Simon Sinek - Understanding Empathy

[Applause] [Applause] so I'm embarrassed that I have a career I talk about things like trust and cooperation and there should be no demand for my work but the fact of the matter is is there is demand for my work which means that there's an opportunity it means that trust and cooperation are not yet standard in our organizations and yet they should be and we know that which is why we're looking for ways to bring those things to our organizations so I thought I would do something a little different today you know when you're speaking to

tens of thousands of people and you have the opportunity to share a message of course most rational people would say let's go with something I've talked about lots of times and I'm really good at but I'm not normal so I'm gonna do something completely new and I hope this works out there are two things that I think that great leaders need to have empathy and perspective and I think these things are very often forgotten leaders are so often so concerned about their status of their position and organization they actually forget their real job and the

real job of a leader is not about being in charge it's about taking care of those in our charge and I don't think people realize this and I don't think people train for this when we're junior our only responsibility is to be good at our jobs that's all we really have to do and some people actually go get advanced education and so that they can be really good at their jobs accountants or whatever right and you show up and you work hard and the company will give us tons and tons of training how to do

our jobs they'll shows how to use the software they'll send us away for a few days to get trained in whatever it is that we're doing for the company and then they expect us to go be good at our jobs and that's what we do we work very hard and if you're good at your job they'll promote you and at some point you'll get promoted to position where we're now responsible for the people who do the job we used to do but nobody shows us how to do that and that's why we get managers and

not leaders because the reason our managers micromanaging us is because they actually do know how to do the job better than us that's what got them promoted really what we have to do is go through a transition some people make it quickly some people make it slowly and unfortunately some people will never make that transition at all which is we have to go this through this transition of being responsible for the job and then turning it to somebody who's now responsible for the people who are responsible for the job and as I said before one

of the great things that is lacking in most of our companies is that they are not teaching us how to lead and leadership is a skill like any other is a practice' balloon able skill and it is something that you work on it's like a muscle if you practice it all the days you will get good at it and you will get to become a strong leader if you stop practicing you will become a weak leader like parenting everyone has the capacity to be a parent doesn't mean everybody wants to be a parent and doesn't

mean everybody shouldn't be a parent leadership is the same we all have the capacity to be a leader doesn't mean everybody should be a leader and it doesn't mean everybody wants to be a leader and the reason is because it comes at great personal sacrifice remember you're not in charge you're responsible for those in your charge that means things like when everything goes right you have to give away all the credit and when everything goes wrong you have to take all the responsibility that sucks right it's things like staying late to show somebody what to

do it's things like when something does actually break when something goes wrong instead of yelling and screaming and taking over you say try again when the overwhelming pressures are not on them the overwhelming pressures are on us at the end of the day great leaders are not responsible for the job they're responsible for the people who are responsible for the job they're not even responsible for the results I love talking to CEOs and say what's your priority and they put their hands on their hips old proud and say my priority is my customer I'm like

really even talk to a customer in 15 years there's no CEO on the planet responsible for the customer they're just not they're responsible for the people who responsible for the people who responsible for the customer I'll tell you a true story a few months ago I stayed at the Four Seasons in Las Vegas it is a wonderful hotel and the reason it's a wonderful hotel is not because of the fancy beds any hotel can go and buy a fancy bed the reason it's a wonderful hotel is because of the people who work there if you

walk past somebody at the Four Seasons than this and they say hello to you you get the feeling that they actually wanted to say hello to you it's not that somebody told them that you have to say hello to all the customers say hello to all the guests right you actually feel that they care now in their Lobby they have a coffee stand and I one afternoon I went to buy a cup of coffee and there was a barista by the name of Noah who was serving me Noah was fantastic he was friendly and fun

and he was engaging with me and I had so much fun buying a cup of coffee I actually think I gave a hundred percent tip right he was wonderful so as is my nature I asked Noah do you like your job and without skipping a beat Noah says I love my job and so I followed up I said what is it that the four seasons is doing that would make you say to me I love my job and without skipping a beat Noah said throughout the day managers will walk past me and ask me how

I'm doing if there's anything that I need to do my job better he said not just my manager any manager and then he said something magical he says I also work at Caesars Palace and Caesars at Caesar's Palace the managers are trying to make sure we're doing everything right they catch us when we do things wrong he says when I go to work there I like to keep my head under the radar and just get through the day so I can get my paycheck he says here at the Four Seasons I feel I can be

myself same person entirely a different experience from the from the customer who will engage with Noah so we in leadership are always criticizing the people we're always saying we gotta get the right people I've got to film I run my team I gotta get the right people but the reality is it's not the people it's the leadership if we create the right environment we will get people like Noah at the four seasons if we create the wrong environment we will get people like Noah at Caesar's Palace it's not the people and yet we're so quick

to hire and fire you can't hire and fire your children if there's if your kids are struggling we don't say you got to see at school you're up for adoption so why is it that when somebody has performance problems at work why is it that our instinct is to say you're out we do not practice empathy what does empathy look like here's the lack of empathy this is normal in our business world you walk into someone's office someone walks into our office and says your numbers have been down for the third quarter in a row

you have to pick up your numbers otherwise I can't guarantee what the future will look like how inspired you think that person is to come to work the next day here's what empathy looks like you walk into someone's office someone walks into your office and says your numbers are down for the third quarter in a row are you okay I'm worried about you what's going on we all have performance issues maybe someone's kid is sick maybe they're having problems in their marriage maybe one of their parents is dying we don't know what's going on in

their lives and of course it will affect performance at work empathy is being concerned about the human being not just their output we have for some reason our work world has changed in the past 20 and 30 years we are suffering the side effects of business theories left over from the 80s and 90s and they are bad for people and they are bad for business let me give you an example the concept of shareholder supremacy was a theory proposed in the late 1970s it was popularized in the 80s and 90s it is now standard form

today you talk to any public company and you ask them their priority and they say maximize shareholder value really that's like a coach prioritizing the needs of the fans over the needs of the players how you gonna build a winning team with that model but that's normal today we don't even perceive it as broken or damaged or wrong or outdated remember the 80s and 90s were boom years with relative peace and a kinder gentler cold war nobody was practicing hiding under their desks in school anymore we are no longer in those times these are no

longer boom years these are no longer peaceful times and those models cannot work today here's another one mass layoffs using someone's livelihood to balance the books right it's so normal in America today that we don't even understand how broken and how damaging it is not only to human beings but to business you know companies talk about how they want to build trust in cooperation then they announce a round of layoffs do you know the quickest way to destroy trust and destroy cooperation in a business literally in one day lay people off and everyone gets scared

all right can you imagine sending someone home to say honey I can no longer provide for our family because the company missed its arbitrary projections this year and forget about the people who lost their job think about the people who kept their jobs because every single decision a company makes as a piece of communication and the company cut the company has just communicated to everybody else this is not a meritocracy we don't care how hard you work or how long you've worked here if we miss our numbers and you happen to fall on the wrong

side of the spreadsheet I'm sorry we cannot guarantee employment in other words we come to work every day afraid and we're asking our youngest generation to work in environments where how would any of us ever stand up and admit I made a mistake we're constantly being told you has to be vulnerable leaders are vulnerable what does that even mean it doesn't mean you walk around crying I'm honorable right know what vulnerability means as you create an environment in which someone feels safe enough to raise their hand and said I don't know what I'm doing you've

given me a job and I haven't been trained to do it I need help I made a mistake I screwed something up I'm scared I'm worried all of these things no one would ever admit inside a company because it puts a target on your head in case there's another round and so we keep it to ourselves and how can a company ever do well if nobody's ever willing to admit they made a mistake that's scared or they don't know what they're doing and so we've literally created cultures in which every single day everybody comes to

work and liya hai lies hides and fakes and we're asking our youngest generation to work and succeed and find themselves and build their confidence and overcome their addiction to technology and build strong relationships at work we're asking to do this and these lis environments we've created we keep saying to them you're the future leaders we're the leaders now we're in control what are we doing this is what empathy means it means if there's an entire generation struggling maybe it's not them it's like you know the only thing that I that the common factor in all

my failed relationships me same thing Oh II just can't get the right Act or you know the right performance out of our people maybe it's you right it's not a generation it's not them they're not difficult or hard to understand they're human beings like the rest of us trying to find their way trying to work in a place where they feel that someone cares about them as a human being by the way that's what we all want in other words it's not even generational it's all of us this is the practice of empathy that if

we're struggling to communicate to someone if it's struggling to help someone be at their natural best I'm tired of people saying to me how do I get the best out of my people really that's what you want they're like a towel just lingam how can I get the most out of them No how do I help my people be at their natural best right we're not asking these questions we are not practicing empathy we have to start by practicing empathy and relate to what they may be going through and it will profoundly change the decisions

we make it will profoundly change the way we see the world someone's driving to work you're driving to work and someone wants to cut into your lane what do you do if you pull your car up would you let them in most of us pull our cars up and go like this you wait your turn now let's practice empathy I don't know maybe they've been out of work for six months maybe they had trouble getting the kids out to school this morning and now they're running late for a really important interview and they just have

to get to this interview and they're gonna cut into our lane or maybe they're just a bastard I don't know but that's the point we don't know we don't know and the practice of empathy will say I'll let them in and I'll arrive to work one car lengths late right we don't always have to be right we do always have to be in charge we don't have to be the one who succeeds it's not about winning or losing and that's where I go to the second point after empathy comes perspective where it's not about winning

or losing in game theory there are two kinds of games there are finite games and there are infinite games and this is how you're gonna change your perspective right a finite game is defined as known players fixed rules and an agreed upon objective baseball for example we know the rules we all agree to the rules and whoever has more runs at the end of nine innings is the winner and the game is over no one ever says if we can just play two more innings I know we can come back doesn't work that way the

game is over right that's a finite game then you have an infinite game infinite games are defined as known and unknown players the rules are changeable and the objective is to keep the game in play to perpetuate the game when you pit a finite player versus a finite player this system is baseball is stable right when you pit an infant an infinite player versus an infinite player this system is also stable like the Cold War for example because there cannot be a winner and a loser there are no winners and losers in an infinite game

right it doesn't exist and because there are no winners or losers what ends up happening in the infinite contest is players drop out when they run out of the will or the resources to play but there's no winners or losers problems arise when you pit a finite player versus an infinite player because the finite players playing to win and an infinite player is to playing to keep the game going right this is what happened to us in Vietnam we were playing to win and the Vietnamese were fighting for their lives we were the ones who

got stuck in quagmire this is the Soviet Union in Afghanistan they were trying to beat the Mujahideen and the Mujahideen would fight for as long as is necessary quagmire now let's look at business the game of business has pre-existed or has existed long before every single company that exists on this planet today and it will outlast every single company that it lives that exists on this planet today there's no winning the game of business and the reason is is because we haven't agreed to the rules I get such a kick out of this you realize

how many companies actually don't know the game they're in right listen to the language of the companies use we're trying to beat our competition we're trying to be number one did you know that we were ranked number one look at the listing based on what criteria revenues profits market share square footage number of employees based on what time frame a quarter a year five years ten years 20 years 50 years 100 years I haven't agreed to those standards how can you declare yourself the winner how can you declare yourself number one where no one else

in the game has agreed to the rules it's arbitrary there is no winning because there's no end in other words companies are playing finite games listen to their language they're trying to beat their competition what does that even mean it's the leaders and the companies that understand the game that they're in and organize their resources and their decision making the infinite contest that outlast and frustrate their competition all the companies that we've referred to as the exceptions Southwest Airlines Apple computers harley-davidson they're the exception no they're playing the infinite contest they frustrate their competition is

what happens that's what happens because they're not playing to win Jim Senegal the founder of Costco which is the company only real company that gives Walmart a run for its money he says public companies are looking to succeed for the quarter says we're looking for the next 50 years you can hear him he's playing the infinite contest I spoke at a Leadership Summit for Microsoft I also spoke at a Leadership Summit for Apple now at the Microsoft summit I would say 70% of the executives and this was under the Steve Ballmer days I would say

about 70% of the executives spend about 70% of their presentations talking about how to beat Apple at the Apple Summit a hundred percent of the executives spent a hundred percent of their presentations talking about how to help teachers teach and how to help students learn one was obsessed with their competition the other one was obsessed with where they're going so at the end of my presentation at Microsoft they gave me a gift they gave me the new Zune which was the competitor to the iPod touch when it was a thing right and I have to

tell you this piece of technology was spectacular it was beautiful the user interface was incredible the design was amazing it was intuitive it was one of the most beautiful elegant pieces of technology I'd ever seen right now they didn't work with iTunes which is an entirely different problem I couldn't use it but that's something else I'm sitting in the back of a taxi with a senior Apple executive sort of employee number twelve kind of guy and I decide to stir the pot and I turned him I say you know I spoke at a Microsoft summit

and they gave me their new Zune and I have to tell you it is so much better than your iPod touch and he turned to me and said I have no doubt conversation over because the infinite player isn't playing to be number one every day with every product they're playing to outlast the competition if I had sent to Microsoft oh I've got the new iPod touch it's so much better than your new Zune there was a can we see it what does it do how we have to see it because one is obsessed with their

competition the other is obsessed with why they do what they do the other is obsessed with where they're going and the reason Apple frustrates their competition is because secretly they're not even competing against them they're competing against themselves and they understand that sometimes you're a little bit ahead and sometimes you're a little bit behind and sometimes your product is better and sometimes you're not but if you wake up every single morning and compete against yourself how do I make our products better than they were yesterday how do I take care of our customers better than

we did yesterday how do we advance our cause more efficiently more productively than we did yesterday how do we find new solutions to advance our calling our cause our purpose our beliefs are why every single day what you'll find is over time you will probably be ahead more often those who play the infinite game understand it's not about the battle it's about the war and they don't play to win every day and they frustrate their competition until their competition drops out of the game every single bankruptcy almost every merger and acquisition is basically a company

saying we no longer have the will or the resources to continue to play and we have no choice to either drop out of the game or or merge our resources with another player so that we can stay in the game that's what that is and if you think about the number of bankruptcies and mergers and acquisitions it's kind of proof that most companies don't even know the game they're in you want to be a great leader start with empathy you want to be a great leader change your perspective and play the game you're actually playing

thank you very much [Applause]