7 Signs of an Incompatible Relationship

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Now, let’s get into this week’s topic. Now, let’s get into this week’s topic. Love.

Partnership. “Soul Mate” – So many of us spend a good chunk of our lives looking for “The One. ” But what happens when  we actually find someone?

How do we know if they’re the person who is right  to spend the rest of our lives with? Or even if starting a relationship  with them is the right choice? While compatibility is no guarantee  of longevity, studies show that it is directly related to the quality and  satisfaction of our relationships.

Simply put, the more compatible you and your partner are;  the happier you’re likely to be with them. Everybody has their own ideas about what qualities and traits their dream partner should have, but rarely do we ever find someone who’s a  perfect match. Instead, we learn to compromise where we can and grow to love people in spite  of their flaws and imperfections.

However, it can be hard to differentiate normal  differences from incompatibility. So if you’re wondering whether or not you  and your significant other are incompatible, here are 7 telltale signs that you  probably aren’t right for each other: ONE. You Don’t Get Each Other Right from the get go, this can tell you  a great deal about how good of a match you and your partner make.

If you have a hard time  understanding how they’re feeling, what they’re thinking, or what they need, then they might  not be the one for you – and vice versa. It is better to be with someone you can be in sync  with; someone who pick up and understand your non-verbal cues, discern the tone of your voice,  and ‘get’ what you try to tell them. Otherwise, miscommunication and misunderstandings  can pile up in your relationship.

TWO. You’re Too Different from Each Other While it’s technically true that opposites do  attract, every solid, healthy couple should share at least a few similarities with their  partner. This doesn’t mean having to like *all* the same music or movies that they do, or  even sharing the same hobbies as them.

In fact, it can even be refreshing to be in a  relationship with someone so radically different from yourself. Sadly, though,  the excitement won’t last forever. If the similarities are too scarce or non-existent,  once the “new and shiny” effect wears off, you’re both left with someone who doesn’t  share the same humor, interests, values, ideals, or principles, making it difficult to  relate to one another in any meaningful way.

THREE. You Try to *Change* Each  Other, not Grow and Learn Together The hallmark of any strong, healthy relationship  is having a partner who gives you the drive and motivation to change for the better. In fact,  that’s the point – it must be something you want for yourself – your idea, not theirs alone. 

Despite your partner expressing irritation or dissatisfaction with the current you, it is  generally ineffective and not sustainable if you are forcing change on yourself *solely* because  “they want it” and you don’t – you have to want it for you. This goes for many things, whether  it’s the way you dress, speak, or who you hang out with; only you have the right to decide who you  want to be. If you don’t feel comfortable showing your true colours to your significant other, even  in a private setting, this is a definite red flag.

FOUR. There is Constant or Highly Frequent Arguing It’s perfectly normal and healthy to disagree with  your partner about something from time to time, especially if it’s over something that’s important  to the two of you – we didn’t choose this person so we could be with a clone of ourselves. The  disagreements become a problem; however, when the arguing is constant and over even the tiniest  of things.

Even unhealthier is fighting dirty – shouting, name calling, humiliating each other,  holding grudges, and emotional blackmail. Being in a relationship with a partner who tends to bring  out mostly the ugliest side of you is never good. FIVE.

You Attain Peace by  Avoiding All the Problems It’s all about moderation - while constant  fighting is obviously not ideal, it’s also not good for a couple to never disagree about  anything. You need to be honest and communicate openly with one another about how you feel, even  if it is not in agreement with the other person. Constant pretending everything is okay or blind  agreement to the wants of the other person does not make the relationship stronger, and may in  fact result in a catastrophic blow-up later.

Conflict can be a positive, bond-building event  if it can be given and taken constructively. It then can lead to personal growth  and a deeper mutual understanding. SIX.

Your Socializing is  Isolated from Everyone Else Do you find that when you and your partner go  out, it is nearly always only with each other – no friends, parties, or group hangouts? Do you never  spend any time with their friends – have you even met their friends? Is their family still a group  of mystery people you’ve never been introduced to, even though you’ve been together for a  while?

If you answered yes to any of these, this could be a potential problem. It’s  important that you spend time with your partner’s loved ones and get to know them better.  Couples who make the effort to be close with the other important people in their partner’s lives  tend to have longer and happier relationships.

SEVEN. You’re Not Attracted to Them Lastly but most importantly, even when  everything seems perfect on paper, if you don’t have any romance or chemistry,  it’s simply not going to work. Without even an inkling of those factors, you might have a Best  Friend, but not necessarily a Significant Other.

The result is that you will naturally  be drawn to people you have that ‘more than friends’ attraction to. The Triarchic Theory of Love by Robert Sternberg even states that although intimacy  and commitment are present, without passion, the love you share will only be platonic, like  the love shared between your friends and family. In the end, there’s no such thing as a *perfect*  relationship.

Everyone has doubts or disagreements at times with the person they love. A strong,  healthy relationship takes ongoing effort, dedication, and also time for it to grow.  What’s important is finding that someone who, to you, is worth that effort, dedication  and time.

First impressions and initial choices do not seal your fate.  Learning to know and recognize compatibility versus incompatibility will  save you much heartbreak and possibly avoid more serious scarring. So take the  time to evaluate your relationship with these key points in mind and honestly  ask yourself – is my partner right for me?

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As always, Thank you for watching and taking this  short psychology learning journey with us. Video by Psych2go.