Tyrion Lannister is a genius. Despite being a mutilated dwarf whose family hates him, he manages not only to stay alive, but to become one of the most powerful players in the Game of Thrones, and that is because his genius is with people. He's able to get people to do exactly what he wants them to do.
How? He is constantly asking one question of the people around him. What do you want?
That is the question. Because people act like homing missiles towards their deepest desires. Tyrion finds a way to put the strength of their own desires directly in line with his goals.
And if you understand the subtleties of this art, you can begin to influence people in the way that Tyrion does. So, in order to figure out what people want, Tyrion uses three major tools. First, cold reading.
And, by the way, spoilers through season five for the rest of this video At this point, Tyrion has not spent much time with this character, Bronn, who's a mercenary, originally hired to guard him. How does he know all of these about Bronn? How does he know what he wants?
It's by paying attention to the clues that he gave during their short interaction. Tyrion has heard Bronn talk about women and he sees the look, right here, when Bronn hears about a reward, plus, he knows that Bronn is a sellsword. So it isn't a huge leap for him to know that riches and women are what motivate Bronn.
This might seem so simple, but many of us do exactly the opposite. Rather than cold read someone else's desires, we shout how they should do exactly what we want or how they should do what is fair. We ignore all of the evidence that would tell us the truth, that they just do not care about what we want or what we think is fair.
So watch now how another character, Lommy, a boy who's just been injured in a battle completely ignores the fact that he is speaking to a soldier, who just killed some of his friends. If you take one thing from this video, please let it be this, "Don't be like Lommy! " Pay attention and figure out what other people want rather than demanding that they help you from the kindness in their hearts.
It's gonna go much better for you. But what if you have terrible cold reading skills? We are actually gonna come back later to this video to a few more tips, but the good news is that there's also other ways of learning what other people want.
And all that the second one requires is that you listen, because people tell you what they want all the time. Watch how, even after being captured, Tyrion is still listening carefully for what his captors want, and then, he's able to quickly find a way to get them what they want by keeping him alive. If Tyrion had pulled a Lommy in that situation, he would have screamed about how they couldn't or shouldn't, right up until they cut his throat.
But by listening, he was able to find a way to give them what they wanted by keeping him alive, and, again, this seem simple, but how often do we act like this instead? The young king, here, just finished telling his mother how he believes men should tell women what to do. And instead of appealing to his sense of superiority, his mother does exactly the wrong thing.
She tells him what he needs to do. He basically spelled out that he would ignore her advice, spelled out that he wouldn't take commands from a woman, and she immediately commanded him to do something--exactly wrong. So, in your own life, be on the lookout for the things people say because that will give you a clue to the keys to influence them.
And, of course, the last way, if your powers of observation fail you and you haven't been listening, or you just don't have a chance, you can always ask about people's stories, which is exactly what Tyrion does, and the immature Jon Snow does not. Watch, here, as Jon Snow continues to only see from his own perspective. He is selfish and he lacks one of Tyrion's most prominent character traits--empathy.
Empathy is the ability to look at someone else and realize that they live a life as complex as your own, with experiences that might have led them to very different world views. It's the ability to step into someone else's shoes and understand what they might feel, and it is a vital skill because you cannot persuade someone that you don't understand. At this point, we've covered three ways to understand what other people want: Cold reading, listening when they tell you, and straight up asking about their story.
But Tyrion's genius is not just in knowing what other people want. It's in how he uses that information. First off, Tyrion speaks the language of the person that he is talking to.
I talked in another video about why it's important to match your word choice to your audience's understanding. Two different people might be motivated both by money, but one might need to hear about an asymmetrical investment opportunity and another might need to hear about getting filthy rich. Speak the language of the person that you're talking to.
And in this next scene, clearly, the jailer's got a more basic understanding of things. It's at this point that Tyrion realizes he's going to need to change the way he speaks in order to get through to the jailer. So watch how he uses common phrases and simple words in order to communicate his message.
Clearly the issue here is not that the jailer wasn't interested in Tyrion's offer. The issue was that he couldn't understand it. So, once Tyrion dumbed down his language, he was able to communicate clearly and get his message delivered.
So the second thing that you should note about Tyrion and the way that he uses information about what people want is that he cycles through different possibilities very quickly. He might appeal to gold, to giving you land, to your personal pride, and, then, to the friendship that you share, all in the same conversation. He doesn't get stuck on just one angle.
He's looking for whatever angle is going to work in that moment. So, here, watch all of the ways that he tries to convince his sellsword friend, Bronn, to fight on his behalf. If you watched this show, you know that conversation doesn't work out for Tyrion.
But it's the sheer volume of options that he explores that I find so impressive. Now, I breezed over this scene because I'm running incredibly long on this video, but let me know in the Comments if you want more on Tyrion's frame games or if you've had enough at this point. Either way, I hope that you have taken the key point in this.
First off, don't be a Lommy, but, second, that influence is not about convincing people to want different things than they already want. It's about showing them that the way to get what they already want, what they have always wanted, is by following you. If you're creative, there's almost always a way to get more for both of you, and that is the point of this video.
Tyrion, sometimes, does this underhandedly, but you can do all of these without being a liar. You can do this by being perfectly honest. So, start, just by seeking to understand people's motivations, and, then, spot the ways that you can help.
If your intentions are truly for both of you to get ahead, you're going to find that it's actually quite easy to demonstrate some of Tyrion's persuasive genius in your own life. We've covered some of the things that make Tyrion so likable to the characters. You take the time to get to know him, but, of course, to the fans as well.
And if you're curious about what you can do in your own life to become more likable during your first impressions, we've set up, actually, another video that covers the 4 emotions that guarantee an amazing first impression every time. If you hit those 4 emotions and if you hit them in the right order, which is what we cover in your any kind of environment--the boardroom, all the way to the bar or a party, it doesn't really matter, it will work. So, if you're curious what those emotions are, go ahead, click the box, it's going to take you to a page where you can submit your email and get immediate access to that video, and begin to use those 4 emotions in your interactions today.
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We also covered the best tips that I have for being your most charismatic, confident self in the moments that count the most. If you have any video suggestions, if you want to see more Game of Thrones, whatever direction you'd like to see this channel go, please, write it down in the Comments. I am absolutely keeping a close eye on what you ask for, which is why this second Game of Thrones breakdown exists; not just because I love to do it, but because a lot of you asked for it.
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