Parents Forgot to Buy Me a Ticket to Their Hawaii Wedding, Then Told Everyone I Had Covid...

Parents forgot to buy me a ticket to their Hawaii wedding, then told everyone I had COVID. I posted my negative test online and called them out on their lies. I, a 17-year-old female, was recently forgotten about on the day of my parents' wedding.

My parents have been together for about 25 years, but they never actually got married. That's why, when my dad (50M) proposed to my mother (49F) on their anniversary—which they have always celebrated on the date my mother found out she was pregnant with my eldest sister, even though they were already together—everyone, including me, was elated and celebrated the occasion with great joy. This happened all the way back in February.

They immediately jumped into wedding planning, deciding very early on a small event in Hawaii with just the closest family and friends for an intimate ceremony. Almost immediately, my mother asked my sister (25F) to be her maid of honor, and my dad asked my brother (22M) to be his groomsman. I wasn't surprised or offended by this; my sister had always been a mommy's girl, and they both enjoyed spending time with each other, shopping and socializing, so they had a very close bond.

The same goes for my father and brother; they always played football together and messed around with cars. My father even trained my brother's team for a while in middle school. That had always left me as the odd one out.

I tried to insert myself into my family's hobbies and groups that they had within our home, but was always rebuffed. Maybe they could sense that my interest in their activities wasn't all that genuine, or maybe they just didn't care. Either way, I was used to being the last and least important member of my family.

Mom had CIS, and Dad had Bro. My parents had each other, and my two siblings were closer to each other than they ever were to me, leaving me very lonely and isolated in my own home. During the preparation for the wedding, initially, it was suggested that I be the flower girl, but my sister thought that it would be more appropriate for her daughter (3F), so that idea was quickly tossed away.

Later on, my maternal grandmother suggested that I might read a poem or do a little bit of a speech during the ceremony, but both my parents refused because they wanted the wedding to be low-key, and they didn't think a cheesy and sappy speech would fit their vision—those were their literal words. I was still okay with all of this, even though it hurt to know I would be the only family member not actually to be part of the wedding party or have any role at all on the day. As the day approached, my parents and siblings got more and more caught up in all the wedding planning.

I noticed my mom didn't invite me dress shopping and that whenever they would have discussions about the venue or the event, I was left out. So, I decided to see if they would realize that I wasn't being involved at all, and kept quiet, waiting for them to ask me something—anything—about the wedding, but that never happened. The wedding was set for three weeks ago, at the end of August.

The day before the departure, my mother casually asked if I had my luggage ready because we couldn't be late to the airport. I bluntly told her that I hadn't prepared anything. She got confused for a second and then snapped at me for not being prepared.

I then asked her if I even had a ticket, and her face went pale. Yep, they hadn't even bought me a ticket, and I'm not even sure if I had a room or any accommodations once there, even though I was the only person in my family without stable income. I work as a part-time babysitter.

My parents had bought first-class tickets for my siblings and a couple of other friends attending the wedding, but had forgotten me. My mom told me not to make a big deal out of it and that they could just find me a low-cost ticket last minute from a cheap airline. But I just replied by asking her, "Then what do I even have a dress for the ceremony?

" She went with my sister to buy hers and all the other female guests' months ago, but I wasn't included. That's when my father came in and just told me to suck it up and that I've never been a girly girl, so I could just wear whatever. I got mad at this because even though I'm not the most feminine girl on the planet, I would have loved to be included in such an important part of my parents' wedding.

It was about the fact that I was excluded from literally everything that had been going on for months. We all got into a fight, with them calling me entitled and accusing me of making myself small intentionally so they would forget me, as if that is a valid excuse for ignoring a child. They ended up telling me that if I was going to keep this attitude, I might as well skip the whole thing altogether, to which I responded with a defiant "fine" and went to my room.

The next morning, they all left for Hawaii without me. The ceremony was really small, but they all posted loads of pictures on Instagram and Facebook about how perfect and magical that whole week was. People realized quickly that I wasn't in any of the photos and asked my parents why, to which they replied that unfortunately, I had caught COVID before the trip and had to stay behind.

My blood boiled at this. I don't know why this was the straw that broke the camel's back for me, but it was. I decided to take a COVID test and published a picture of myself holding the negative test, captioning it: "Not sick at all, just forgotten.

" I tagged everyone who had questioned my absence from the trip and the wedding in the picture, and for good measure, I also tagged every person invited to it. I wrote in the comments about how my parents had literally forgotten about anything to do with me until the day before parting and how they actually uninvited me. Most people were on my side, while others couldn't believe it and thought there must be something more to the story than what I was saying.

But one thing is for certain: I completely ruined my parents' wedding, and their day was overshadowed by my confession. At first, I felt quite satisfied with myself for standing up for myself after a barrage of messages from my family, calling me every name in the book. Later, when they came back, they furiously attacked me for my immature actions and spoiled behavior.

My pride deflated quickly, and I began to feel awful. I hate my family, and I hate being in this house, but I'm a minor and can't leave just yet. I do feel like I could have handled the situation better, though, and now I feel so depressed that I'm second-guessing everything I did—from not speaking up before to the way I exposed them.

I also feel guilty for the lack of connection between all of my family and me, and maybe I could have done more to avoid ruining my parents' wedding when they forgot about me. Comments where OP has replied: Commenter: "NTA. Can you move in with Grandma?

Their history of rebuffing you whenever you try to participate with them says this wasn't a one-off. It's like they don't even consider you family. No judge is going to force you back to their house at 17 if you have a place to go.

Get your things and your documents and go. " OP: "Hi, thank you for your comment. I would like to live with my grandma, but I am due to start my classes in college soon.

I was able to arrange it to start later on in the school year, and my school is in the same city where we live, but Grandma lives in another state, so I would have to drop out to leave. I don't have any other family here, just friends, and I don't want to be an imposition. " Commenter: "Does your school have dorm rooms?

Is this something you could plan for next semester, or finish this semester out and look at transferring to a school near your grandmother? " OP: "The school has dorms, but I don't qualify for financial aid, and I don't know how much they cost. Apparently, a lot!

I have a friend who's going to the same college as me, and she just rented a studio near campus that seems to be a better deal according to her. The plan had been for me to stay at home during my studies. " OP: "My grandma was not able to attend the actual wedding; she lives in another state, and traveling is very difficult for her due to mobility issues.

So, we only see her when we go to my mom's hometown. I know she saw my FB post and called me to ask how I was doing, but I put on a brave face for her. I haven't called her since, but we text.

I don't know if she knows more of the context of what happened or if my parents have told her a different version of the story, but she is very sweet to me and has always called out my parents for their favoritism. I just feel exhausted lately from everything. The last thing I want is to bother her, so I haven't called her again since barely after the wedding.

" To a different commenter: "No, my extended family wasn't there. My grandma has a hard time traveling, and my uncles live in the same town as her and they weren't invited. When I said they bought tickets for the family, I meant my siblings, their significant others, and my niece.

They also took a couple of friends, each with their partners. In total, I think it was 13 people. " Commenter: "At a certain point, it just feels intentional.

Did you ever learn what motivated your family to ignore you? I feel like I could use some insights here, and you have experience with this. " OP: "I have no idea, other than the fact that they are very close-knit between themselves and I don't seem to fit in.

I've never liked the same hobbies and activities as them. I'm quite an introvert and like being at home, watching movies or reading a book. Meanwhile, both of my parents love to be the life of the party and host events at our home, often for their friends.

My siblings also enjoy these events. When I was a kid, I was more shy and always hid in my bedroom or the basement to avoid people. But as I grew up, I started participating more in these parties, but my parents don't seem to care.

That is the only explanation I can find for their behavior, but I still feel like it's not enough. " Update 1: September 15th, 2024 "Hi everyone. I wanted to write an update earlier, but I'm still kind of a mess at the moment.

However, I figured since my post had such an overwhelming response and so many people commented and sent me messages, I should write about the latest developments. First of all, let me start by thanking all who commented on my post and shared their own experiences or points of view on my situation. Thank you so much!

" Much a few days ago, I could barely find the energy to get out of bed, and my family's comments had made me really believe that I was guilty for all that had passed. But after seeing the responses to my post and all the support you guys were giving me, I felt somewhat reaffirmed in my actions and feelings towards my family. I'm still fighting the feelings of guilt and depression, but whenever I start to spiral, I think about how much this community of strangers has had my back, and I try to calm myself down with your words.

Thanks to your input and advice, I finally decided to call my grandma and tell her the full story just to clarify a point. Before going on, I said this in the comments, but I feel like I should put it here as well: my grandma, 77F, did not attend the wedding. She lives several states away and has mobility issues, so she doesn't travel anymore.

We went to visit her around Easter, and that's when she commented that I might read a poem at the ceremony; that was the last time I saw her in person before all this. She's always been very loving to me and has called out my parents in the past for their favoritism, but it's hard for her to play a more active role in my upbringing since she lives so far away. I am always worried about bothering her due to her age and health condition.

She had a minor stroke a few years back and is now back to normal, but I still worry. Anyway, I called her and laid out everything that had happened with the wedding and how my parents didn't even buy me a ticket to go with them. She came to the same conclusion that most commenters did when I told her that it was simply impossible that they had forgotten and that they did it on purpose.

I cried on the phone with her, laying out how I was feeling, how this has been going on forever, how I feel in the aftermath, and most importantly, about my need to get out. She was extremely sweet and comforting to me and told me that I had nothing else to worry about because she had my back 100%. She told me to take it easy but to make plans for my future and that she would help me.

After that conversation, which lasted about 2 hours, I felt better. I decided to listen to her and start moving to figure something out for the next school year. I have a friend who is going to Leisa Studio next to our future campus.

She has a great relationship with her parents, but she has five younger siblings and wants to be more independent, so that's why she decided to move out. I asked her if I could move in with her temporarily and that I would pay her rent as soon as I got a job. She immediately accepted and told me not to worry about rent or anything else until I was in a better position.

We had a good cry together when I told her all about my parents' wedding incident. So, this all happened a couple of days ago, and I was planning on giving the update then, but my grandma called my parents and my siblings to lecture them about how they were treating me. My brother just sent me a text afterward with a half-hearted apology, saying that he didn't know I wasn't included and that he just thought I wouldn't have fun on the trip, and then I posted the pic just to create drama.

My sister, on the other hand, berated me and told me that I kept trying to make public my own problems and pinning them on my family when they are all innocent. It has been weird with my parents ever since they came back from the trip. At first, they berated me and were furious with me; after that, we've just been ignoring each other.

After my grandma called them, they came into my room telling me that if I wanted to put this whole issue to rest, I should shut up about it and that this could all have already blown over if only I had kept my mouth shut. I just asked them to leave my room, and then I called my grandma again to tell her what had gone down. She then told me that she and my uncle had bought plane tickets to come down to see me.

This was something that I was actually scared about because my grandma's health is not the best, and this kind of effort is a lot for her. I know how complicated it is for her to get on a plane, so I tried to dissuade her from coming and told her everything would be okay, but she wouldn't listen. She told me that she was long overdue for a conversation with my parents and that she wanted to see me.

I'm stressed for her, and I feel again like I forced her to take a long, uncomfortable trip because of me, and that maybe I should have dealt with this myself. I do want to see her, and I wish for nothing more than to hug her right now, but I'm worried about her. At least my uncle, Mom's older brother, is coming with her, but I hope she doesn't exhaust herself; nothing should happen to her, because that would break me.

They arrive tomorrow and have not informed my parents of their trip. My grandma asked me to keep it until she gets here. I hope she is able to make my parents see the mistake in their actions, or at the very least help me break the news to them that I'm moving out very soon and I plan.

On being no contact with them, I don't know. I'm worried about her having to do so much for me and bothering her, but I also appreciate and love her so much for doing all this for me. Update 2, September 19th, 2024 Hello, sorry for not having re-updated sooner or commented.

As you can imagine, if you've seen my last posts, it's been a busy week, to say the least. There have been a lot of people messaging me and commenting on the post, and I haven't had time to answer anyone until today, and I'm sorry for that. You all have been so helpful and caring for me in my story, and it's been truly eye-opening and terrifying to see how many people have gone through similar stories of neglect and abuse.

I just want to thank you all for taking time out of your day to send some kind words to this internet stranger. This update will be long, so sorry about that. I'm just going to continue where I left off.

So, my grandma called me to tell me she was coming here to see me and help me out. I was very stressed about it because my grandma has a very hard time traveling, so for her to take this trip meant that she would be under enormous stress, and I felt responsible for her since I was the one who called her. She arrived early Monday morning with my uncle, and I went to get her at the airport.

NGL, it was a very intense and emotional moment, and as soon as I saw her, I ran to her arms and broke down sobbing. I don't even know if I was able to tell her anything at that moment because of how hard I was crying, and I had so many things to say: thank you for coming, for being so good to me, for having my back; I'm sorry to have made you take this trip; I feel awful at home; I don't know if my parents love me, but I know you do. Am I an affair child?

I truly was hit with all of this, plus the guilt and the anxiety, all at once when I saw her. But she held me tight in her arms, telling me everything was going to be okay. My uncle hugged us as well.

I don't know how long we stayed like this, but it must have been a while until my uncle told me we should get going. We grabbed a cab and went to their hotel. My grandma had teary eyes, and I could feel her breathing heavily, which scared me, but she kept hugging me and smiling all the way.

She had reserved a double room so I could stay with her for these days, and once they were settled in and I was more calm, we sat down and I poured everything out for them: the years of neglect and the emotional abuse; how I was feeling miserable after the trip, but also for years now; how my parents have been trying to make me feel guilty for all of this that has happened; how I was scared about my future, but my number one priority at the moment was to move out of that house, even at the expense of my schoolwork; how I have made arrangements to move in with my friend and I was looking for a job; and I told them about this post and how some people thought I might be an affair child and that I was beginning to question that as well. It was a lot, and I could tell they were both really affected by what I was saying, but they kept comforting me and making me feel safe to open up to them. After I unloaded all my concerns with them, my grandma reassured me that I had nothing to worry about anymore and that she would be here for me always.

First of all, she reassured me that I was not an affair child and that both my parents were thrilled when my mother got pregnant with me. She knew the ultimate deal-breaker for my mom was cheating, and she believed it was the same for my father. Apparently, the favoritism began showing when I was around 3 to 4 years old when my parents were constantly complaining about having a young kid in the house.

They were bothered because they could take my older siblings to their stuff but not me, and I was also very shy and a bit of a crybaby, which they had no patience with and made me very different from my siblings. She told me that she knew my parents had saved more than enough for my college. They're really well off, so that had never been a concern for me until now, thinking they might pull the funds away from me for my education.

But if they tried to not pay for my schooling, she would take care of it and that she just wouldn't let me drop out because of money concerns. She also told me she would help me with rent and an allowance to move out. She was very generous, and I thanked her for it all.

But I also told her that this experience had been eye-opening in the sense that I never realized how privileged I had been economically all my life. For all their faults, my parents have pampered me, money-wise, all my life. I went to private school; I have a rather large monthly allowance; I've had a card for years now, and they have never objected to any of my expenses.

Seeing the stories here, I realized how good I've had it so far and how being dependent on them all my life made me so exposed to losing everything. I want to be independent now, not just from my parents but from everyone. I feel like I need to learn to stand up on my own.

Writing this and having just read all the stories of people in truly awful situations makes me feel like I've been a spoiled brat all my life. TBH, she insisted on me accepting her help until I don’t need it anymore, and I accepted that, but I will still look for a job and try to make it out on my own. We relaxed for a while in the hotel because we were all exhausted from the morning, but in the afternoon, we grabbed a cab and went to my house.

My parents were extremely surprised to see my grandma and uncle with me when I entered the door, but before they could say anything, my grandma told me to go pack all my essentials while they talked to them. I rushed upstairs, and I could hear my grandma and uncle berating my parents for all that they had put me through. At first, I also heard my parents trying to defend themselves, but eventually, they quieted down when I came downstairs with two suitcases and my backpack full to the brim with everything important that I had in my room.

They were all in the living room; my father was beet red, and my mother was sobbing like a child. When she saw me, she extended her arms in my direction, saying she was sorry, but I just said, “Save it,” with the coldest tone I could muster. My dad said that I didn’t have to be a jerk, to which both my uncle and grandma told him to shut up.

I left the house at that moment and waited for the cab outside. In the hotel, my grandma reassured me that I wouldn’t have to go back to them and that they told her my college tuition was never in question for them. They had planned to throw me an extravagant birthday party to make up for the wedding mess and were going to give me a car as an apology for everything.

But my grandma was having none of that BS because it was pretty obvious to her that they were only trying to save face, coming up with these things on the fly, and that a party and a car would not make up for all that they had put me through. Apparently, the moment that broke my mother was when my grandma told her that I had even questioned my paternity, and she started crying then. But my grandma told her that what else could they expect when they had excluded me repeatedly from all family events since I was a child?

She told me that she would make sure they made the payments to my school unless I preferred to completely cut ties with them and have her pay until I could pay myself. I asked her to do that. I felt bad because I feel like it’s not her responsibility, but I truly don’t want anything else from my parents anymore.

And although my grandma is pretty well off herself, she’s not as wealthy as my parents. But she reassured me that everything is all right and that everything going to me would be taken away from my mom's inheritance. So the next day, we went with my friend, her parents, and grandma to the studio where we were planning to move, and immediately upon arriving, my grandma said, “Absolutely not.

” I knew from pictures that the studio was very small and dirty, but we saw water damage and mold in the bathroom and kitchenette, and there was also rust in the little old appliances. I knew all of this beforehand, but I figured I could live with that, at least for a while. However, the thing that the adults pointed out that actually made my friend and me change our minds was the fact that this studio was street level in a bad neighborhood, in a building that didn’t seem particularly safe and had bullet holes on the walls, which I didn’t even know what those were until my friend's dad pointed it out.

So my grandma and my friend's parents said they would look for an apartment for us in a better location and help cover the costs. Both my friend and I want to be independent, but we realize that with our most likely minimum-wage jobs in such a high-demand area, we won’t be able to find anything better on our own. So the plan is we’re going to look for a two-bedroom apartment, and my friend and I are going to pay what we had previously planned for the studio, and her parents and my grandma will cover the difference.

I know it’s still quite spoiled of me to expect that help from my grandma, but after seeing the studio in person, I truly wouldn’t have felt safe there. My friend's parents, who were somewhat aware of what I was going through, told me that I could move in with them until we find a nice apartment, to which I’m extremely grateful since grandma is going back in a couple of days, and I’ve been staying in the hotel with her ever since. Apparently, my friend, her parents, and my grandma spoke about this before coming to me to make sure I had some safe place to stay until we move into the apartment, which is still to be found.

I teared up a little as I thanked them, seeing how people were rallying behind me to offer help. Since then, I’ve been moving some of the stuff I had left at my parents’ and setting up my space at my friend’s. My mom keeps crying and apologizing every time I go back, and even my father has said sorry, but I remain distant.

And cold towards them, my sister called and said that our mother was a mess and that I was a d*ck for what I had done. But before she could say anything else, I hung up the phone and blocked her. I was going to block my brother as well when I saw that he had sent me a very long message, apologizing again and again for all that he has done to me and for not realizing our parents were treating me so poorly.

He says he's been doing a lot of self-reflection on the days since Grandma called and realized that he had been in the wrong for assuming I wasn't on the trip because I wouldn't want to go, and for just allowing my parents to exclude me for all those years. I sent a brief reply, thanking him for his words but telling him I needed space and that I was not ready to accept his apology. I feel like he might be genuine because he has never been nasty to me the way my sister has—just aloof towards me.

But I also feel like I need to keep him away for the moment. Also, keeping a bridge up with my family feels like the right thing to do right now, as everything is so fresh. Maybe in the future, he will show me he's just as nasty as everyone else and I'd block him, but as long as he respects my boundaries, I feel better not cutting him off completely.

I've also made an appointment with a therapist who specializes in neglected teens, and I have my first preliminary visit next week, again funded by my grandma, which makes me feel even more eager to find a job ASAP to take the burden off of her, even as she tells me time and time again that she is happy to do all of this for me. That's where things stand right now. I don't know if I'll update again—maybe when I start classes or move to the apartment—but right now I'm just trying to enjoy some time with my grandma and my uncle, and learn to grow and get rid of these feelings of guilt and depression that have been plaguing me for so long.

I want to thank, once again, all of this community for being so nice and helpful to me, and all of you who have messaged me with your own personal stories of getting kicked out or having to learn how to make it on your own at too early an age. You've helped me feel a lot less alone and made me realize that things can get better if I work hard for it. I feel kind of spoiled for having such an amazing support system in my grandma, uncles, and my friends, but you all are right: reaching out has been the absolute best decision I could have made.

Opening up about my feelings to those who love me and to all of you internet friends has absolutely saved me. So thank you, really. I'm more grateful than words can ever tell.

Comments: **Commenter:** I'm curious, when you've gone back to collect things, what exactly have your parents been saying? **OOP:** My mother has been crying every time I've gone there and just saying, "I'm sorry," over and over again. But I haven't had a conversation with her, so she hasn't mentioned specifics, and I also haven't given her a chance.

My father has been mostly silent, staring at me whenever I come and go, but when he apologized, it was more along the lines of, "I'm sorry for everything," than acknowledging any wrongdoing on his part. I don't know if they are shocked right now by everything that's happening—I myself feel overwhelmed and haven't had time to process—or if they don't think they've done anything wrong and are just acting for Grandma. I don't know myself, so I can't really answer.

**Commenter:** Don't cut off your nose to spite your face in terms of college money. Your parents need to foot that bill in full. Don't hamper yourself with that expense when they can afford it.

It is the very least they can do. **OOP:** My grandma has already told me that it's unacceptable for me not to go to college if the reason is that my parents won't pay, and she won't allow me to get a student loan either. I asked if she would co-sign, and she flat-out told me no—that she would pay herself rather than see me stressed about the financial aspect of it.

I won't jeopardize my education for my parents, but since I have this option to have my grandma pay, that's what I'll do because I would rather this money not come from my parents. Knowing them, they would dangle this fact for the rest of my life like I owed them. I'm very lucky that my grandma will take care of this.

**Commenter:** I hope you aren't feeling guilty for coming from a well-off family. You're not spoiled. You seem more self-aware than a lot of people with your same background.

Working and living a life independent of your family will open up the world to you. I truly don't think you're a spoiled rich kid. Working for the things we need can create character and teach us so many things, i.

e. , how to handle difficult people and situations professionally, the value of each hour and dollar earned, teamwork, societal structures, and so on. I'm glad you have a safety net with your grandma, and don't listen to anyone who would degrade you for that.

A lot of us are living hand to mouth and paycheck to paycheck, and I absolutely do not wish that on someone just starting out in life. If you ever want to update. .

. About how things are, I'm definitely going to read it. Thank you for sharing a very difficult time in your life.

Oop, I do feel more than guilty and angry about my background and how blind I've been all my life to all my privileges. This self-awareness that you are talking about, I have discovered in the last couple of weeks because when I first fought with my parents, I barely thought about money or how I would sustain myself. That's always been a given for me, which I guess is nice considering I'm not yet 18.

But after posting here and seeing messages from people who have had to struggle so much with the financial repercussions of being neglected or cutting out your family, or going out into the world at a very young age, it made me realize how out of touch with reality I was. I'm angry for all the other Redditors who haven't had the same privileges that I did, and I'm angry at myself for being so carefree about money and privileges that I feel most people don’t have. I want to be self-aware to (1) thank the people who are helping me and appreciate what they’re giving me, and (2) in the future, I want to be independent and also aware of how hard it is for other people who didn’t grow up in a five-bedroom house in an expensive neighborhood with private school and all the other gifts I’ve been given.