caught my fiance cheating two days before our wedding so I called off the wedding and told everyone Hi everyone I'm Adam a 29-year-old guy from Boston and I'm still angry from what happened just a few days ago I never thought I'd be writing one of these posts but here I am trying to make sense of the mess my life has become I guess I should start from the beginning I met Rachel four years ago at a mutual friend's birthday party we hit it off immediately bonding over our shared love of indie rock and obscure sci-fi
novels within a few months we were inseparable Rachel was everything I'd ever wanted in a partner smart funny and kind or so I thought our relationship progressed quickly we moved in together after a year adopted a rescued dog named Buddy and started talking about our future last year on our third anniversary I proposed Rachel said yes and we began planning our Dream wedding everything seemed perfect our families were thrilled our friends were excited and we were on cloud n we spent months planning every detail from the venue a beautiful Vineyard just outside the city to
the menu a of our favorite Cuisines Rachel's parents Tom and Linda Miller were incredibly supportive both emotionally and financially they insisted on covering most of the wedding costs saying it was their gift to us my parents Alex and Amanda were equally enthusiastic they threw us an engagement party and helped with the planning process our families got along well which made everything even better it felt like the stars had aligned and I was about to start the next chapter of my life with a woman I loved the wedding was set for last Saturday we had about
150 guests confirmed including family and friends from all over the country some had already flown in staying at nearby hotels the rehearsal dinner was scheduled for Friday night and everyone was looking forward to the big day then last Thursday just 2 days before the wedding my world came crashing down I had taken the day off work to handle some last minute wedding details Rachel was supposed to be at her final dress fitting with her mom and bridesmaids I was at home double-checking our honeymoon reservations when I received a text from my best friend and best
man Liam the message simply read call ASAP it's important confused and a bit worried I called Liam immediately what he told me next felt like a punch to the gut Liam works at a software company downtown and he had just seen Rachel entering a nearby hotel with another man he said they were holding hands and acting very intimate at first I couldn't believe it I trusted Rachel completely there had to be some explanation right maybe it was a relative in town for the wedding or a friend she was meeting for lunch but as Liam described
the scene in more detail my heart sank he said Rachel and this man had kissed before entering the hotel and it definitely wasn't a platonic kiss I felt sick to my stomach my mind was racing trying to make sense of what i' just heard I thanked Liam for telling me and hung up for a few minutes I just sat there stunned then almost on autopilot I grabbed my keys and drove to the hotel Liam had mentioned I parked across the street and waited after what felt like hours but was probably only about 45 minutes I
saw them eggs at the hotel Rachel my fiance the woman I was supposed to marry in 2 days was arm in arm with a tall dark-haired man I'd never seen before they were laughing and looked completely at ease with each other as they walked down the street I saw Rachel lean up and kiss him it wasn't a quick peck on the cheek it was a deep passionate kiss that left no doubt about the nature of their relationship I felt like I was watching a nightmare unfold in front of me I don't remember driving home I
must have because the next thing I knew I was sitting on our couch staring at the wall buddy our dog sense something was wrong and kept nudging my hand whining softly I couldn't even and bring myself to pet him Rachel came home a few hours later acting as if nothing was wrong she kissed me on the cheek and started chattering about her day talking about the dress fitting and how excited she was for the wedding I couldn't believe how easily she was lying to my face I waited until she finished talking then I simply asked
who is he Rachel the color drained from her face she tried to play dumb at first asking what I meant but I told her everything about Liam's call about seeing her at the hotel I asked her how long it had been going on how she could do this to me to us just days before our wedding Rachel broke down crying begging me to let her explain through her tears she told me that the man was Jack an ex-boyfriend from college they had reconnected a few months ago on social media and things had escalated quickly she
swore it was just a physical thing that she still loved me and wanted to marry me I was devastated the woman I thought I knew the future I had planned it all crumbled in an instant I told Rachel to get out I couldn't even look at her she tried to argue to beg for another chance but I was done I told her the wedding was off and that I never wanted to see her again after Rachel left I sat in our apartment surrounded by wedding gifts and reminders of the life we were supposed to start
together I felt numb then as the shock wore off anger set in I thought about all the people who were coming to celebrate our wedding about the money and time invested in this wedding and I made a decision I started making calls first to my parents then to Rachel's I told them everything I called our wedding planner and started the process of cancelling everything then I drafted a message and sent it to all our guests explaining that the wedding was off due to Rachel's infidelity looking back I know sending that mass message was probably an
impulsive decision but in that moment I wanted everyone to know the truth I didn't want Rachel to be able to spin the story or make me out to be the bad guy the aftermath has been chaotic to say the least Rachel's parents were shocked and embarrassed they've been calling and texting alternating between apologizing to me and defending their daughter my parents are furious with Rachel and her family feeling like we've been deceived and used some of Rachel's friends have reached out calling me names for humiliating her publicly others including some mutual friends have expressed their
support for me and their disappointment in Rachel the financial aspect is another mess Rachel's parents want their money back for the wedding expenses but many things are non-refundable at this point there's talk of legal action though I'm not sure how serious that is in the midst of all this I'm left trying to pick up the pieces of my life I've moved out of our apartment and I'm staying with my parents for now buddy is with me there was no way I was leaving him behind I've taken some time off work to deal with everything but
I know I'll have to face reality soon so Reddit I Turn to You am I the for exposing my cheating fiance and canceling our wedding at the last minute I'm torn between feeling relieved that I found out before we got married and feeling completely lost about what to do next any advice or perspective would be appreciated thanks for reading this far and I look forward to hearing your thoughts update 1 hey everyone it's Adam again it's been about a month since my last post and a lot has happened I want to thank you all for
your support and advice it really helped me navigate through one of the toughest periods of my life I promised an update so here goes first off I want to address something many of you pointed out in the comments you're right I acted impulsively when I sent that mass message exposing Rachel's infidelity In the Heat of the Moment it felt Justified but looking back I realized it wasn't the most mature way to handle things I've had time to reflect on this and I acknowledge that my actions while understandable weren't entirely right now let me catch you
up on what's been going on since then the immediate aftermath of canceling the wedding was chaotic to say the least my phone was blowing up with messages and calls from friends family and even some of Rachel's relatives it was overwhelming and I ended up turning off my phone for a few days just to get some peace my parents have been incredibly supportive letting me stay with them and helping me deal with the Practical aspects of unraveling a life I thought I was going to share with Rachel mom's been making all my favorite meals and Dad's
been taking me fishing on weekends simple things but they mean the world to me right now buddy our well now I dog has been a huge Comfort too there's something therapeutic about having a furry friend who loves you unconditionally he's been sticking to me like glue almost as if he can sense that I need the extra support the situation with Rachel's family has been complicated Rachel's parents were understandably upset when I first told them about Rachel's infidelity they were shocked and embarrassed especially since they had invested so much emotionally and financially in the wedding at
first they were calling and texting constantly alternating between apologizing to me and defending Rachel they insisted that Rachel's actions were out of character and begged me to reconsider to give her another chance but I knew in my heart that the trust was broken Beyond repair the financial aspect of canceling the wedding has been a nightmare as I mentioned before many things were non-refundable at that point the Millers initially threatened legal action to recoup their expenses which added another layer of stress to an already tense situation after a week of back and forth through emails and
tur phone calls we finally agreed to sit down and talk things through like adults it was a difficult meeting to say the least we met at a neutral location a quiet Cafe downtown to discuss how to handle the financial Fallout Rachel's parents were visibly uncomfortable and honestly so was I we spent hours going over the expenses trying to figure out what could be refunded and what couldn't in the end we came to a compromise I agreed to cover the costs of anything that was specifically for me my tuxedo the groomsman's attire and a few other
smaller items the Millers would handle the costs related to Rachel and anything that was jointly planned like the venue and Catering it wasn't a perfect solution and I I could tell they weren't entirely happy with it but given the circumstances it seemed like the fairest way to handle things we all left that meeting feeling drained but with a sense that at least this part of the mess was somewhat resolved as for Rachel well that's been the hardest part of all this despite my initial anger and the hurt of her betrayal a small part of me
still cared for her four years of love and shared experiences don't just disappear overnight no matter how much you might want them too Rachel has tried to contact me numerous times since that day at first I ignored all her calls and messages I needed time and space to process everything but after about two weeks I finally agreed to meet with her I felt I owed it to myself and to the relationship we once had to hear her out we met at a park near our old apartment it was a sunny day but the atmosphere between
us was anything but bright Rachel looked terrible puffy eyes messy hair nothing like the put together woman I used to know as soon as she saw me she burst into tears Rachel poured out apologies explanations and please for forgiveness she told me more about Jack the ex-boy she had cheated with apparently they had reconnected at a conference a few months before the wedding one thing led to another and before she knew it she was caught up in an affair she swore it was just a physical thing that she had never stopped loving me she said
she had ended things with Jack as soon as I found out and that she realized what a huge mistake she had made Rachel begged me to reconsider to give her another chance she said we could postpone the wedding go to coup's therapy anything to save our relationship I listened to everything she had to say and I'd be lying if I said it didn't affect me seeing her so broken hearing the pain in her voice it stirred up a lot of conflicting emotions for a brief moment I even considered the possibility of trying to work things
out but then I remembered the sight of her kissing Jack outside the hotel I thought about the ease with which she had lied to me how she had been planning our wedding while secretly meeting another man and I knew deep down that there was no going back I told Rachel that while I appreciated her apology I couldn't forgive her the trust between us was irreparably broken I explained that even if we tried to move past this I would always have doubts always be wondering if she was really where she said she was if she was
telling me the truth that's no way to live and certainly no foundation for a marriage it was one of the hardest conversations I've ever had Rachel broke down completely and it took every ounce of willpower I had not to comfort her but I knew I had to stand firm I wished her well told her I hoped she would find happiness and then I walked away it felt like closing the Final Chapter on a book I once thought would be my life story in the weeks since then I've been focusing on healing and moving forward I've
started seeing a therapist to help me process everything it's been incredibly helpful to have a neutral party to talk to someone who can help me navigate the complex emotions I'm dealing with I've also been leaning on my friends more than ever Liam my best friend who initially tipped me off about Rachel's Affair has been checking in on me regularly he's been great about getting me out of the house whether it's for a game of basketball or just a beer at our favorite local pub my other close friends have been supportive too they've been patient with
me listening when I need to vent distracting me when I need to get out of my head I'm realizing more and more how lucky I am to have such a solid support system work has been another Focus after taking some time off to deal with the immediate aftermath of the canceled wedding I threw myself back into my job it's been a welcome distraction and I've even taken on some new projects that I'm excited about as for my living situation I'm still staying with my parents for now I've started looking for a new apartment but I'm
not rushing into anything being around family has been comforting and I'm Greatful for the stability it provides while I figure out my next steps the situation with Rachel's friends and some of our mutual acquaintances remains tense a few of Rachel's closest friends are still angry with me for the way I exposed her infidelity they've sent some nasty messages accusing me of humiliating Rachel unnecessarily while I understand their loyalty to her it still stings to be painted as the bad guy by people at once considered friends on the flip side many of our mutual friends have
reached out to express their support for me some have shared that they're no longer in contact with Rachel feeling that her actions were a betrayal not just of me but of all the people who cared about us as a couple it's bittersweet I appreciate their support but I hate that this situation has caused Rifts in so many relationships one of the hardest parts of all this has been dealing with the aftermath of the canceled wedding there were so many little details that I never even considered until I had to start undoing them all returning wedding
gifts canceling honeymoon reservations updating all the people who weren't on the main guest list but still knew about the wedding vendors co-workers distant relatives but slowly surely I'm starting to see a future Beyond this pain I've started setting new goals for myself both personally and professionally I'm considering taking some classes to further my career something I had put on hold while focusing on wedding planning I've also been thinking about doing some traveling on my own maybe taking the trip to Europe I've always dreamed about as for the question of whether I was the for exposing
Rachel's infidelity and canceling the wedding well I've had a lot of time to think about that the overwhelming consensus from my original post was that I wasn't the for canceling the wedding that part I'm sure about I couldn't have gone through with marrying someone who had betrayed my trust so completely the exposure part is trickier many of you pointed out that while my anger was justified sending that mass message was an impulsive and potentially hurtful action after a lot of reflection I tend to agree in an Ideal World I would have taken some time to
cool down and then found a more measured way to inform people about the canceled wedding that said I don't think I can fully regret my actions in that moment angry from the shock and pain of betrayal I acted on Raw emotion it wasn't perfect but it was human I'm learning to forgive myself for not handling everything flawlessly in a situation I never expected to be in so where do I go from here honestly I'm still figuring that out but for the first time since this all happened I'm starting to feel hopeful about the future I'm
not ready to think about dating again not by a long shot right now I'm focused on rebuilding my life on my own terms to those of you who offered advice and support on my original post thank you your words meant more than you know to anyone out there going through something similar hang in there it gets better it's not easy and it's not quick but it does get better and to Rachel if by some chance you're reading this I meant what I said I hope you find happiness I hope we both learn and grow from
this experience but I also hope you understand that our chapter together is closed for Good thank you all for listening for caring and for being a part of this journey with me your support has meant the world here's to new beginnings to healing and to whatever the future may hold now on to the next story story two dumped my GF 15 years ago because I didn't want kids now I'm back in her Town missing her like crazy I've been tearing myself apart just thinking about her and how things end I can't stop no matter how
much I try this is going to be a long post when I 37m was 20 I met the most beautiful woman Lyla who was 19 at the time she was B both inside and out she had the most gorgeous dark brown hair that looked red and purple when the light hit it just right these golden brown eyes and lashes that look like ad dolls freckles on her Rosy plump cheeks and a single dimple when she smiled a certain way she was a year younger than me but yet she was always so much smarter and mature
in every aspect we dated for 2 years I met her parents and and her No Nonsense cop father definitely gave me the stank ey at first but he grew to like me her mom adored me right off the bat always commenting on how my green eyes complimented her daughter's golden brown eyes in the most romantic way I still don't fully understand what that means but I like the compliment her younger siblings loved playing in the backyard with me she met my parents and my two brothers and they all loved her right off the bat my
younger brother was the same age as her and they were going to college together and would help each other study in some of the shared classes their Majors had hell even my six-month-old dog I had adopted before even meeting her seemed to like her more than he liked me she told me her dreams how she wanted to own a home that was tucked away from everything but not completely isolated how she wanted to be a doctor and that she wanted to help people she wanted to be a pediatrician she loved kids she always said she
wanted a family she didn't care how many kids she had she just wanted to experience the ups and downs of motherhood she wanted the good the bad the ugly I listened to her go on and on about baby names and how she would design a nursery at the time I thought I wanted kids too I wanted to marry this girl and give her the family she so clearly wanted she was my Lila I wanted to stay with her forever I was young but I was in love with her after 2 years of dating I started
to realize that I didn't want to have kids I thought I was just being around too many of my brat cousins and that was turning me off from the idea but the more I thought about it the more the idea of having to be a father made me sick I would get headaches and my stomach would twist in knots thinking about having to take care of some screaming crying and little thing and then have it grow into a tantrum throwing toddler a bratty child and then some Moody teenager I didn't want to be held down
like that I wanted to travel have money be free after a few drinks one night I ended up telling all of this to lla I remember she went quiet and simply said I won't try and change your mind but I'm not giving up my dreams I remember scoffing and rolling my eyes telling her that we weren't going to have kids she stood up from the couch and said you might not want that anymore but I still do I'm not going to try and force either one of our minds to change then one of us will
end up miserable I realized she was breaking up with me and even though she was so calm and mature about it I remember feeling so angry she was walking around the apartment Gathering her things and being completely silent I kept arguing with her trying to change her mind I kept telling her that it was stupid to want kids that they were annoying and a waste of time when she still didn't budge I started to insult her I said she was stupid that she was a weak woman for wanting to be a mom that she should
just give up on being a doctor so she could push out her Bratz lla finally started to respond to me telling me to calm down that we simply wanted different things in life and that was okay I hated her in that moment that she wasn't agreeing with me I remember punching the wall of our apartment kicking a door throwing anything I could get my hands on she watched me wreck our living room and kitchen not saying a word she walked past me and left this whole thing happened over a few hours in less than a
day I lost the love of my life and my apartment was now trashed of course news of why we broke up and my reaction to it reached my family my mom cried hearing how I reacted my dad gave me the coldest look I'd ever seen my brothers both said I was an idiot with my younger brother saying I was lucky lla hadn't called the cops on me during that that was 15 years ago I've tried to have relationships since but they never lasted more than a few weeks I travel around for work but now I'm
back in the same town Lyla lives in lla got married got her doctorate had kids and is still a pediatrician last I heard I know my younger brother still kept some contact with her in the first few years after the breakup he even invited her to his wedding but she declined because she didn't want to cause drama I'm back in her town the town we both grew up in dated in lived in and where she currently lives I can't stop thinking about her I miss her so much right now I miss her sweet perfume that
smelled like a bakery her strawberry shampoo the way her hair looks in the light she's 36 now and I want to reach out to her and make amends with her I want to hold and hug her one last time to tell her I love her and I'm sorry I don't know if that's a good idea but a part of me needs closure I don't know what to do I want to sweep her off her feet and have her be my love again but I don't know if that ship has sailed already update one I have
a with my ex tomorrow and I'm nervous August 11th 2024 I recently reached out to an ex-girlfriend of mine to see about meeting up and catching up on life I didn't expect her to respond to me as we ended on bad terms she responded we ended up messaging for a while and did some catching up I finally asked her if she'd be willing to see me in person and said she'd be willing to meet up with me I'm over the moon but I'm also nervous about going on a date with her she's 36 and I'm
37 and our last time being on dates with one another was close to 15 years ago our date is tomorrow evening after she gets off work I'm scared I'll mess things up again I already feel like she's being too generous with me by even agreeing to speak to me again let alone see me in person but I'll take any chance I can to try and make things right with her I can't shake this horrible feeling in the back of my throat that I'll mess something up that I'll just end up more heartbroken than before that
I'll come on too strong and she won't want to see me ever again I've bought her favorite flowers for her I've already made sure to start rearing her favorite cologne of mine from all those years ago I've been practicing what I need and what I want to say to her I have no idea how this date's going to go but I just need to type out these feelings of nervousness I have update 2 August 15th 2024 following my last post I reached out to Lyla I had to I know a lot of people wanted me
to never contact her again despite how I wanted to make amends with her so I reached out to her and she responded and we chatted back and forth a bit after a bit of this I asked her if she wanted to meet up and basically let her set all the ground rules she agreed and 3 days ago we went out on a date she is just as beautiful as she was when we were together her figure filled out and she finally lost the baby fat on her face but she was still the same woman I
fell in love with all those years ago we sat down and talked I didn't want to talk much about myself but she asked about my life so I had to she asked about my job my family how I'd been typical catching up stuff I'll admit I was zoned out for most of this and I was operating on autopilot to keep my nerves from taking over I just wanted to grab her and hold her kiss her make her mine against I don't think I realized just how much I missed her until she was right in front
of me finally when she was done asking about me I finally got to ask about her and how she's been she got married 11 years ago so 4 years after our breakup she has two daughters an 8-year-old and a 6-year-old I saw how happy she was when she talked about them and I couldn't help but feel jealous and guilty I should have been the one to have children with her but I was stupid and now she had kids with someone that wasn't me I asked about her husband and turns out she's a widow he died
7 years ago while she was pregnant with her youngest it was unexpected according to her but that she's done her best to move on and hold herself together and appear unaffected by it all for her daughters I asked her if she was seeing anyone and she said no I asked her if she ever thought about me after our breakup and she got vague with her answers I told her she could tell me blunt what she was thinking lla said that she was very depressed after our breakup she had built a future of us in her
head and she felt like I broke it on a whim with no warning she said she lost her first real relationship and all the dreams she had with me when we broke up she admitted that she had been so attached and in love with me that for a while she almost tried to convince herself that she didn't want kids but no matter what she did she couldn't stop herself from wanting to be a mom and she knew that if she gave that up voluntarily she would be miserable for the rest of her life I asked
her if I scared her that night if she felt threatened by me at all she said the yelling overwhelmed her and while the commotion frightened her she wouldn't say she feared for her safety or life so that gave me hope I apologized to her about how we broke up and told her I had regretted everything I did and said that night she said she had moved on and forgiven me years ago she always was a very forgiving and kind person part of the reason I fell in love with her in the first place I asked
her if she was willing to give me another chance and let me back in her life she was hesitant and got quiet for a moment I could feel myself panicking when that happened she said that she didn't mind me being in her life but that I'd have to regain her trust in order for her to consider even trying to date me I was disappointed frustrated and very disheartened but I knew if I came on too strong she'd turn me away completely I told her I'd be happy to be in her life anyway that I can
and that with her permission I'd be working to prove I deserved a second chance at Romance I'm happy to have Lyla semi back in my life and I'm going to work on proving to her that we should get back together I hope that we can have the family and life she always talked to me about I know there's still time but the clock is ticking on it
