The Most Underrated Social Skill and How I used It.

there was a man born in Chicago in 1902 who only 5 years later could read he would go on to create one of the most revolutionary approaches to therapy which you can use in your day-to-day life I'm going to briefly show you what it is a few ways I did it and the amazing effects it had on my people skills and communication oh lord it's good to be here with you Mr the early 1900s was blessed with the birth of an extremely intelligent man his name was kyl Rogers now this guy's education started started fairly

early and that's because I you not he could read before he even started kindergarten his interests changed just a little bit throughout the years but he eventually found what he really wanted to do and that was psychology so he studied and became a psychologist in his early years of psychology he helped out children and developed a non-judgmental and empathetic approach to therapy which was probably because all kids wanted at the time was to be heard now in his journey of psychology K found something that is now common knowledge but had way more power than people

originally thought he developed something called person centered therapy and a major part of that was active listening it's probably something you've heard before but it's definitely not what most people think it is Carl found that even when he just listened to his patients in a certain way it had amazing effect so before I show you how I did it I'm going to show what happened when I tried it I thought to myself one day everyone wants to talk about themselves all the time so what might most people feel like when they listen to I mean

so few people nowadays are actually heard so most of what they say just goes into the void the most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and to be understood the best way to understand people is to listen to them when I implemented active listening into my social life it made others feel really understood and their feelings validated and there's no feeling like being heard this made the people around me happier and more confident and also really actually listening to someone made them come to conclusions that they wouldn't have by themselves therefore

it made them mental health even better but the conversations themselves also got better when I properly listened to someone in a way that made them feel honest and more authentic they said the most random and real I've ever seen and it made for some really fun and interesting conversations that's cool and all but how do we actually know active listening Works to do that we have to take a look at Rogers methods when Rogers practiced his methods clients achieved personal insight and helped themselves healed they felt certain parts of themselves were more accepted and they

trusted the list more they felt happier too this is what I want for you so stick around his methods became revolutionary and now active listening is used almost everywhere not just in Psychology like schools businesses communities and obviously therapy and the best part is unlike Chaos Theory or quantum physics this is rather easy to get into and to start learning K well how did I actually do this well active listening is different from ordinary listening you might know of it's not the same as just not talking when you're being spoken to the first step to

getting better at listening to people was to actually be there to be present but I also had to learn several tools and skills it was a fairly important distinction to make that these are tools not steps not tips they're tools they're skills that I could learn and apply when I needed to understand someone better it's also important to remember that whenever someone says something there's the content itself and there's em motion behind it a part of active listening involves responding and understanding either of these or even both first I had to make sure that I

wasn't losing my marbles allow me to elaborate here I started paraphrasing and summarizing what the other person just said in a very short and natural way and you really find it quite hard to believe that they would really love you if they knew you that's right you know that's exactly it what I would do was I would repeat back what I think I heard in a fairly natural and Casual manner in a way that the other person the speaker would agree with this made it pretty much impossible for any misunder standing to take place it's

just kind of loosely making sure that we're both on the same page even Rogers found that he was wrong sometimes happens but there was something just as important that I was missing I needed to gain understanding as they were speaking I needed to encourage them to keep going I mean why would someone keep talking to me if they thought I wasn't even listening doing this was as simple as not staring at the other person as they were talking with no emotion whatsoever I mean it is called active listening for a reason all I had to

do was something called minimal encourages which is pretty much just nonverbally communicating to make sure that you're engaged this was a really good way to encourage the other person to continue speaking here's a cheeky example and I'm not positive they'll truly accept me something tells me they will I know they will but I'm not positive personally I don't do it as much as what you just saw it also really helps when I take my time to respond instead of just responding as soon as I possibly can but words don't always say exactly what we're feeling

so what about that how can I show empathy while I'm listening how can I work on understanding the feelings of others that's when I found about found about what that's when I found out about something called emotion labeling and that's where after talking with someone for a little bit you practice labeling their emotions in an empathetic matter you might get it wrong and that's okay but it'll have a similar effect anyways and when I tried this I gradually got better I get encouraged when I read in a book from somebody I respect and admire that

this is the right thing no matter what honesty went out well then that keeps giving me confidence by gosh I'm right but it's so damn hard to really choose something on your own isn't it which makes me feel very immature I don't like this in me I wish I were all I said was stuff like it sounds like you're having a rough time and I guess you're glad that's over as well as that sounds exciting or you seem happy this helps build an emotional connection with the other person it helps them understand themselves better and

they feel better because they hurt this was a bit awkward to do at first but as long as I did it naturally and casually it worked very well this last one was probably the most mind-blowing thing I've ever done to myself it was the simplest way to get better at listening to people but it was also the hardest you can make more friends in 2 months by becoming interested in other people than you can in 2 years by trying to get other people interested in you you've probably heard this quote before but why am i

showing it to you well it's mostly because it's spitting facts listening to someone is not the same as wanting to understand them genuinely I realize the value in actually wanting to listen to people and understand them after practicing active listing it got a bit easier and I got a bit better at it because when I took the time to really understand someone I realized just how interesting people can be if we have a number of such experiences however they will shape an attitude which will allow us to be truly genuine in our interests in the

speaker this put me on the path of real Charisma now if you like this stuff like me you should probably check out some of my older videos and maybe even stick around for the ones to come if I don't die or something I should be uploading sometime next week