I’ve been living like an animal for 13 years. So here’s why

hey guys it's me and today I want to answer a question that a lot of people have been asking me my whole life and more importantly they've been asking me a lot recently especially online and that question comes in many forms but it all is distilled down to the same thing which is in one form or another why are you like this whether it's the dead rat alarm clock the uh barbecue uh puke shower curtain uh dead an animal in the house or any other one of the stories that are just an indicator of me

living like a complete [ __ ] animal um people always wonder why would a person live like this why would a person be like this why am I why am I like this and I think that honestly uh you know there's a lot of answers for this I I really really really don't want to make this like a super long video so hopefully I can distill it down to some main points and not really go off on too many tangents although I think that I probably will because there's a lot of like history with it

and everything like that and so basically the first thing you need to know about me is that uh I actually if you can believe this I know this might sound shocking is that I actually have not always been like this uh this is a relatively new thing for me and uh I think that it really kind of started a lot when uh I would say in high school and then uh later on it kind of entered Phase 2 and that was probably somewhere around 21 or 23 somewhere around there in those age groups and that's

whenever you know the degeneracy really kind of went uh you know it ratcheted up to the next level I leveled up new expansion release DLC Etc right and so this happened then because as a kid um I was actually very much like a very conscientious a very conscientious kid in the way that I uh basically didn't really want to be uh perceived in a negative way I wanted to be seen as a good person Etc and uh I've always had a big problem with uh being able to like relate to other people uh because I

think that I'm just a little bit off right I I wouldn't say that I don't have a moral compass but I would say that my moral compass doesn't Point North and this has been a problem in a lot of cases in my life whether it's with relationships or friendships or anything in between I've had a lot of problems because of that and in the process of this I've learned a lot of things about myself and the main thing is that uh my take and my view on moral issues is not really what I would say

a normal person thinks and this has caused me a lot of problems and especially like as a young kid uh you know being able to like interact and fit in with people it's a weird dichotomy because the truth is I actually always did have a lot of friends and uh I never had problems making friends but at the same time I always felt like I was very different from a lot of other people because of the way that I felt uh I used to have uh for a comparison uh just a point of reference I

guess guess you could say um I used to have my mom read me uh all of the different like sins in the Bible and everything because I I understood even as a little kid I'm like there's something wrong with you uh you know like you you better learn this so that way there aren't any problems in the future and so I would have her read all these to me that way I would understand how to behave right because it just never came naturally to me things that come naturally to other people uh were not natural

and are not natural it's not like things have changed if anything they've probably gotten worse uh as as I've gotten older and so uh I've always had a big problem uh being able to like uh you know understand like where you know how you should act how you should treat people what you should do how you should say things Etc so almost everything that I do is a learned performance rather than an innate social uh I don't know like instinct if that makes sense and uh hopefully the performance is good I consider myself kind of

a good actor at least right but of course there are going to be cracks and outtakes as well and so those are usually the for in the form of the Twitter Clips with 100,000 likes and so anyway uh as a kid I was always treated this way and uh you know people people thought that I was a little bit off a little bit weird uh like one time like for example uh there was a a kid that I was like playing with baseball with him and uh he was annoying me making me mad and so

uh I hit the ball and I hit it with the explicit intention of hitting him in the face with the ball and I did and so I remember there's blood all over the kid's face he like broke his tooth and everything and everybody was standing around like like what the [ __ ] like what I this is like terrible and I remember walking up I was this was like the best day of my [ __ ] life this happened and I was so happy and I could see that other people were made very uncomfortable around

this and that's whenever I started trying to like really kind of mask my emotions and how I felt about things because it was very evident to me that I was not really normal and uh this has been a again a huge problem my whole life but that was pretty much the first at least the time that I can remember in my mind uh the first time that I can remember that and see that wow this is this didn't go over the way that I thought it would go over because I was so happy and nobody

else is happy and they think I'm like a bad person but it's like you know from my perspective that's not how I saw it and uh you know from my perspective rip boo so um this is a big problem and uh this happens in Middle school as well I cared a lot about like how I looked how I dressed Etc in Middle School uh I mean really who doesn't and uh you know I really Tred to to you know like take myself seriously and you know I tried to have a good impression Etc do the

right things say the right things wear the right things uh be the right kind of person and uh going into high school I kind of got uh there's a weird thing where like I I ended up going to like one High School uh that I didn't want to go to and then I ended up going to another high school after that after I told my parents that if they didn't change me over I would kill myself and fail every single class which to be halfway I was halfway uh halfway followed through with that because my

first semester in that high school I had a GPA of a 08 it was actually impressive it was hard to do I had to I had to go out of my way for this and so uh then I ended up getting transferred over and I went to the the school where my friends were and I think that like the high school that I had originally gone to was a much more superficial much more like you know like a higher class high school cuz my dad wanted me to go there because you know like he wanted

me to go to school to get an education imagine that I wanted to go to school to hang out with my friends so there was a bit of a disconnect there and so um I go over to the other school and I realize that uh I need to stop caring about what people think about me because I saw the people that were in that other school and I realized that's not the kind of person that I wanted to be because they were the more extreme version of the person that I was trying to be and

at that point I realized that I didn't really want to be like other people and I had to develop I guess my own identity and this was at like I would say 14 or 15 and that happened and that continued all the way through high school and you know I I was always like uh you know I never really had a girlfriend right in high school or anything like that maybe you know I talked to a girl but not not really okay and so I was never really treated very well by uh you know a

lot of girls or anything like that and uh big surprise imagine that and so uh anyway uh this happened and you know I I kind of got used to this and it was normal so I would try to improve myself and you know like make myself look better and try to do this and it would just be met with the same outcome which was a a massive failure big surprise um you know uh being a level 60 Warrior isn't as attractive to women as it is to other 16-year-old guys and so anyway uh I I

had this happen and uh you know I eventually kind of got to the point where I was more comfortable with that and I stopped really caring as much about what you know like people would think about me and you know in general just people's perception of me and uh this kind of got worse as time goes on and uh I think that I spent like my teenage years primarily trying to disconnect myself and trying to remove myself from the obligation to be a certain kind of person to the public and uh just to society in

general uh I I viewed society as uh you know I I I never I never chose to be here this was not up for discussion I just spawned in here and so it's like I have to follow these rules I have to do all these things I have to be this kind of a person and then you know I was like 8 17 18 19 I asked myself well why am I doing this and so I I stopped doing all that stuff and uh I've done many degenerate things none of which I regret none not

nothing at all in my life that I've ever regretted at all uh but um you know I I would do things that a lot of people would consider to be very uh unproper uh let's just say that and so um I never really viewed myself I I never really viewed it as like a good or a bad thing I just you know simply existed and I did what I would do and that was it and at that point I pretty much had completely disconnected myself from the perception of other people and this was at the

same time like growing up uh my mom was I I think there was maybe two years or so where she made above the poverty level in terms of income and so we basically barely skated by most of the time and primarily the reason for that honestly is cu my dad uh my dad always paid child support Etc at least until I was 18 and um you know all that time you know she was able to skate by with that and pretty much survive uh after uh high school was over uh then obviously like that stopped

and then she wasn't able to support herself so I was having to figure out ways to make money and try to like piece together money she would borrow money sometimes from my dad and it was in general like a very very negative situation and so we never really had any money uh this was the time where uh you know I was pretty much uh ironically at the peak of my Degen degeneracy I was probably one of the highest rated uh Warriors and wow uh at the time it was great but uh not necessarily in real

life and so at this point I pretty much completely disconnected myself from uh the way that people saw me and I stopped caring about the way that people saw me because I pretty much gave up of on being like a normal person I gave up on being accepted by the public I gave up on living a normal life or you know having a family or anything like that I just felt like I just was not capable of that based off of my experiences that I had and I I had many other ones too like I

stabbed somebody and a few other things too I I probably wouldn't even say because they would too drastically alter people's perception of me uh but either way uh you know a lot of these instances where I kind of was like okay this is this is bad maybe it's better that I'm uh you know quarantined in my house and so anyway uh I did this a lot and uh my mom and I like it was really just kind of the two of us uh my dad was there he was supportive and he always has been supportive

but other than that uh I do have family uh but none of them live in the state of Texas and so uh any trouble any problems anything like that it was pretty much entirely on me uh to resolve this issue and so take care of my mom pay for things anything like that it was always on me and uh her health started deteriorating uh at about the same time uh this is big surprise uh you smoked since you're 16 you spend your entire time smoking cigarettes watching watching Ancient Aliens and [ __ ] around on

the internet playing wow and you're overweight massively like she was uh this isn't good for your health especially when you're getting into your 60s which she was at that time cuz she had me when she was like 39 and a half or 40 or something and so at this point uh you know her health was deteriorating and I remember like she had like a number of instances where like I would uh I would like wake up and I hear her like screaming because she like she would like I don't I don't even really know what

the [ __ ] was wrong with her I I don't know it was like a uh like a weird thing where like she couldn't see out of her eye and then she had like some kind of like I think like a bleed in her eye and then uh she had like I think they it wasn't really a heart attack there was like some sort of like variation of that and I remember like her like begging me not to call the ambulance and this is just like and this is at the same time that uh you

know the house is [ __ ] you know we can barely pay for the house we're worried about getting evicted from the house uh we have no uh no AC or no we did have AC we didn't have heat and so uh you know I would go to sleep and like the house would be so cold because I would just give her to the heater and I always viewed it as like you know oh I'm sleeping out in Mount Everest right it's like you know I'm cosplaying as Bear Grills and I remember like my glass

of water in my uh in my room there would have like ice crystals on the edge of it right because of how [ __ ] cold it was and so I did that really for like two years and so we had like basically like zero money and so uh this happened and uh pretty like her health would deteriorate more and more and more to the point to where she couldn't drive she couldn't do X she couldn't do y she couldn't get a job anymore and then it relied on me more and more to completely support

her in like pretty much all ways and so and I remember she would like beg like she was like on the ground like crying uh begging me not to call an ambulance and so this uh was very upsetting for me by the way uh like I I got to the point to where like at this time period I would wake up like every two hours or so with like uh like like a weird thing where I would hear her screaming my name and this went on for maybe like 6 months to a year and uh

and also I want to say that like all of this stuff and everything about it uh I don't really like everybody in life has problems and I hope that by sharing my problems people can kind of see where I'm coming from as a person I don't really care about sympathy I don't care about people feeling bad for me I don't really give a [ __ ] it doesn't matter to me uh so I I hope that nobody thinks that this is coming off as any form of a uh you know like sympathy play uh you

know I've had things bad happen in my life I think that in many cases they've been my fault I've deserved them uh but this is just what's happened and so anyway uh and and every every action and every outcome in my life leading up to now has led me to the position that I am right now and I think that in a lot of cases I'm happy with how I am and you can't just go back and edit out all the bad parts and expect to be in the good part and so at the same

time this was happening like a lot of my friends were obviously going through college finishing College uh you know having girlfriends like moving in and everything and I was worried about uh you know number one my mom dying number two um uh my uh you know being homeless and number three uh at that point uh I had always assumed that I would kill myself After High School like that was my plan and uh you know wrath the lichking came out and I just got distracted I I forgot and so I uh ended up not doing

that and uh because of that I never brushed my teeth in high school never really gave a [ __ ] about it never cared and this caused guess what that guess what that causes uh it causes your teeth to rot out and so a lot of my teeth had to be uh you know I had to get fillings and everything as a as a teenager and uh my Dad paid for a lot of it which he was very very unhappy about and so these ceillings would come out this is what happens with fillings or anything

like that and they did come out and then of course my teeth deteriorated naturally because I love soda I love drinking soda I've got a soda right over there went to McDonald's earlier today really really like soda like it so much that right now uh I only have five real teeth left in my whole mouth and uh I think you start with like 32 which is kind of crazy to think and so anyway um this happened and uh all my teeth were starting to rot out I was not able to eat with one side of

my mouth I would have these two thakes that would get so bad that I would pass out from the pain and I eventually had to go to like the uh like basically uh if if you're like the people that really get [ __ ] by medical bills are the people that are in the middle of like uh you know econom Al because if you're broke like they'll do [ __ ] for you for like $10 if they can get anything they'll do it and so I had a program like that and so they would have

to pull out my teeth kind of regularly and uh that's how I lost I have no back teeth at all that's why uh if you look at my jawline uh it's very different than if you look at it uh from like you know high school or like by the age of like 19 or 20 uh it's completely changed because I've lost all of my teeth and my jaw uh bone is like pretty much rotted out and so which I as far as I know is is unfixable at least in in the way that I have

this problem uh there there's a separate problem that is fixable I don't have that one I talked to a dentist about it so it's it's basically like irreversibly [ __ ] and so anyway uh this happened and um it was not a great time uh my teeth were rotting out Etc and at that point I had to completely like pretty much give up the notion and give up the uh dream of ever being a normal person at that point I I could feel myself uh no longer being uh the same as anybody else right and

uh I I I actually for a while I I really hated it but then I got used to it and then uh I that then I I embraced it and I think that's that's where I am now so I would say like that was from like ages like I would say you know 13 uh to I don't know like 21 somewhere around there right uh then after that uh I started uh I started doing other stuff I was playing wow I was making videos I was doing other random things right and uh my mom's like

Health pretty much would always get worse and that's just you know that's just the way it is when you get older right and so I would have to do my best to like take care of her and uh worked at the IRS for a while uh tried to work at Sam's Club didn't really go very well uh but overall I uh you know tried to go back to college I do have a college degree if you can imagine that but uh learned more from business from W than I did from business school and so so

uh then I I spent that time and then this was all the time like you know me not knowing if she would you know every day I would wake up and like you know hear that voice in my mind and like you know it was really really bad and uh this is just something I would do all the time and I try to always make the best out of things I try to just you know not think about it but uh you know looking back on it things were very very bad and so anyway uh

you know fast forward a little bit later and that's whenever I was like going back to uh going back to college I um I thought that I would just you know basically have a shitty job play video games for my whole life and then die right and then I got a shitty job and I realized a shitty job is actually a lot more shitty than I thought it would be so then I remember it was probably like one of the best things that ever happened to me is that uh I I took this job at

Sam's Club and I hated it so much it actually encouraged me to make myself a better person if you can imagine that and so uh I I signed up to go back to University and finish another degree that I was working on so I could go to law school actually I wanted to be a lawyer um basically because I I had a friend in high school we would always play Magic the Gathering and I could see him he would always manipulate the rules to come out ahead and win different like arguments and mag the Gathering

and I was like hm I bet lawyers do that in real life I should do that myself and so that was always my motivation and uh anyway I I did that and uh then you know a number of other things you know random things that are not you know I would say like YouTube or public uh safe uh that I did and um then after that I uh started doing YouTube and then I started doing YouTube and I I focused on that and I would put videos out of the way that I lived Etc and

uh people would always find it to be very funny or like weird and everybody would like really like there were a lot of people and and this is true even now uh people that like hate me for living the way that I do and I think that really um you know people look at a person like me and they see a person who has a number of things in their life that they wish they had but I've done basically you know if you look at it from like what do they tell you to do when

you're growing up uh you know I used every single thing to do as a checklist of what not to do right and so uh you know I think that a lot of people could be a little bit um you know annoyed by that and so I I can see why and Etc and and it is disgusting by the way and so uh you know missing half your teeth and uh you know living uh in a dump uh with a dead rat alarm clock you don't know if your mom's going to be alive that day uh

you've got no money you have to support her she's never going to be able to support herself uh and things are just basically slowly getting worse and worse and worse and uh I started doing YouTube and things started doing a little bit better I started doing streaming things were doing better then uh I went to uh get my teeth fixed because if you look at my old videos a lot of my old videos you'd notice that I smile you know when I smile I cover my mouth when I smile uh the reason for that is

isn't sauno where I I don't like my smile yeah well I don't like my smile it's not because I think it's ugly it's because I didn't have any any [ __ ] teeth and I didn't want people to see that and so uh that's why I would cover my mouth a lot whenever I first started streaming and so uh this happened to me uh for a long time they finally I go to I go to go to the dentist and they tell me it's going to be like around uh $50,000 to get all my teeth

fixed and everything taken care of um then I thought maybe because it was the first time at that point where I I kind of like it really hit me that I had like irreversibly and irreparably damaged my life in a way that I couldn't just immediately like undo CU like as a kid you know usually you make a mistake where it's like you scrape your knee and then well you put a bandage on it gets better but with this it never was going to get better and it's only going to get worse and it certainly

has by the way and so anyway uh I I did want to kill myself but I decided instead of killing myself I'd do something even worse I'd start streaming and uh I started streaming because I wasn't really making enough money and everybody says oh well I started streaming because you know I like interacting with people it's because I was lonely well I I started streaming for money I needed some [ __ ] money and so that's what I did and I was like guys we've got a donation goal of $100 and you know if we

get $100 I'm going to go to Wendy's tomorrow and I would always meme it up you know $1 equals one donut and it's like you know I would make a bunch of money and it was great and and things actually did go very well I I streamed every single night I was very dedicated I tried to make things as entertaining as possible and uh you know I did what I tried to do best right and um things kind of got better and they improved uh this happened uh just at pretty much the same time a

lot of my friends were kind of evolving and going past you know uh you know like college like they were getting careers getting married having kids and like now I'm I'm pretty sure I'm thinking to myself I'm pretty sure every single friend that I have is either married or has a kid uh which is kind of crazy considering that uh you know I'm I'm sitting here doing doing what I'm doing but it is kind of weird I'm I'm 34 now which is um honestly a [ __ ] shock like I I can't believe it I

don't feel 34 I feel like I'm still 16 but uh I look in the mirror I see my hairline and I think to myself oh my God wait a minute I think I'm actually 34 and if I'm really not sure I talk to somebody who's 16 and then I realize hold up wait a minute no actually I am 34 because that there's no better way to realize that you're actually older until you talk to somebody who's actually younger at least it is for me so anyway um you know my stream was doing very well uh

my social life early I I I pretty much like stopped interacting with a lot of friends of mine because I focused pretty much just on streaming and on making this as much as possible and also I'm a very introverted person in a lot of ways I like being alone I don't like people talk talking to me a whole lot I don't like phone calls I don't like interacting with people I don't like going out uh if you guys might notice this right if it's you know a mystery or secret and so um you know big

surprise that's how it was and uh then you know I started streaming My Stream started doing better and uh there was a degree of like stress that that created but and and in terms of like my lifestyle and everything uh living that way I never really thought about it at that point I never really worried too much about like kind of how uh you know people would perceive me I always viewed myself as like you know this is just who I am this is what I am that's all there is to it and I never

really took and I still don't really take any criticism or any negativity to heart I don't take it personally I don't really care a whole lot and so at the end of the day it never really bothered me and people thought it was funny and so you know I had like these snack box and there were like uh maggots in the snackbox and I would eat this food with the the maggots inside of the food it was like honey buns which were really really good and to be honest I didn't even really taste them so

it was pretty much the same thing didn't even bother me and so uh you know I I had like taken at that point you know my teeth had like totally rotten out and so I had taken pliers to like break pieces of my teeth off even uh you know like if I wasn't able to speak during a stream cuz like a point was like you know poking my tongue or like uh you know playing a game or something like that talking to people and so I still have the players actually in my in my bathroom

from all the way back then and uh so this had happened for for quite a while and uh then I guess you could say uh I I started like I guess like the second phase of my life of like trying to remove myself from like caring about uh like uh being worried about the outcome of other people uh it was always very scary for me to know that like you know my mom would die uh one day right this was extremely scary this was like the one thing that I didn't want to have happen and

in 201 and 21 it did happen and so leading up to that was incredibly stressful um she pretty much did everything that she possibly could I love her but she did every [ __ ] thing that she could to make things as absolutely unpleasant as possible oh my God and so yes yes yes uh it was very frustrating to deal with somebody like that but you know she was 70 at the time and so it really really really hurt and uh it it's you know like she was the main person in my life that I

was like most connected to and like you know this is the person that I had like the deepest emotional connection with and to just lose them and it was kind of random by the way like things got worse over time but it was nothing like at the the very end there it just kind of went off a [ __ ] cliff and so this happened and then at about the same time a little bit after that I uh also broke up with a long-term girlfriend at the time and then at the same time my dad

got so [ __ ] sick that we were like talking about writing his will like and and he's still setting all that up because he doesn't know if this shit's going to happen again right what's going to be and he's 77 too so it's it's rough right it's bad and uh he went through the monia four [ __ ] times in a year and so and he's still still getting around you know going to the store Etc but I got to help him every once in a while too right and uh it is what it

is and so again and and you know we don't have any family around here and so you know if something goes wrong if something's bad uh there's one person who's responsible for that and that's me and so that's a lot of stress it's a lot of lot of uh pressure right and uh you know I had all three of these things happen to me within pretty much one year of each other maybe two years with the thing with my dad and so at that point I began the second part of I think that like you

know my uh you know abstraction of reality is that I've tried my best to remove myself from caring about other people as much as I can and not caring about them in terms of like you know being friendly of course I'm friendly with people but being emotionally attached to having them in my life being emotionally attached to the way that they feel about me and how they're doing uh it's been very hard for me to actually have any to sort of feelings towards people when it seems like everybody that was important to me is [

__ ] dying and so uh this or or leaving me right or or breaking up with me so at a certain point you just kind of get away from that and uh then after that uh I you know we entered into I would say the third phase which is the point where I I you know lose the connection with myself and I I think that whenever I finally do that I think that maybe one day I might be happy again and what I mean by that is that I always worry about like dying and you

know all this stuff and like how how I'm you know like where where do you go what happens right and it would be very very stressful for me and I usually reassure Myself by reminding myself that I'm just a hyper intelligent monkey that probably evolved too fast and I think that we all are by the way it's not like I'm special and uh that usually is oddly reassuring but otherwise um it was very stressful for me and I did think that I was farther along I thought I would be okay with dying until I thought

that I was dying and then I realized that I wasn't as far along as I thought I was uh recently whenever I had a blood pressure reading of 194 which uh is a high score so far um you know at least so far and so uh things Happ been improving since then by the way but anyway um this has been uh you know my life and uh I I I I stopped really caring about anything I stopped caring about what happens to me I stopped caring about what happens to other people I stopped caring about

what people think about me and I felt that the more that I have the Le the the more that I've cared about things the more unhappy I've been as a person and uh I think that this is true on like a base level uh is this some sort of pathological problem for me I think it probably is but at the end of the day uh this is the best way that I know to cope with it right and so for me the way that I live and everything is a manifestation of that uh it's always

been this way for me uh my mom like growing up things were pretty messy Etc but then even now things are worse than they ever have been in terms of like being messy but uh you know never really think about it or worry about it because I'm just never really it it doesn't even cross my mind I'm thinking about things that I want to think about I'm doing things that I want to do and I never think about what other people think about me I don't think about how it affects other people I don't think

about how they feel or anything like that and uh it might sound like a bad thing but it's made me a happier and more fulfilled person uh not worrying about anybody else really other than myself unless I have to and um it's been very like uh weird uh for me uh getting older especially and uh you know like having like priorities change in your life and you know having different things happen to you and so I wanted to make this video and kind of like explain like kind of how I got to be this way

and hopefully uh a little bit of this can like explain why do I behave this way why am I like this why do I have no shame with things right uh it's because I I've lived a life where I've tried desperately to hold on to to any degree of dignity that I've had and anything that I've had and it's just slowly been taken away from me uh whether it's myself pieces of myself uh other people uh or uh the way that the world sees me uh I think that the more that I've kind of just

you know let things flow freely and not care about it the more happy and content that I've been and so uh it's an ongoing process and uh began whenever I said you know I guess I said I was like 13 and uh you know I guess the last thing for me to do is really to let go of myself and you know just finally be content with my own existence for the time that I exist and uh I'm not really a religious person I'm not a spiritual person either I don't believe there's any light at

the end of the tunnel I definitely don't think so and uh I just try to make the best of uh being in the tunnel and so that's why I live the way that I do that's why I do the things that I do that's why I say the things that I do that's why a lot of criticism and things like this of course I don't like it of course I don't like it but um it doesn't really emotionally affect me on the same way that I think it does for other people and it used to

affect me a lot more but I've you know you know gotten a little bit better at least at dealing with it and so hopefully this can answer some questions and kind of uh give people a little bit more insight into my life and the kind of person I am and uh that's pretty much about it I I I'm trying to think if there's anything else I have to cover 30 minute video video actually I was expecting it to be longer so you know that's my life story that's what's happened to me in general and uh

that's why I am the way I am and uh will I ever change uh maybe maybe not right I mean I I honestly like you know making a lot of money on Twitch and you know like the notoriety and everything like people recognize you I mean I just it it that I I mean I guess it's nice right and I mean sometimes it it's I mean having money is way better than not having money but in terms of like you know having a lot of wealth uh I live in my same house I use my

same desk I you know for a very long time drove my same car uh I eat in the same places I do the same things I really haven't changed at all honestly uh ever since I was like younger ever since my stream got popular and uh maybe one day I will maybe one day I won't at the end of the day um I think that one thing that I've always really kind of focused on and thought about a lot is that I have complete and absolute agency over my own life uh I can do anything

that I want to do and I canot do anything that I don't want to do and I think that's been a very uh comforting fact and so people ask me like are you ever going to do this it's not something I'm really thinking about changing right now but in the future I might change my mind uh I just don't know yet and so I just try to live life and enjoy it and uh you know uh be able to uh experience things for the way that they're meant to be experienced and um really I don't

care a whole lot about that even either um I don't care about you know going out or having certain life experiences or oh you'll regret this well who cares if you regret this when you're old you're about to die anyway it's doesn't even matter and so uh I've never really felt that way it's just not it's not in me and so uh that's really my whole life and um that's why I live the way that I live it's why I do things the way that I do things and um you know maybe one day it'll

change maybe one day it won't who the [ __ ] knows tune in next time to find out so anyway guys uh hopefully this is a little bit more uh informative Etc and uh [ __ ] I got an early uh end for the day we had to record something early so I came home I figured I'd record this and uh it's only 6 p.m. and so I I don't know what the hell to do with myself now I'm not streaming I'm going to go walk around my house like an NPC see and so like

I don't know what to do probably going to go play video games so anyway guys uh thank you all very much for watching thanks for listening if you've gotten this far and uh yeah um things have been going great for me recently and uh I want to say thank you to everybody who's been so supportive and everything and uh you know uh my best way that I can say thank you is uh by doing more of it so I'll see you guys tomorrow and uh that's about it peace