Jim Rohn: How to Improve Your Communication Skills | Motivational Video

the old Prophet said this words are like a lamp for your feet so you can see where to walk and words are like a light for your pathway so you can see where to go with words you can show somebody where to step and where to go one of the best phrases I could give you for the day here it is don't be lazy in language don't be lazy in language because the gift of language can create a career it can help somebody see the way into the future it can help somebody change from who

they are to who they would like to be it will help you to see the gift of your own intellect there's an innate vocabulary in all of us that helps us to see helps us to translate what's going on in the world what's happening so that we can make good decisions instead of poor ones we can make fewer mistakes this year than we made last year one of the major things to pray for is to be gifted in language because it can have such a dynamic effect on your children it can have such a dynamic

effect on your business it can have such a dynamic effect on your customers it can have such a dynamic effect on your business partners that not to continually get better and better at the gift of language would be a great mistake so jot this down make one of the books a very important book and that is the dictionary come to a word you don't understand you look it up so what is this word vocabulary you need the practice practice everywhere if you're going to give someone a gift and send a little card practice making this

little card something they'll keep and remember for the rest of their lives not ordinary extraordinary not like everyone else different than everyone else it's the practice of using your gift of saying things another way until a light turns on another way that expresses something heartfelt that the standard or AR language wouldn't Express couldn't reach couldn't paint these mental pictures it's okay to give flowers but don't let flowers do all your talking flowers have a limited vocabulary guess what flowers say you remembered that's about all they say flowers don't say nobody in this world affects me

like you do love see flowers talk but they don't say that that you've got to put in the little card nobody in this world affects me like you do love and then you sign it and see long after the flowers are gone somebody's going to keep the words the words are more powerful than the flowers so don't let flowers do all your talking see if you can't choose the words that are meaningful words that are unique and the more you do this practicing every little occasion to say something well whether it's a little talk to

the family gathering or whether it's training or whether it's inspiring or a little class on Sunday morning whatever it is keep improving keep improving find a new way to say it a new illustration a new story you'll get better when my wife Judy and I parted ways wow that was a unique experience I wrote this little note Dear Judy as often as the Night Comes so does my sadness as constant as the day arrives so is my love for you I wish for you and I wish the best for you and I understand that dilemma

my life is here where you touched me if ever you would call I would be there to be touched again it wasn't very long it was just a few words but I tried to express what was going on in my heart and soul at the moment so I'm asking you don't fail to say it here's an expression we've heard words are no substitute for Action that's true let me give you another one action is no substitute for words it's okay to do do do but you've also got to say say express it as clumsy as

it might be to start start a better program of better communication saying it better saying it better here are the four steps to good communication step one vocabulary first of all vocabulary you've got to work on your vocabulary some of my friends took a survey among prisoners working on a rehabilitation program they weren't particularly looking for this but here's what they found there's definitely a relationship between vocabulary and behavior the more limited the vocabulary the more tendency towards poor behavior and when you think about it for a while it makes sense words are a way

of seeing if you don't have a good vocabulary you can't see very well can you imagine the mistakes in judgment when you can't see very well at Harvard University they did an interesting study over a period of 50 years to find out why some people moved up financially in their lives and why some countries move up financially and what they found regarding people is that it had to do with vocabulary A wise man once asked me what is the purpose of words in human life people said well to communicate he said yes he said but

it's more than that because a word is a condensed thought and one word can have many meanings think of words like love freedom family and success these can fill entire books and libraries so he said every word that you know is a condensed thought the more words that you know the better you can think because you can put these words together into more complex thoughts as a result you can think better and make better decisions so what they found is that world weeda people who have the very best vocabularies rise to the top of their

societies the more words that you learn and understand the better you can think the better results you get the better life they pass next words are a way of expressing what's going on in your head what's going on in your heart what if you can't see well and you can't express well you can imagine the tragic scenario of 5 years of that 10 years of that 20 years of that showing no improvement Behavior now becomes a major problem and that person's world gets smaller and smaller and smaller why they can't see and they can't express

and finally they don't need much bigger place than a 10x1 12 cell their world is so small anyway don't need much bigger place I'm asking you to stretch your vocabulary to build my early vocabulary I used to put three or four words I didn't know on a card put it up on the sun visor on my car back in those days I traveled a lot by car sure enough by the end of the day I'd mastered two or three words and since vocabulary is a way of seeing if you can't see well you can imagine

the errors you can make and how they compound as life unfolds so it's very important to have a good vocabulary so I would ask you one of the most important books in your library should be the dictionary step two sensitivity next is sensitivity you've got to understand we use the phrase where people are coming from where they've been what's going on sensitivity training is so important people not like you people that have got challenges and problems and difficulties you've got to do your best to be sensitive to other people where they find themselves the pit

they might be in currently what's going on be sensitive to that always remember people are carrying a heavy load there was a wonderful line I read that said if every person who complains about their problems could come from all corners of the earth and take and pile their problems in a heap and if each person could see the size and gravity of the problems of others they would sneak forward shame facedly and take their Petty problems away and creep into the night and I think it's an interesting thing when you consider that we have problems

but so many other people have vastly greater problems than us and when you tune into other people's problems and concerns it's amazing how much better your life is here are two of the greatest things said about Jesus one it said he was touched he was touched by where he found some people he was touched by the misery he found some people in he was touched he was touched and here's the other word he was moved it said he was moved touched and moved if you really want to communicate well you've got to be touched and

moved not just by your own drama of life but by the drama you know is going on in other people's lives sensitivity how does an adult 40 talk to a child who's 12 you've got to be sensitive not just to your current situation one of the best ways to identify with a child who's 12 and you're 40 is remember when you were 12 go back go back remember the scenario and let it hit you again let it touch you again Mr Schultz who only went to the e8th grade in school but he gave me the

classic point to ponder here when I was 25 years old and it was put in such simple terms I've never forgotten it let me put it in those same terms for you here's what he said learn to express not impress that was so helpful for me because it's easy to engage in language just designed to impress instead of Express but shove said if you want to touch somebody learn to express sincerity from the heart not impress impress builds a gulf Express builds a bridge identification is building a bridge if you're meeting somebody for the first

time it's simply getting acquainted building a bridge making contact here's one of the clues find something you have in common that's where you start something you have in common here's the clue to really affecting people start with where they are before you try to take them to where you want them to go meet people where they are if somebody's hurting you've got to meet in the hurt if somebody's in trouble you've got to start with the trouble the key is to start where somebody is if they're in trouble you've got to start with trouble you

can't talk success if somebody's in trouble you've got to start first of all talking trouble so that when somebody is stricken in the heart and you've had this experience maybe not as deeply but somewhat of an experience of being stricken in the heart when you meet somebody and you're trying to help them you can talk about being stricken in the heart and it'll have substance it'll have meaning it'll have depth and you start there and then start building the bridge and start building the path towards solving the problem step three read your audience here's number

three read your audience so let me give you some Clues on reading number one is simply to listen part of reading is listening you pick up a lot of Clues as to what else to say what all to say by being a good listener from Early times I think we've learned to be a good speaker you've got to be a good listener if you want to communicate well with someone you talk let them talk you talk let them talk in fact mama said with two ears in one mouth you should listen twice as much as

you talk so active listening is very very important in relationships active listening means the person is really there put down the magazine or newspaper turn off the television set lean in be be there the whole time and sometimes people are shy and I can tell you this the way that you overcome your shyness is very simply this tune in to the other person ask questions and then listen carefully to the answers seek first to understand then to be understood get out of yourself and don't be preoccupied with what the other person is thinking about you

instead focus on encouraging the other person to talk about them the more the person is talking about themselves the more they like you seek first to understand then to be understood when you go home at night don't talk about your day at all instead ask her and ask the kids about their days and listen closely the more you listen the more the person trusts you the more they trust you the more they like you the more they like you the more they open up to you you so treat your members of your family treat everybody

you meet as though they were your best customers their jokes will be funnier their conversation will be more interesting you'll pay better attention you'll have far more patience just try that and by the way as I mentioned women are wonderful communicators they're fabulous listeners they're far better than men men are 95% more likely to interrupt a woman than a woman is to interrupt a man B is pause before replying when you pause before replying it raises the self-esteem of the other person because it tells the other person that you're carefully considering what they said rather

than just jumping in and CI question for clarification question for clarification always ask how do you mean how do you mean exactly how do you mean well that's interesting how do you mean well that's really good how do you mean exactly and then listen and practice listening and finally defeat it back paraphrase it in your own words remember when you can paraphrase what the person said this is the real test of listening this is where you really prove that you were really listening so paraphrase it in your own words well let me make sure I

understand what you said you're concerned about this and this happened and that's what happened uhhuh now take the time to paraphrase and think about paraphrasing while you're listening and you'll always be a better listener number two you've got to read what you see part of it is just being conscious right body language reading what you see here's what we teach in leadership skills don't mistake courtesy for consent in a polite Society we learn sometimes to be courteous but that doesn't mean we buy the story with somebody being polite smiling and nodding you've got to make

sure you don't misread that and stop short of the full Persuasion don't mistake kindness for Acceptance in a polite Society we've learned to be kind but that doesn't mean we've accepted so part of this is a little more subtle in Reading in a polite Society whether or not somebody is buying your argument if they're being persuaded by your presentation so body language picking up those signals now here's the one that's probably the most effective but it's probably the most elusive reading the emotional signals this is an area probably where the women have it over the

men picking up the emotional signals I think men can learn these skills but I think women have a lot of this automatically but it's something we all have to learn emotional signals picking up the signals of whether to change your language be sharper or to be softer to go after a a problem or to ease back and give it time to soak part of this is just picking up The Feelings picking up the emotions being sensitive to the situation this is not easy stuff this is extra learning stuff extra skills but this is called Summit

learning for those extra measures of rewards that come from communicating by learning these extra skills very important to read your audience how are you coming across what is the effect from from a child to an auditorium full of people reading reading Here's the final part on intensity words mixed with emotion words mixed with hate words mixed with love words mixed with faith words mixed with courage that's what's powerful words have a certain effect but words loaded with emotion have an incredible effect words loaded with emotion can move Nations they can help people change directions look

at Hitler and his ability to preach look at Stalin his ability to preach lenon as wrong as they were they believed it with all of their heart disastrous results but they put everything they had into it the emotional content was unbelievable powerful yes in an evil Direction but it can also be used for a good direction this intensity strength power emotion My Words May reach you but if I can't touch you with my spirit if I can't touch you with my emotions my feelings my beliefs then I probably haven't affected you very much the feelings

the belief the commitment all that I am if I can put more of what I am into what I say no telling what miracle I can wrot no telling how much of an effect I can be real persuasion comes from putting you into what you say but now here's part of the clue and we call these extra refinement of leadership skills learning to measure your emotions that's very important to learn to measure your emotions you don't need an atomic explosion for a minor Point enough but not too much we call this understanding how to measure

the flow of your emotions to cover a point okay but if it needs heavyweight stuff you reach and get it if it needs a milder approach you learn how to measure it in milder easier terms but it's very important to measure your emotions your feelings so here's the key to effective communication well-chosen words mixed with measured emotion the basis of affecting people with good communication well-chosen words mixed with measured emotion and one last point on communication if you want to get good at communication you have to be aware of doing it every day as a

practice session of getting better so that when the real important occasions arise you will have the gift and you'll have the style you'll have the sharpness and the clarity and the substance and the emotion I have a key phrase for you actions are no substitute for words don't fail to say it now we've heard the old expression words are no substitute for Action that's true talk talk never act that's not good but this also isn't good act act and never talk accept every opportunity to go make a little talk if that's going to be your

business get better at talking to your kids come up with more illustrations come up with more ideas read an extra book how to communicate with teenagers so you'll have something a little better to say and then just practice it get good at it get better at it practice everywhere if you're going to give someone a gift and send a little card practice making this little card something they'll keep and remember for the rest of their lives not ordinary extraordinary not like everyone else different than everyone else it's the practice of using your gift of saying

things another way until a light turns on another way that expresses something heartfelt that the standard ordinary language wouldn't Express couldn't reach couldn't paint these mental pictures it's okay to give flowers but don't let flowers do all your talk talking flowers have a limited vocabulary guess what flowers say you remembered that's about all they say flowers don't say nobody in this world affects me like you do love see flowers talk but they don't say that that you've got to put in the little card nobody in this world affects me like you do love and then

you sign it and see long after the flowers are gone somebody's going to keep the words the words are more powerful than the flowers so don't let flowers do all your talking see if about about you can't choose the words that are meaningful words that are unique and the more you do this practicing every little occasion to say something well every little occasion to say something well whether it's a little talk to the family gathering or whether it's training or whether it's inspiring or a little class on Sunday morning whatever it is keep improving keep

improving find a new way to say it a new illustration a new story you'll get better the gift will belong to you and the effect could be electrified when my wife Judy and I parted ways I wrote this little note Dear Judy as often as the Night Comes so does my sadness as constant as the day arrives so is my love for you I wish for you and I wish the best for you and I understand that dilemma my life is here where you touched me if ever you would call I would be there to

be touched again it wasn't very long it was just a few words but I tried to express what was going on in my heart and soul at the moment so I'm asking you don't fail to say it here's an expression we've heard words are no substitute for Action that's true let me give you another one action is no substitute for words it's okay to do do do but you've also got to say say express it as clumsy as it might be to start start a better program of better communication saying it better saying it better