they attempt to twist the tail it comes out that all those years of remaining silent and putting up with their treatment in an effort to keep the peace was really just a way of allowing their actions my husband said it in the best possible words they constructed a facade of the ideal family over many years but it was based on emotional manipulation and partiality eventually it was going to fall apart I'm doing better than ever personally I no longer have to worry about attempting

to win my parents approval the stress of controlling moline's emotions has subsided I'm not concerned about upholding their ideal family image for the first time in my life sometimes the best retaliation is just letting the truth speak for itself rather than taking action I'm grateful to Reddit for giving me the courage to advocate for myself you have no idea how much your guidance and encouragement have meant to me along this path sometimes you need to see what true Family Support looks like from strangers you met online thank you for watching if you haven't subscribed yet

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