Llamas with Hats: Epilogue

Carl is that a hand wa I think it is how did it get in here I left the window open I take full responsibility a hand wouldn't just wander in through an open window Carl it's been a windy day Carl I felt definite gusts earlier a breeze does not explain a severed hand I don't like the accusatory tones in your voice I'm not accusing you of anything I'm a pillar of the community and a known philanthropist I Know Carl I just don't understand how a human hand ended up on our floor well let's retrace our

steps what have you been up to today I've been waiting for the plumber all day but he never showed up oh what what is it you're going to laugh this has all been a huge misunderstanding what do you mean a man came by earlier trying to get into our bathroom okay I thought he was some kind of pervo wanting to touch our you know what oh no so I made a citizen's arrest and then nibbled his hands off as a citizen's punishment car I was protecting the sanctity of the bathroom you been off a man's

hands I believe I said nibble words mean things this is terrible Carl I can see now that I react acted without knowing all the facts I just I can't believe you're capable of such a thing it was a confused moment tensions were high I don't know Carl I'm as much a victim as anybody I'd like to believe you but well believe this I Carl solemnly swear on my honor as County cop troller and president of the PTA that I will never harm a living Soul ever again [Music] d [Music] [Music] [Music] Carl oh hey Carl

I didn't do that Carl car [Music] [Music] n a [Music] call [Music] Paul we're ready for you Carl oh hey ready for what ah yeah that's the question huh well you coming I think I'll just ah there we go what the heck I don't know maybe I too many hands and now I have hand Powers that's not what's going on here hey get away from me don't touch my toe don't touch it hey that's my Tob that's my to now you've done it you're in big trouble Carl trouble me that was my tube hey buddy

I just work here what no you don't what you know I've never eaten tube meat before you wouldn't I've eaten pretty much everything else oh why why would you do this maybe I'll get two Powers all right we're done a spoil sport all right I'm sorry I tried to eat your tube meat that was wrong of me I had a rough childhood Street crime gang violence El Nino my mother there was a big balloon she used to tie her string around my leg and float me around the city dropping me into dump trucks all right

look if you're willing to no no no no I can't believe you've done this neither can I you taste like old guacamole well that's that I [Music] suppose uh-oh apparently too beat should be sipped not [Music] chugged Paul Paul help me well there's no helping old Carl now I've truly gone and done it this time unless Paul if you're out there duck I remember this place this is where I first saw Paul Paul [Music] it wasn't during the day though I remember the moon was out I always thought of you as made of moonlight because

of that first night you were looking for something I don't remember what it wasn't important and you never found it maybe we're both still here maybe we've been here all along just two llamas in a meadow maybe if I aha let's see oh yeah it was a pen cap I never understood how you could hold a pen lost again wow there go all our plans come on it's just a little rain washed away washed away if you don't want to go out there's plenty of things we can do inside like what we could play Truth

or Dare okay Carl truth why why did you leave there are threads that hold us together car on threads that connect us to every other living Soul you left me over knitting every time you killed someone you cut another thread one by one by one by one and eventually there just weren't any left I didn't leave you Carl you left the world I choose dare bury yourself in a deep hole stay there forever spend the rest of time in darkness and Solitude free the rest of us from you [Music] [Music] oh there you are didn't

I eat you what are you doing in this big gross hole I'm becoming a productive member of society uhhuh I'm going to be a good boy from now on so Paul will forgive me yeah I think you're on the wrong track here let's agree to disregard what you said because you're wrong well I'll leave you to your hole man H why am I on the wrong track you don't deserve forgiveness you're pretty judgmental for a tube you killed everyone you ever met Carl that's a very negative way of looking at things literally everyone yeah and

I feel very bad about it you only feel bad when something you want gets taken away from you stop it you never feel bad when you're ripping things away from everyone else well I don't want all this tube meat to go to waste [Music] he [Music] oh [Applause] It's A Beautiful Day friend is it somewhere it is do you think I'm beyond Redemption yes you don't even know me okay tell me about yourself I once cut a guy in half with a hula hoop wow the trick is building up enough momentum I see I made

a hula hoop out of human Skin and Bones and then I made another guy eat the hoop lengthwise uhhuh I stuffed a bunch of Orphans into one huge hula hoop and then rolled them down a hill into a lake on Christmas morning you must love hula hoops not really I just killed so many people that there happens to be multiple hula hoop examples well that all sounds pretty terrible it was I'm a no good son of a you know what and what have you done to redeem yourself well uh I said I was sorry like

a lot I don't think that's going to cut it oh yeah what do you know I'm an acorn what does that have to do with anything you could be an acorn too I don't think that's a solution to my current predicament there are no Solutions not for you not anymore you got to grow into a big beautiful tree I don't want to grow into a tree I'm Carl well Carl's a dangerous sociopath with a long history of violence whatever oh you were quoting me I said that what's with all the rain get a life you

know what I don't know what kind of establishment you're trying to run here but I'm [Applause] leaving I'm finding Paul I'm sorting things out between us he'll listen to me he'll understand he [Music] he's dead how did I forget that dead and it's my fault I did this Carl did this Paul I hope you're having a better time than I am I really mean that I think I'm lost Paul I don't think things are going to work out for me but you've still got a chance as long as you stay away from me or I

stay away from you [Music] [Music] w [Music] o [Laughter] [Music] [Music] [Music]