How to Actually Master Small Talk Even if You're an Introvert

you know the funny thing about small talk is that most people look at it like the opening band at a concert something you suffer through to get to the main event deep conversations the real connections that's what we all want right but if you leave your phone for 2 minutes and actually looked around you'd realize every interaction every relationship starts with small talk even your best friend started with so what classes are you taking or some equally awkward nonsense now here's an unpopular take small talk is not about what you say well for the most

part it's actually more about making the other person feel like a Human Instead of a SIMS character waiting for input that's it you don't need a cheat code a script or even Charisma you need to learn one thing active observation okay I know it sounds like something a nerd would say but just hear me out active observation is about paying attention to the person in front of you like they're the only thing that exists in that moment not their Vibe not their Aura just the actual tangible details their shirt their drink the way they keep

glancing at the clock like they'd rather be anywhere else you notice these things and then you comment on them in a way that invites not Demands a response that's it matter of fact I can just end this video right here but stay with me now trust me it'll be worth your while anyways let me explain why this works first people love to feel seen not in the cringe you're so deep and mysterious way but in the simple hey I noticed you exist way it's basic psychology humans are hardwired to Crave acknowledgement second it's disarming when

you make an observation you're not putting pressure on them to perform you're not hitting them with so what do you do or where do you see yourself in 5 years you're just tossing a ball in their Direction and seeing if they want to throw it back here's an example you're at a coffee shop and the person next to you is holding a book most people would say what are you reading because they think that's the polite thing to do wrong that's pressure you're asking them to explain justify or summarize and no one wants to do

that instead you say that book looks like it's been through some things boom you've just made an observation and you've done it in a way that's neutral but interesting maybe they'll laugh and say yeah it's my third reread or maybe they'll say oh it's terrible I just want to finish it out of spite either way you've started a conversation without making them feel like they're being interviewed or let's say you're at a party which if you're an introvert is probably your worst nightmare someone walks by holding a plate of food that looks questionable instead of

ignoring them or hiding in the corner you say is that the chicken it looks like it fought back again you're not asking a question you're making an observation and you're doing doing it in a way that invites humor maybe they'll laugh and agree maybe they'll even defend the chicken either way you've opened the door the beauty of active observation is that it works everywhere work meetings First Dates family gatherings you name it it's flexible it's simple and best of all it takes the focus off you you don't have to be Charming or witty you just

have to notice stuff and point it out simple as that but now that you know active observation is all about noticing the little things patterns details the stuff most people gloss over what if I told you there's a way to apply that same principle but for learning that's where today's sponsor comes in brilliant brilliant is kind of like active observation but instead of helping you learn how to notice people and talk to them it helps you notice patterns solve actual problems and pick up real skills whether it's math programming data analysis or even AI brilliant

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of learning that's actually applicable and useful in your everyday life or maybe you want to learn coding which I know a lot of you do based on your recent comments well their programming courses let you start building programs with python even from day one whether it's games apps or just impressing your friends with your new found nerd cred Brilliance got your back if you want to try brilliant for free for a full 30 days visit brilliant.org some unfiltered guy or by clicking the first link in the description or you can scan the QR code right

here you'll also get 20% off an annual premium subscription once again a big thanks to brilliant for sponsoring this video all right let's now talk about what this actually looks like in practice first you have to train yourself to notice details this means putting your phone down taking your headphones out and paying attention to your surroundings like you're the main character in a detective show what are people wearing what are they doing are they fidgeting checking their watch scrolling on their phone these little things tell you a lot second you need to practice turning those

observations into comments this is where most people get stuck because they overthink it they worry about sounding weird or intrusive but the reality Still Remains no one cares as much as you think they do so when you see someone in a bright yellow jacket you can say that's a bold color choice I respect it done it doesn't need to be original you just have to open the door finally you have to get comfortable with silence not every observation will lead to a conversation and that's perfectly fine the point isn't to force anything it's to give

people the opportunity to engage if they want to if they don't you move on no harm no foul the more you do this the easier it gets you start to realize that small talk doesn't mean impressing people or proving you're interesting it's about standing on your feet paying attention and making people feel seen that's it it's not that deep but it works and honestly once you get good at it it's kind of fun now you might be thinking this sounds way too simple to actually work but think about it when was the last time someone

genuinely noticed something about you and mentioned it in a non-weird way probably not recently the fact is people are too caught up in their own heads to notice anyone else so when you do it it's like a glitch in The Matrix people pay attention because they're not used to it let me give you another example you're at a Halloween party another introvert's worst nightmare and someone walks in wearing a tie with tiny rubber ducks on it most people would either ignore it or make a generic comment like nice Tye not you you're going to be

different you're going to say okay I need to know the story behind the Ducks now you've made it personal you've turned their accessory into a conversation starter and you've done it in a way that makes them feel interesting this works with literally anything let's say you notice someone's shoes just say something like those look way too clean to be comfortable or what about their coffee order you can say that's a lot of whipped cream for someone who doesn't look like they're celebrating or even someone's dog you can just say something along the lines of I

feel like your dog judges people and I respect that see you're not trying to be funny or clever you're just noticing things and turning them into somewhat interesting comments oh and one more thing you have to mean it people can smell fake interest from a mile away if you're only doing this because you think it's what you're supposed to do it won't work you have to genuinely care about the person or just something about that person in front of you even if it's just for 5 minutes and that's where a lot of introverts are just

people in general get tripped up we think we're bad at small talk cuz we don't like shallow conversations but Small Talk isn't shallow if you're actually paying attention it's just the first layer the more you practice active observation the more you'll realize that people are fascinating even when they're talking about boring stuff so whenever you're in a situation where small talk is inevitable and let's be real that's almost every social situation try active observation notice something comment on it and let the conversation unfold naturally there's no need to be the popular kid you just have

to be present once you've nailed this something interesting happens Small Talk Stops feeling like a chore it becomes a game a fun game you start to enjoy noticing things and seeing how people react you stop worrying about what to say because you realize it doesn't matter what matters is showing up paying attention and making people feel scene that's the whole point so the next time you're in line at a coffee shop notice the person in front of you what are they wearing what are they holding how are they standing pick one thing make a comment

and see what happens worst case they don't respond they get creeped out and you move on with your life best case you've just made a connection