The Funny Ones With Ross | Friends

[Music] Okay Ross I realized that you didn't expect to walk in and see that but uh let me explain okay we weren't doing anything ra he just saw us but what you saw that that is the extent of it okay why kiss no come on that is a lie we also kissed in Barbados dude chill okay we also kissed in Barbados but we didn't plan it okay and the only reason that that happened was was because I saw you kissing Charlie yeah you started it I have got to chill look we we probably should have

talked to you about this before it ever happened but oh we feel so terrible about this Ross yeah but it did happen so Ross Ross can we just close the door so you two are yeah yeah and have you had [Music] no but if I hadn't walked in here would you probably no no this is not how we wanted you to find out about this you have every right to go nuts I'm not going nuts do you see me going nuts no but you know what I mean hey hey hey if you two are happy

then I'm happy for you I'm fine really absolutely I'm fine totally fine I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky cuz really I'm fine I'm not saying I wasn't a little surprised to see you guys kissing I mean at first I was like but now that I've had time to absorb it loving this it's all working out me and Charlie and you two you know what we should do calm ourselves no we should all have dinner yes we'll do it tomorrow night I'll cook look don't don't you think that'll be a little

weird weird what what's weird uh the only thing weird would be if someone didn't like Mexican food because I'm making [Applause] fajitas I do like fajitas oh God okay [Applause] what the hell are you doing you scared the crap out of me was that the cake yeah yeah I got a lemon smush come on she'll be here any minute hope it's okay happy birthday peee well maybe we can make a a bee out of one of those Roses yeah we'll just use our special cake tools do we have hey what's going [Applause] on so [Music]

nice hey I have a question well uh actually not so much a question as more of a a general wondering okay okay here it goes um well for a while now I've been wanting to um yes yes that's that's right little girl what top of the world looking down on creation and [Music] all right this is just vacine it won't hurt ow ow sorry that was whack oh this poor little tutty is scared to death we should find his owner oh we just put the poor little toti out in the hall during a blackout so

get trampled yeah you okay Ross I don't know what's in this pie I don't know um butter and eggs and flour and lime and kiwi kiwi kiwi you said it was a key lime pie no I didn't I said kiwi lime that's what makes it so special that's what's going to kill me I'm allergic to Kiwi no you're not you're you're allergic to Lobster and peanuts and oh my God it's definitely getting worse okay all right is your tongue swelling up either that my mouth is getting smaller all right get your coat we're going to

go to the hospital uh is he going to be okay yeah he's just got to get a shot uh you know you know actually it's getting better it is it is let's not go anyone up for Scrabble jacket now but what what about Ben we can't bring a baby to the hospital we'll watch him I don't think so what I have seven Catholic sisters I've taken care of hundreds of kids come on we want to do it don't we well I was looking forward to playing basketball but I guess that's out the window okay well

if you do take him out for a walk just remember to bring his hat okay and there's extra milk in the fridge and extra diapers in the bag hat milk got it okay throw throw a throw throw consider it done you understood that yeah my uncle s has a really big tongue is she the one with the beautiful [Music] wife well there's no way I'm going to get a shot maybe they can take the needle and squirt it into my mouth you know like like a squirt gun hello there hi I'm Dr Carlin I see

someone's having a little allergic reaction yes doctor can I see you for just a moment please my brother um has a slight phobia about needles did you tell him about my my squirt gun idea my brother the PHD would like to know if there's any way to treat this orally no under these circumstances it has to be an injection and it has to be now all right that's good have the seat um doctor says it's got to be a needle so you're just going to have to be brave okay can you do that for me

okay okay oh boy you are doing so good you want to squeeze my hand yes okay all you frost don't squeeze it so hard honey really don't squeeze it so hard I my hand are you sure he didn't break it cuz it really hurts no it's just a good bone bruise and right here is the puncture wound from your ring I'm sorry I'm really sorry sorry so sorry hey hey I got my SES back which we can celebrate later I just want to thank you for being there for me today and I'm sorry I I

almost broke your hand that's okay I'm sorry I poisoned you hey remember the time I jammed that pencil into your hand remember it what do you think this is a freckle oh wait what about the time that I hit you in the face with sylvan's pumpkin oh man well remember when I I stuck that broom in your bike Spokes and you flipped over and hit your head on the curb no but I remember people telling me about it the H Ben has a little sister yeah and I hope she can kick his ass I'm going

to get a new Bandit hey how about the time I cut the legs off your Malibu can that was you uh they were infected he wouldn't have made it you got to stop okay you can't just stare through the peephole for 3 hours you're going to get pee by I knew it I knew it I always knew she liked him you know she'd say no but here we are right we just broke up first thing she does you didn't just break up he you been like 3 weeks you slept with somebody 3 hours after you

thought you broke up I mean bullets have left guns slower the come oh if she kisses him good night I'm going to kill myself I swear I can't I can't watch come on date over date over oh oh here we go she's going in okay she's going in wa he's going in he's going in the door's closed I I can't see anything but the door closed and the inventor of the door rests happily in his grave okay I have to do something I mean I have to I have to stop it stop what I don't

know but I I have a feeling that my being there will do it I'll go over and I will borrow something juice I need juice no you can it must be Stu I am your friend and I am not going to let you do this you are surprisingly strong I made juice people made juice look man people need juice sing to me juice they [Applause] need she's moving on okay if it's not this guy it's going to be somebody else and unless you're thinking about subletting my peephole you are going to have to get used

to the fact that the relationship is over okay man it's over yeah okay okay it's just a miss her so much I [Music] know my God these pants I'm burning up come on she wants to snuggle now what is she trying to kill me it's like a volcano in here are you hot no okay must just be me then that was just the pants on the couch um hey do you do you mind if I use your bathroom oh go ahead thanks sh [Music] a hey my favorite part's coming up okay oh my [Music] God

hello Joey it's Ross I need some help uh Chandler's not here well you can help me okay listen I'm in Elizabeth's bathroom nice no I I got really hot in my leather pants so I took them off but they must have shrunk from the the sweat or something or or my legs expanded from the heat I I can't get them back on Joey I can't that is quite a situation uh do you see any like powder what powder yeah yeah I have powder good good okay sprinkle some of that on your legs it'll absorb some

of the moisture and then you can get your pants back on yeah hold yeah hold on they're not coming on man um you see any uh oh Vaseline oh I I see lotion I have lotion will that work yeah sure throw some of that on there hold on Ross you okay they're still they're still not coming on man and the lotion and the powder have made a paste really uh what color is it what difference does that make well I'm just if the paste matches the pants you can make yourself a pair of past pants

that you won know the differ Joey do you have a minute dude what am I uh Rachel's here so good luck man let me know how it works out oh Joey I have such a problem uh well your timing couldn't be better I am putting out fires all over the place today Ross um you've been in there for a long time I'm starting to get get kind of freaked out all right I'm coming out hey can you turn the lights off no let's just leave the lights on oh my God I had a problem I'm

going to you and all the guys from workover once it's you know furnished I must say it's nice to see you back on your feet well I am that and that whole rage thing is definitely behind me I wonder if it's time for you to rejoin our team at the Museum oh Donald that that would be great I am totally ready to come back to work I what no what are you doing get off my sister [Applause] Chandler J I saw what you were doing through the window I saw what you were doing to my

sister now get out here well listen we had a good run you know what was it four five months I mean that's more than most people have in a lifetime so goodbye take care bye-bye then what are you doing oh I'm going on the lamb come on CH come on I can handle Ross hold on hey Ross what's up bro what the hell are you doing hey what's what's going on well I think I think Ross knows about me and Monica dude he's right there thought you were my best friend this is my sister my

best friend and my sister I I cannot believe this look we're not just messing around I love her okay I'm in love with her I'm so sorry that you had to find out this way sorry but it's true I I love him too my best friend and my sister I cannot believe this oh I'm sorry you guys want to probably get some hugs in too huh big news no that's okay we've actually known for a while what what what you guys knew you you all knew and you didn't tell me Well Ross we were worried

about you okay we didn't know how you were going to react you were worried about me you didn't know how I was going to [Applause] react okay all right what do you say we all uh clear out of here and let these two love birds get back down to business hey hey hey I'm just talking here he he's the one doing your sister hey what's up you know oh my God what happened to your teeth I whitened them really yeah what do you think well I think I shouldn't look directly at them come on seriously

been really really really white yeah what was wrong with your old human teeth I I did leave the Jon a little longer than it said to how much longer uh a day plus you know that tonight is your date with Hillary I know that's why I did it come on are they really that bad no no no no you you'll be fine Hillary's blind right she will be after tonight oh hey hey ra uh do you notice anything yeah your teeth yes I saw them from outside [Music] okay maybe this will make your teeth look

less white nope nope okay so uh colors that don't work are blue yellow green red black white orange and purple I don't know what I'm going to do the date starts in like an hour hey Ross maybe if your skin was lighter your teeth wouldn't look so bright oh great so all I need to do is get some new skin thank you just saying you put just a little bit of makeup on you who wo wo we're not 13 anymore Ross this is the only thing left that has a shot at working won't she notice

I have makeup on please half the guys out there have makeup on what and half the people I mean we just try it and see no I am not putting on makeup hello oh good Ross could you put up some of these flyers for me no Damon Damon and after that what could I do except become a chef mhm and someday soon I hope to open my own restaurant M you know you're a really great listener most guys I go out with they just talk and talk after a while it's just like shut your mouth

you know I've probably been talking too much why don't we talk about you a little bit come on I want to know okay I um I'm from Long Island I I came to the city for college um I uh I have a a 5-year-old son and I in my spare time I I like to read spy novels but but let's talk more about you H I've had a really good time tonight you know I rarely connect with someone this much on the first date me neither I I've had a really good time too you know

are you going to eat that bread oh I I just like the smell m you make me laugh would you like to move over to the couch [Music] mhm maybe I'll just turn down the lights a little how about all the way okay wow cool poster or should I I say gy poster so uh yeah where were we are those your teeth oh you you can see them huh yes they're insanely white I I did that for you what's the matter with you what's the matter with me you've got a black light It's 1999 mom

uh Chandler was just saying how beautiful your sweater is oh thank you Chandler I just bought it oh yes well it's very beautiful and it's cream colored and tight and I don't mean tight I mean it's not too tight not that I was looking at what's the matter with him I think he's stoned again what what dude I need to talk to you [Laughter] [Music] SEC okay I think I might know why my parents don't like you you do why okay remember we were young hey spring break sophomore year I I got high in my

bedroom and my parents walked in and smelled it and so I told them that you had gotten stoned and jumped out the window what why did you do that I don't know uh was the first name that that popped into my head I'm I'm sorry I didn't I didn't think it' matter how could it not matter how was I supposed to know we'd end up being friends after college let alone you you'd be living with my sister what about all that friends forever stuff I don't know I I was all high mom and dad just

sent me in here to find out if you were trying to get raw stoned your parents caught Ross smoking pot in college and he blamed it on me Ross I can't believe you do that the reason we haven't told them we're together is because they hate me okay so will you fix this okay okay I'll tell them it wasn't Chandler who got high okay now who should I say it was you it's not like it's a big deal you you don't still do it or anything all right all right now now who should I say

tricked me into doing it let's go oh yeah about telling Mom and Dad I was was thinking about maybe writing a letter you know what that's it you've had your chance what Mom Dad raw smoked pot in college whatt you are such a tatt tail mom dad you remember that that time you walked in my room and smelled marijuana yes well I told you it was Chandler who was smoking the pot but it was me I'm sorry it was you and Dad you know that mailman that you got fired didn't steal your Playboys rosted yeah

well Hurricane Gloria didn't break the porch swing Monica dead Ross hasn't worked at the museum for a year Monica and Cher are living together Ross married Rachel in Vegas and got divorced again that's a lot of information to get in 30 seconds all right Monica why you felt you had to hide the fact that you're in an important relationship is beyond on me and we kind of figured about the porch swing Ross drugs divorced again what happened son I I uh I got tricked into all those things Chandler you've been Ross's best friend all these

years stuck by him during the drug problems and now you've taken on Monica as well well I don't know what to say you're a wonderful human being thank you no thank you Monica and Ross I don't know what I'm going to do about the two of you I'll talk to them hey I'm here hi oh oh my God you like it oh my God it's my new Apothecary table Ro pH is going to be here any second she cannot see this oh why not she'll she'll love it it's the real thing I got to at

Pottery Barn I know you did I bought the same one and if she sees your table she's going to know that I lied to her I told her that ours was an original why did you do that because she hates Pottery Barn she hates Pottery Barn I know I know she says it's all mass-produced nothing is authentic and everyone winds up having the same stuff so come on she's going to be here any second can we please just cover this up with something please what no no I am not going to hide it from Phoebe

oh although I did get some great Pottery Barn sheets oh oh I forgot they made sheets yeah I still can't believe she hates Pottery Barn Ross get over it it's not like she hates you yeah but Pottery Barn you know when I think she's just she's weird you know it's because she's a twin twins are weird Ross she's not weird she just likes her stuff to be one of a kind H you know it's not one of a kind a twin oh B's here okay so let's turn out all the lights and we'll just watch

the movie okay hey oh cool sheet oh you like it you want to know where I got it sure he got it at a flea market you bought your sheets at a flea market Ross come on you got to loosen the purse strings a [Music] little good hey FES can you please not put your feet up on my new old sheet oh shoot oh my Apothecary table what no oh Ross where did you get this I got it at Pottery Barn okay oh my God baby Pottery Barn has ripped off the design of our antique

wow oh my god well if they've ripped off our table ours must be worth much more than $150 wow this doesn't even smell like opium of course not it smells like wine which you spilled and thanks for wrecking my sheep by the way oh Ross calm down I'll give you the 80 cents hey hey what have you guys been up to oh we went to a self-defense class today wow yeah kicking a guy in the crotch all morning really takes it out of you takes it out of you now now we can kick anybody's ass

after one class uh I don't think so what you want to see me self-defend myself go over there and pretend you're a sexual predator go on I dare you of course you could defend yourself from an attack you know is coming that's not enough look I studied Kate for a long time and there's a concept you should really be familiar with it's what the Japanese call unagi isn't that a kind of sushi no it's a concept yeah it is it is it's freshwater eel all right maybe it means that too oh I would kill for

a salmon skin roll right now no fine get attacked I don't even care come on Ross we're sorry please tell us what it is unagi is a state of total awareness okay only by achieving true unagi can you be prepared for any danger that may befall you you mean in case someone's trying to steal your bamboo sleeping M or your kettle of fish all I'm saying is it's one thing being prepared for an attack against like each other whole another story being prepared for an attack I don't know surprise [Laughter] all right you knew that

was coming but that doesn't mean you have unagi oh you know what if we made reservations we could have unagi in about a half [Music] [Laughter] hour what the hell was that a lesson in the importance of unagi you're a freak perhaps now I'm curious at what point during those girlish screams would you have begun to kick my ass all right so we weren't prepared I'm sorry I had to take such drastic measures to make my point but I look I just want you guys to be safe [Music] danger ahuh [Music] [Applause] unagi [Laughter] [Applause]

danger ah Salmon skin [Music] roll can't say Jack yeah Alex TRC oh of course Chuck willery definitely Phoebe you will not find a single game show host whose ass I cannot [Laughter] kick no say it say we are NY it's not something you are it's something you have say it you know I could easily get out of this but there's a chance you could get very very hurt oh uhhuh nowhere to run I don't like sitting up here I'm I'm going to go over no Rachel they got here [Laughter] first why is Ross doing that

danger oh my God why is he jumping on those women we should help them I well I don't think they need any help wow I have never had such a healthy breakup she was such a grownup about it she didn't seem too immature for me did I just make a huge mistake Ross wait Elizabeth thank God I I was just thinking about you suck what okay breakup still on why are we here okay okay take a guess the hot chicks okay okay I was uh typing names into the library computer earlier you know you know

for fun and I typed mine in and uh guess what came up my doctoral dissertation it's here yeah right it's right down here in the biggest library in the University oh that's actually pretty cool oh um there's also a book here by a woman named Wendy bajina what is that sounds like two people are really enjoying the Dewy Decimal System so sorry you didn't bring me here to do that did you excuse me hi I'm a professor here do you know the paleontology section fifth floor stack 437 well yes just give me five minutes I

just have to find someone to cover my shift no no no can I speak to someone in charge please how can I help you hi I was wondering is it possible to increase sec in the paleontology section see I I wrote a book that's up there and instead of reading it people are are well they're rolling around in front of it we are aware of the problem you're referring to but as far as increasing security I'm afraid the library is very understaffed I I can't help you well fine fine if if I'm the only person

with a any appreciation of the sanctity of the written word then I'll go up there and defend it myself and don't you follow [Music] me yes yes how can I help you we we were just looking around oh oh your your fellow Scholars what exactly were you looking for H perhaps uh perhaps Dr Chester stocks musings on the Smilin californicus uh H get out of here I meeting someone or or are you just here to brush up on miam's views on Evolution um actually I find mariam's views far too progressionist I find Miriam's views far

too progressionist I'm sorry who are you I'm a professor here Ross Geller Ross Geller why do I know that name it's a wait did you write this yes you're the person who checked out my book you know you look nothing like I would have thought you're you're so young well I uh I skipped fourth grade I am very very sorry hey everybody Happy Thanksgiving no no no no no no what are we keeping Thanksgiving a secret this year no we are playing this game I learned at work you have to name all the states in

6 minutes what that's like insanely easy no it's a lot harder than it sounds you always forget at least one or in some cases 14 it's a stupid game and I wasn't playing against other people so technically I didn't lose what you forgot 14 States nobody cares about the dtas oh okay time's up all right I got 48 oh it's not bad BS oh I got tired of naming States so I decided to list the types of celery and I have one regular celery okay so Rachel's got 48 and Phoebe has the lead in vegetables

Joey say hello to the new champ of Chandler's dumb States game wow how many you got 56 done with time a two spare oo this may be a new world's record you know I hate to lecture you guys but it's kind of disgraceful that a group of well-educated adults and Joey can't name all the states you ever see a map or one of those round colorful things called a globe uh Magellan you got 46 States what that's impossible 46 well who's well educated now Mr I forgot 10 states Okay Ross time is up no just

give me another minute look Ross if you don't know them by now you will never know them okay that is the beauty of this game it makes you want to kill yourself this this is crazy I can do this all right uh I bet I can get all 50 uh before dinner okay but if you can't no dinner you're on all right don't look at my list Ross cuz there's a lot on there that you don't have how can I not get this I'm a college professor I got 1450 on my SATs 1250 damn I

forgot you were here you need some help from you yes please first of all Utah dude you can't just make stuff up I hate America when I finish this game I swear I am moving okay maybe this is so hard because there aren't 50 states let me tell you something I have 49 states and there are no more I I think I should be able to eat something it's up to you Delaware Delaware all right I want my turkey now you got it you got Nevada twice I know [Music] yes what is that I think

it's the dying cat parade sounds like it's coming from across the street oh my God what you know that thing that Ross was going to do at our wedding he was hanging out with me yesterday and he turned to me and he said you're half scotus right no there is no way to not be [Music] Ross unbelievable why is your family Scottish why is your family Ross cannot play our wedding I mean everyone will leave I mean come on that is just noise it's not even a song listen very carefully I think it's Celebration by

cooling the [Music] game well I feel like a snack do you want some shortbread it's Scottish like you are oh no thanks I don't like anything from my Scottish Heritage what watch just my entire family was run out of Scotland by Vikings well it sounds to me like your family is ready to uh ReDiscover its Scottish Roots you can't play bag pipes at the wedding how did you know about that we heard you play all the way from your apartment were you the ones who called the cops that's not really important right now what is

important is while we appreciate the gesture we just don't feel that bag pipes are appropriate for our wedding why not because we hate them just just give me a chance to perform for you and then decide whatever you want and I'm not going to tell you what song I'm going to play either but uh let's just say when it's over I'll bet there will be a wee bitto celebration remember I'm I'm still [Music] learning 1 2 3 4 [Applause] [Music] you know the song sing [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] along so [Music] no hi

uh I'm I'm Ross I don't I don't believe we met I'm Monica's older brother oh hi I'm I'm Mona from her restaurant oh hello uh Mona from her restaurant Mona wow what a what a beautiful name you think so I always kind of hated it oh come on Mona Lisa uhhuh huh Mona umen the famous botanist huh oh no she's uh well she's dead now but no supposedly she was once quite the hottie of the plant world really yeah well see I never knew about her Linda Clen so what uh what what table yet oh

me too good now there'll be someone there who likes my name yes there will oh guess what Molly Gilbert you've just been bumped up to table one and if it's all right with you I'm going to take your place at Table 6 Martin clocking thank you thank you very much now if everyone will please take their seats dinner will be served hey uh I thought I thought you were at Table Six uh no nine oh see before you uh when you showed it to me you you held it that way which which was misleading well

[Music] hello it was the chair again okay I'm not doing it it look I don't you know what hi hi hi um I think there's something that we really need to talk about I think we do why don't we go inside look uh I know why you're here you do yeah and to save you from any embarrassment um I think maybe I should talk first okay okay Ross and Rachel Rachel and Ross that's been one heck of a seesaw hasn't it what I mean look that that one night we had was fun and and certainly

passionate but don't you think it's better if we just stay friends seriously what okay okay you know what if you want to we can do it one more time I mean I I'd be okay with that in fact I have some time right now okay you know what can I can I talk now oh sure okay I'm pregnant Ross R okay whenever you're ready [Laughter] [Applause] and you're the father by the way but you got can I get you some water I'm good I'm good Ross there is no pressure on you okay I mean you

can be as involved as you want yeah I uh I'm just I don't know I don't understand um how this happened we we used the condom I know I know but you know condoms only work like 97% of the time what what what well they should put that on the buts they do no they [Laughter] don't well they should put it in huge BL letters Okay Ross come on let's just forget about the condoms oh well I may as well have listen you know what I was really freaked out too when I found out hey

I'm not freaked out I'm indignant as a consumer you know what let's let's talk later no no I want to talk now okay I in fact I want to talk to the president of the condom company okay you know what maybe I should come back okay yeah a press one has anyone seen my shirt it's a button down like a a faded salmon color you mean your pink shirt faded salmon color no I I haven't seen your pink shirt great great then I must have left it at Mona's I knew it I'm sure you can

get another one at an Taylor's that's my favorite shirt okay I love that shirt we just ask Mona to give it back I don't know I mean I I guess I could it's just we didn't really end things on such good terms and if I went over there I'd be ignoring the one thing she had asked me to do when we broke up jump up my own ass and [Music] die Mona okay if I were a salmon shirt where would I be I am so sorry I spilled wine all over your shirt oh it's okay

no it's still wet you know what let me get it out before it sets oh I have something you could wear here oh I don't know if I want to wear a woman's shirt no no that that's a man's shirt awfully pink [Music] [Laughter] oh my God Ross hello what are you doing not touching myself if that makes anyone less [Music] uncomfortable item J 437a color Winterberry hi um listen come here come I'm so so sorry about yesterday I I'm really really sorry it's just I listen Ross you you don't have to apologize I I

understand why you were there you do yeah you still have feelings for me and and to be honest I I still have feelings for you too and I wish we could work it out Ross but we can't it's too complicated with you and Rachel and the baby I I just it just wasn't meant to be oh God you're right Ross we we have to be [Music] strong okay I'm I'm going to go can I to remember you no hi Chandler Bing I have a reservation welcome to the chest in Mr Bing so where are you

joining us from New York the big guy apples I'm sorry he's a little bit wound up we had to stop at every Maple candy stand on the way here I ate all my gifts for everybody I'm sorry Mr Bing there's no record of your reservation in the computer well that's impossible can you check again please check again please I'm sorry it's not here not there let me get this straight I called yesterday to try to cancel my reservation was told it's not refundable then we drove six hours all the way up here and now you're

telling me that we don't have a reservation I don't know what to say she doesn't know what to say just give us the cheapest room you have well unfortunately the only thing we have available is our Deluxe Suite the rate is $600 that's insane it is totally insane dude let's drive home we'll hit all the maple candy stores on the way back and if if they're closed then maybe we'll we'll tap a tree and make some ourselves does that room have a closet I can lock him in we'll take it great look they are totally

ripping us off dude don't worry about it I know how we can make your money back this is a nice hotel you know plenty of amenities we just load up on those like those apples instead of taking one um I take six great at $100 an apple we're there come on you you get the idea you know we'll make our money back in no time dude you're shaking I think it's the sugar could you hold the Apple hi this is Ross Geller in sweet 206 um I seem to have forgotten a couple of things could

could you have some complimentary toiletry sent up to my room thank you okay um toothbrush toothpaste razor mouthwash deodorant dental floss Band-Aids shaving cream after shave and I feel like I'm forgetting something is there anything else you you have that I haven't asked for already yeah go ahead set up some tampons what'd you get USA Today nice put it with the others and I also got two more apples we're four short of a bushel God I feel so alive I love being in the country also got these great salt and pepper shakers from the restaurant

not cool dude none of this is cool no Chandler you you have to find the line between stealing and and taking what the hotel owes you um for example a hair dryer no no no but shampoos and conditioners oh yes yes yes now the the salt shaker is off limits but the salt I wish i' thought this through I think I get what you mean though like the the lamp is uh is the hotels but the bulbs oh you you already got that that my first time in a hotel my friend okay uh how about

this no no no you can't take the remote control yes but the [Applause] batteries thank you thank you very much let's let's celebrate with some Maple cany no at least tell me where you hit it here's your copy of the bill we hope you enjoyed your stay oh we did and you still have all your lamps no I didn't factor in the room tax oh dude don't worry about it uh I found an unattended Maids C we're way ahead of the game oh my God what there's there's something new in the bowl look we have

enough just walk away no but I I want I want the pine conbs there's a forest right outside it's not the same okay go quick thank you for a delightful stay my maple candy all right Mr Geller right this way so how dark do you want to be we have one two or three well uh I like how you look what are you Puerto Rican two I think a two you're going to face the red light when the red light goes on the Spring's about to start so close your eyes when the spring stops count

to five pat yourself down to avoid drip marks then turn around so we can get your back got it spray count Pat and turn spray count and Pat wow you catch onun quick well I have a PhD so One Mississippi two Mississippi three I'm not finished couting you sprayed my front twice you never turned No I barely even got to three Mississippi Mississippi I said count to five Mississippi LLY well how but how bad is it not that bad yet but it keeps getting darker for the next 4 hours so how dark is it going

to get you got sprayed with two twos and I'm a four yeah but your back's a zero you're going to want to even that out really you might want to get back in there okay wait wait a minute there's no light on the back wall how do I know when it's going to start hello my eyes the same thing happened again you got two more tools I'm an eight [Music] [Applause] hold on there's something different I went to that tanning place your wife suggested was that place the sun oh and it gets worse oh my

God you can do a duet of Ebony and Ivory all by yourself how could you mess this up it's so easy you go into the booth you count to five and you turn around how do you count to five one two three damn it I know now let me explain how this works you go into the booth and you I'm going to stop you right there lenda okay does it look like this is my first time huh now I want four twos and I want them all on my back okay wait a minute there's two

sets of nozzles which one is it which which which which one is it oh son of a [Music] dude it's Chandler let me in go away I don't want to see anybody I know I went to the tanning place and the same thing happened to me you have to let me in really did you count mississippily you you're not tan no I just had to get a picture of this I'll see you later hey you guys uh I need some fashion advice oh how does this look well it's it's a little low pick it up

a little a little bit more a little bit more there you go now throw it away come on this looks good Ross please trust me me I buy 30 fashion magazines a month now I don't know who's running for president or who that NATO guy is but I do know that you have to get as far away as you can from that hat damn it I have this date tomorrow night and I have to look cool well you know if you want a fashion help Rachel and I are going shopping tomorrow you're more than welcome

to come with us right really that would be great I mean I have to do something she kind of teased me about how I dress I can see why nice shirt you're wearing the same shirt stupid gap on every corner wow this place is awesome you know what we should just go I'm not going to find anything here this stuff is ridiculous oh this place is great wow R come on I'm not going to wear any of this nothing silver okay nothing with hair and nothing with padlocks on it look look I know that some

of the stuff is out there but I mean come on look at this look at this sweater I mean this is just beautiful wow this is really soft $350 down from 700 you're saving like 200 bucks both logic and math are taking a serious hit today hey check this out it's totally you wow yeah H oh actually this this looks pretty good yeah boys will be boys what they will be all right that's it I'm getting M of here no no no Ross wait come on all right you know what there's other stuff here so

some nice shirts look at these these nice pants huh actually these these might look pretty good on me yes they will you know what you should do just go take a walk all right I know your size and I'm I'm gonna pick out some really good stuff for you really yes and I know what looks sexy on guys please just wear what I suggest and she is going to go nuts for you so you're saying uh if I wear these pants I might be getting into hers why do men keep talking to me like this

really great stop yeah yeah but I'm not sure about some of the bras I got oh really do you want to try some of them on for me oh okay wait are we in Joey's imagination oh no I took one of ross' bags by mistake and one of mine is missing oh well Ross probably has it you can get it from him later so what do you think I think we're not wearing the same shirt anymore yeah yeah Rachel picked it out for me she told me to trust her and you know what I'm glad

I did I turned quite a few heads on my way over here dude I really don't think you should be wearing that oh I see somebody's afraid of a little competition with the ladies looks like someone is the ladies you're just jealous because you couldn't pull this off yeah now if you'll excuse me I have a dat see all eyes on [Applause] me wow this place looks great oh you are going to love it and I'm so glad we're finally doing this me too [Laughter] here so this was fun I mean my mom never thought

this would work out she was all once a cheater always a cheater mhm oh I just wish we hadn't lost those four months but if time was what you needed just to gain a little perspective we were on a break coffee house I'm bet and for the record it took two people to break up this relationship yeah you and that girl from the copy place which yesterday you took full responsibility for I didn't know what I was taking responsibility for okay I didn't finish the whole letter what I fell asleep you fell asleep it was

5:30 in the morning and you had rambled on for 18 Pages front and back oh oh oh and by the way y u apostrophe r e means you are why do you are means you're you know I can't believe I even thought of getting back together with you we are so over fine by me ohen hey hey hey those little spelling tips will come in handy when you're at home on Saturday nights playing Scrabble with Monica hey sorry I just feel bad about all that sleep you're going to miss wishing you were with me oh

no no don't you worry about me falling asleep I still have your letter didn't you say that there was um an elevator in here uh yes I did but there isn't okay here we go okay go left left left you know what there's no no more left left okay you uh lift it straight up over your head straight up over your head you can do it you can do it okay you got it good good good yeah you got it right you got it right you got any chance you think the couch looks good there

whoops oh I seem to have dropped my Fork let me just bend over and get [Laughter] it oh God okay enough this is this is not going to happen oh come on Ross I'm miserable here come on you started this now you finish it come on wor big love to me you know what what forget it oh wow what now Ross you're not going to talk how on Earth will you ever annoy me oh wait a minute I know I mean You' think the damn jalapeno would have cleared up your sinuses but no that's not

enough what are you doing I'm getting that baby out of you [Applause] oh god oh I know oh [Music] no I think my water just broke I am good okay okay uh okay I got I got the pillow uh got the bag you got the keys I got the keys okay okay yeah we having a baby I didn't uh really have time to read this part of the books but do you think you think we have time not so much okay let [Music]