Why You Wouldn't Survive The Roman Empire

what do you mean you're out of bread sticks freshly grated Parmesan sir oh yes please very good sir just say whenn all right but it's going to be a while oh no no no no no no uh here we we go again with the witch and such you really should have taken better precautionary measures oh well this time you're being lobbed into ancient Rome a civilization that apparently is always on the mind of any male over the age of 20 but for you you'll get to live it or at least try to let's see what

you capable of shall we you arrive in the year 250 right in the middle of the ominously named crisis of the 3dr century a tumultuous time of terrible turmoil which began a while back in 235 after Emperor seus Alexander was assassinated classic Roman Emperor move after being confronted by Germanic Invaders he with some influence from his mother came to the conclusion that violence was not the answer instead he would pay off the Invaders to frig off back home what a great idea seus thought it was not in response Emperor Alexander's most trusted military generals didn't

appreciate seeing potential funding go to would be Vaders so they made a direct deposit of a knife into the emperor's neck with interest with him out of the way the Roman Empire kind of fell on hard times as Empires tend to do when their Emperors are killed off new Emperors were coming and going like one night stands the military became fractured and weakened thanks to countless civil wars in a struggle for power and divided Empire States took their chances at yoinking some lesser protected land for themselves all really chaotic stuff but we'll get to that

later anyway here you are smack dab in the middle of Rome actually you've landed in the empath flavium but you might know it as the Coliseum a spectacular Stadium of spectacle where performances like dramatic theater Gladiator battles and prisoner executions among other things took place across hundreds of years but thanks to defunding and failed upkeep because yeah the Empire's in crisis mode events were a lot more rare in the Coliseum during these times so you're probably good to just leave and oh that's a big guy you can tell by how big he is just look

at those muscle veins the chest hair the menacing look terrifying let's see what he has to say I don't know what you just said oh yeah uh [Music] okay all right let's [Music] advertise rule one the first strike is always precise rule two the second strike always finishes smooth [Music] [Music] fabul well dang those are some smooth moves you got there that was a pretty decent fight with a pretty decent Loot drop but now we have the shift from fantasy to reality the struggles of ancient Rome were very real disease poverty and constant War were

a daily concern do you think you can handle a day-to-day life during one of the most difficult and dangerous times of the Roman Empire not like that you wen't you have to remember that that witch interrupted your spaghetti dinner so you're going to need to find some [Music] food traditionally the Roman diet consisted of a variety of fruits vegetables grains and meats but but you're in the middle of a crisis which includes agriculture this means that food supply is on the fritz Some Farms have too little water Some Farms have too much water this is

too much water even fewer have it just right so food's getting a little scarce thanks to widespread Civil Wars across the Empire many regions have also had their trade routes disrupted so what little food choices you have are restricted to your immediate area this of course led to mass malnutrition across the Empire well mainly for the poor anyway thankfully the capital of the Roman Empire is able to provide some basic sustenance for a price so what's on the menu as for vegetables you have some choice of greens parsley Peppers cabbages and celery asparagus and Water

Crest and artichokes and lettuce which is all right for just a quick bite but you're a dude who needs better food to set you right maybe a fig or maybe some dates some apples or cherries or peaches or grapes breads for sure there's some here to eat just don't get your hopes up if you're looking for some meat weather and War have [ __ ] up the supply so these are pretty much all your choices my guy Beggars can't be choosers but I beg you to choose survival is the game that you don't want to

lose and if you're looking for a drink to embibe have some watered down wine you should also subscribe sorry got lost in a rhyme scheme there anyway time to make a purchase luckily you have some gold from your previous altercation and it's plenty to get you by for now but it doesn't buy what it used to see the Emperors and all of their Untold wisdom needed money in the coffers to pay off incredible debts from beefing up the military and keeping peace with foreign entities in order to do that they chose to among other things

devalue the currency by minting coins with lesser and lesser composition of precious metals this inevitably caus rapid inflation which is disturbing from both an economic and a fetish standpoint hey son you watching more of them funny history videos go to your room since you have the cash monies time to consume some nutrients problem is you're an outsider and unless you're fluent in the dead language of Latin you're in a pickle but you try to communicate with what little knowledge you have of the Latin language uh Wingardium Leviosa well that didn't work you go up to

the next vendor and instead just point to what you want why speak when your money can do the talking name is ponum yeah thanks you too H all right now you oh no your body isn't used to consuming all that ancient food looks like you need to go do some business in a bit of a sweaty stinky Panic you manag to find a public restroom it reeks in here don't these people have any sense of Welcome to the fora also known as the community turlet several holes carved into long cold marble slabs perfect for slamming

your ass on and expelling your evils you usually hooked up to a public bath excess bath water would run along the floor to flush away your densely digested Duty poos to a public sewer system if you were lucky enough to have it actually attached to one sure you could be like them Rich folk with their own private bathrooms but you're not so instead you have to make bears with the Bros and you're going to have to get real friendly cuz as you may have observed there's no toilet Papyrus to speak of no instead you're going

to have to ask Claudius here to share the community wiping tool it's just a sea sponge on a stick once you've done cleaning your Nethers be sure to rinse it off in the shallow trough in front of you for the next guy that's just common courtesy now being a public bathroom and all you could expect that these places were not the cleanest and you'd be correct excessive buildup of waste not only led to widespread disease but also dangerous levels of methane Claudius light a match dude let's try the bad instead public baths in the Roman

Empire called theri were actually pretty sweet available to anyone who wanted a nice refreshing dunk these bathing complexes were a social Gathering Spot they included exercise areas steam rooms and sometimes even libraries when you want to read a soggy book problem is you're in a stagnant bath that doesn't get cleaned all that often and hundreds of Romans use these baths every day not to mention the fact that there isn't a bar of soap in sight Romans didn't have soap instead cleaning was done done with this monstrosity the stril a bronze tool used to scrape off

the days or weeks grit and grime just be a little cautious when using it in order to smell nice Romans would apply scented olive oils all throughout their nooks and crannies but now everyone's all slippery and oiled up so watch your step with all of that muuk just soaking in the water it's debatable how clean you actually got oh looks like all the Christians are moving in and telling everyone to cover up what losers anyway let's shimmy on down the road just keep your eyes to the skies for any other citizens who are emptying their

festering chamber pots into the street it's going to be raining cats and logs oh yeah you're definitely going to be catching some sort of I'm sure you won't be surprised to learn that an overcrowded and filthy city tends to be riddled with disease just look at modern La when it came to ancient Rome the most common diseases were influenza and tuberculosis as well as some STDs but you're a good person who's waiting for marriage or proper emotional or monetary compensation before you explore that route right right so despite these common diseases Rome would often be

smacked in the face with various plagues the term plague here meaning big bad unknown disease that killed a lot of people they were plagues just not the plague this one is the plague of cyprien named so after the bishop cyprian who wrote about the plague in fine detail especially the symptoms he wrote that the plague caused exhaustive diarrhea a swollen and sore throat constant vomiting bloodshot eyes loss of infected and putrified limbs paralysis deafness and blindness all of these symptoms add up to one dead fella because of the bizarre symptoms which don't point to any

one known disease in particular historians are still unsure what this plague actually was but some suspect either the Ebola virus or small poox regardless the plague of cyprian devastated the Roman Empire at its height the plague was estimated to be killing off about 5,000 Romans today this crushed the Roman military opening up opportunities for possible invasions which of course would crush the Roman military even more local farms were abandoned and since trade routs were still cut off due to internal clashes famine became the new hot commodity entire cities saw rapid declines in population the most

notable being the city of Alexandria Egypt it sustained a 62% drop in population between the years of 249 and 262 this was caused by citizens either fleeing or dying or both so it looks like tons of people are leaving Rome this can't be good you're also down to your last few gold oh yeah crime's a thing oh well I'm sure that guy will get what's coming to him stop well now you're just straight up out of money looks like you need to get a job and you know what's hiring the most right now the military

so you go up to a local guard and you ask him to join uh I join us militum yeah sure success the guard gives you a quick once over to make sure that you're cut out for the job in order to join the ranks of the Roman military you needed to meet some criteria you must have been at least 5' 7 between the ages of 17 to 23 and physically fit oh yeah and a guy sorry ladies you're not allowed to die for the Empire just with it welcome to the military now when you imagine

a Roman soldier you might think of this kind of a guy this is a centurion a highly trained and high-ranking Commander which is something that you'll never be instead your aspiration should be lowered to that of a typical foot soldier sure it's not as glorious but these were the muscle of the Roman military after months and months of rigorous and extremely taxing training including combat and unit formation you've been given the privilege of being Javelin fodder for the Roman Empire here's your complimentary gear generously provided by the taxpayers your primary weapon is your trusty Gladius

a 24in steel shortsword your secondary is your pugio a wide flat bladed dagger for when you want to remind your enemies of personal space you're also given a pum a pretty sweet Javelin and it does this pretty neat huh it was kind of designed to be a oneandone type weapon used to pierce enemy armor or get stuck in their Shields rendering them useless typically a peum weighed about 2 to 5 lbs so they were pretty easy to lob at the enemy as for armor foot soldiers in the 3rd Century typically wore loika hamata a bronze

and iron chain mail shirt which offered great protection against slashes and cuts just not so much against the stabbing in addition you were given a scotum a large wooden round shield for protection against projectiles and parrying the enemy so you can scoot them back you also have to protect your Dome so make sure you grab a helmet in addition to protecting your melon these also protected the back of your neck as well as your precious cheeks with tieable cheek guards now you're ready to fight time to head West to the front lines since it's the

year 250 the Roman Empire faces a terrifying foe the Goths truly barbaric people that have the gall to invade the Roman Empire for the sake of brevity they hate you cuz they ain't you so their goal is to take everything you have just as long as they're back in time for their moms to pick them up from the mall you spot one of their many headquarters in the distance but you'll never break through their front line unless you're able to build up enough speed but how there can you do this yes you have to for

the Empire you carefully position yourself you turn around and oops wrong angle just say w oh [Music]