It took me 50 years to realise what I’ll tell you in 30 minutes...

[Music] life humbles you deeply as you age You realize how much time you've wasted on nonsense You start to see things for what they really are You stop worrying about what others think And you learn to let go and grow on rinse and [Music] repeat So is that actually recording I think so I've had a few tries at this but uh never mind It's all part of the process isn't it If you've been around here before then you will know that one of the things I absolutely love talking about and talk about all the time

is journaling and art journaling And journaling is something I do a lot of And one of my most favorite activities to do is to write a letter or a message or a love note to my younger self And I do that quite a lot in my own personal practice And I was gathering all the things all my life lessons if you like that I've been journaling about over the past few months maybe over the past 12 months or so And I just wanted to have a place where I could like put everything together all my

life lessons all my wisdoms if you like cuz as I'm getting older I'm realizing more things And so this is the kind of stuff that's taken me 50 plus years to know to learn And I'm going to try and share that with you in approximately 20 minutes or so if I can unless I go off on a Wendy waffle which I'll try not to I think if I could go back to my younger self I would say don't waste your time waiting It's a complete waste of your life to wait for the perfect time I

do believe perfectionism is a trap I also disagree with the destination part because I don't feel like we ever arrive We're always a work in progress We're always on the journey I think we need to put a greater value on learning patience I think we need to embrace uncertainty It's part of the adventure And most importantly the first point that I'm going to talk about is that you are the main character of your own life And I've talked about this before This is one of the major things that I have learned later in life and

it's really set me free And I'm all about having as much freedom as we can getting free of the labels and boxes and categories that we get put in you know as we're developing and growing up into our teens and early 20ies Things can stick can't they So I'm all about getting free of all of those and all of the enttrapments that life may bring as well And that's why I call my own style of journaling freedom journaling because it's allowing us to get free of everything we want to get free of if that makes

sense Anyway I digress I'm going to be looking down at my list a little bit as well cuz I have made a list of these As I said I wanted to collect them all in one place in my own writings And so if I'm looking down there please excuse me But the first point I wanted to make is you are the main character of your own life And I know this is really obvious but I do think that we forget this And I think comparing ourselves to others or where people are at on their own

journey what kind of achievements they've had compare No this has to stop And I also think the most important thing is to stop living for other people's opinions They really don't matter They have no bearing And as some say they're not even any of your business So stop worrying about it Now there is a caveat in here because I do think that it does matter what our loved ones think So for example if you've got loved ones in your family who you deeply respect their opinions then I think it does matter what they think and

I certainly have that You know I do care about what my love ones think about me I think my reputation to them is important but it's not as important as how I view myself You know am I behaving in my own integ I can't say that word integrity Am I coming from a place of authentic integrity Am I honoring and aligning with my deepest values Those are the things that matter to me So it's my character and how I view that over my reputation But I won't say that reputation how others view me isn't important

because I think there are elements that it is But I will say that most the time I'm not really interested what other people think And that is something I have learned in my late 40s and 50s that's becoming more and more powerful since I have been passing through the menopause tunnel And let me tell you if you're worried about getting older it's the most freeing wonderful mindblowing deep breath that you can take The final note on this point is to notice who you are when nobody's watching I think that's key isn't it If I could

speak to my younger self right now I would say trust yourself your own intuition take up space speak your truth and do not change yourself to fit into a situation because the world needs your own unique authentic magical perfect perfectly imperfect self Number two time is precious so stop waiting Perfectionism is a trap There is no perfect time to start and in fact the perfect time to start anything is right now I have a favorite line from a movie which is Tom Cruz Penelopey Cruz with Cameron Diaz as well It's called Vanilla Sky He's just

met Penelopey There's kind of like a love a very strong bond between them They've only just met There's still that strong bond He turns around and says that he's going to change his life Emergency vehicle sorry He turns around to her and says you know he's going to change his life right now in that moment cuz he's so inspired by her And she said yes every passing minute is the chance to turn it all around And it's so true You can just literally take a moment switch things around James is always saying to me can

you flip it And I think 99.9% of the time you actually can You can reframe things flip things around and it makes a whole world of difference So just remember that that clock is ticking anyway And the longer we wait the further away we are from where we want to be if that makes sense So don't wait for the stars to align The perfect moment is never going to come So start now Start small and just do it Worrying doesn't get us anywhere So there's no point wasting time and energy doing that Easier said than

done I do appreciate And on all these points I'm by no means perfect but you know we are human So we just have to do our best So give yourself some grace where you need to as well where you know you could or should have done better Just say you know next time I will It's all a lesson and it's all part of that journey isn't it So if you've got something you've been putting off perhaps leave me a comment down below and that could be the first step in the direction that you want to

go Number three your body has a wisdom Listen to it Use all your senses And by that I mean you know when you have a situation where you can feel in your body a definite yes or a definite no I think those are the most apparent things so that you can recognize body messages So if you like I will give you an example When I feel a big hell no I really don't want to do that I feel it in my probably in my solar plexus and my guts and it's a really big strong feeling

and sometimes it can be really tight and even almost painful and then if it's a yes I get really excited and so it's more of a fluttery feeling a little bit higher up but I do notice if I get really sad or stressed or really excited and joyful you know those kind of situations I will definitely be able to feel in the body and then as we sort of listen to our bodies more we notice the more subtle signs as well because the body has constant messages for us So for example when we're in pain

that's a body message for us to take care of a certain part of our body or that there's something not quite right and then we need to address it So listen to those messages We have intuition we have a gut feeling and we also have physical aspects of our instincts So I think as I've got older I've learned to truly listen to those because the times that I haven't I've really regretted I'm a firm believer in sematic movement which is when you are releasing your emotions and feelings through movement So it might be walking stomping

running dancing something like that or just shaking Some people jump up and down really really fast or even just patting your body You can move the emotions through the body That's why they're called emotions because they need to motion They need to move through us I also think that being conscious of our breath and our breathing can be a real key to emotional health It's another way to move things I can't say that It's another way to move things through the body isn't it So don't blindly follow your thoughts Use your intuition your heart your

senses and your body messages And that will give you a lot more information about decision making things that you should be doing and shouldn't be doing directions you want to go to stay on the pathway that is your journey your unique pathway Thoughts are not always the way That can confuse us and we end up in a complete muddle and that's where we can get really bad decision fatigue can't we You'll have to tell me if you're the same but I really get that and I get lost in my thoughts sometimes but I remind myself

and bring myself back to what am I feeling here What am I feeling in my gut What's my intuition telling me My spider senses What's my radar telling me My outer radar I have an inner radar and then a more of an outer radar as well So it's a really important skill to remember to do isn't it It's the body's way of communicating with us I feel it's an important part of the wisdom it wants to share So let's talk about boundaries then shall we and the sacred yes and the and the word no for

self-respect and the fact that no can be a full sentence Although I have to say I find that really difficult because I think I like to explain a little bit not overexlain but a little bit of you know my sacred no when it is a no And I have learned to say no quicker and more clearly and not have to then claw back my boundaries which is the worst possible situation and takes so much worry and energy doesn't it You'll have to let me know if that's happened to you And once again you know I'm

by no means perfect at this but I have learned over the years so much that it's really important to get those right at the start if you can So the earlier you can set your boundaries in place the better I think boundaries are a form of self-respect and I think saying no when you need to say no is the most powerful way of taking care of yourself It's important for well-being and mental health because if we say yes to the things that we want to say no to it's so draining of our energy isn't it

And one of the things that might sound a bit con convoluted but I often say about this is if we say yes then what are we saying no to Because if the thing we're saying no to by saying yes is more important than the thing we're saying yes to then we should be saying no So leave me a comment if that makes sense to you But that makes complete sense to me And that's really taught me a lesson of you know it might be important to say no even when it's not 100% no You might

have a 6040 What's more important Saying yes or saying no Because when you say yes to something you're always saying no to something else Does that make sense As I've got older one of the main things I have learned is that I have my non-negotiables And no matter what happens I have these non-negotiables Now by that I don't mean you know in some kind of emergency situation you know things have to get pushed to the side So I'm not talking about that But basic non-negotiables are all set in place and I just have a hit

in my body of like no that cannot be crossed That's not something that I can do or that I can accommodate for if that makes sense And the other thing that's really really clear to me especially now in my 50s is that saying no is not selfish Just take a moment to think about that one because we're conditioned to believe that it is aren't we Right from early in our growing up journey And how about right now you have a think about something that you need to say no to and maybe leave a comment as

well This is all part of the process you see because it's getting us to the next stage the doing part rather than just the thinking part The thinking part comes first but then we need to actually take action on that don't we put things into place Number five is one that I've really been confronted with recently And if you've seen the last few videos you will know this because I had basically my my whole system shut down because I just had swamps and swamps of grief and sadness washing over me and I didn't know where

to put it and what to do with it And once I realized and remembered this lesson that you cannot change others only yourself I'm free of it You know we can't control how others behave only how we respond Not everyone we come across is going to like us and we have to let that go There are times in our life where we need to let people go and it's painful I often journal about what am I holding on to that I need to let go of and I also think about what are the things that

I really want to hold on to And so that helps me work out the other stuff that I need to let go of if that makes sense Because you can't hold on to everything and you can't juggle so many balls up in the air all the time And so once you realize I need that one and I really need that one That one is non-negotiable The other ones become periphery And so you start understanding which ones you can let go of and it helps the decision-m process I'm always amazed how much lighter I feel just

from doing that And I do journal about this regular say at least once a week once a fortnight So a great journaling prompt to start you off what do I need to let go of and what do I really want to hold on to as a little addage to it Feel free to share any stories as well in the comments of something or someone that you have had to let go of and how you felt about it afterwards I also include in here habits and addictions things that we know and we recognize ourself that we

need to get a little handle on and we need to work on ourselves to improve We need to do the work to change ourselves And there's always self-development to be done It's all a journey And that's why I always say you know I am I am but a work in progress I'm just doing my best And the fabulous Mayor Angelou quote that comes to mind is when we know better we do better So again it comes up you know we can give ourselves a real shame shutdown if we feel guilty or shame about how we

behaved in the past Instead think ah what have I learned from that Rather than beating ourselves up constantly because that's not going to help and it's not going to move us forward But now this Wendy future Wendy knows better And so she's going to do better next time So now it's number six I believe and it's growth over perfectionism Because perfectionism as I keep saying is a trap You don't have to be nor will you ever be perfect You to be worthy So accept your flaws and work with them not against them As the old

saying goes life is a journey So on this journey we are going to mess up We're going to make mistakes And I think when that happens we have to own it We have to do our apologies if it involves other people and mean it Learn how to apologize properly and communicate that and try to do better next time Also remember that when you mess up it's okay My mom always says just do your best And sometimes even that's not very good But just keep endeavoring to do your best And so in every situation if we

strive to do our best we've done enough I always think as well when I've messed up or said something I shouldn't or said something that's upset someone and I didn't mean it that way I try and clean it up straight away or as soon as possible The longer we let it linger it starts to fester and then we can get into that terrible what I call the shame shutdown which is a spiraling of guilt and shame which is a complete shutdown emotion And in fact when you look at all the energy vibrations of each emotion

I think it's been done scientifically Perhaps I'll put a little chart up somewhere on the on the screen You will see that right at the bottom the lowest vibrational energy of emotions is the is the emotions of guilt and shame It will shut down a person and it's very difficult to get out claw your way out of that dark tunnel isn't it I think as a journaling prompt for this one as well I didn't really plan to put journaling prompts on them but if it just comes to mind I will mention them here in case

it's useful in case it helps But perhaps we can think about what is a mistake that we've made and what's the lesson that we learned from it Number seven gratitude and simplicity I think one of my main lessons is it's not it's never been the big things that lead me to my joy and happiness It's always an accumulation of the little tiny things small moments connections with others and then taking a moment to have gratitude for that And for me at the moment I have recently become a grandmother If you've been here a little while

you might know that already And one of my greatest joys of my entire life is seeing my daughter with her daughter I Yeah it's I can't put it into words but the feeling I get from that I I'm I'm goosebumply now It gives me such a joy I fill up with love Priceless I think a note on simplification as well When we take away the distractions could be our environment You'll know quite recently I have been uber decluttering in here It's been quite a dramatic and quite a long journey I had quite a lot of

stuff Shh don't tell anybody But at the same time now it's much more simple my environment I have been creating more and so it's been absolutely worth it because it took a long time and it wasn't always easy to let go of things but now I've simplified everything I just want to simplify more and more aspects of my life because I can see the benefits So if you maybe needed to hear that there's your sign And once we start we get onto this like it's like a snowball effect isn't it If I can do it

in here you could do it And if you need some inspiration you can go back on my channel and watch some decluttering videos cuz there's loads over the past few months Now number eight and on to one of life's very very big questions What do you want And it's a very difficult question to answer but certainly one that's really really good to journal about And life is a quest And we don't have to have all the answers right now because things unfold as we travel our path And on this quest we look for clues of

things that we're drawn to things that excite us things that perhaps we're envious of others on Those are little clues as well What makes us feel truly alive and what makes us feel like truly ourselves Nurture those things Let them grow and blossom But also recognize that it's okay to change pathway along You don't have to finish everything that you start It's taken me quite a long time to learn that one because I always felt like I was you know a failure if I skipped out till you know of the end of a project or

something that I was supposed to be doing or I thought I was supposed to be doing because I'd labeled it that way But in actual fact sometimes the best most productive thing you can do is to know when to change course And again it's about small steps and not waiting till all the little things are in order and everything's perfect so that you can begin We talked about that So this is number nine which is life isn't easy or hard It's both Often people say life's not fair and it's definitely not always easy and it's

definitely not always hard Sometimes things just flow along nicely don't they And other times we have all these obstacles and challenges that seem to just get in the way And I think the key is learning to navigate both I wouldn't say embrace the hard parts but I would say make sure you are studying the lessons to be learned from them because they will help you on your journey onwards Perhaps in the comments you feel like sharing a challenge that really helps you grow if you feel like sharing Number 10 the power of forgiveness And this

includes ourselves and others Because when we forgive others it's not just about them It sets us free holding on to anger and resentments and grudges It only hurts us doesn't it We have to let go of that That's the route to freedom And we've kind of talked about forgiving ourselves a little bit But it's so important to remember we are going to mess up Forgive ourselves allow ourselves that grace learn the lessons move forward and then do better next time I think one thing that we all know and that we we could all agree on

is that we are our our own biggest critics aren't we and it's not a good thing And when we're forgiving others maybe that have caused us hurt and pain it's not condoning their actions but it's setting ourselves free from that feeling especially if it's old stuff from the past because then we're lighter we're freer from it and we can move forward And I've talked a lot about doing layers because we can't always just do the whole thing in one go Quite often especially with old past hurts it's a layer at a time So it's almost

like peeling off paint And that's why I do my art journaling because that is the layering process And often if I'm journaling about something difficult I can let go of another layer in that process It's not all going to be oh right now I'm better It's gone You know some things go deeper some things are bigger And so going at our own pace to gently release is really important And big disclaimer here I'm not a qualified counselor or psychiatrist but I do know about journaling and I do know about the mental health aspects and benefits

of it And I think the other aspect of it is to do in a community And so if you're interested in doing some journaling you can join our community on Patreon from a pound a month You get the monthly prompts and all sorts of other things as well And you can journal together in community and it's yeah it's a circle of love basically or indeed find another circle to journal with because I think the community aspect helps even if it's watching YouTube videos sometimes and someone might sort of be opening up and really authentically talking

about feelings and emotions and difficult emotions as well and then you might think ah I I feel like that sometimes I don't feel so alone and it's very reassuring isn't it number 11 finding peace in the present moment so breath breathing mindfulness I think it's easy to spiral and get stuck in anxiety and worry I do that quite often But if I can bring myself back to the present and become mindful either in my activities or just in my moments of doing nothing of actual stopping that is our most powerful tool because there's no point

worrying about the future because obviously the only moment that we actually have is is now is happening right now So in that sense the present moment is a really powerful tool and there's all kind of activities that can help that I like to do a little bit of yoga and stretching I like to go for a walk I like to do my drawing and painting and my creativity I sat crochering yesterday Absolute heaven I didn't want to think about stuff I felt very overwhelmed So I literally went home early and started crochering a strawberry hat

sun hat for my granddaughter And it helped a lot And it was fun too The past is done The future we don't know So we need to be dealing with the present don't we This is a big element of Zen and I am working on this one Number 12 relationships Nurture our relationships And the way I think about my relationships is as a circle So in the in the center circle I have my inner circle of people and then I have another segment rippling out as it goes further and further out And then I can

see you know who I want to say yes to who I need to say no to who I'm prioritizing etc at the different points If I feel like you know in right in the center is you know the heart the heart of my closest loved ones And I don't take that for granted I think we've all lost loved ones And so we need to nurture our time with the ones you know that are in there I don't see friends regularly I've made a video about that I have people in my life that I care about

but I don't really see anybody regularly I spend a lot of my time on my own which is by choice And that's certainly something that's become more and more since I've got older and I've become more introvert My energy levels are different And I absolutely believe you don't need hundreds and hundreds of friends You just need a few true people Does that make sense Learning to hold space and be the kind of friend that you would need I always think you know I appreciate things like somebody holding space for me or you know not necessarily

having to fix everything but just holding space so that I can air emotions Sometimes it's difficult to share them So when somebody does that I have really tried to learn to be be a better listener and to be able to be a holder of space where and when I can and really put some energy into being a really supportive advocate for that person And a few quick ones to finish off I'll just look at my list over here The value of patience So definitely learn some because some things take a little while to unfold A

little saying my mom always says "It'll all come out in the wash." And from my experience it always has Embrace the uncertainty because it's part of the adventure And it can feel scary but we have to get our head around the fear because a lot of things in life are scary especially when we're covering new ground Remember as well don't be afraid to change your mind And last but not least you are enough as you are You don't have to become someone else You don't have to compare yourself to others You are enough just as

you are You don't need outside validation You are worthy So know your worth and trust in your own unique path So if you watched all the video and you've stayed with me this long thank you very much for keeping me company I really appreciate it Don't forget to leave your life lessons down below in the comments so that we can all share I go into the comments and I will reply to as many as possible and I also read them and appreciate them and I'm sure that your comment will help someone else as well even

if it's a case of ah that person doesn't feel quite so alone And I think this community aspect is one of the things I really love about this little corner of YouTube and online friends and online communities Anyway before I go I will leave you with one bonus little pointer which is you will inspire others with your own growth So don't hide away all the time And if you've watched some of my videos you'll know at the end I always say try to keep your lights shining bright So allow your little light to shine because

someone else will see it and that will not dim our own lights by doing that In fact our lights glow even brighter and sometimes your light might be a teeny tiny light and sometimes it might be a massive big sun But just keep shining it anyway and doing your best Our journeys our transformations it becomes a beacon for others to see And I truly believe that the lessons that we learn are meant to be passed on like from our grandfathers grandmothers grandparents great-grandparents We're meant to have those lessons in order for us to try and

better when we're out there in this everchanging ever crazy world We lead by example don't we We don't just talk the talk We have to walk the walk at the same time And a final journaling prompt Perhaps we should think about the people who inspire us and in what ways they inspire us and what we've learned from that And you can leave that in the comments below as well I'd love to hear I'm really inspired by my own mom She is one of my heroins of life I think she is incredible And I'm also really

inspired by my own daughter I don't think age has got anything to do with it I think there is different types of wisdom and it's all inspiring So remember it's never too late to start to make things better Life is what we make it so don't waste it You are the main character in your own life so make it count And my biggest wish is for you to live as fully as possible full of love Anyway I will leave you in peace for now Thank you so so much for keeping me company and watching the

video I really appreciate it All the love and encouragement that I get I am so lucky And I hope you feel in the circle of love as well in the comments section So try to keep your light shining bright I will if you will And I'll see you really soon in the next video Bye for now [Music]