Told My Spoiled and Entitled Kids They'd Lose Their Inheritance Unless They Get their Lives...

told my spoiled and entitled kids they'd lose their inheritance unless they get their lives together hey Reddit I'm a 55M dad and successful business owner I've been running my own company for nearly 30 years now and I've done pretty well for myself my wife 53f and I have been married for 29 years and we have two adult children Caleb 28 M and Maya 26f my parents left me a substantial inheritance when they passed away which is part of how I managed to build my business to where it is today so let's just say we're financially

comfortable now this inheritance isn't just a chunk of change we're talking about a life-changing amount of money that in the wrong hands could easily be squandered my wife and I always believed in the value of hard work we didn't come from money and we built our life from the ground up we wanted to give our kids opportunities we didn't have but I'm starting to feel like maybe we overdid it I guess that's why I'm here I need some advice my parents were pretty well off not extremely rich but we did okay and when they passed

they left me a substantial inheritance mostly real estate because it was pretty cheap back then however I didn't touch that money until I had earned my own I wanted to prove to myself and maybe to them even after they were gone that I could make it on my own so I poured my sweat and tears into building my business from scratch and now it's doing really well my wife and I have always lived comfortably and we've made sure Caleb and Maya have had everything they needed growing up they went to the best schools had every

opportunity and never really had to struggle like I did but here's where things got tricky once I started making real money I I wanted to give my kids the life I didn't have they went to the best schools wore the nicest clothes and never wanted for anything we set up trust funds for them when they were born so by the time they hit 21 they had more money in their accounts than I did at that age Caleb and Maya grew up in a world completely different from mine they never had to work summer jobs or

worry about paying for college and now they're adults living off those trust funds with no real jobs or ambition to speak of they're living in their own little bubble completely disconnected from The Real World I'd always hope that when they got older they'd want to make something of themselves but that hasn't happened Caleb spends his days hanging out with friends and blowing money on flashy toys while May is into the whole influence her lifestyle trying to build a brand around herself without any real substance they're both entitled lazy and honestly bullies they've never had to

struggle and it shows now I love my kids but seeing them like this is frustrating it's like they don't understand the value of anything because they've never had to earn it my wife bless her heart is more patient than I am she keeps telling me that they'll figure it out eventually but I'm not so sure and that's why I finally decided to take matters into my own hands it all came to a head at a family dinner a couple of weeks ago my wife and I were talking about our retirement plans nothing too serious just

throwing around ideas about what we might want to do when we step back from the business Caleb and Maya predictably weren't interested in the conversation until I mentioned that we'd need to decide how to handle the inheritance suddenly they were all ears I brought up the idea of them eventually taking over the business but they shot it down immediately Caleb laughed and said he didn't want to waste his life working and Maya made some snide comment about how she's too busy with her career to think about it I could feel my blood boiling I asked

them what they planned to do with their lives and they basically Shrugged it off Caleb said he didn't need to work because the trust fund was enough and mayia said she was building her brand whatever that means that was the moment I realized just how far gone they were that my biggest mistake might have been giving them too much too soon when I was their age I was already busting my ass to make a living I was on construction sites at the crack of dawn learning the trade from the ground up my kids on the

other hand seem content to sit back and live off the family's wealth without any ambition to create their own success I tried to explain that life isn't just about coasting on what you've been given but they weren't hearing it they made it clear that they had no intention of ever working a real job or contributing to society in any meaningful way it was like talking to a brick wall after dinner I couldn't stop thinking about it my kids are grown adults but they're acting like spoiled teenagers I couldn't shake the feeling that I'd failed them

somehow I spent years building something that could set them up for life but instead of appreciating it they're just taking it all for granted something had to change and fast the next morning I sat my wife down and told her what I was thinking we needed to put our foot down or our kids were going to end up as useless adults with no purpose she wasn't thrilled at first like I said she's more patient than I am but she eventually agreed that something needed to be done so at the next family dinner I told Caleb

and Maya that I was changing the terms of their inheritance from now on they wouldn't get a dime unless they held down real jobs for at least 2 years and by real jobs I mean full-time work that isn't connected to our family business with a paycheck from someone other than us no begging us for a position no calling in favors with our friends they needed to find their own way the looks on their faces were Priceless Caleb actually snorted like he couldn't believe I was serious and Maya just stared at me like I'd grown a

second head I explained that this was nonnegotiable they could either step up and prove they could make it on their own or they could kiss their inheritance goodbye was the first to react he slammed his Fork down and said it was unfair that I was holding their Futures hostage Maya never one to be outdone chimed in saying that I was trying to ruin their lives because I didn't understand the modern world my wife tried to mediate suggesting that maybe we could find a middle ground but I stood firm I told them that this was for

their own good even if they couldn't see it right now Caleb and mayia didn't stick around long after that they both stormed out Furious and shouting about how I was ruining everything my wife just looked at me like she wasn't sure if she should be mad or proud I told her I wasn't doing this to be cruel I just wanted them to grow up but even as I said it I wondered if I was making a huge mistake The Fallout from that dinner was immediate and intense Caleb and mayia didn't speak to us for a

week which is pretty unusual given how much they usually rely on us for everything my wife was torn between supporting me and wanting to smooth things over with the kids but in the end she stuck by my side she agreed that they needed a wakeup call even if it was a harsh one when Caleb finally did call it wasn't to apologize instead he wanted to argue he said I was being unreasonable and that expecting him to find a real job was setting him up to fail he told me I didn't understand how hard it was

for his generation how the job market was different now and how he shouldn't be forced to do something just to prove a point I listened but I didn't back down I told him that everyone needs to start somewhere and that if he was serious about his future he'd find a way to make it work Maya took a different approach instead of confronting me directly she tried to go through her mother she told my wife that she was being supportive of her brand and that I was under m her career by forcing her to take a

job she didn't want my wife bless her tried to be diplomatic but she ultimately told Maya that she needed to stop ring on us and start building something on her own neither of them took it well Caleb accused us of being out of touch while Maya insisted that we were sabotaging her success they both threatened to cut us out of their lives which frankly felt like a slap in the face but we didn't back down we told them that this was non-negotiable and that they needed to prove they could make it on their own if

they wanted to inherit anything from us now we're in a bit of a standoff my wife is trying to keep the peace but the kids aren't budging they've made it clear that they think we're being unreasonable and they're not shy about telling us so part of me feels guilty like maybe I pushed too hard but another part of me knows that this is the right thing to do they need to learn how to stand on their own two feet even if it means they're angry with us for a while so Reddit am I the for

giving my kids this ultimatum I want what's best for them but I also don't want to push them away did I go too far or is this tough love exactly what they need update 1 1 month later after I posted about the situation with my kids things got even more complicated Caleb and mayia still furious with my ultimatum decided to involve the extended family they went straight to my in-laws and even reached out to some of my cousins complaining about how unfairly they were being treated it wasn't long before I started getting phone calls and

texts from various family members some of whom I hadn't spoken to in months all wanting to weigh in on the situation my parents in-law were the first to call they were concerned of course and one to understand what was going on my father-in-law who's always been a bit of a softy thought I was being too harsh and that maybe I should ease up on the kids my mother-in-law on the other hand was more supportive of my decision she's seen firsthand how spoiled Caleb and Maya have become and she's worried that if we keep enabling them

they'll never learn to fend for themselves then my cousin started chiming in one of them who's more like a brother to me said he understood where I was coming from but warned that I could be pushing Caleb and mayia too far he reminded me that our generation was raised with different values and that maybe I needed to be more understanding of the pressures young people face today another cousin who's a successful lawyer outright accused me of trying to control my kids lives and said I should just let them figure things out on their own even

if it means they fail despite the differing opinions I stood firm I explained to everyone who asked that this wasn't about controlling Caleb and Maya's lives it was about making sure they had the skills and mindset to succeed on their own I wasn't asking them to become CEOs overnight just to show that they could hold down a job and contribute to society I I knew it wasn't going to be easy for them but I believed it was necessary predictably Caleb and Maya didn't take this lying down Caleb always the more rebellious of the two decided

to start a business he claimed he was going to get into day trading because he'd read online about people making a fortune with it he poured whatever little savings he had into it but within weeks it was clear that he was in way over his head he lost almost everything and then had the nerve to call me asking for more money to invest I told him no that this wasn't the kind of work I was talking about he hung up on me and we haven't spoken much since Maya took a different route she started going

to all these networking events which from what I can tell are just parties where they sip cocktails and talk about their brands she claimed she was making important connections that would help her build her career but I knew better it was just another way to avoid real work when I asked her how these events were translating into actual opportunities she got defensive and accused me of not believing in her I told her I believed in hard work not playing pretend at this point it's clear they're both trying to find loopholes in my ultimatum they want

The Inheritance without having to put in the effort and it's frustrating to see them waste time on these half-baked schemes but as much as it hurts to watch them struggle I'm not backing down as the weeks went on Caleb and Maya started calling less and less and when they did the conversations were usually heated they both tried to Guild trip my wife and me saying that we were abandoning them and that they couldn't believe we were willing to ruin our relationship over money Caleb even went so far as to say that he was considering cutting

us off completely if we didn't back down my wife was heartbroken but I could see she was also Al starting to see things my way she's always been The Peacemaker but even she was beginning to get frustrated with their attitudes we both knew this wasn't just about money it was about their Futures and we couldn't let them continue down this path still it wasn't easy hearing our kids threatened to cut ties with us especially when all we wanted was for them to succeed on their own at one point Maya tried to turn some of our

friends against us she told them that we were being unreasonable that we didn't understand the modern job market and that we were setting her up to fail some of our friends particularly those who had kids around the same age were sympathetic to her which only made things more complicated we started getting unsolicited advice from people who had no idea what was really going on and it felt like the whole world was suddenly involved in our family drama despite all this my wife and I stayed the course we knew that caving now would only reinforc the

behavior we were trying to correct but it was tough really tough and I couldn't help but wonder if we were doing the right thing to make matters even more real for Caleb and mayia we decided to cut back on their monthly allowances up until now they'd been getting a pretty generous amount from us each month which they used for everything from rent to shopping spree but if we were serious about them learning to stand on their own that had to stop we also canceled the credit cards linked to our accounts if they wanted to keep

living the way they had been they'd have to find a way to pay for it themselves the reaction was immediate Caleb called Furious saying that we were trying to bankrupt him Maya sent a long emotional email accusing us of being heartless and saying that she didn't know how she was going to survive without our support my wife and I read it together and while it was hard to see her so so upset we knew this was the push they needed we replied telling her that this was part of growing up and that we were confident

she could figure it out if she really tried for the first time they were facing the reality of limited funds Caleb couldn't afford his expensive Hobbies anymore and Maya had to cut back on her socializing they were both angry hurt and confused but we could only hope that this would be the turning point it was a tough love approach but we believed it was the only way to get through to them so Reddit what do you think are we going too far or is this EXA what they need I'm standing firm on my decision but

it's definitely taking a toll on our family I'd appreciate any advice or Insight you can offer update 2 6 months later hey Reddit thanks for all the support and advice you've given us over the past few months it's been a rough ride but I thought it was time to update you on what's been happening since my last post first off I want to say that I did take some of your suggestions to Heart especially the ones about balancing tough love with emotional support so here's what's been going on let's start with Caleb after our last

big blowout he disappeared for a while he wasn't returning calls and when we did manage to talk to him it was clear he was still Furious about the whole situation I knew he was going through a rough time but I also knew that he needed to figure things out on his own so we gave him space about 2 months after the ultimatum Caleb finally realized that he couldn't keep coasting on the little bit of savings he had left with no income and no support from us he was forced to look for a job at first

he tried applying for high-paying positions in fields he had no experience in but when those didn't pan out he had to lower his expectations eventually he landed a job at a local manufacturing plant it wasn't glamorous and it definitely wasn't what he wanted but it was a real job with real hours and a real paycheck the first few weeks were rough Caleb complained constantly about the physical labor the early mornings and the monotony of the work he hated every minute of it and made sure we knew it but my wife and I stayed supportive encouraging

him to stick with it and reminding him that everyone has to start somewhere slowly and I do mean slowly he began to adjust he started to take some pride in his work and though he'd never admitt it to me I could tell he was beginning to see the value in what he was doing he's been at the plant for about 4 months now and while it's still not his dream job he's no longer talking about quitting every day he's even started saving a little bit of his paycheck something he never did before it's a small

step but it's progress and I'm proud of him for sticking with it it's clear he's not fully there yet but I'm seeing glimmers of the person I always knew he could be now onto Maya her journey has been a bit different but no less challenging after we cut off her allowance and canceled her credit cards she tried to keep up appearances for a while she'd still post on social media about her fabulous life but it was obvious that things were starting to fall apart behind the scenes eventually Maya realized that she couldn't keep pretending everything

was fine the networking events dried up when people realized she wasn't really in a position to offer anything valuable in return and the party stopped being fun when she couldn't afford to keep up with the crowd it was a harsh wake-up call for her and for a while she seemed lost but then something interesting happened one of the contacts she'd made at a networking event mentioned an entry level position at a marketing firm it wasn't anything fun and it definitely wasn't the influence or lifestyle she'd been chasing but it was a job after some convincing

and a lot of encouragement for my wife she applied and got the position the first few weeks were rough for her two Maya wasn't used to answering to anyone and she had a hard time adjusting to the structure and deadlines of the job she called us more than once in tears frustrated with her boss or overwhelmed by the work clo but like with Caleb we stayed supportive while reminding her that this was part of growing up over time she started to find her footing she's been at the firm for about 3 months now and while

she's still not loving it she's beginning to see the value in what she's doing she even mentioned taking some courses to improve her skills which is a huge step for her with both Caleb and Maya now working things have started to shift in our family our once tense and awkward family gatherings have slowly become more relaxed there's still some stress Caleb and Maya aren't exactly thrilled about their new realities but there's also a sense of relief my wife and I have tried to be there for them as much as possible without giving in or bailing

them out and I think they're starting to appreciate that interestingly Caleb and Maya have started to bond over their shared experiences in the workforce they've always been close but this is different they're commiserating about their jobs sharing stories about their struggles and even giving each other advice it's nice to see them supporting each other instead of just relying on us for everything our extended family has also started to come around the relatives who initially criticized our our decision are beginning to see the benefits they've noticed the changes in Caleb and Maya and have even commented

on how much more mature they seem my wife and I still have our moments of Doubt but overall we're feeling more confident that we did the right thing I'm not going to lie seeing my kids struggle has been hard there have been moments where I've questioned whether I made the right decision but seeing them slowly start to figure things out has been rewarding in its own way I know they're not out of the woods yet but they're making progress and that's all I can ask for so that's where things stand now I know this journey

isn't over yet and there will be more challenges ahead but I'm feeling cautiously optimistic thanks again for all the advice and support it's been invaluable as we navigate this tricky situation I'll keep you all posted if there are any major updates in the meantime any thoughts on how we can continue to support Caleb and Maya without coddling them would be much appreciated update three onee Mark hey Reddit I'm back with another update it's been about a year since this whole thing started and I wanted to share where we're at now first off I want to

thank everyone who's been following our story and offering advice it's been a challenging year but also one of growth for all of us recently we had a big family meeting to discuss how things were going Caleb and Maya were both there along with my wife and it was the first time we'd all sat down together like this since the whole inheritance ultimatum began I won't lie I was nervous I didn't know how they'd react or if they'd even be willing to talk about their progress but to my surprise the conversation went better than I expected

I started off by telling them how proud I was of the steps they'd taken over the past year Caleb's been sticking with his job at the manufacturing plant and while he's not exactly in love with it he's made some real progress he's developed a strong work ethic and his boss even told me through a mutual acquaintance that Caleb's been doing a great job he started to save a bit of money and he's even considering taking some night classes to improve his skills Maya on the other hand has really started to find her footing in the

marketing World she's still at the same firm but she's taken on more responsibility and even led a couple of small projects she started to talk about her job with a sense of Pride something I had heard from her before she's also enrolled in some online courses to further her knowledge and she's beginning to see the value in working her way up rather than expecting everything to come easily we talked about the inheritance conditions again just to make sure we were all on the same page I reiterated that the conditions still stood two years of consistent

real work before they could access their inheritance both Caleb and Maya accepted this without argument which was a big relief it's clear they're not thrilled about it but they're also not fighting it like they were before as we were wrapping up the conversation something unexpected happened Caleb mentioned that his boss had been talking to him about a promotion it's not a huge leap but it would mean more responsibility and a bump in pay he seems surprised that he was even being considered but I wasn't I've seen the changes in him over the past year and

I'm not shocked that his hard work is being recognized he's still figuring things out but for the first time he's talking about his job in terms of a long-term career not just something he's doing to fulfill The Inheritance requirements MAA also had some news she's discovered a real passion for the work she's doing in marketing particularly the creative side of things she's been talking to her boss about the possibility of moving into a more specialized role and she's even considering going back to school to get a degree in marketing this is a huge shift from

the Maya of a year ago who was more focused on her social media following than on any real career path it's been amazing to see these changes in them they're both starting to find their own way and while they still have a long road ahead they're making strides I never thought possible a year ago one of the most unexpected and rewarding outcomes of all this has been the improvement in our family Dynam DCS there's a sense of genuine connection now that wasn't there before our conversations are deeper more meaningful and less about money or material

things Caleb and Maya are starting to see us not just as parents with Deep Pockets but as people who care about their Futures and their happiness we've also noticed that Caleb and Maya's relationship with each other has improved they've always been close but there was always a Competitive Edge between them fueled by who could get more from us or who could live the most lavish lifestyle now they're supporting each other in ways they never did before they've even started to talk about working together on some side projects combining Caleb's practical skills with Maya's creative talents

it's early days but it's encouraging to see them thinking about how they can support each other instead of just relying on us this experience has also brought my wife and me closer together we've had to make some tough decisions as a team and while we haven't always agreed on everything we've learned to communicate better and support each other through the challenges it's been a Growing Experience for both of us as parents and as partners so Reddit that's where we're at I'm optimistic about the future but I know we're not out of the woods yet the

next year will be crucial especially as they approach the 2-year Mark of the inheritance conditions we'll keep supporting them as best we can and I'll keep you all updated on how things progress any advice or thoughts on how to keep this momentum going would be greatly appreciated update four final update hey Reddit it's been 2 years since I first came to you for advice and I wanted to give you one final update it's been a long journey and I can't express how grateful I am for all the support and wisdom you've shared with us along

the way this experience has been challenging but it's also been incredibly rewarding as we approached the 2-year Mark there was a sense of anticipation in the family Caleb and Maya both knew that the inheritance conditions were about to be Revisited and while they didn't say much about it I could tell it was on their minds they've both come a long way since that fateful dinner when I first laid down the law and I was eager to see how they'd handle this final test a few weeks before the 2-year deadline we had another family meeting I

wanted to sit down with Caleb and Maya hear about their experiences over the past 2 years and talk about what comes next my wife and I were both nervous but also hopeful we've seen so much growth in them but we also knew that this was a critical moment when we sat down for the meeting I started by acknowledging how far they'd come Caleb and Maya both looked a little nervous but I could see a sense of pride in their eyes they knew they'd worked hard and I wanted to make sure they knew that we recognized

and appreciated that Caleb was the first to speak he talked about his job at the manufacturing plant how he started to see it as more than just a means to an end he'd been promoted twice since my last update and while it's still not his dream career he's starting to see see the value in hard work and steady progress he's also started to take on some side projects using the skills he's developed at work to build something of his own it's clear that he's thinking about his future in a way he never did before Maya

then shared her story she's still at the marketing firm but she's moved into a more specialized role focusing on Creative campaigns she's also taken some college courses in marketing and design and she's discovered a real passion for her work Ma has always been creative but now she's channeling the creativity into something tangible something that could lead to a real career she's proud of what she's achieved and she's excited about the future after they finished my wife and I shared our thoughts we told them how proud We were of their progress of how they'd fac challenges

and grown from them we talked about the importance of the journey they've been on and how it's prepared them for whatever comes next then I surprised them I told them that because of the growth we've seen in them we were increasing their inheritance I explained that this wasn't just a reward for getting through the two years but a recognition of the people they'd become they were shocked and I think a little over whelmed but mostly they were grateful for the first time I felt like they truly understood the value of what they were being given

not just the money but the lessons they learned along the way so where are we now Caleb and Maya are both in a much better place than they were two years ago Caleb is continuing to work at the plant while building his own projects on the side and he's talking about possibly starting his own business someday Maya is thriving at her marketing firm and is even considering pursuing a degree full-time they've both grown so much and I couldn't be prouder so this is is it my final sign off thanks for following our story and for

all the help along the way if there's one thing I'd leave you with it's this don't be afraid to challenge your kids even if it's hard sometimes the toughest decisions lead to the greatest growth good luck to all of you and I hope your own parenting Journeys are as rewarding as ours has been take care Reddit and who knows maybe I'll be back someday with another story until then cheers