Compilation: Navigating Sexuality and Spirituality with Awareness | Eckhart Tolle

unconditional love towards All Humans is the Transcendent love you love the formless recognize the formless as yourself in the other hi first of all greetings from your fans in Poland I promise them to tell that oh we all have the very heavy pain bodies there so you're as you know so your teaching is quite a Salvation and my question is again the same topic like a one track mind um actually that question about sex trigger triggered the question in my mind because I've just listened several times to the um the autobiography of a yogi of

paramahansa Yogananda amazing book and those spiritual Masters they explain very clear clearly and logically all kinds of things including the the symbolism of the Old Testament and according to them that snake was the is the nerve running through the spinal cord and and activates the sex nerve and the um the forbidden fruit was was sex because it was predictable that if humans tried that it would cause the fall of the humankind from pretty much a God on Earth with powerful mind to the level of animal so my question is do you think that sexual life

actually is um an obstacle in spiritual unfoldment if uh someone wants to to attain a high level oh thank you in many cases it is an obstacle to the Awakening Consciousness but in essence it is not it is not it doesn't have to be an obstacle it's not it can be transcend it which means you don't eliminate it but there's a much vaster hole into which it loses its importance so you you transcend it rather than eliminate it the elimination of it uh I would not recommend except for very rare individuals for who that is

right mhm so it's Transcendence rather than elimination and but to me the the beginning of the the fall I would interpret somewhat differently from the the Bible as the beginning of the identification with the mind the human mind the knowledge that eating of the tree of the knowledge of Good and Evil the differentiation of conceptual thinking coming in but that's one can interpret it in in many ways for most humans I would say do not attempt except with unless you are one of the exceptions uh do not attempt to suppress or eliminate sexuality but bring

awareness to it and then it's no longer addictive and then it may fall away for some people it then Falls away by itself but you don't need to make that's what made me feel bad that because you know that um there is that Union between a man and a woman and there's a lot of Beauty in that so actually I was sort of turned off by that information in the autobiography of a yogi H well he still he came from a an ancient Indian athetic tradition and there's a place for everything so uh for most

for westerners especially but probably even for easterners it's really uh awareness rather than elimination of something that is so so powerfully built into the human organism and use it for awakening rather than for letting it draw you to unconscious into unconsciousness thank you my question is on uh sexuality and like uh yeah um I would say instinctive impulse when I see a for example a woman jogging um to look most of times and I look H and um also when the lady is beautiful inside also how do I balance not getting too lost in the

the little play you know that's my question okay thank you I know what you [Laughter] mean you may have heard of something called Tantra it's a that means basically bringing Consciousness into something that is usually unconscious for example sexuality I would even include other things like eating things that tend to pull you into unconsciousness I don't know if youve observed some people who the moment they start eating they become quite unconscious relatively speaking and then when they stop eating there's a bit more Consciousness again they go and then they wake up so eating consciously would

be bringing some awareness into that Tantra is traditionally used uh to point to the possibility of bringing Consciousness into sex and sex starts the moment you're looking at a a woman dogging and basically what Tantra means is not to uh make it into a means to an end not to look to the next moment and the one after that the final moment of man woman Union always being orgasm but sex starts with looking and to be at every moment honor the moment and enjoy the moment for what it is which is there's nothing wrong when

your body mind [Music] organism gets drawn to that you know that this is happening if you don't know that this is happening you become the reaction and then you are lost but if you know that this is happening you can actually allow yourself to be drawn you can look and enjoy just look there's no need to go beyond that can you be I enjoy looking at all kinds of humans including women or men it doesn't really matter I enjoy the the human form I like to be sometimes sit in a cafe in a corner and

simply watch the human beings come in leave some are old some are are young some are beautiful some are not so beautiful they're all beautiful inside but on the external the variety of the human form is just quite wonderful to watch and if you're not if you not don't want anything that's the the question is whether the attraction turns into wanting the attraction is the attention moves there and it's unconscious and then the moment comes when you realize that the attention has moved there there's no need for you as some spiritual Traditions might tell you

you must not look at a woman if the moment you notice your attention moving to look somewhere else Den the by denying it uh you really intensify ultimately the unconscious urge to look there's even in Buddhist monasteries the monk when I first visited a monastery I I could see a woman was trying to give a monk a something a pencil or something and he said I'm sorry I can't take it from you you have to put it on the table and then I'll take it I'm not allowed to take some from a woman and this

is how because the power of sexuality was so strong that for a long time in the past people were afraid of it because you can't control yourself if you even just take something there might be a flash of energy coming who knows what will happen next if you just take a pencil from a woman what's going to happen [Laughter] next so to enjoy you can also if you put Tantra you can enjoy the touching someone there's no need to it's all really connected with the self-sufficiency of the present moment and not always needing wanting the

the end result and that includes any kind of sexual attraction the uh if you if you bring in present moment living into normal life you can also practice it there where you simply enjoy whatever phenomenon is arising at this moment for what it is instead of it becoming some kind of wanting something in the future wanting more observe the impulse and if you get lost in it then you have to wait until you wake up and then can observe yourself running after her I remember I had a friend in England many many years ago who

suddenly became very interested in spirituality and asked very deep questions and a couple of times I was we were sitting in a somewhere outside in a park or Cafe and I was he just I was talking to him that was my early form of teaching individuals coming and asking questions and I I observed a couple of times he was listening to me it was so important to him just this vital question was being answered and suddenly I could see him is he was looking somewhere else behind me and I thought what's going on he stopped

listening and then I looked around and there was a woman sitting there behind and he spirituality was so important for him but then something else came up that was even more powerful at that time and that was the attraction and then I pointed it out and he he woke he suddenly he he was like a man waking up from sleep or from a dream oh was completely lost and then it happened again and after that he was able to be aware of that pull if you're aware of that pull you are not the pull you

are not in the grip of that pull it's nature the pull is part of the physical nature but then you are not aware if you are not aware you become the pull and and it dominates the next thing that you do you may run after or you may try to approach her or you may lose yourself in fantasizing for the next 30 minutes all kinds of things happen if if you become the pull the pull becomes action or it becomes thought so are you the pull that you can sense or are you the knower the

one that knows that this is happening and if you can be the knower you can allow yourself or your body your physical organism to experience whatever is happening at this moment without losing yourself in that it's a spiritual practice so I recommend that you go into a place where you're likely to encounter many beautiful women I don't know where they would be the beach or um the and practice sit there and let your attention be pulled wonderful practice and a women can do it with men or with other women or men with men doesn't matter

the the important thing is be can you be the awareness of what's happening or are you losing yourself in the pool so as a practice just be there space for the impulse space for the attraction uh without believing that you need to change something if you suppress it I don't think it's the most skillful thing to do to to actually say I must not look because it it's something will build up inside you it will make it even more powerful and it will not become obsessive the awareness will deepen as you practice that and then

you have a choice there is always a choice it doesn't mean you cannot act you can act from the awareness you can still if you want to meet someone you can still approach her and say I don't know what nothing comes to mind that's why I've never done [Music] it it has a rason in the past and uh the question what can I say don't know but you may be better at it [Laughter] so if let's say we love all if let's say we love we all love each other unconditionally how can I decide who

is to be my partner is this based on physical attraction isn't this a contradiction with this higher state of consciousness oh okay so if you love everybody unconditionally how can you possibly decide who is going to be your partner that's the question because it seems and there's no preference anymore or if it's physical attraction isn't there contradiction if you're in a higher state of consciousness are you then shouldn't or not be physically attracted to anybody is that the implication questioned well the love we're talking about the unconditional love towards human beings and life forms is

a see what what is it that you love in the other when you love unconditionally you don't love their physical form you don't love their psychological form their personality the unconditional love goes [Music] deeper it's a Transcendent love that what you love is not the form but the formless essence of the other and you can only love that when you can sense within yourself that Dimension the forms when you can be still and present enough and then look at another human being and then you can recognize something what you recognize is for lack of a

better word the Consciousness which is the essence of the other human as it is the essence of of who you are Consciousness prior to the Consciousness being born into some kind of form personality which is there and the physical form which is there but in every being there is still the dimension of Consciousness that is prior to form although the human being has become form Consciousness assumed form has incarnated so to speak but that does doesn't mean that the the formless and Timeless Consciousness is lost it's still there as the essence and when you can

sense it in yourself you can sense it because you're still and present enough from that dimension in yourself you can sense it in the other and that is love it's basically a recognition that in essence the other is the same as you but then of course there there's always that is the Transcendent Dimension to every human being in addition to that Transcendent Dimension there is a form identity of every human being every human being has a physical form and a emotional form and a mental form that's the inner that's personality so the the physical appearance

and the personality consisting of mental emotional conditioning and so on so there are the two levels the unconditional love towards All Humans is the Transcendent love you love the formless your recognize of formless as yourself in the other but then you are Al you still here as a form too and the form May respond to another form the physical there can be physical attraction it is not incompatible with a Transcendent realization although some ancient or not so ancient Traditions may tell you that it is not incompatible you can have physical attraction on the level of

form you can also have an attraction towards the mental emotional form of that other human being because it resonates with something in your own form so that means on you may be drawn to another human being physically or mentally emotionally because you resonate with that and then perhaps you enter into relationship so that different levels operate the Transcendent remains it can become obscured through through excessive attachment of course to the mental or emotional dimension in the other so in a relationship the realization of Essence identity as I sometimes call it can become obscured when form

identity takes over completely which could happen through the pain body which could happen through emotional getting identified with arising emotions and losing touch with a Transcendent yes that can happen but but it's not incompatible our everybody's challenge is to balance the two in their lives in their relationships to relate to the other on the Transcendent level and at the same time if it's there on an emotional mental physical level without the Transcendent dimension in a relationship it's not ultimately satisfying and it cannot reach really truly work for long if the Transcendent is missing completely in

a relationship it's physical attraction and attraction between personalities is not enough to keep it going can keep going for a while but then it becomes frustrating and you see more and more of the limitations of the other person and the other person sees more and more of your limitations which are always there and when you live together it becomes very obvious that the other person has his or her limitations now as long as the realization of the Transcendent Dimension is there that fine those limitations can be exist within the space of the Transcendent and F

they can they're not destructive of the relationship now you may find with uh it's sometimes easier to have this unconditional love towards people that you don't know so well Than People easier than towards people that with whom you share a lot of past because they are the the past the form identity of that person can be very power powerfully there in your in your mind in your interaction so that's the challenge of from being present with family members parents grown grownup children and so on and of course as you know Ram dust recommends if you

think you're enlightened as as a test he recommends that you spend two weeks with your parents and that will tell you whether you're really enlightened or not go and go and spend two weeks stay with your parents for two weeks in most cases that is a good test unless your parents are enlightened in which case there's not much point in using it doesn't tell you anything then if one is in the surrendered State of Consciousness can they I've heard two teachings from my own experience and from just reading with romantic love there can be I

need you behavioral expectations and then there's like the selfless kind of love where there are no behavioral expectations and you still love the person my question is if you're in the surrendered state of conscious if you're if you're completely surrendered to what is do you still have that kind of selfless love for a specific person romantically or does that kind of dissolve or is it just only the universal which is wonderful the universal love it's amaz it's wow you know but can you also have that specific kind of love for okay thank you so the

question you're basically asking what do you then love everybody equally so there would not be one person singled out as special as the causeing Miracles calls it special relationship uh which the causeing miracle says of course it's of the ego to single one out as special now if you single one out as special and you what you see in the other is the form only and you attach to the form which doesn't doesn't just mean the physical form of course that's an important part of it because there is part of the sexuality and all that

which is part of the attraction but it in also includes the psychological form of the other who you think that person is their psychological makeup how they behave and speak and act that is also form that's psychological form and there can be strong attachment to those aspects both the physical come together with the psychological which includes also emotions there's an emotional link also there and those coming when they all come together you fall in [Music] love and aptly it's called fall because it's a fall in Consciousness but but but that's okay if that's what you

experience and that life wants you to experience that it's part of your learning that fall in Consciousness now it's not immediately of course experienced as a fall it's experienced as a high and only afterwards do you realize oh that was a fo and afterwards can be after a year it can be after 3 months it can be after the honeymoon it can be soon after you move in together uh so and then the suffering starts what before was the Love Now becomes the suffering and then for a while it can happen that you fluctuate for

the next year or two or three between still feeling the love and and the suffering and then usually it comes to an end after a while or you you compromise and uh for some other reason stay together so that's the now if you are able to feel in the other well first of all in yourself that which is beyond form the essence the Stillness the presence whatever we want to call it and by by sensing it in yourself and being it then you recognize ize it in another and that recognition that in this in the

space of Stillness is true love which doesn't need the other because the other only reflects to you who you are but even there it can happen that the form of the other because you are not just the formless temporarily you're also the form temporarily you are either a man or a woman temporarily you have this body and this form this man or this woman and this body and the emotional field may find a certain resonance with on different levels be it sexual emotional psychological levels a certain resonance with the other form and that resonance that

is what in the unenlightened romantic love makes up the entire relationship but now when you are when you know who you are in your essence all those factors are still there but they do not make up the entire relationship beyond the resonance the sexual or emotional or physical resonance there's a deeper level present so you can go through the motions of romantic love with with the Transcendent level also present in yourself and recognizing it in the other so romantic love made after a while of course for the relationship to be truly deep in any relationship

some Transcendent element has to be be there because it never it's not going to last otherwise it doesn't mean necessarily that people need to be totally awake already totally awake knowing who they are but some element of the formless must be there eventually in the relationship for the relationship to survive and be a true relationship otherwise all you have left in the relationship is your judgments about the other and physical attraction and just mind emotional and that's ultimately is not enough it's not enough the added element the Transcendent element needs to be there and if

the Transcendent is there you can be quite content even without the Romantic relationship you no longer say I need that I it's when it's there it's beautiful but you don't need that yeah pull so the the mind it is often in relationships the Mind prevents the deeper level the Transcendent level from arising in the relationship so the Mind destroys the relationship identification with a story in the mind which you is about yourself and the other obscures love it might even say love well it's no such thing as love I read in lovely in a a

novel last year um by a British writer it just um M Yuan he's a well-known contemporary writer Ian Mc Yuan and he wrote this book about it's called on chessel beach it's about two young people falling in love in England in the 50s and these two young people they feel this the pull towards each other and they fall begin to fall in love and but sexually they are completely repressed and un very fearful about they haven't it's in the 50s so the six Revolution hasn't happened yet about sex so they're they're both extremely fearful about

and then they they get married and their first night they stay in their bed and breakfast on on near chessel beach in the south of England and they're they're trying to have sex for the first time and it's a disas dread Dreadful disaster and and she she is so shocked she runs out of the room to the beach oh they don't realize it's actually quite funny I don't explain what disaster you can probably imagine it the so she runs out and the next day so they don't see each other that night that's their honeymoon their

their wedding night and the next day he tries he he goes to the beach Jess a beach and she sees she's walking on the beach they they start talking to each other and both feel still the pool is still there but both their minds are bringing up stories why it's no longer why it's not possible it's Dreadful they are projecting things onto the other botes and so the the P is there but they all they both create stories in their minds that cuts them off from the other and they separate and then they spend the

rest of their lives doing other things and the rest of their lives in the Noel is is compressed to five or six pages and that shows how the how destructive the mind can be of true relationship how how the mind imposes interpretations on the other are total fictions but there's so so much as Don Miguel Ru would say there's so much faith in these fictions that they this it's an impossibility for the human being to see what the mind is creating is a fictitious judgment on that that creates a b barrier between yourself and the

other this writer is not Spirit at all he just observed human nature and he he presented it and and that is the ultimate lesson is spiritual thank you very much