How To Own Yourself - Carl Jung (Jungian Philosophy)

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Carl Jung is one of the most  influential psychiatrists of all time, along with Sigmund Freud and Alfred Adler.  He was one of the founders of psychoanalysis and in spite of being highly praised by  Freud, Jung departed from his teachings, eventually founding his own school of  psychology called ‘analytical psychology’. He has published multiple books like the  ‘Psychology of the Unconscious,’ ‘Man and His Symbols,’ ‘The Archetypes and The Collective  Unconscious,’ ‘Modern Man In Search of a Soul,’ ‘The Psychology of the Transference,’ ‘Memories,  Drams, and Thoughts,’ and ‘The Relations Between the Ego and the Unconscious.

’ His philosophy  is often referred to as ‘Jungian Philosophy. ’ Within the field of psychology, Jung is famously  known for introducing the terms ‘introvert’ and ‘extravert,’ introducing archetypes of the  psyche and classifying the boundary between the unconscious and conscious. Our consciousness  includes everything that we know about ourselves; the unconsciousness entails everything that  is part of us but that we are not aware of.

Jung introduced ‘the ego’ and ‘the persona’  as our consciousness, and ‘the shadow’ and ‘the animus and anima’ as the parts that make  up our unconsciousness. The shadow is one of the toughest, most intimidating parts  to handle: it exists out of everything about ourselves that we dislike, which is why we  often refuse to acknowledge it as a part of us. However, what many people don’t know is that not  facing the shadow can be an even more intense blow on your self-esteem.

But facing it is  actually the only way to gain true control over yourself and who you are. Which is why in  this video, we will teach you how you can truly own yourself by doing so-called shadow work in  3 easy steps, from the philosophy of Carl Jung. Step 1 - Meet Your Shadow Jung says “One does not become enlightened by  imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.

The latter procedure, however,  is disagreeable and therefore not popular”. The first step to getting to know, trust and love  yourself more, is meeting with the shadow. This is the stage in which you ask yourself: ‘Why do  I behave the way I do?

’ The shadow is the most intense and problematic part of our unconscious.  It houses all the negative traits you don’t want to identify with, the parts of yourself that you  reject, the characteristics you think are bad, etc. These shadow-parts may include  anger, vanity, impulses, dark thoughts, shameful tendencies, and so on.

It may even  include traits generally considered positive, such as passion or creativity. In many cases  shadow traits are traits or desires that are rejected by society as a whole. The idea that  one should not have these characteristics has been taught from childhood onwards and that  is why we’ve become ashamed of them and deny their existence.

As long as you’re ashamed of  it and push it down, it ends up in the shadow Generally, people tend to suppress  the unconscious parts of their psyche - especially their shadow parts. They  are in denial, often both to themselves and the outside world. And ignoring the parts  of you that you are ashamed of might seem like the key to confidence, at first.

But  denying the shadow does not make it go away. In fact, doing so only makes its presence worse,  because what you are unaware of, you cannot learn to control. Thus, what we suppress tends to come  out uncontrolled in our weakest moments.

The shadow is then the cause of outbursts, emotional  blowups, snapping at others and unwanted thoughts. For example, someone who is  considered to be a gentle person, might have lots of repressed anger  that they have failed to acknowledge, and so may snap furiously at another in a  moment of weakness. These moments then feel like they come out of nowhere and might give  you the sense that you barely know yourself.

One of the most important aspects of the shadow  is that it is unconscious - and thus, unknown to you. This leads to problems: whatever you push  down the most tends to control your life most. As explained before, the parts of yourself  you reject then bubble up when you have no say over it and will leave you feeling  hopeless and not like yourself.

This can destroy your confidence. To prevent  this, we have to bring the shadow into the light. To make conscious what is  unconscious.

To get to know our shadow side. But how? Well, encountering your shadow happens  in daily life in the way of ‘projection.

’ ‘Projection’ is what someone does when they  fool themselves into thinking that they see their own flaws or fears in someone else. It’s a  way of saying: See? !

I am not selfish, they are! ’ You project onto others what you deny and reject  in yourself. Do you ever have those moments when you find yourself judging someone harshly -  either out loud or in your head?

Or when you catch yourself being biased or holding onto a certain  prejudice? Or when you’re quick to take offense? It is very likely that those are the moments that  you project your own unwanted traits onto others.

As soon as you encounter traits that you’re  afraid you possess, or particularly do not want to be associated with, your reaction  will be stronger than it would be normally. That is because those are the traits that  you unconsciously want to make sure are the opposite of what you are - and what better way  to do that than be completely opposed to it? Thus, something that could have been slightly  annoying suddenly becomes a huge problem.

You cannot let go of the fact that your coworker  is often distracted, for example, because you need to make it clear that you are not. You’re  better. These are all ways in which you trick yourself into feeling more confident about  yourself, but the confidence is based on denial and repression - and thus, it is unearned and  fragile.

The more you hate on people and traits you possess, the more self-hate you unknowingly  gather as well. Any confrontation that catches you off-guard could ‘expose the truth’ and leave you  feeling completely vulnerable and self conscious. So, in order to own yourself, you need to find the  traits you reject and take the time to question yourself the next time you find yourself having  a strong reaction to something.

What is it that made you feel so upset? And Why? You might just  discover that these are the traits that you are most afraid to have.

It is very hard to become  conscious of these reactions. This is why Jung advises activities that clear the mind and allow  you to take a step back from yourself. Meditation, for example, is a good way to do so.

Journaling  about your feelings and experiences is as well, or drawing to ease your mind. When you find  the moments you react strongly and impulsively, you can examine them. Why do you feel  that way?

What triggered your reaction? Keeping an actual list of your reactions and  possible shadow traits can work wonders. You will find that you can truly get to know  yourself in a way you’ve never done before.

You can also see the process of meeting your  shadow as the creation of an honest advertisement, or perhaps review, of you as a person. Imagine  yourself seeing it: a flyer, promoting you. As expected, we want this flyer to be filled  with benefits, perks, our usefulness and the way we make the people around us feel good.

But the  goal here is to be as honest and focused on our ‘bad side’ as possible. Fill it with your flaws,  your bad habits, the worst things you’ve done, the things you’d normally never admit to anyone.  It will be a hard, painful and potentially scary process - but if you can manage to write an  advertisement or review for yourself as a person like that, you have met your shadow.

Step 2 - Accept Your Shadow In the words of Jung, ‘The most terrifying  thing is to accept oneself completely. ’ In this stage, we ask ourselves  the question: ‘Who am I really? ’ Becoming aware of the undesirable traits  you have pushed deep down is one thing, but accepting their existence is another. 

Although we can become aware of our shortcomings or insecurities, we have a hard  time accepting them as part of who we are. Instead, when we get to know ourselves in ways  we don’t appreciate, we often immediately jump to solutions. If you are inclined to be a bit  lazy, all you need to do is make sure you’re always busy!

If you’ve found that you’re insecure  about your voice, you can either start to speak so much that you forget about it like me or barely  speak at all so that you don’t have to face it. If you’ve found that you’re sensitive, just  make sure to never let those emotions show. But… no.

Because then you’re simply pushing  it down again - and before you know it, you’d be right back where you started, denying  your shadow. Instead, you have to accept the fact that you have certain traits or inclinations  without immediately wanting to change them. To own yourself completely, you have to  accept yourself for who you truly are.

This is, of course, easier said than done.  Accepting undesirable traits as yours can make you feel like you’re a bad person. It can change the  image you had of yourself.

And that is scary. Jung acknowledges this and says: ‘It is a frightening  thought that man might have a shadow side to himself. ’ Imagine taking that advertisement you  created, and looking at it and thinking, yes, this is me.

You’ll probably want to crumple it up  and throw it away, burn it, never see it again. But you’re going to have to carry it with you  if you actually want to change. The reality of the situation is: the shadow is only  frightening when it is unacknowledged and unaccepted - because that is when it becomes  uncontrollable.

Accepting it is the best way to keep it under control. Accepting it is  part of finding your balance. It might make you feel like you’ll be more insecure if you do  accept it, but this is temporary.

It is only a small step in a process that will make you feel  more in control of yourself than ever before. A very good first step to doing so is analyzing  why you wanted to hide it in the first place. Who taught you to hide them?

Your  parents? Classmates? The internet?

Why do you think you’ll be less likable or  lovable when you show these traits? How true is it that people will dislike you for showing  this trait? Imagine you’ve found greediness in your shadow.

Imagine that your parents always  got incredibly angry at you for not sharing, or tended to suddenly take your possessions  away as punishment. This could have given you the feeling that you need to preserve your own  money and possessions as much as possible - but also the feeling that it is wrong for you  to do so. When you know where it comes from, you understand yourself better and  can accept yourself more easily.

It is imperative to understand that everybody  has a shadow side and your shadow does not make you a bad person. It simply makes you  human, and all humans are complicated and have multiple sides to them. Furthermore,  accepting your shadow brings inner balance to your life.

If you’re pushing greediness  down and become too generous to contrast it, your generosity is out of control and not worth  as much as when it comes from a real place. The same goes for all the bad traits you try to  counter. This is because countering bad traits has an air of insecurity to it.

For example,  if you force yourself to be overly generous, you’d probably quietly feel bitter about all  that you’re giving away and then feel guilty and thus self-conscious about said bitterness.  Or you could find yourself feeling ‘fake’ or like ‘you are acting the role’, which also makes  you believe that your true self is inadequate. All of these consequences are incredibly  damaging for your confidence.

In order for your good traits to shine, you need to have some  darkness every once in a while. You need to look at your bad traits over and over again. Say them  aloud.

Look in the mirror and think, this is me. Slowly, you’ll start to realize that they  are not as horrible as you might think. Step 3 - Integrate Your Shadow To quote Jung, “If a person wants to be cured it is necessary to find a way in which his conscious  personality and his shadow can live together”.

The final and most important question, after  having found and accepted your shadow, is this: ‘How can I change for the better? ’ There is  a beautiful benefit to finding and accepting your shadow: the acquiring of a certain wisdom  that is hidden in every single part of yourself, even the parts that seem bad. This  means that for all the parts of our shadow that we acknowledge and accept, we  can use those parts of us in a good way.

Once you know it is what has been holding you  back, you can actually use it to go forward. If your shadow is a dragon and you are the knight  fighting it, you haven’t won after merely entering the fight and facing your opponent. You have to  overcome it.

The recommendation is thus not to passively accept your shadow. It would be akin to  passively standing before the dragon, so to speak. So, if you’ve found greediness in your shadow,  this does not mean you just have to go on knowing you’re a greedy person and never change. 

This, too, would leave you feeling like a bad, undesirable or deficient person. It’s unlikely  that you’d be ‘confidently greedy’ since you still think of it as bad. Instead, to actually grow more  confident and fond of yourself, you should use it.

Acceptance is merely a way to go to the next step: integrating the shadow into our behavior and  lives. Your shadow is here to teach you. It is here to show you who you are, why you  are the way you are - and why that’s wonderful!

All shadow traits are traits that  could be good, if only you use them right. Let's go back to the example of having found  greediness in your shadow as a response to the treatment you got in your childhood. If you’ve  made it this far, you can go on to analyze this trait to work out what behaviors this has  caused.

Did you become overly generous to combat it? Or have you been behaving greedily  while beating yourself up over it? In any case, you should sit down and think, journal or  talk with others about what behaviors you have exhibited as a result of certain undesirable  traits, and then think: how else could I act?

How would I rather act? The shadow is an  invitation to think about your behavior and learn. Now is the time to analyze what you think is  actually greedy and what you think are normal acts of self-preservation.

Not wanting to give  your friend your most expensive outfit is normal, but not wanting to let them borrow a spare  coat for the night when they forgot theirs might just be a reaction coming from your  childhood - and you can adjust your behavior. When before you probably lunged onto  either one extreme or the other, now you have found that you are allowed to  keep your expensive clothes to yourself, but can be a bit more generous with the stuff  you don’t rationally care that mch about anyway. On the one hand, you can donate to causes you  care about, but on the other, it is also okay to spend a little on yourself sometimes.

Such a  balance, never going to one extreme nor the other, can only be found when you’ve faced your shadow  traits and incorporated them into your life. Or, as another example, somebody  who’s been pushing down fear by being too impulsive can start to use it in  order to think their actions through more. Somebody who’s let their life be controlled by  fear can now use it as an opportunity to become courageous.

The beauty of ‘bad traits’ are  that they make us conscious and considerate. The shadow is a beautiful part of you that  can be a great help if you just let it. Integrate your shadow by finding out what  good behaviors can come from those ‘bad’ traits.

Only then will you reflect your inner  self truly in your actions. And only then you won’t have to fear judgment from others. Nobody  can call you out on being greedy, or a coward, or anything else, if you’ve already examined and  combatted that behavior instead of denying it.

You will never be more sure of yourself as  when you’ve accepted every single part of you and behave accordingly. Not only will this make  you feel more confident, more free and happier… It will leave you feeling completely  assured of who you are and how you behave. As we mentioned at the beginning this  video is brought to you by Masterworks.

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