living 1/3 of your life as someone else

I can pay you back as soon as I get home though no forget about it this was fun that silence broken only by a sigh of depressing comparison is probably one of the most common feelings to anyone without a readymade identity it starts well before the moment itself with doubt and anxieties growing from everyone who walks past your vision or appears on your screen and it lingers well past the moment itself surviving whatever words are said in the meantime and reaching into the next silence that you have it starts to stay in every moment with

its presence where brushing your teeth becomes a hassle of avoiding eye contact with the bathroom mirror where choosing an outfit becomes a reason not to go out at all the feeling is a little sound but it isn't really silent it has many words many insults and horrible phrases but they remain inside bouncing about the same confines day and night it isn't really silent those thoughts pour out translated from their hateful origin into the result of hate into tears and sobs which break the silence but only alone and so unobserved the silence remains it isn't really

silent but it looks that way an invisible torment that's only known from experience even as it happens to so many and even as its basis can come for anyone anywhere maybe it's just knowledge itself and the only Escape is ignorance maybe everyone knows it and some people have just learned to ignore the pain maybe it's the result of the self which chooses to be thrust into a body in order to know its own shape coming to regret the pain of an individual world at all the original sin of becoming a separate being to begin with

it could be anything but it shouldn't be silent so let's look at the story which breaks that silence celebrating the act of expression against doubt and see just how important important such a thing can [Music] be Princess Jellyfish the series in question follows sukimi a shut Ines member of The Sisterhood a group of girls ranging in age and interest but United in status unemployed broke and isolated they reside in amam mukan an old school apartment building owned by one of their mothers with rent paid mostly by allowances and a meager income from whatever their Hobbies

might produce shy and Reserve sukimi tends to stay in and away from the crowds drawing copious amounts of jellyfish a shared interest from her deceased mother that Adorn her walls and fill even more sketchbooks she also holds an encyclopedic knowledge on the species having moments like this and this one a comb jelly although strictly speaking comb jellies are actually Tina fores not Nigerians like true jellyfish gathered together The Sisterhood Delight in these kinds of passions scoffing off normal people who they call the stylish proper noun and actively hating their presence in silly ideas now shimi

herself even outright states that she hates all this social stuff and would rather be like a a jellyfish simply floating in lukewarm water unbothered by such complexities so they're satisfied in life right well maybe not I mean they can be turned to stone from embarrassment in response to specific questions about love or socialization so they must have some Hang-Ups in relation to those things when given the chance they indulge in high class options so they would clearly have those better things if possible and we already saw sukimi sigh clearly not something A Satisfied person does

and this gives us an interesting mismatch in her character the kind of life she observes normal people have is one that isn't really right or desirable for her and yet she wants it anyway her logic and emotions don't seem to line up this is something you might be familiar with so let's see what her character has to say about it to start we need what comes before that sigh of comparison in the first episode she was having a rough night and wanted to relax by going to see her pet jellyfish Clara which is actually just

a spotted jellyfish in a pet store display but when she gets there she notices it's in the tank with an incompatible species one which will pollute the water and kill the spotted kind worried for her pet she notices that the worker is still inside closing up and steals herself to engage and interaction for the sake of her greatest interest and what happens isn't great she knocks on the glass and gets a response but a hostile one which only sees her physically pushed away from the store if it was just her there then well Clara would

be a goner but luckily for her kinos was passing by someone much more beautiful and bold and turns the scene for the better he questions why this guy would literally kick a woman away assesses the situation between the two and ends up actually making more demands all sukimi wanted was the jellyfish moved to a different tank but now it's that they want to buy it and also a whole host of supplies they need to keep it alive and even though they're closed he agrees with a blush clearly what won the day was attraction and that

could be simply stated as something like pretty privilege a more attractive person will get better opportunities on the hope for well any host of things you could imagine but what does that really mean why do we appearance as something so defining well we can see that his initial reactions to them both aren't just hot or not but also impart qualities on each one when zimi is tapping on the glass in a sweatsuit to get his attention he scowls because he's annoyed someone dressed like that is clearly going to be asking for the bathroom or money

or might just be crazy and looking to bother him as such when he begins to interact with her he's not actually listening to what she's saying but rather for any evidence of of what her image image painted her as in that impression so when she starts to talk a bit fast and rambly about the reasons why the jellyfish needs to be moved or it'll die he's stopped listening not strictly because she isn't attractive but because he's convinced that she's crazy she's probably just making up a bunch of nonsense for attention but with kinosi someone who

looks like a a pretty girl dressed up in expensive clothes and with a lot of pretty makeup on well I mean that's someone who must have a full closet and a lot of time to do that and so that's someone who isn't going to be asking for money or making up crazy things whatever she says he'll take into account in the hopes of getting her number or something like that but also because she doesn't have the same labels for dismissal applied from her initial appearance without ever saying it he's Gathering qualities about them from their

appearance it makes sense I mean give someone individuality and the time to find ways to express it and what you end up with is someone who dresses and generally looks looks in accordance with their qualities a punk with ripped up clothes because Conformity and regulation sucks a college professor and an old tweet suit because they like old things and an athlete in breathable and comfortable clothing so they can stretch and move as needed the inner self begins to express outwardly and this is often an effective tool of communication I mean we've covered just how much

so many times here however once this becomes the accepted methodology a paradox of sorts is created in these mental shortcuts if we believe that the outside reflects the inside then we can simplify you don't need to know someone to know them you just need to see them we begin to associate those qualities not actually with the character itself but with the appearance so what we think of the character becomes how they look the majority of thought about a person comes from the outside since the self is only one perspective in the world is billions so

this makes up most of their character and suddenly a guy just sitting around the gym clothes as an athlete because other people who wear those recognize the reason behind them and speak with him most likely the outside has created the inside exactly because we believe it to be the other way around sukim is not seen as herself she's seen as a gray sweatsuit and kinos a man isn't seen as himself but as herself a beautiful woman let alone is already painful to be seen as something you aren't but it's more than just a personal issue

Sak is the one chock full of jellyfish knowledge she could tell you every single thing about every single species in those tanks clearly even more than the person who actually works there given the situation that started this all kinos knows nothing about them only able to say things like this in response you said that it would die soon this jelly thing he has no idea of what zakim is saying about the tank situation is true or not he's simply believing one another said with this considered sec Keim is clearly the one who should save claraa

but she isn't Kos is a situation which concerned a creature's life was handled not by expertise but by attraction this isn't just someone pretty getting something for free it's someone who worked hard developed skills and knowledge and a particular area not being allowed to succeed even despite that effort and someone with none of it being able to it's proving in one Fell Swoop that everything's to give me love with all of her heart still won't get her anywhere because she doesn't look right for this world and so she effectively isn't right for this world it's

not just personal pain it's real consequence on the individual and their success and their relation to society another part of it is that she doesn't really look to others her fault even when it's theirs but more to herself seeing all this happen she doesn't get angry or envious but rather turns everything back to her own fault as we hear her think basically the complete opposite of me she actually did grow up to be a princess princess she's bold and Brash using her beauty as a weapon why is it that she has this mindset making things

even harder well part of it is in how she was raised there was no ill intent in this at all but something her mother always told her was that when they grow up all little girls can blossom into beautiful princesses it seems harmless enough just a way to inspire a young girl by essentially stating that she can't go wrong but it does so by setting a standard every girl becomes a princess every single one gets to be pretty and have the prince and live in the castle she sees a lot of people this feels true

for each glance on the street of interlocked fingers and quick texts and pretty clothes throwing more onto the pile and so if it's happening for a majority of people it's really hard to say the standard is the issue because they're meeting it it becomes a basic thing that everyone does that she doesn't manage to she must have personally failed and even if behind the scenes everyone feels this the silence prevents her from knowing and more if every girl is a princess then what everyone expects to see is that the job interviews the dates the people

on the street what they expect by default is a princess and since she isn't that then she must not be cut out for all those things because she's not meeting the most basic requirement that's what all this has created a requirement just to live life a status to be fulfilled before anything else can happen before life itself can begin this is part of why she's at Alma Micon and locked into this shuttin style life if she hasn't even met the basic requirements then she can't really start going out and finding more rather she should be

somewhere like this where she can't embarrass herself but then if she's somewhere like this then she's never developing the skills that actually would help her achieve that requirement to begin with I mean these are all the girls who call people stylish as a proper noun and treat them like enemies in war no one here is exactly going to be developing normal social skills and since they don't do that there's no need for stylish outfits for decent clothes because who are they trying to impress so they never have the clothing or anything like that which is

required either leading to situations like the Pet Shop whe they'll always be judged as something not truly accurate first and foremost only further perpetuating every part of this cycle to maintain this small bit of Sanity they need to disallow boys and ward off all normal people who could bring negative feelings claiming their abandonment as their own to remove another's power from the equation and the Judgment of others has become their own choice as they develop these beliefs and defend their isolation and the ironic thing is that this can actually be so quickly broken from the

outside too kinos witnessing all of this and knowing that they need to be more sociable in order to save their from Redevelopment decides to force something horrible on them he'll make them the stylish tonight he gives them all a makeover and forces them to go to a more upscale Cafe you know the girls usually sit by the deli area to get G Count meet the second it's put out at a fancy cafe as they start to go out they're almost snapping ankles from heels they're shaking and nervous and it seems like a terrible idea and

you know what goes wrong nothing they settle in in Kos truthfully says look at yourselves up there you're not out of place at all they're still a bit odd geeking out about trains and Three Kingdoms and uh old men not really hiding anything about what's inside of them they're still the exact same kind of people who would normally get turned away from a place like this and yet the change to just some nice clothes has them treated the same as anyone else in here because how would you know that any of these other patrons aren't

just as big of freaks as they are that old dude she's learing at could be front and cter at an Idol concert when he's not here but we never know because all we have to go on is his appearance right now no one here is actually known to be high class only thought to be just as the girls are all of this informs suim's relationship with Shu koski's older brother the first time the pair ever meet sukimi had just gotten her first forced makeover from kinos because well the boy has some habits running away in

embarrassment she and Shu only catch a glimpse of each other but he's immediately smitten with her more traditional and down toe kind of beauty but feels like a Rarity as compared to kin's bold and Loud variety as kinos tries to spend more time with zimi in places she enjoys she ends up tagging along to be their driver and well probably just to be around her a bit more too and at the aquarium her favorite place of all he becomes clearly interested in more of her time and ends up going out of his way way for

simple gestures afterwards as well they each feel something special in this connection and for a while they both ride pretty high on it but isn't very solid for one reason Shu doesn't actually recognize her without the clothes and hair and makeup as they see each other in different situations like the Redevelopment meeting for amam Micon he simply ignores her from her perspective and from his thinks things like this am mizuk kan's coven of witches is here this happens a few times leading her to spiral downwards to the point of drinking away her sorrows one night

and thinking things to herself like I'd rather be a jellyfish wanting to give up on the whole Prospect of having to deal with humans and being human alike this is something much more than just oh no the boy doesn't like me due to well everything we just went over Sho liking her was of course about romance but also what romance means to her the princess being chosen by the prince the proof that she's finally passed the test and can live life properly I mean she even says what happened at the aquarium it made me feel

what it must be like to be a normal girl going further the aquarium was also an important part because it was sukimi being seen in a space that actually mattered to her it was being able to ask shu to stand next to a specific jellyfish so that she could test her head Cannon Vibes about which one he would be geeking out over something very specific unlike how it was seen as off- ping in the first episode here it was almost charming and passionate if nothing else it was a whole list of validation that she could

be a girl as herself and so when it all comes crashing down it becomes the opposite a proof that this was never true when he ignores her stating that all of that was simply a tolerance because right then she looked pretty and then when she doesn't it isn't worth attention what you wanted was her appearance or rather what her appearance defined her as not actually herself we see this in how shu is a bit of a fantasizer having minimal experience with women he's relegated to his imagination alone and so it runs wild on romantic fantasies

seeing nothing actually attached to the real world we see this when kinosi corrects some of his statements her love of nature is invigorating isn't it kinos she doesn't love nature just jellyfish what's happening is that he's seeing a TR IAL Beauty and so assuming that she must be exactly that that her passion is derived from a respect to Nature not individual interest that her tears are the soft helplessness of a woman not a girl missing her mother it's the same thing as always this time applying less negative qualities but still to negative effect still robbing

her of who she is for something else the pain she feels is in the fact that to save any part of herself in true fashion and have it be accepted such as the love of jellyfish she has to throw out so much more to fulfill the requirement it's a confirmation that she has to pick some small percentage of herself and discard the rest if she ever wants to get anywhere but here now if this is all such a bad thing why doesn't she recognize what we said and cast it off doesn't it make sense for

someone who can say things like I don't want to live up to archaic standards to go against them with more passion and not be tied to them so emotionally well of course it does log I Ally but not humanly we a bit too complex for something like that to be so simple remember how these kinds of statements about girls and princesses were from her mother the one who's no longer around it makes them a lot harder to Simply get rid of even if they don't really fit her if her mother was still there it wouldn't

be an issue she would have been there to teach her about clothing and makeup if she wished and that would make all of this a lot less stressful it's possible that she hates it so much because well she never had the right influence to be comfortable with it being raised into her teenage years by a father alone likely and even if it still wouldn't be her thing with a better introduction then her mother could have adapted the definition to fit her saying that well she did become a princess no matter what the reality actually was

as she grew up and changed show would the expectations and everything placed on her and a mother who meant best as hers did would probably shift those things to make her daughter happy and just keep her moving forward but when she she died that became locked in the past as she moves on these expectations that would make her mother proud are always in the past always wrong for who she is but they're what her mother left her with and so she can't just get rid of them she's stuck appealing to the wrong self to keep

that memory alive and in total this then becomes even more important because with her passing at such a young age suim doesn't have as many years of memory to pull from as many others would just to make the most of every single one soal cry thinking of sweet potatoes made over bonfires and she'll stick to a standard that was never meant to stick to her because each of those is worth so much more than what we might think of and that's really the thing at the end of the day every human being is going to

hold contradictions like this whether it's what we look like and who we are or the life we want to live and the life we feel our parents set out for us we are complex creatures made up of many memories from tons of influences we aren't always going to make sense and we'll always be a bit of a mess the judgments and assumptions we make are an attempt to simplify this to communicate effectively despite it all as there's no way to truly know every single person we meet but this makes them a fundamental mismatch it makes

assumptions at best a fraction of who we are it is a pain inherent to the premise of an individual to begin [Music] with of course there's even more to it on the other side now we got to look into kinos angle already in relation to his moments with sukimi but there were probably some questions on his side still most notably his kinos is a man who crossdresses because of his family they're heavily involved in politics with an uncle as prime minister and so every male child is expected to behave like Shu well-mannered respectful Bland and

Above the Rest palatable to all they should be focused on advancing the family name and nothing else now kinos could be great for this he's an attractive and popular young man with Charisma on his side much more cut out to be in the spotlight than his brother who sits behind the scenes crunching numbers and the like kinos could reasonably be the new face of the family enacting his popular appeal for their benefit but to him this is like torture it's a role he's perfect for a role wanted for him but not one he wants and

we saw with Simi how awful it can be to try and fit a role which is nothing more than appearance creating qualities but this is actually where K's power comes from not his pain because if appearance creates character then he can do his best to not look the part so that he can not be a politician maybe even so much so that he's removed from consideration for forever getting them to forcibly label him with all the qualities that disqualify him from the thing he doesn't want instead head I mean yes the family could take control

of his money snatching away those credit cards they could kick him out of the house they could even have him spied on as they do with Shu but they can't realistically control his physical appearance to that degree forcing a haircut or keeping him from hiding dresses or just preventing him from looking so uncomfortable and unprofessional in a political sense in that uncontrol ability kinos actually becomes a risk imagine how a crossdresser would reflect on the face family they can't try and force him into politics because if he does something crazy then the entire family will

be dragged through the dirt after all how could they raise someone so UNC appearance can lo someone out of a certain life for Simi this is awful but for kinos it's great but this doesn't really bounce it out into something morally neutral but rather stresses its unfairness being locked out of certain opportunities is only a good thing if you can afford to lose certain opportunities joske has enough good in life that he doesn't need to be a politician as we just said the best thing for him is actually just to sit back and benefit from

everyone else in his family going down that path he's like those articles about how to make a bunch of passive income every month and the secret is just investing that much money across five years all at once so it's it's just like have money to make money he has a lot of benefit from his situation so that he can choose which path he wants to go down without much risk but Simi doesn't have this Grace she doesn't want to go through all these hassles to plag her but as the only child of an average widower

there isn't much choice in the matter she's got to take what she can get she can't become a proper illustrator and have all her hard work and practice pay off if she can't first get the interviewer to think what a nice young woman the only way that appearance becomes an escape in such beneficial fashion is inherently when something can be given up not when something can be gained but this doesn't mean that things are somehow painless for kinos either at the start of the show he does have interactions which lead you to believe his actions

are pretty much mercenary against his family crossdressing is just my hobby I'm normal there's that little pause which hints at something maybe more but overall it just seems to be someone who loves fashion hates their family's goals for them and gets the best of both worlds by putting them together but then by the later episodes we get insight into his thoughts like this if only I'd been born as the perfect little princess clearly it isn't so simple but I think it appearing so to begin with is the point it is kind of the perfect excuse

to avoid a more painful conclusion because that cost benefit that it creates where he receives freedom from his family for some pretty fun flaunting around seems great honestly you'd kind of wonder who wouldn't want to take that deal you're getting free stuff from your Rich family all day hell even even being able to pick up the bill for a whole building of starving Geeks and not batting the eyelash who's who's not taking that deal it makes this lifestyle that he's choosing something that he logically not just emotionally has to do it doesn't have to be

that he wants to be a girl but rather it just makes the most sense for him to be one based on these factors and I think that with this in mind it's something he would truly believe about himself that he is normal because no human really wants to consciously put themselves in Endless pain when there's another option and that's what the truthful result is it's to be sukimi left wanting to be something needing to be something that that it feels like you can never be it's painful eye contact in the mirror and hating hearing your

own voice it's your life not matching the very vessle that life requires it's a stinging sorrowful sensation between you and all Things No One chooses that in well any sort of logic to supplement and avoid that pain will do but then as he spends more time in that space it becomes harder for logic to be the only justification would make sense that he would end up having the mindset slowly shift becoming closer to and more aware of that pain as the logic and excuses break down and I say this because I think his actions do

back up there being something more to it something else about kinos is that he's bored of of his old life and friends when they call him to hang out offering clubs and parties and concerts he starts to deny them to hang out with sukimi instead just sitting around that she feeds her jellyfish and chatting a bit making a hot pot with the Nerds and such it's not really every day that someone ditchers a concert and what would probably be some intimacy afterwards as well to just kind of sit there with little Prospect of even a

kiss and call it 1,000 times more fun there has to be something a bit more to it to make it fun once again we find the importance of appearance but this time in The crucial step we've kept abstract so far in the others if observation is what is forced to create our character then the people around us who create that observation become infinitely important remember it's one perspective versus hundreds maybe even thousands all those former friends offering nights out which we can gauge he still enjoys from mentioning one in the first episode as to why

he's so tired as to fall asleep and room well they're probably all with people who knew him from before he could start dressing this way something that Shu specifically says was a development when kinos went to college these people on those nights out know him as a politician's son a rich boy who it pays to be in the favor of and that you'd love to be close to maybe even get married to one day for an easy life part of his appearance is his family and so those things will always code how he's seen in

that space which he can't change since well those are all people who've witnessed him as that before even if he dresses differently the underlying motivations they have can still remain based on his former appearance but The Sisterhood well with the no boy loud sign hanging up right by the door you can easily tell that they're unaware of his real situation knowing him as Kuro instead they're the kind of people who don't care about fashion and money but are focused on their special interests too much and the like instead so even if they did know know

him as the daughter of a politician he'd still be free from the usual attributes falsely applied it's a space where appearance plays a much smaller role and even more for what amount of does play they only know him as a girl besides simia there's not a single one here who looks at him and immediately applies any qualities that a man would have but instead all the ones that a woman would and so of course the space is going to be a lot more fun it's one where he's free from what was chosen of his character

for him and where he can instead embrace the qualities with which although still drawn from appearance will be more accurate to his true self if he's seeking a connection with these people then he seeking the connection possible from his appearances qualities the qualities of a woman and not a man would be incredibly validating for him to sit in a room with the sign saying no boy allowed when the qualities of a boy have plagued his entire life now I don't think this specifically means that Kos wants to be a woman that's why I've stuck to

he the whole time but I do still think it paints a fantastic ftic picture of the assumptions of appearance and how looking a different way can open up a whole new world or rather a times being stuck between two worlds as shu is falling for sukimi or at least an idea of her and sukimi somewhat for Sho kinos is also finding feelings for zakimi but then being left off to the side this second place finish is the first for him due to Shu well never really having any experience with women at all and them throwing

them eles on kinos it doesn't really make sense based on all his past experience but kinos doesn't really get to be a possible Suitor in all this new complexity as far as we know sukimi is straight and one of those things communicated in appearance is the basis for desire in the most common example man sees a woman she has the quality of being a potential partner and the reverse is true and so Shu passes this test easily his appearance opens up that opportunity right there but does kinos it could go either way and while that

keeps an option alive doesn't really make it an easy one it could be easy to wonder what his preference is anyway so is it worth pursuing will it just lead to an awkward situation and being less of an archetype and more of a real person Koski is kind of caught between two worlds getting bits and pieces of each but never the full thing the aspects applied by appearance start to contradict with each other cute boy meeting fashionable girl and discarding the benefits of both to anyone who knows and doesn't have an open mind and sometimes

even to those who do does she really want to risk acting on certain aspects of cute boy if fashionable girl might take its place one day and this complexity is of course a pain the pain of watching all of this happen between sukimi and Shu and then going to the bathroom to take off all the makeup and change outfits so that sukimi can see him the way she sees his brother to get what he desires which is a part of himself of course he has to not be himself much like sukimi all this is connected

to his past it was something his mother left him with too she isn't deceased but is out of his life due to all the family political aspects only making him hate them worse he was a child of an affair between his father and a stage actress and so they can't see each other or else the secret would become well not really secret and no matter how much he tries none of them will let him know know where she is his mother was someone who stopped her closet full of the latest and greatest fashion all the

way to the brims complete with the jewel all the jewelry one could ask for it was something that they actually shared in with him being fascinated by the pieces and and just the sheer amount of them too like fabric cut from a different world that rests inside of that closet it was to him what may be a story book to others a fond memory of a time without sadness and something so fantastic fcal he can't be with his mother but if he collects a whole bunch just like her and he can stare into that full

closet just like he used to do with hers it becomes a link to the past the means to achieve something which was taken away but something that once defined his life a much warmer family than this cold political one he's forced into and here well things get really complex that quote earlier has something else on the end if only I had been born born as the perfect little princess is followed by maybe then I could have stayed with my mom forever right around the same time we hear that we also know that his mother once

told him things would be easier if he was a girl and so you have to wonder how much of these feelings are some desire deep within him and how much is a desire for a point when he was more happy the ability to be more connected with what felt like a true and better life in the past and the qualities he witnessed observing that does he want to be a woman or does he want to be happy but then isn't all of that simply what creates desire in the first place is there any way to

tell a woman created from Joy apart from Joy created by a woman and in the end doesn't matter when a positive feeling is included either way doesn't matter when the opposite side is a Man created by sadness or sadness created by a man there's so much in this world that can't be known but only experience so much hidden under excuse and confusion so what other answer is there but to let people experience clear away that fog and confusion and revive the depth stolen from [Music] them of course there's an interesting overlap between the two characters

as well zakimi has seen kinos at his prettiest rewarded with a much better life than her because he looks like a real life Princess and she's also seen him half naked in her room alone time and time again leading of course to some feelings of Attraction this is what leads to the most odd feeling of all do I want them or do I want to be them it's an emotion that's tough to deal with because it feels inherently self-centered or narcissistic you want to be with the kind of person that you want to be but

like anything else in this video of course there's more to it than that first impression trying to put logic to the feeling it ends up being more about opportunity the people you desire are going to have qualities you desire there's the old saying that Opposites Attract but are you really going to want someone who's contrary to you in every single way there has to be an overlap between you and the kind of person that you like a comfort and Conformity whether that's political leaning rights in versus nights out spending priorities work ethic or any number

of things but there have to be some common qualities for the bond to originate from kinosi looks like a real world princess and whether for a healthy reason or not sukimi wants to be one as well but doesn't really know how so she can fix that knowledge through him learning what one is supposed to be from someone he provides a list of qualities associated with this desire like how she thinks of him as bold and Brash taking a vague concept and putting more specific words and actions and ideas to it they're things which if she

can learn to do as well means that she can become that princess and start her actual life the desire for someone becomes a desire to be oneself in that way but it isn't just watching and learning because having the knowledge without any action means nothing there needs to be a way to test it to exhibit those qualities and see that they've led to the desired outcome when they first meet shimi is appreciative of kinos for helping her but also says things like this a lot I'm real sorry to have to ask you this would you

mind going away now she's actively trying to prevent him from coming back to Amma musicon because his presence provides a bigger hassle than it's worth simply watching and learning isn't worth the risk to this place that she needs needs to live but it changes when she asks why he keeps coming back despite her asking him not to and he replies what a dumb question because I wanted to see you sukimi once this specific desire is expressed the dynamic has shifted it is the test that she needed because the princess has chosen her someone with the

quality she wants to have is deciding that she has some of those same qualities in the very premise of forming a connection she has noide idea which ones it is but there have to be some and so past that interaction she no longer asks kinosi to leave because it turns from a bother into one of the more validating things in her life it's proof that despite all her setbacks all her hardships and late blooming there is a chance for her so long as he holds some desire for her and the same could be true for

karos to an extent to be around his old kind of friends is to be around a bunch of other princesses that is a bunch of other girls plus all the extra stuff the dresses that cost hundreds and the hair that took an hour and the jewelry dangling everywhere and everything else like that it's basically just being around himself people who are who are altering themselves faking it a little bit to be the kind of thing that they want to be perceived as because in the end everyone is Faking it for appearances to grant them qualities

and so being around these people is validating the similar ones but always with with that pretense always well he has them through a a bunch of requirements and extra steps would he still be so valid to all these other people if he was only half doled up like we see him at amam mukan now in contrast to this sukimi doesn't bother with all the things he does making her as something quite distinct she isn't a princess she's just a girl there's no extra no fluff just girl and so if sukimi likes Kos then that means

an honest and unadorned girl to the core is choosing to be around him choosing some of his qualities to match hers and that forms a proof for him as well just as it did for her it isn't just the dresses and the makeup it's him there's one more important point to all of this though which is that hope is a hard thing to let go of it is perfect and pure in the mind standing firm Against All Odds that a desired future can be reached no matter what reality is it can persist because it is

inherently detached from reality to begin with the issue is that when one seeks great action they have to forego that hope for it they don't coexist but transition into one another you can't dream of a moment at the same time as acting it out as to do so requires the risk that it may L line up with that desired future the action becomes a sacrifice of the idea that a sacrifice of something perfect for something to depressingly real and so it's easy then to get stuck at I want them and I want to be them

and never truly move forward exactly because of its hope sukimi and Kos get stuck in a bit of a will they won't they cycle in some part due to this they witnessed each other's complexities sukimi seen both in and out of her comfort zone and karanos both as a woman and a man the extents of their character are wide open and known so there's no denying that for every quality they find validation from the other a there's another which is very different between them another potential conflict the potential that they wouldn't actually work together that

suddenly the validating desire might stop maybe with a full picture they'll worry too much and never say yes maybe there's even more to see and once they do they'll run away and so it becomes easy to never ask to never move forward and confirm from the risk of proving otherwise we can become stuck at wanting to be them however we really shouldn't fear that complexity because such a thing is what leads them to their best outcomes there are many moments where they simply spin their wheels it's one of the reasons why I cover so few

romance series the formula Demands a lot of plot which doesn't really lead anywhere or have any consequences besides well resetting the process of coming together again and again in this case though it's expressed in truly developmental anxieties like current going in for a kiss but Simi having her eyes shut so tight or her thinking about how pretty he is laid out on fabric but unable to say anything or going to the bathroom and having a whole internal monologue about how weird this feeling is and changing his whole appearance to try and ease that they don't

will they won't they by The Writer's hand to just provide tension and keep you coming back each week but by real traits and feelings anxieties that are true to life a lot of moments are simply that cycle due to their real fears however the best ones aren't things start to move forward when the pair actually act on designing dresses together current UK is chalk full of knowledge of fashion and what's going to catch someone's eye on the current trends what materials are needed and of course with the money to buy them but when it comes

to actually putting all of that thought into Fabric and thread well these pretty useless so when he gets inspired by suim's drawing of a jellyfish and he desperately wants to put it your us form he's stuck with a rough sketch of his own that's well terrible he can't communicate what's in his mind to the outside and this is in part his complexity raised as a boy he was never educated on how to make anything of his own like clothing and especially as a rich kid he would just buy everything or have someone else alter it

instead the mismatch between his role and his self creates this failed opportunity which is exactly the thing they fear and feel pain from but it ends up meshing with suim's Oddities to push things forward normally there'd be no way for him to convince her to make a dress it's a lot for her as well why make something that no one is going to want her to actually wear after all it's just effort for someone else to win like always but she is a jellyfish knot and she's so offended by his terrible drawing which is clearly

a disrespect for the beauty of the species that she goes into overdrive on making the dress to reclaim that lost Beauty in an instant it becomes something almost intimidating to him how much she's working at making this happen and when it leads to is a dress so beautiful that they win a fashion show one they were able to enter from a mix of connections and Circumstance kinos takes the stage in their product and is voted all around first place probably launching the start of a fantastic career for the pair he brings the solid knoow and

she brings the designs and execution and they start to create an entirely new line of clothing never before seen if nothing else it's at least the most success they've ever had to date and what led to this the overlap of their best and worst qualities the real complexities of their characters it required his knowledge of materials but also his sheer inability to put them into practice so bad that it inspired someone else's typically harmful quality and unhealthy level of obsession to kick in and make something downright stunning with those ideas it's a space where each

of their Tru characters shines through not just the most presentable aspects but all the ramblings about special interest and pin into the leg alike in this moment each is Desiring the other in sort of like the most true way and only by leaning into their fears were they able to reach this level but since it led just on the good I don't think we can really call it their good and bad qualities but just simply their qualities the only thing that usually makes us think of them as good or bad is all that socialization normalization

that we covered where people are made to give up a large portion of themselves and or order to save one important bit where we're shrunk down to meet mere imitations of ourselves in order to fit these readymade molds the truth is it's it's all fake no one is fitting these things it's just like them getting ready to and accepting the ward where sukimi has to be sewn into the dress but goes out on stage and KN one as the wiser and whe they're asked for a name for their brand and they don't even have that

yet but make one up by accident on the spot they they were Faking It everyone here was faking it they were all backstage being sewn in the dresses and with three people doting over every detail for them if you've ever worked on any kind of production you know this everything is made only to look good from one angle the audience will see it and everything else is just whatever is necessary to throw it together and keep it hardly supported for a few nights and nothing more everyone is like that kind of production with audiences who

leave their reviews and set the tone for what they truly are who will see us after and who won't The Words which will be thrown around to describe us until the end of our time someone will be called a princess but are they really they might be for eight hours of the day but there's 16 more are they a princess curled up in bed are they a princess in sweatpants and a hoodie looking into the closet and feeling exhausted at having to throw something new together from it all again and we admire the artist's fantastic

drawings but we don't see the hundreds more which are thrown away the erased lines and the crumpled paper thrown into a pile of trash are they a failure from 100 sketches we don't see or a success from 10 ones that we do karanos is a fake and sukimi is a fake and everyone is a fake everyone is forced to be a fake by appearance creating character it is always reductive it will never truly fit the whole situation to accurately describe someone we can't just say princess it would have to be a princess followed by a

whole list of other unique qualities to that person some mixture from the whole but never the exact same as another and so I think the point is in the title Princess Jellyfish it's not a whole long list but it is adding something unique to it making sukimi a princess in the way that she truly is as herself not as someone else after all why struggle for the most basic most reductive one when we can be whole long lists that demand attention and express something unique if there's anything to take from this show I think it's

that you don't need to be the princess or the author or the engineer you just need to have one of those terms somewhere in a whole long list more accurately titled as [Music] you what I'm going to share with you now is a story that I've been trying to tell for well over 2 years it started earlier than that when a friend asked if I'd go on vacation with him that October I replied that it should be fine even though it wouldn't and before I could politely decline sometime later he bought the tickets and room

and I was stuck with a week off of work I hate and work I love it's something I devoided for years that feeling of just having time to myself of of not having some kind of detailed task to occupy my mind because well as you'll see I was afraid of myself of what I'd find when I actually looked in the obligations that it would bring so I set myself a goal on this vacation this time in my life I desperately craved passion the natural kind which is found in the depth of spontaneous connection where eyes

first meet and then hands and then bodies and souls the second the plane touched down into a new city that was my aim passion I was looking anywhere and everywhere desperate to meet someone by chance and fulfill the next Arc of the movie my mind was writing I was breaking the cardinal rule of crowds and making eye contact with everyone hoping someone would be in the same state of mind I was putting on my best act to seem so fun and engaging as as if anyone was following the same goal I shut my fear away

and asked questions about strangers conversations blipping into another's world for some five minutes at a time there were some good signs I got told someone was looking back at me or good conversations from random questions but signs alone aren't much normally this is where I'd say and none of it worked my hopes were crushed all effort is for not in the end but I found the kind of spark I desired on a Monday night it was an arcade bar my friend was planning to take me to since before the trip it was originally Tuesdays plan

but we moved it up to fill the space left in the energy of a more relaxed day and I'm forever grateful that we did that seemingly meaningless decision changed my life we drove there paid the $8 cover which is three more than residents to get in and ordered some drinks I had an orange blossom cire to kick off the night and I browsed the rows of arcade machines with it in hand there was only one other group in the bar so early but a cursory glance was all that I needed to decide that a machine

next to them to strike up conversation was of course the plan after a warm-up of course a few games of Galaga a few of gyus and I was ready for drink number two and to check in on my friends before anything else put bluntly my excuse to keep wimping out of this slap Dash connection hungry plan but this time my lack of AC was actually for the better my vacation benefactors were sitting at the counter sharing a game of Smash Brothers with two others the man who was pleasant enough but who was discarded from my

memory to make room for the one more important a woman who instantly Drew my attention she wore her dark hair in a short ponytail a simple black tattooed choker with earrings my mind fails to recall she was in a light blue t-shirt on the back which listed some details of the final fantasy series in vertical order her lower half was one in black jeans I think but was too fixed on the details of her face to remember the chin and cheeks were rounding as if smooth over across time while the eyes remained ever so lightly

sunken back behind the brow giving a natural Shadow to cover the work makeup did to present her eyes more noticeably a few Strokes of a pen the swipes of a brush and nothing more it seemed was done they were the features of someone unfortunate enough to be at odds with a cruel world the choker was what sold me on action though that little hint of fashion that i' had always desired and communicated or probably similar enough interests based on that desire so I took the in that was gifted to me by a friend engaging in

Virtual combat with her [ __ ] talk I leaned between the unimportant man and the important woman and said I know this guy so I need you to kick his ass I can't remember who won because my mind was busy thinking what to say to keep the conversation going and establish the kind of connection I had desired Ed so much I was trying to pull natural speech from a desperately racing mind I don't remember exactly what was said next I just know that eventually after four years of not playing that game she gave me a

few inviting glances and gentle gestures at the controller and I caved for four years I denied requests from my most important friends to play because I absolutely hate competition and ranking I'd start to shake even playing in friendly games so I quit the second I lost practice but something about that look reached my soul it was so subtle as if it was designed for the possibility of misunderstanding just to make me try for the first time in years to understand I couldn't tell if it was a polite invitation or of a welcoming desire her Palm

facing up her body ever so slightly angled my way and the small smile which accompanies a tilted head words would have only ruined that invitation I would have many drinks that night but they intoxicated me only a tenth as much is that look in looking back I wonder did she find the same interest in me is that why she asked more than once whatever the case 4 years later I was back in after so much staunt refusal a couple of those clanes did me in my hands fumbled about at the corner of recollection and action

fingers pressing and prodding the mechanics of a new object for a not new purpose since the controll has changed I made sure to remark I'm Rusty so don't judge me on this game I need at least 70 to warm up after I won I made sure to follow that up with never mind judge me on that one I think she laughed a couple more games some polite banter with the less important man acting as if I knew a game I was years removed from and that was it he departed exiting my life forever there was

nothing wrong with the man he was quite Pleasant truth be told I would have been happy just meeting him for months I'd Pat myself on the back just for entering bars let alone meeting someone in one so he would have been a perfectly forgettable Miracle but in context he was of literally no concern she and I were alone first in the way that two people are at a bar surrounded by the fervor of life but the more we talked the more I wished it was truly just us so everything else would fade away the music

I'll never recall the graphics under the bars glass which detailed gaming history the decorations behind and above it none of them will be recalled anymore from this point they didn't exist the small corner of the world receded to a small corner of the bar to a small corner of our mind forever a space large enough only for her and I we filled that space with talk covering the basics at first where from what job where job why job why here what here it was from here Hotel job paying for school trying to leave all topics

covered with a slowly decreasing distance bodies facing each other more squarely and more and more smiles she was studying computer science after failed Fay into biomedical engineering years earlier she had a job offer in another state gifted from a friend she met through one of our lengthy topics Final Fantasy 14 she was an average player since it came out 10 years before our conversation because it was somewhere she found the place to belong to be seen without the context and preconceptions of society and and rather be judged on a form tailored to one's inside whatever

was placed on the character's model was how people would respond to her and for the first time it was a body which represented the mind for the first time friends who saw that mind in true in this space her body finally matched the way she spoke of it explained The Bravery the honesty the warmth everything which had thrived and become apparent in her character things which inspire me to one day be honest with myself as she had done how amazing I had found the close connection I've been searching for and someone who spoke in the

power of distant connection at all hundreds of miles from my own I was validated in person by every word she spoke about validation found out of person it's a cruel irony of Fate for me to remember I'll refrain from putting any more words in her mouth on such a personal subject though my desire for memory doesn't outweigh her passion for even a game because it is so special all I can say is how captivated I was in something I had no personal care for I tried the game years earlier and forgotten that fact until she

mentioned it it was in ly something I knew wasn't for me I hated that game but the way she spoke of something which seemed so small and made it feel so large was alluring it was so natural so confident in the way the words rolled off her tongue the way it progressed right into such honest and open discussion of identity the way it could validate things I'd only ever kept inside and made them rushed out in an instant the way it could show something I'd written off entirely as the most important aspect of a life's

biggest Discovery we talked about many other things across the time leading to midnight but in the fervor of that moment in the intensity of my thoughts most of them are forever lost to time I'll always hate myself for that lapse of memory it was finally late enough that we had to leave the bar and get me back to the hotel our friends had left hours earlier and they were my ride obviously they expressed concern about leaving me there but I assured them that it would be easy I would just ride share back I said it

was such confidence that there were more were left completely behind and I didn't have any ride sharing apps downloaded or had ever even used one or had ever even been in one before normally I'd be paralyzed in such a situation knowing I may not have some obvious and immediate way out I could have been stuck at that bar walking an hour Home along the highway this should have terrified me that kind of possibility always kept me from living the life that I wanted and this was the first time that it didn't my future didn't exist

right then all that mattered was was that moment that I was living Living For The First Time in years as as myself before my friend left he tried to stall the others for more time he did it because as he said I've never seen you look so happy there was none of my stoicism left for the first time in almost 10 years that I'd known that friend little did he know where that Joy truly came from Little did I know too luckily she was kind enough to offer me a ride naturally we stopped for food

seeking to end where all great adventures end a chain Diner style restaurant past midnight the first was closed and the second both busy and deserted at the same time the cook gave me the death stair as we walked in so we found our way to an under renovation pizza shop ordered a small buffalo chicken pizza and returned it to the parking lot of my hotel unfortunately the room wasn't mine alone so I couldn't invite her in I forget if I mentioned that fact to her something I'll wonder about until the end of time was she

waiting for me to invite her in as I was wishing she would invite me over communication is a Fickle thing in the heat of experience how easily we forget the separation of knowledge and expression but this left us in the hotel lobby at 1:00 a.m. we both agreed it was probably the less and liquor talking but it was pretty [ __ ] good pizza while there we spoke about growing out our hair we both recently begun to Again Naturally this always needs a comparison of ID photos because what else can one do but laugh at

themselves and touch an absurd situation like identity and when you have a 10-year-old Pokémon wallet it keeps the conversation going to pull out an ID from it and explain its Hot Topic Origins but after that story and returning my wallet to her pocket as she was getting hers out I returned my gaze to her and saw the release of the ponytail so I could compare that hair in true it just kissed the tops of her shoulders wavy and dark like the ocean on a calm night that feeling of simple beauty of Serenity and calm which

can envelop an entire being one would get from the sea is exactly as it came to me in that moment she was flawed very human and showed as it does with us all the cut of her hair was still taking shape and the way it flowed across those features nowhere near as flattering as any movie scene but I couldn't help my thoughts from expressing the basic pleasure of realistic Beauty in a simple phrase how pretty I thought as I surely stared she isn't the most beautiful person I've ever seen her body was very much finding

its way through the changes of a lifetime a process that would take much longer than the 6 months she'd known after 31 years of life 31 how seeing that number on the ID changed things so much 31 how my heart fluttered so much at the thought of it 31 and still so beautiful and yet with so much room to grow she isn't the most beautiful person ever seen but there was something in the beauty which was there mixing with that age that it created hope the Hope for Change for personal progress for the miracle of

medication to fix God's mistakes no matter how long it had gone on for it is a hope that love exists even outside of perfection that attraction transcends St physicality that our desires do not exceed our own reality then maybe one day I could be for someone else as she was for me a beautiful realization I am not a man most of my fears and Pains come from this fact I'm afraid that one day I'll be too old and worn out to ever be pretty in the way I wish I'm afraid that I'll die without the

world ever seeing the true me I'm afraid of the Judgment which accompanies anything but normality part of why I fell so much for her is because in her I saw the hope for my future I don't hesitate to call it love which developed in a single night but only because the love was not really for her but for myself and that hope for the mixture of 31 years and fresh Beauty still for honesty and passion which sprung forth I thought that if I learned more about her spent more time there I could learn more about

myself I felt deep down in a way I can only see now that if I loved her I could finally love myself I've warned before about falling for the idea of someone and not who they truly are but I couldn't help but fall for the hope of her as well she'd experienced things I'm so afraid of and came through them all not just alive but beautiful engaging and strong the very idea of Hope sprang forth from her being for someone like me I was able to instantly be honest with her more than anyone I'd ever

met because she had felt my exact pain and overcame it and she let the world know so there was no hiding who she was I needed to learn how to do that I I needed to learn fast because every day I lived in falsehood was another step closer to my casket but with with someone else in it with everyone there seeing that other person and not the one who should really be there it felt like her presence could change this but I wouldn't have much more of it we were well into the night and I

had the plans of others to respect so I said it was probably time for me to go to the room I still wished so desperately she would mention her place instead but it never came instead we walked the long hallway to my room which was at the far end she said maybe she'd see me at the bar again I said yeah I hope so but I knew that my nights were already planned away from there I didn't want to spoil the moment with honesty but I wish I had just to see what finality admitted would

bring instead we turned our backs she walked away and what's left of the story is only longing call me weird or obsessive but I wish I had turned around I wish I had turned and watched the entire time until she turned the corner of that dreaded hallway so I could have one last image burned into my head to recall I wish I had instead my memory of her ends looking at a hotel door with knowledge I wish I never had every night before that one was not lived as myself it was time for me to

sleep for the next day just as I was awake for the first time ever [Music]