Put her to work: women want to care for you

I'm Dr Orion terban and this is psyx Better Living Through psychology and the topic of today's short talk is put her to work put her to work gentlemen this is going to be an important episode for you putting a woman to work is a very important precept and it will help men have the kinds of relationships they tell me they're looking for with the women of today so let's get to it a lot of men complain to me that they can't find women who are looking to provide value in their relationships they're finding takers not

givers these men are looking to get their needs met in a relationship and they often lament that the women they are meeting just seem interested in kind of being taken care of as if they were adult dependents and while there absolutely are women who just seem to want to be treated like princesses or spoiled like bratty children I would say the majority of women aren't actually looking for this kind of dynamic in my experience most women are interested in helping and supporting the men they really want to be in relationships with the catch is they

need to really want to be in a relationship with you in order for them to enthusiastically show up in this way so men can't conflate the fact that apparently women aren't interested in providing value to them with the fact that women aren't interested in providing value to men in general as I've said before all men pay but the more she likes you the greater the discount if a woman doesn't really like you if she doesn't feel that just being with you is intrinsically valuable the more she is going to demand either directly or indirectly the

provision of value to compensate her for the opportunity cost associated with prioritizing a less attractive option you it is what it is and when men invest in their own attractiveness and level up their Fitness and fashion and status and wealth and game and humor and lifestyle the more they will encounter women who are not only interested but enthusiastic about giving them what they want this isn't something that is discussed like at all in today's day and age but most women actually want someone to care for why do you think so many single women have dogs

or fur babies as they call them most women kind of need someone to worry about and fuss over and nurture otherwise they feel something is missing or they go a little off the rails in fact this is the best explanation I've ever heard for why women disproportionately suffer from anxiety disorders relative to men women are twice twice as likely to be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder than men are is it because their uterus or in Greek their history is wandering around their body causing trouble which is the origin of the word hysterical or is it

possibly due to the fact that women are alone in the 21st century in a way that women have never ever been alone in the history of humanity like in terms of human evolutionary history the single independent woman is a newborn less than one day old for hundreds of thousands of years women lived with their families and then lived with their husbands with whom they started their own families if a woman were to lose her husband she would move in with one of her children or the community would take care of her a woman was like

never alone so the evolutionary explanation for high anxiety in women is basically that women have evolved to be anxious for two or three or five because the social role of women has been to bear and raise children who are often too stupid to know what to be afraid of like a kid will try to eat poisonous berries or walk into a river or do all kinds of stupid so women have evolved like this heightened anxiety response because they have had to care for things too dumb to know what to fear they needed excess anxiety in

any case a lot of women have this Instinct this impulse to nurture and help and care and when they don't have someone to do these things for they can go a little nutty the issue is that they don't want to do these things for just anyone which of course is perfectly understandable they want to do them for the right men if you appreciate the insights on this channel I would highly encourage you to get your hands on a copy of my book the value of others over the course of 432 pages I delve deep into

my economic model of relationships and explain the behavior of both men and women in the game of mating and dating I also provide a lot of actionable advice on how to get and keep more of what you want in the sexual Marketplace once you read the value of others you'll never look at relationships the same way again now available an ebook audiobook and paperback formats the links are in the description now modern courtship has completely lost sight of this reality in general women are considered the prize and value is assumed to proceed from the men

to the women attractive women act more and more like little celebrities and Men despite they're complaining buy into it and compete with each other for the opportunity to buy them and while this may be gratifying to some extent for the women to experience it leaves this deeply ingrained impulse to care and nurture unfulfilled which generally destabilizes the relationship and it's frankly unsustainable from the men's perspective this is because this is not the type of relationship that most men want they just kind of think it's what they have to do to get the relationship they really

want this means that whether they're aware of it or not most men are playing a game of bait and switch with women they think that if they care for and nurture and invest in the women okay then at some point the women will be motivated to reciprocate which is much closer to the type of relationship they were looking for to begin with the issue with this strategy which I call the fairy booat Captain is that once you start faing a woman around you can never stop fing a woman around like a fery booat captain can't

ever turn around and say to his passenger hey um why don't you take me where I want to go for a change huh that passenger would get off the boat as quickly as possible because that's not what she signed up for even though that Captain may have Faithfully performed his duties for decades do you understand as I discuss at length in my book a man should put a woman in the role he would like her to play in his life as early in the courtship as possible like if you want a first mate don't invite

her onto your ship as a Pampered passenger this helps ensure not only that everyone more or less understands what they're signing up for that the woman in question is actually a good fit for the role you would like her to play consider hiring for a position in the professional Arena self-service and structured interviews are notoriously bad at giving employers good information on their prospective employees but do you know what does provide good information work samples like ask the employee to do the job you would hire them to do it is very difficult to fake your

way out of that one and it completely bypasses a number of issues like demand characteristics and social desirability biases that plague these other approaches this means men that if you want a woman who provides value in your life you have to put her to work ask her to do the things you want a woman to do for you as early as possible this will also allow you to quickly and reliably gauge her interest and her character how because a woman of either poor character or low interest is going to bulk at your request good this

will help help prevent you from misin esting your necessarily limited resources in the wrong women consider it once again from a professional standpoint if a manager were to approach an employee and tell her hey you know I've been thinking of you as a potential lead for this new project and the employee were to respond that's outside my pay grade if you want more from me then you need to pay me more You can conclude a number of things either she is not very committed to her job or she is very stupid like good luck getting

a promotion with that attitude and this is because clever workers who are invested in a particular career trajectory do not see this new responsibility as a chore they see it as an opportunity an opportunity to show their quality to demonstrate that they have executive potential or whatever it is like how else do you expect to get the job if you never get the chance to show that you've got the chops for it it's only the worker who isn't interested in the promotion who complains about doing more for less and why the would you promote such

a worker a woman of good character who is actually interested in you will see your requests as opportunities why as I've mentioned previously women's best long-term strategy and their best defense against being used purely for sexual gratification is to insinuate themselves into the economy of the ship and they do that by assuming responsibility women I want you to listen to me very carefully a man who just wants to use you for sex won't ever ask you to do anything else this is because he wants to be able to walk away from you at any time

and keep his hands clean a man who asks nothing from you is trying to keep his Escape Route clear this is because the more responsibility a woman takes on that is the more she insinuates herself into his lifestyle the harder and harder it becomes to extricate himself from that relationship without some measure of suffering or difficulty women a man asking to do things for him is one of the sure as signs of his authentic interest in a long-term relationship see these requests as opportunities to demonstrate your value and as a hedge against relational abandonment and

men don't be afraid to ask women to do things for you you will either get what you want or force her to show her true colors which is a win either way what do you think does this fit with your own experience let me know in the comments below and please send this episode to someone who you think might benefit from its message as its Word of Mouth referrals like this that really helped to make the channel grow anyone looking to join my free Weekly Newsletter or book a paid consultation can do so on my

website there's also my book the value of others and my member Community the Captain's Quarters the links to everything are in the description below there's a lot of fantastic information and all of these resources I hope you'll check them out as always I appreciate your support and thank you for listening