A necessidade da aceitação dos outros é uma armadilha | Seminário de Filosofia

Don't give me this talk Oh now but no one likes me I try to argue with people they don't accept me I say hey but first you don't have to argue with these people you don't have to argue with anyone there is a story by Herman Hess, who is called the savage. The savage is a guy who has some kind of problem with the shaman of the tribe and is expelled from the tribe, so he is very sad there, walking in the woods, right, he goes walking, walking, walking, suddenly he arrives at the sea, which was a something that his tribe didn't know about and he sees that huge thing, right? Then he realizes how all that problem that he had in his tribe was absolute insignificance, it was nothing, right?

So the opening to the world of knowledge is this experience Um, and you open yourself up to a dimension that didn't exist now, if you are still trapped inside that dimension and all you want is to feel the group identity is to feel that support you will never get now between the moment you belong to the tribe and the moment you discover the There is a crossing of the sea, there you will be alone and you will be very sad and so on and think that everything is lost but it's an illusion it doesn't last long so don't come to me with this talk that oh now but no one likes me, I try to argue with people, they don't accept me, I say, but first you don't have to argue with these people, you don't have to argue with anyone, argue with Look, there's a Colombian writer, an excellent writer, Nicolás Gomes Dávila, he says the following, win one dizzy humiliates us Um, I mean my life is a succession of humiliations in Brazil, there are only fools who argue with emada, man, defeating fool, I mean my life is successive humiliation So, but I do it because it's obligatory to do it That's right, not because I I want to convince them of this or that, it's right, but I want to change DrEmir's opinion. What I want DrEmad to do is for him to leave his intellectual profession and go home and do like Cand. He's going to plant potatoes, he's going to work as a gas station attendant.

gasoline Okay, you're going to raise chickens, you're going to do something that matches your intellectual capacity. Get out of here, that's all I want. Get out of here, stop with this nonsense.

Okay, I don't want to convince anyone at all, he doesn't have the capacity for that, all these people don't has capacity so all I want is to show them let's say at a glance that they have an intuitive glance that they realize let's say the fragility of their existential condition and that they will take care of their lives It's okay if I can't show this to they show PR to others Look, he's a clown, he's crazy, get away from him Okay, so now if you're going to argue with your college friend, your work colleague, your family, why do you do this? You're not going to bring any benefit to they neither for you nor third party you are Just trying to win him over to you so that he likes you and ISO is deeply wrong because you are falling back into the same trap you have fallen back into the trap of seeking social approval only you have become a different guy you want them to approve of the different so the answer to that is very simple look for your class who is your class are the other students in this seminar «there are hundreds of them I mean you won't feel alone because because you have 400 others people looking for what you are looking for and this is the basis of Friendship said São Tomá here friendship consists of wanting the same things and rejecting the same things here in the United States people understand this because the network of friendships here tends to form, let's say due to their affinity in the search for certain things, for example, there are people who like hunting, so they go there and make friends in the hunters' circle. It's full here in Virginia, right?

Oh, you don't like hunting , but you like poetry, so there's a poetry club the guys go there and recite poetry and you make friends there you understand. In other words, friendship is not made on the basis of pure momentary personal sympathy which is totally misleading my son and you can sympathize with a person but you don't know who She really is right, so here in the United States this problem already exists. resolved, so that means friendships here are more solid because of this, now in Brazil what is friendship like your friend means the following he is in your circle of coexistence he is in your intimacy so he acquired the right to speak ill of you You all know that this is the most you'll get from a friend right now Try asking to borrow some money from the poor guy, you'll see the friendship ends at that very moment, right?

You're there desperate without a job, your wife is sick, your children are without. no milk to drink and you go ask the guy for the money what does he do he doesn't give you the money but he gives you a moral speech he gives you a series of advice, right where he proves through A and B that you are an irresponsible kid etc etc and you leave there very grateful, you know, more in need than ever of the approval of that guy, ISO, who is loved in Brazil, you know, you have experience of this, right, so if you try to argue with these people it's because you want their approval It is only permissible to start discussing and start talking in public, so to speak, when you are really committed to a mission and you no longer expect people's approval and you don't want that if you want their approval you are already in a weak position You You understand, so when I start talking or arguing with the public with a random guy, I don't want his approval, I say, Look, if you approve of me, that's to your advantage, I won't gain anything from it if you say, oh, now you've changed my mind. idea I understand now I believe in you say good to you because for me because you're only going to do one thing you're going to start sending me an email asking questions and you're going to bother me that's what I gained from convincing you you understand now you don't My son, you gained a new perspective, a new life, you understand, so you're lucky that you believed in me, right?

I mean, I really don't need to give these people's approval anymore, I don't need to give anyone else's approval, I have something to give you if you get lucky. It's good for you if you don't get in trouble, I feel amply rewarded simply for doing what I'm doing because because that's what I planned to do my whole life Um, so if you you in the course of your moral intellectual formation and social that you will even acquire right here Saturday after Saturday you will consolidate these things you will become much stronger than you are and you will acquire that kind of respect for yourself that clear awareness of what you are doing that will allow you adopt As I myself adopted the motto of Dom quichote I se queem soi I know who I am I know what I'm doing I know when I'm right I know when I'm wrong and your opinion about me means nothing to me nothing nothing nothing nothing but for this you have to acquire the condition of objectivity the condition of recognition of reality and this is training, it takes a long time to acquire this, right, and in other words, intellectual life understood as we are understanding it here, in other words, as the condensation and an upgrade of the emotional education and social education and training that you received means achievement of maturity , Aristotle already said that the ideal man for studying philosophy is a mature man Um, what being is is being, let's say, a man mature, for example, if you have children, there are many here , you have to know the following from your children, you won't get anything, you can accidentally get them, if you're very lucky, um, they can give you some satisfaction, but in general, there won't be time to give them nothing is right so that means there's no point in courting your children Nowadays the most common thing people say is but what will my children think of me, I never asked what they thought of me and if they come Tell me, I say, don't bother me, I have more to do, I don't want to know your opinion about me, Huh, I'm your father, I'm here to work for you, support you, educate you, put you out into the world, hmm, and not to be the way you want me to be you understand sometimes I tell them like this you are responsible for the father you have you are the only father who gave PR to fix was this So turn around, understand, I'm here doing my duty, doing it in the best possible way Between us, I know how to educate children and even teenagers, which I know how to do. That's right, eh, eh, I'm not here to mold them.

my image and likeness, in no way am I here to help them in life, okay, and there's simply no time for me to ask what they think about this, so if you're ready for this, if you're ready to love, do good for people without wanting to know what they think of you then you have reached maturity you can no longer say the same thing about your wife as your husband That's not because this is yours is your equal he will have an opinion about you your opinion may be wrong, but you can't refuse to hear, um, now from a child of adolescence, what is this, my son, we sometimes see these American films and there's the father, the mother, together with the children aged 5 and 6 years talking, look, I decided to move house here, what do you think, so they hold a family assembly, right, and the children vote, right, look, this is something cowardly and evil that you can't imagine, hmm, why, let's assume I hope he moves house and everything goes wrong Hmm, 20 years later he will be able to tell his children Ah, but you approved, no, he will say I was just a child, I didn't know what I was doing, the idea was yours, it's your responsibility, so you you're trying to relieve yourself of your responsibility But you won't be able to Um, so what do you mean, it's natural for children to attribute responsibility to the adult, even if they've approved it, you mean, if you turn a child, let's say into an adult voter, right? I vote this only happened in your head, not in hers, do you understand? So you are living a lie, you put the children in the lie and you are using them as an instrument to support your lie and you want them to be satisfied because of that, so the two, in fact, in parentheses, two suggestions that I give to parents, right, first, don't torment your children, um, don't spend the whole day telling them what they should do, interfere, rarely leave space for them to make their own decisions regarding their little lives, his little lives, no yours is um So don't tell him what he should eat what he should wear What time he should do this what time interfere the minimum minimum minimum minimum when to interfere and he asks when you interfere dis do like this like this or not do that he asks for answer because I told you it's simple um the children accept this with an impressive naturalness but if you do it two or three times a month if you do it more They start you start to bother them notice well the Bible forbids annoying children um me I know that one of the biggest occupations of fathers and mothers, especially mothers, is to annoy children, spend the whole day giving advice all day, playing children and wanting to decide everything for them, this is hell, don't do this, if you want to have authority over your children, you have that curbing your authority so that it doesn't turn into abuse is precisely because you have Total authority over the child that you have a duty to restrain and not turn that authority into a source of unnerving Hum and mutates Mutants never ask what they think, no want their approval, the love of a father for his son is love One Way Do you understand, it is not mutual, like between husband and wife, husband and wife, I give and receive, a woman gives and receives, if she helps her, she helps you Um, you give a few hints to She gives you some tips now with children, no for the love of God, you didn't marry your children, right?

So today it's fashionable, right? of trans fathers? The son, right, son eats his mother?

There's the Globo soap opera, right?