"Don't Know What You Want? Answer These 5 Questions!" | Marisa Peer

and every day you're about to find out what it is you were meant to do and how to monetize it and how to have meaning purpose significance and every day you remember to say those words i matter i'm significant i'm lovable i'm enough when you know you're enough you don't need more success is not about never failing it's not about never having setbacks it's about how quickly you bounce back how quickly you get back up [Music] you have got to commit right now that you will accept compliments you will accept praise and you will praise

yourself you know i told you this morning because it's the groundwork there is nothing nothing nothing that will raise your self-esteem like praise and nothing will diminish it faster than criticism by the way superior people praise inferior people criticize they diminish you if this was a seesaw if i make that look straight and an adequate person is here and you're here they don't want you to be equal they really want to diminish you they like that and the only way someone can diminish you they only have two choices embellish themselves or diminish you no one

in my family was divorced i've got a university degree i come from money brother i i wouldn't wear that do that say that they diminish you or they elevate themselves better but they can only do that if you let them you know i was doing a television show many years ago and my producer said just to let you know one of the celebrities on the show very famous their manager is here she wants her one of her um stable of talent to have your job and i've told them would never replace you but she's very

keen and she doesn't like you very much i'm like okay so we sat in the room and she went well you know i'm the agent of doctor s i said yes she said and she's amazing i said oh i know she's lovely she should she's got a degree you know i said i know should have you got a degree i said no should are you a doctor i said no she went oh she's a doctor i said no but you know what i do have i have hundreds and hundreds and thousands of happy clients and

i have loads of money in my bank account but i'm not a doctor and i've got no need to be one because i got happy clients and i'm wealthy and that tells you i'm doing the right thing and she looked at me and then she laughed and then a month later she called me and said can i give you a job dr x can't do this it's not as good as you i've got a job with sony and i want you and she gave me this amazing job they paid me so much money because i

didn't let her do that i didn't allow her to make my seesaw go down when she said my client's got a degree and she's been to medical school and she spent 13 years becoming a psychiatrist what have you guys said money happy clients books full of testimonials boxes full of cards a wall full of babies that would never be born people who tell me that i saved their life changed their life has she got all of that i didn't say that actually i already knew she hadn't and by the way we both wrote a book

and mine is a bestseller and hers are still struggling along and it's a nice book but it's an academic book it doesn't speak to people people don't go oh that makes sense i go yes the frontal neuron low cortex of someone who's depressed has got a lack of magnesium and that happens when the central nervous system oh i can't understand this book but as i say look you know what causes depression three things harsh hurtful critical words that you say to yourself not following your heart desire not allowing yourself to connect your dna insists on

connection it's how we survive when we shut ourselves away and disconnect and watch netflix and get ubereats to deliver and not speak to anyone that makes you depressed so you've got to receive praise and you've got to praise yourself a lot every day what i showed you i matter i'm significant i'm worthy i'm lovable i have a gift i don't know what it is but i know i can monetize it you know not long ago in the uk the policeman kept finding these kids with half a tennis ball in their pocket what is that they

were so smart they realized if you took this half a turn put it over a mercedes and smacked it the air would go into the locking system disable the central lock and they could steal the cars and mercedes was smart enough to employ those kids wow you can bypass a central locking you've worked how to do that with half a tennis ball you need to come and work for me and and some of the best um security systems have people what was that great movie with them leonardo dicaprio where he was the pilot do you

remember and who does he work for now he works for the fbi because that was a talent everyone has a talent and you can monetize it if you believe you're worth it so what i want to do is put you all in hypnosis and take you back to where you got your money beliefs if you've never been hypnotized before is very easy all i require you to do is to look up like that keep your eyeballs up close the lids down so you're going to roll your eyes up and close this let's practice that look

up keep your eyeballs up and close your eyelids down if you can do that you can't stop yourself going into hypnosis because you're going into a rem state rapid i'm you're going into an alpha brainwave that you go into when you sleep and then you're going to go into theater the most relaxing brainwave where you accept suggestions so just open your eyes and if anyone says i don't want to be hypnotized you're going to turn me into a chicken or maybe fall in love with a fire hydrant and i don't want that you can't stay

in hypnosis and you cannot be made to do anything you don't want to do but what you want you can accelerate that you can get more of it so we're going to go back and find out why you have these beliefs we're going to get rid of them you all ready all in agreement no one's going to come out of here in love with a fire hydrant that's impossible i promise you so look up as high as you can keep your eyeballs up keeping your eyeballs up breathe in breathe out take another deep breath breathe

in and every time you blink deep deep powerful hypnosis is coming upon you breathe out and one final time breathing keep your eyeballs up the more you blink the deeper faster you are going into hypnosis keeping your eyeballs up as you exhale just close your eyelids right down all the way down as your eyelids shut down the muscles and nerves in and around your eyes are becoming heavy droopy drowsy i want you to drop your chin just a fraction so you feel that same looking down feeling that you might feel as you look over a

balcony or down a flight of stairs you are looking down 10 steps you're moving on to step 10 and as i count you're going to see your feet hear your feet feel your feet treading each step right now you are moving on to step 10 as each muscle every nerve turns loose let's loose and you go deeper you are taking step nine and a going deeper into an awareness of yourself you are taking step seven going deeper with every number i can you're taking step six every sound and noise and movement around you is carrying

you deeper further into the most powerful profound deep empowering healing level of hypnosis you are taking step five going even deeper step four as each muscle every nerve turns loose let's loose and you go deeper you're taking step three going deeper deeper deeper you're taking step two going deeper into a healing powerful wonderful place you're taking step one just go deeper deeper deeper deeper deeper hypnosis is not about being asleep in fact it's about waking up waking up to your potential waking up to who you are waking up to the fact that you were put

here with a unique skill that you can monetize better than anyone else that's why you're here so you're not going to sleep but you are about to wake up and hypnosis is really just about getting the mind to accept better suggestions i want to show you all that you are deeply powerfully suggestible if you haven't got what you want guess what it's because you're so suggest well you've said oh that will never happen for me other people can do that i just i can't ask for money i can't get a promotion i can't put myself

i don't know how to sell my products i don't feel comfortable and your mind goes you know what you're right you're always right so i'm going to show you how incredibly powerful you are i want you to stretch your arms out in front of you as if you're holding onto the handlebars of a bike i want you to close your hands like you're holding the reins of a horse close your hands together your hands are about six inches apart and i want you to imagine in your left hand you are holding an enormous red fire

bucket that weighs about 80 pounds you are holding a heavy bucket full of wet cement you're holding a heavy bucket in your left hand and your left hand is becoming heavier and heavier and heavier you can feel the weight of that bucket in your wrist in your fingers and your knuckles traveling up to your elbow traveling up to your shoulder your left arm is getting heavier and heavier by the second and as that big red fog bucket pulls your left arm down and down and down your whole body is so heavy it is sinking right

down into the chair your eyes are heavy but your right arm is attached to a pulley it's like you have an enormous helium filled balloon in your right arm that is bigger than you completely weightless lighter than air and your right arm is floating up moving up traveling up lifting up all of its own accord your right arm is moving floating lifting traveling pulling up and you're beginning to notice well this is interesting one arm is way down but the other is weightless one arm is floating up and the other's pulling down one arm is

floating up because it's weightless and the other is traveling down because it's weighed down that's because you are powerfully beautifully suggestible so much so try to push your right arm down and notice it's like trying to push a balloon under water try to push that right arm down it's like trying to push a beach ball under water it won't have it and the more you try to push it down the more it springs up and now try to lift your left arm up and find like oh someone came along in case that in concrete it

won't go up it's determined to stay down one arm is way down one always weightless because you are suggestible as i count to three let go of the bucket let go of the balloon go at least 50 times deeper on the count of one two and three i'm going to count backwards now and your mind is going to go back it's like i'm about to play a movie of your life and it's going to go backwards backwards backwards your mind is going to take you back move you back travel you back you're going back in

time and all of a sudden you're going to be back at a scene place event that is where you got these money blocks now even if you go back to scenes of abject poverty and deprivation having to wear secondhand clothes you can't relive that you can only review it you cannot relive anything people say can i go back to the best orgasm i've ever had and have it again not really you can remember that was amazing can i go back to the best meal i've ever eaten and taste it now no you can remember it

you can review you can't relive it if someone slapped your leg it's not going to sting it's not going to hurt you reviewing yeah my mum hit me when i asked for money and that's a painful thought but it doesn't hurt today review not relive it's very different and by the way whatever you go back to you dealt with a memory then and you're dealing today with the meaning you attach the interpretation you put on and you're about to change it so on the count of five you are drifting right back right now to a

vivid vital crucial absolutely significant scene that is the cause the reason the root of how where why and when you got money blocks wealth blocks financial blocks on the count of four you are becoming younger smaller lighter shorter on the count of three years months weeks days are peeling away from your body as you drift right back right now to a vivid vital crucial scene that is the cause the reason the root of any and every money block you are drifting right back right now that movie of your life is going backwards backwards backwards rewinding

rewinding and be there and it's stopping exactly at a scene that's impacted you your entire life and as i ask these questions you immediately know the answer here's the first question it's rather like you just switched on a laptop computer the picture is warming up and coming into focus you are right in the middle of that scene this scene in your mind where you are right now is it daytime or is it nighttime are you inside or are you outside are you on your own or is anybody with you how old are you about and

here is the only question that matters what are you doing seeing feeling and experiencing in that scene as i click my fingers you can feel what you felt then you can see exactly what you saw then and as i count to three your ears are wide open and you can hear exactly what you heard then about money or the lack of it or the shame of it or the embarrassment or the inability to ever even find it here it comes on the count of one two and three your ears are wide open i want you

to hear exactly what you heard there what is being said over you around you through your rights in your line of hearing what are you hearing about money and who is it that's telling you this stuff sometimes it's parents fighting about money crying about money refusing to give you money stay in that scene just stay in that scene i want you to look over it look around it look through it look over look around look through that scene and when you've looked over it and around it and through it i want you to go yeah

wow look at that this is a light bulb moment i'm suddenly understanding where i got these beliefs from there's not enough there's never enough other people have more or if i've got it i better be embarrassed about it this is your light bulb moment your aha moment your illuminating moment i want you to keep that image clearly in your mind as if you've got a photograph or a dvd going to put it to one side but we're coming back to it put it to one side we're going to go back again to another vivid vital

crucial deeply significant scene that is why you ever got this confusing dysfunctional belief and relationship with money on the count of five you are back in that movie rewinding rewinding going backwards backwards backwards you are becoming younger smaller lighter shorter years months weeks days are peeling away from your body as you go right back right now to a vivid scene a clear scene an absolutely powerful scene that has impacted you your entire life on the count of five four three two one here it comes and it's just like you switched on a television set and

a picture is warming up and there you are right in the middle of that picture feel what you felt then see what you saw then is it daytime or night time are you inside or outside are you on your own or is anybody with you how old are you about and the only question that matters by the way what are you seeing feeling hearing what are you experiencing you can see what you saw then you can feel what you felt then and as i count to three your ears are about to open wide and you

can hear here it comes something you heard all about money on the count of one two and three just be there stay in that scene hear what you heard somebody is saying something right in your line of hearing you can hear something about money that's impacted you your entire life and again this is a light bulb moment for you an illuminating moment an ah-ha moment oh wow look at that yeah of course that's why i never asked that's why i've denied myself deprived of held myself back felt uncomfortable with money but i should never discuss

it talk about it ask for it kept myself small stay in that scene i want you to look over that scene to look around it to look through it like you're watching a movie of your life but today you get to change the ending to make the ending what it should have been look over and around and right through that scene understand it put it to one side i'm going to do this just one more time this time you're going back to the earliest scene the earliest scene the most profound scene the most powerful scene

where you really learnt these confusing contradictory beliefs about money and success too so on the count of five one more time that movie is going backwards backwards backwards rewinding backwards playing backwards taking you back even further back even further back as back you go to a vivid vital crucial significant scene to do with why you got these blocks about money and indeed success you are becoming younger smaller lighter shorter years months weeks days are peeling away from your body you are drifting right back right now just be there as i click my fingers that computer

is switched on television screen is switched on the screen is warming up and there it is a scene and you are right in the middle of that scene and in this scene where you are now is it daytime or night time you know are you inside or outside you know are you on your own or with people you know how old are you about and here's the only question anyway that matters what are you doing seeing feeling experiencing feel what you felt then see what you saw then see the entire experience that you went through

with your little mind that could do feeling and not logic and believed everything you learned what you lived you played the only part you had ever known and then you made it your own without even knowing what you were doing and on the count of one two and three your ears are wide open here comes something you heard somebody said something and you heard it about money on the count of one two and three hear what you heard then look over look around look through that scene unpick that scene unravel that scene make sense of

that scene how it impacted you how it affected you what it did to you and now i want you to imagine you've got all the scenes in your hand like you're holding three playing cards you're holding three movies and you're able to say to yourself okay in my left hand i'm holding these three different scenes about money from my past in my right hand i'm looking at me lay your left hand and right hand out in front of you with the palms up you're looking at your left hand at those three scenes and in your

right hand here is a scene of you today with a money block a success block a career block a limiting belief something that's held you back and you're saying to your mind how did those three scenes i just looked at caused the scene today subconscious mind brilliant mind tell me show me explain to me how did those scenes then lead me to be where i am today and here it comes it's just starting to make sense it's beginning to unfold you can see of course my parents were victims of their upbringing and they told me

their stuff don't talk about money it's not polite never mention money don't ask i want never get don't be greedy only greedy people ask if you have more someone else has to have less don't show off don't draw attention don't ask don't show me up by asking for stuff i can't buy don't make me feel bad as your parent by getting all the stuff i couldn't get because that's going to make me resent you don't do well because what about your sister what about your brother how will they feel if you take off and shine

and teachers some of them have a lot to answer for too you'll never make it don't even think you could ever go there stay in that scene and now we're going to do something called neuroplasticity at work practical neuroplasticity i want you to go back to that first scene and you are going to justify to me right now why it's not you you see again we play the only part we've ever known we play back this old movie i don't know how to ask for money i feel so bad discussing money i hide my money

pretend i have less i pretend i have more i never was allowed so how much did that cost my granted that was a terrible thing don't talk about money it's evil it's a pursuit of evil that's not true so i want you to go back to that first and i want you to say out loud that's not me repeat after me on the count of one two and three that's not me that kid in that scene is not me and will never be me ever again for the rest of my long wealthy life because and

i want to hear the ending so i'm going to repeat this and it's this is like chinese whispers i'm going to say something you're going to put on an ending you're going to say it with passion with conviction you know thoughts are things if you put wires on someone's head and have them think and speak their neurons take shape in accordance with the thoughts they're thinking the words they're saying and if you say positive stuff you can make positive neurons and the negative ones will start to unravel so repeat after me and remember you're going

to finish the sentence that's not me that cannot be me will not be me ever again for the rest of my long wealthy life [Music] because and i i need to really hear these because i want you to shout it out say it louder stay in the first scene and one more time that will not be me ever ever ever again never again that cannot be me because if you can really do the it's not me you are shattering smashing erasing eradicating breaking those old beliefs you went i do that well that's what's going to

happen so scene 2. i want to say out loud that's not me that can never be me will not be me ever again for the rest of my long abundant life because shout it out scream it out as you get older what scared you as a kid is is irrelevant and these beliefs are irrelevant too so this time i want to hear some conviction some energy some volume in your voice so scene two that's not me that will never ever be me ever again for the rest of my abundant life because that's more like it

that's good neuroplasticity it works so let's go back to scene three the scene where you may have gone back to the earliest memory to do with wealth to do with success to do with abundance to do with being blocked being limited being held back by belief and i want you to say one last time but with real energy that's not me that can never be me ever again for the rest of my long abundant life because [Music] and the very last time that's not me will never ever ever be me for my rest of my

wealthy life because i want you to put your arms around yourself like you're holding yourself like you're about to rock yourself i want you to hold a little kid who's grown up in a house with some extraordinarily confusing beliefs really confusing beliefs when i was 13 my dad said i could have this money on my birthday to buy these trousers as i wanted and i don't know what was going on with him that day but when i asked him he was so angry he threw the money at me all in coins and i picked it

up but i never enjoyed buying those trousers i felt that in asking him for money i upset him i angered him he didn't want to give it to me and that scene affected me for a long long time i'm not worth it to get what i want it upset someone else but that's not me and if i went to my dad today and said dad could i have some money for some trouble he would give it to me with joy because he's not the person he was then struggling and never having enough himself so i

want you to take that little kid in your arms and i want you to transport them back to wherever you live now walk through the door and i want you to repeat some words after them even if they feel silly i want you to say i'm becoming a loving parent to you now [Music] you live in my world now this is a better safer nicer place i love you i love you i admire you i see how gifted you are i see your skills i see your talents i'll always have so much time for you

you and i have balance now i'm becoming a loving parent to you now and always and no one in the world could play this role better than me i know what you need to hear i know what you need to feel i love you you're worth everything you are so worthy so deserving so talented so gifted so skilled and you live in my world and i'm upgrading you into my world now [Music] and eyes upgrade as i upgrade you into my world you can never go back not even in your daydreams and i want you

to imagine taking that child into your living room where you probably have sonars or alexa or cable tv none of which by the way you had as a child because so much didn't exist so look at all the stuff in your living room that you have go into your bedroom and look at the bedroom you have open the cupboards you're not wearing second-hand clothes other people's stuff going to school without lunch money going to school hating the lunch you've gotten the other kids have more stuff that's not you go into your kitchen open the fridge

you get to choose what to eat and not eat you get to choose what to believe and not believe and i want you to tell that little kid how your world is different i want you every day to think oh look at this i'm driving a car clearly i'm not five because i'm driving a car i'm paying for something with a credit card i'm buying what i want now you can have what you want more everyone else has which is a belief i'm worth it i deserve it so i'm going to take a couple of

minutes and i want you to remember it's what i call the missing bit of you what did you most want to hear when you're a little kid you know better than me did you want someone to say you know you're so smart when you grow up you're going to make a whole livelihood because of your smartness gosh you're good at creating how good you are inventing writing drawing thinking speaking when you grow up you're going to make a living you can monetize your special talent because the universe gave you that and it will support you

it wants you to monetize it that's why it gave it to you no one said to frank sinatra you should be a plumber and barbra streisand to be a nail technician to think the universe gave you those talents so they could go and be a bricklayer i don't think so frank was given a voice to share with the world barbara streisand was given a voice charles dickens was given an imagination to share with the whole world and so were you so i want you to say to that little kid you can do it in your

head or out loud you are smart you have a gift and you can monetize that gift that's why you have the gifts i gave you a gift to share with the world share that gift shine dazzle be amazing i put you here to be amazing you may have come through some parents who had issues but you came through them not from them the universe created you and it puts you here and it gave you something and your job is to share that with the world and go deeper and understand that everything you want without acceptance

is how it makes you feel everything you buy i want an iphone 10 my iphone 7 is great but i want the 10 because it makes me feel better whatever you want is because of how it is going to make you feel if you can create design come up with something that makes people feel better than you are destined for success destined for wealth destined for abundance and even if you don't know what it is yet you'll find it you just have to say i have something to offer the world and if my something i

have to offer makes people feel better i'm unstoppable because you are so just let yourself go deeper as you go deeper drift deeper sink deeper as you go deeper you're remembering that little baby who was born with 24-hour room service all their needs were met who felt they could do anything when you tried to walk you cracked it when you tried to talk you cracked it when you tried to feed yourself you did it you were born wired and coded to make it and you are still wired and coded to make it you are erasing

eradicating eliminating erasing shattering and smashing those old beliefs and as you let them go in their place as a new belief i have something of value to offer the world i'm here to make a difference i matter i've got something to say something to do something to achieve and i can do that better than anyone else i have my own unique skill set you have your own unique so there is something you can do there is something you can do offer achieve share because the universe puts you here for a reason it gave you something

for a reason because if you're all brilliant chefs people wouldn't go out to eat all brilliant repairers we would prepare our own brilliant gardeners if we were all good at everything that would be a very unfair world you're supposed to be a master of something and you are able to be your master of something you only have to be good at one thing you have to recognize what you're good at overall this is my gift this is what i'm good at this is my area of excellence everyone has one including you so as you go

deeper drift deeper sink deeper you remember i accept praise i accept compliments i fill myself up with praise i fill myself up with compliments i nourish and sate myself with praise and compliments i am receiving receiving receiving expanding expanding expanding every day receiving more and more and that's just the beginning because now i'm ready to receive now i'm ready to accept i'm also ready to accept that people will invest in my talent invest in my skills invest in me people are ready to invest in you because you are worth investing in you know it and

every day understanding is power as you understand how where why and when you pick the up those old limiting beliefs you understand it's not you and when you leave his name when you're driving home taking the train getting out your phone you go look at that i'm not a kid i'm me i have a world full of possibilities i live in a world full of possibilities you live in a world full of possibilities it has never been a better time to monetize your skill set to monetize your gift to monetize your talent to monetize you

who you are why you're here what you're meant to give and share when you find out what you're meant to do it makes your life amazing when you share it you have meaning and purpose and significance every day and every day you're about to find out what it is you were meant to do and how to monetize it and how to have meaning purpose significance and every day you remember to say those words i matter i'm significant i'm lovable i'm enough when you know you're enough you don't need more but you find it more love

more praise more wealth more abundance abundance means a lot of everything all at the same time and you can have everything you can have it all and you can have it all all the time when you know you are worth it so i want you to go i'm worth it i'm worth it i'm so worth it i couldn't be more worth it i'm worth everything i'm worth investment i'm worth praise i'm worth recognition i'm worth abundance and wealth and love and joy and success it's all available to me and as you remind yourself of that

every day that's exactly what it is you are becoming a living walking talking example of the fact that you are worth it you are enough you are talented you are gifted you are extraordinary the universe gave you a skill it didn't give anyone else and you can monetize that you don't need to compare yourself to anyone but you do need to praise yourself a lot every day build that praise muscle build that receive muscle expand and as you expand your potential expands and then it expands more and as you keep expanding towards success you can

never go back not even in your daydreams because that's not you you are expansion you are amazing you're worth everything and more so knowing you're worth it feeling you're worth it maybe in the break sharing with other people why you're worth it and why your dream isn't a dream it's something you're going out and making real and maybe sharing the scenes you went back to which you already feel like so far away from you talk about in the detached objective way because that just isn't you so feeling amazing feeling liberated feeling free feeling phenomenal open

up your eyes fill up your lungs take a deep breath and give yourself a massive round of applause so i'm going to ask you four questions right now about how true to yourself you are how authentically you are living your life and if you think well i'm not that's okay because i'm going to show you how to get that back so question number one do you value yourself and how much value do you think you bring to your career of choice you see we all have the same needs we need to have certainty diversity connection

significance growth contribution making a difference the number one reason that people stay in a career and will never leave is i make a difference i contribute something i feel like i'm doing something meaningful the number one people reason leave a career is what's the point this is just so menial i don't feel it has any purpose and so a lot of people kind of give up and go well you know i need to make the money the paycheck is good i'm going to sacrifice my emotional mental health because i've got a good salary but what

you need to have is a very good salary and this feeling of i'm making a difference i'm doing something worthwhile i'm contributing i'm growing and the thing that's stopping you doing that is not your skill it's not your education it's your beliefs i can't do that that's too difficult that's too hard no one in my family has ever done that some of the smartest people in the world in the most fulfilling careers didn't go to university thought outside the box but you have to value yourself to have a career that you value you have to

value you so it really goes back to your thinking am i worth having an amazing career have i got something to offer what was i put on the planet to do what makes my heart sing and if you answer those questions you'll find that you can find the career that is meant for you that has your name all over it but it's hard to find it until you take some time to really value yourself and say that magic expression i'm worth it i'm worthy of this i deserve it and i can do this really really

well how would you feel if you got to the end of your life and you'd never had a career that you really loved you see when you do something that you hate that you don't like that doesn't fulfill you you pay a terrible price doing a job that you actively dislike that doesn't make you happy will cost you so much not just your physical health your mental health your emotional health but it will cost you regret i've worked with many clients who want to retirement come to me and say hey i always wanted to be

in law but i've been a teacher i always wanted to work as a vet but i spent my whole life not doing it and now it's too late and now i'm depressed i'm full of regret we so often regret what we didn't do but it's never too late at any age to find what you're meant to do to go into a career where you are supported where you're surrounded by people who value you believe in you support you praise you will you have a voice and you're not afraid to share your thoughts your beliefs your

opinions your feelings and where you get great feedback almost all the time so number three what are your gifts what are your strengths here's a great question if you didn't need a salary what would you do if you didn't need to be paid what would you do because so many of us do what we don't want to do just for money some people even earn a lot of money go but yeah but i don't like what i do i'm just trapped here if i could wave a magic wand and say pick the career of your

dreams what would it look like what would it give you how would it use your strengths how would it use your unique skill set because you do have a unique skill set everyone i've worked with even criminals they have a unique skill set their unique skill set is often conning people because they're very good at that now we're not going to go near that career but nevertheless it's important to say i have got a skill set don't ever go there no i'm not good at anything there's something you are really really meant to do the

universe put you on the planet it gave you a talent it gave you a gift you may not know what it is but you can find out what it is find out what you're meant to do who you're meant to be by focusing on your strengths what do you love the key to what you are meant to do lies directly behind and is connected to what you love to do in the age of seven and fourteen and you may say i don't even know that's okay take some time and maybe you'll be able to find

out imagine if we all had gifts every subject we'd never employ a decorator a painter a handyman wouldn't go to restaurants wouldn't buy clothes other people made because we could do everything you're meant to be good at one thing and the one thing you are good at is very different to what someone else is good at so i will employ someone to decorate my house even do my garden because that's not my gift you have a gift and you're not supposed to be a jack of all trades and a master of that would be really

unfair i see so many kids ago i'm no good at science okay that's okay you're supposed to be good at english let someone else be good at science you're greater i.t you don't have to be good at sport just be good at what you're good at find what you are good at be great at it and don't even worry about what you're not good at because you were never meant to be good at that that's for someone else here's number four when you're a child you thought you could do anything i'm going to be a

pilot i'm going to be a fireman i'm going to be an astronaut little children have no limits on what they think they can do they haven't learned to have limiting beliefs and blocking beliefs they feel they can do anything be anything go anywhere and i wonder what's happened to you how did you lose that belief that oh i'm going to do that that's got my name all over it i've worked with many young children and they have big dreams they're very ambitious they always want to be something amazing and profound and they're always going to

make a difference once upon a time you came onto the planet feeling invincible there was nothing you couldn't do nowhere you couldn't go you thought you maybe be a dancer or a pilot and you wouldn't even question whether you could do that you just believed that you could do it so when you look back at that little kid inside of you that's full of excitement full of ambition full of dreams full of big goals what happened why did you stop believing that you could do anything and be anything because you can actually reactivate re-manifest even

regenerate and certainly recreate that belief you were born with i'm going to do something amazing with my life you can get all of that back starting today many people look at me and say wow i'd love to have your job i've had so many clients come to me for therapy i want to do what you do and eventually i created my own course and actually a lot of my own clients came and trained with and said wow this is the best job in the world now i have certainty diversity connection significance growth contribution make a

difference i pick my own hours i work around my children and i find it so meaningful i'm really working on helping fix other people but in the process i'm actually fixing myself and people think to train in rtt you need a degree in psychology you do not the only thing we look for is do you have people skills do you like people do you want to make a difference do you want to help you would you want to be in the people helping business it's a great business to be in and you can be really

successful at it too click the link below and find out how you can do what i do and how you can wake up every day knowing that you're making a difference not just to other people's lives but your own life too i really think i've got the best job in the world i've trained 10 000 people now and they think the same thing and guess what you could be one of them as well click the link below and i'd love to meet you soon 33 years of being a therapist i might work with a movie

star an olympic athlete or someone who's a school teacher and they all have the same problem and the problem is almost always i'm not enough i mean i've worked with so many addicts thousands of addicts i've never met one who ever thought they're enough they'll say you know i drink because i'm not enough i use because i'm not enough i am addicted to spending because i'm not enough and what i see many therapists doing is the client comes in with a list like what i call a shopping list i i i need to stop drinking

i need to get out of bed i need to stop shouting at my kids i need to take care of myself and they like to go through the list it takes a long time i go forget the list let's look at what what i call what lies beneath you know your problem you think you're enough where does that do you know any baby who's ever been born because i shouldn't cry because i don't deserve attention here i shouldn't throw up on this white top my mom just bleached no baby is ever born believing they're not

enough and so again we look at where does this come from this belief you're not enough who told you that where did you get that and when they go oh yes it came from here it's a game changer because they start to tell them i'm enough people say but if i'm enough don't i just lie on the couch and eat potato chips all day no when you know you're enough then you go right i need a better relationship there's a better career than this a better better health than this so why do you think that

is that is a true um movement for that because one thing that i struggle with with the notion of somebody just telling themselves that they're enough i get the underlying power of repetition the importance of the words and it feels like a very good foundation that the person can build from but where i struggle is i know that a lot of times people don't believe it yeah and so if they don't ever then take those next steps of learning something or pushing themselves or doing something difficult it the words will ring hollow yeah how do

you help people establish meaning behind well i wrote a book called i'm enough and we have a program enough and what that does is it takes you the process of where does this come from you're not born with this belief how did you get it and when they discover how they got it they're able to give it up one of my first ever clients was this beautiful woman very hard to believe when she said i can never make a relationship last and it sounds so silly but she said that her dad you say to her

every day you'll never ever find anyone that loves you like me nobody could love you like me you'll never find the kind of love that i have and he programmed when you label someone you limit them so now she's got an imprint i'm never going to find love like this love and guess what she never found love like that and all you have to do as a parent is to say i love you because you're lovable and all your life you'll find love like this love because you're worth it so it's little tiny adjustments that

have the most profound effect on people and it's never too late to say i'm enough i can find love and now if you give someone the power to make you feel good you give them the power to make you feel bad and if you do it to yourself you feel so much better it makes you slightly bulletproof you still need other people we all need other people but the dialoguing with yourself and starting with i'm enough i picked that because i found all my clients addicts binges bulimics saboteurs hoarders compulsive compulsive shoplifters they all went

back to the same thing i'm not enough i need more and if you feel enough you start to feel equal see most of us feel unequal you're better than me because you've got money or you're more attractive than me but no dog or cat says oh you're better than me because you're a pedigree a baby doesn't know that another baby's wearing designer clothes and they're not they they have no concept of that so really what i'm enough is doing is reactivating re-manifesting and regenerating what you were born with an ability to say i'm enough that's

interesting so part of i think what happens is obviously when a baby is born they're lacking the sort of critical faculties to navigate the world so and this is i put my finger on this because i want people to understand that i they're going to struggle so it's it's a little bit like meditation people think i'm doing it wrong because they think there's some magical right that other people are doing and they're not doing it like when you start repeating this stuff in your head i think people will say to themselves what do you mean

you're not worthy you bought yourself a target like and you're not significant whatever right so learning that a that's a thing and that's going to happen that's a part of a normal human brain it's designed to keep you safe and alive it's not designed to propel you forward so but there are once you understand i mean this is your language once you understand how the brain works yeah then you can go in and begin to tinker with some of this stuff to get where you want to go now the tinkering part is what i want

to get your take on i'll use myself as an example so um i have experienced things that have given me the story that i have a bad memory okay i recognize it as a story but it's so compelling yeah because the evidence from the time that i was a little kid just seems irrefutable so okay but i i understand the mind well enough to know hey i'm screwing myself over here i'm repeating it which is making it worse self-fulfilling prophecy okay jim quick tells me tom you have to stop saying that i see you today

you're like look you have to stop saying that and so i totally buy that i have to stop saying it but i've known that for a long time and i'm an ultra diligent disciplined person but for some reason i haven't worked up the desire to see that one through now because i have enough self-awareness i can guess at the reason the biggest reason that i'm hesitant is like okay look my my energy units are finite so getting a good memory is going to be difficult and do i want to put the time and the energy

into this yes or no because it's an allocation of time resources so when i think about how far i've gotten despite the fact that i have a bad memory it's like okay it's not that big of a deal to immediately address so what all i want um to convey with this is that sitting in neutral it won't just happen no you have to want it correct so that's my very question i like being ill it meets all my needs but how do you get people to build that desire because i get asked that question a

lot okay so well most people that come to me don't go hey i've come to see but i don't want to give up my problem i mean they do with food they go i want to be super healthy okay you're going to stop eating don't i don't want to do that you've got anything else there's a difference between i don't want to do one thing and i want to do it but i just i i'm not sure of the energy to see what you see the belief is what you're saying is it's work so much

work it's no work so what i would suggest for someone like you is just monitor hair you spit oh i forgot that you've got a terrible memory i got i didn't miss that gotta tell them and start to say i have a phenomenal memory i have an outstanding i have a reliable foolproof memory so i saw with my daughter when she was little she'd leave the house and come back because she had so much to remember her school bag and her swimming stuff and her lunch and i always say what have you remembered because i

remembered my lunch remembered my swimming hair because that's so great that you remember and very quickly she went from oh forgotten i've got to go home my mum's going to be really crossed no my memory is great at the gate it told me school lunch school coat and of course if you go to any kid's classroom you'll see coats and bags they forget everything and we never go well it's the memory you see it disappears with age and other people of 90 who can tell you everything about their childhood and what it was like in

the war so you have to just make a decision to tell yourself i have an outstanding reliable phenomenal incredible impressive for perfect big words of course because you want to excite you and if you say enough your mind's job is to give you that memory and then stop saying what have i forgotten say what have i remembered and then something else you do is just say that will come to me you know you have to understand the mind a bit so when you're dealing with a conscious mind the subconscious doesn't do anything if you're saying

it's the name of that book or that restaurant oh i don't know i give up i've got to remember you just you suddenly goes oh it's coming to my head it was this book it was a tim ferriss book i remember now because you've given your mind an instruction what is the name of that book your mind will go and find it but if you are still actively looking it doesn't do it so we have something good command therapy you've got to command your mind go ahead and remind me where my passport is remind me

and and so often it's just really poor communication you know people say oh god i'm flying to london tonight and i can never fall asleep on a plane i just can't go to say we're like well where are you going you don't go anywhere you don't fall you lie on the plane and you invite sleep to come do you go i'm lying here my eyes are heavy and sleep's descending upon me like a miss because it's a misdirect of the mind because you don't fall and you don't go but when you say sleep is coming

to me and when i i'm in different time zones all over the world i lie better go right sleep now send sleep to me now i insist on eight hours of sleep i need eight hours and i tell my mind what i want but i am very clear very specific but not can i fall asleep i need to look at it i've got to get up in five hours and now i'm stressed i just give my mind very clear instructions you do have to train yourself a bit but if you use those words my memory

is impressive and infallible your mind knows what that looks like and it will make it real if you just go i need a better memory that's not exciting so excited with powerful words and you won't be surprised or you might how much better it gets but you've got to give up this belief that it's work because talking to yourself isn't work exciting your mind doesn't work going to the gym is work but saying every day as you get up i've got a great memory i can even imagine my diary and i can see what's in

it if you tell yourself that it actually really becomes true and you'll notice that everyone who's got a good memory will say my memory is amazing oh i have the best memory ever they never go i've got mind like a sieve i'd forget my head it wasn't screwed on i would forget the eyes in my head if they weren't there but people with a poor memory they justify they remind themselves how bad it is instead of deciding no i'm gonna have a great memory i know that people say to you a lot of times yes

you're okay this is easy for you because nothing bad has ever happened to you but you actually had a and i don't i'm so curious to know how you characterize it you had cancer twice yeah um i was going to say battle and then i thought i don't know that she was yeah i didn't use the word battle that's interesting yeah so one i'd love to hear how you do conceptualize it of it and then how you dealt with it i think would be really powerful yeah would you look at me say well you've had

an amazing life but you know my life wasn't awful my father was a head master he was very invested in other people's kids i just felt like this kind of hideous blob that wasn't interesting to him at all i was thought i could never ever have children and if i got pregnant i would never carry a baby to full term i remember hearing that thinking you know what i i have to not let this in and that's very important to make a decision i will not let that in so when i was told i couldn't

have a baby i thought i'm not letting that in and when i got pregnant i was told many times you're going to lose the baby she's going to be born with something wrong with her and i talked to her all the time and told her to grow perfectly and she did and when i was told i had cancer i mean of course it's a horrible thing to hear and i did spend the first two days thinking oh my god you know what am i gonna go with this but because i've taught my mind for so

long to only go towards positive i found myself on day three singing this song and it was that song about you know that's wrong i feel pretty and witty and wise but it was saying i'm healing and my body is healing and it's healing all the time and i just made a decision to tell my body look you you're gonna do wellness now and so i started to do wellness and i visualized healing and i visualized it being very contained and i visualized myself bouncing back and three weeks later i was on stage in costa

rica not because i'm super because i told my body uh listen i'm i haven't got time to sit in this hospital bed with medication do wellness i i really did command my body to recover and it sounds like it's all right for you but again you have to understand the rules of the mind your body does what it says if you go i'm ill i've got cancer now it's bound to come back and always looking for signs people say to me you know i'm a cancer survivor i'm like oh no i'm not i'm not because

i don't have it so i was obviously surprised when i got it again but i just had to do the same thing and say that's it now twice is enough for anyone i'm i'm done with that and i i don't refer to a huge amount never called it my cancer that's my cancer because i've got my cancer back or i'm going for my cancer treatment and when you prefix something with my you own it you could look at my shoes aren't they cool or got my great t-shirt but when you say my migraine my headache

my illness my terrible memory if you put the word my in front of something it's yours and if you call it the it's not yours so i was very committed to never saying my it wasn't mine i didn't want it i felt very lucky that i got in an organ that i didn't need that was completely dispensable so that was good i remember even they think what stroke of luck that is i don't need a womb it's done it's great job and i talked to him and said thanks for giving me this great kid you

did a great job and now i've got to be here for this great kid so you can leave and i'm staying even in surgery your subconscious is hearing what's going on around you and there are many people who come out of a coma who said you know i heard everything the hearing is the last thing to go and so if you make a choice to talk to yourself better you can bounce back you might as well use your mind as much as you possibly can to be well see a lot of us think that people

are very successful never have setbacks never have knockbacks things don't go wrong they lead a charmed life that's not true success is not about never failing it's not about never having setbacks it's about how quickly you bounce back how quickly you get back up and i have found that the fastest way to stop spiraling and to get back up is to tell yourself that you have phenomenal coping skills many years ago worked with a girl who really had a challenging life in fact her mother's saying was this i can't cope they never went to the

cinema or even the store the mother couldn't cope with light or sound she was light sensitive noise sense if you open a packet of potato chips it would make her react because the mother's words were i can't cope can't cope with the noise can't cope with a mess can't cope with anything my client grew up with a belief i can't cope and she had such an inability to cope she ended up being hospitalized and then she was a day patient and then i began to treat her and she said you know every week i have

to go for therapy and we sit in a circle and we have to say something good when it's my turn i tend to go well today i saw some daffodils it made me smile or yesterday i saw some bees and i felt good and i'm like no forget the bees and the daffodils this is what you are going to say when it's your turn in the group to speak you are going to say i have phenomenal coping skills and next week you're going to say i have extraordinary coping because the next week you're going to

say i have amazing coping so you're going to say it in that group you're going to write it on your mirror you're going to say it every day it's going to become not just your affirmation but your statement of truth i promise you if you say it you send a message to your mind and by the way your mind does not care if what you're telling is good or bad right or wrong useful or useless helpful or not helpful doesn't care you know why it doesn't even know so you can choose where to go i

can't cope or you can choose go i have amazing coping skills i can't cope i have awesome coping skills you get to choose you know what you can't choose what you do to your body i can't cope this is driving me crazy at the end of my rope i'm at my maximum bandwidth i just can't cope i can't cope because it's not true human beings are actually resilient and the fastest way to stop yourself spiraling out of control the fastest way to stop believing that events has all gone wrong my flight got cancelled my contract

got cancelled my partner left me my child got sick i can't pay my bills i'm losing it i'm sinking i'm drowning in debt i'm sinking into grief i can't deal anymore the fastest way to stop that is to have some amazing sentences i have extraordinary phenomenal incredible enviable exemplary coping skills sends an incredible message to your mind that doesn't think doesn't argue doesn't disagree just goes hey whatever you say your mind is the genie your wish is its command when you say i have amazing coping skills your words shape your reality and it becomes real

because it's not the events that affect you it's the meaning you attach to the event it's not pressure it's not people it's your beliefs so going back to my client let me call her annabelle that wasn't her name but we'll pretend it was annabelle came back and said you know it's amazing i say that all the time i even sing that song coming them up it's phenomenal phenomenal i'm phenomenal and it's just so in my head i sing it say it speak it think it and i feel amazing but you know what else has happened

the nurse said to me annabelle the other patients also would like to say they have phenomenal coping skills is that occasional well it's not my word marissa told me to say it it's a word i use all the time by the way so she said sure so they all began to say it in turn different versions of it and then the ward put up posters all around you have amazing coping skills you are a phenomenal coping they said that that ward that group if you like had the fastest discharge and the fastest recovery so i

invite you to do the same be a copper tell yourself i can cope with whatever life throws at me whatever's in my path i cope with it because i'm a copa not only am i a copa i'm a phenomenal copa an extraordinary copa i have phenomenal coping skills you see if your belief is i'm going to be perfect i'm going to find a perfect person have a perfect home raise perfect kids and have a perfect job you know what you'll be disappointed perfection doesn't exist in 30 degrees i can tell you that my clients who

keep trying to be perfect not only the unhappiest and the most dissatisfied they are also the loneliest because we don't want someone who's perfect we want someone who is real we want someone who can cope because that's a great thing oh i can cope and you can cope and let's cope with life together let's take the good and the bad and let's just have a great life with our great coping skills so let's imagine that you use the word i can't cope i'm in overwhelm that's a new word i'm in overwhelm i'm overwhelmed if you

tell your mind that you can't cope then you need something to help you cope that may be drugs it may be medication it may be alcohol it may be food because you've told yourself i can't cope and because your mind takes everything you say as literal it's now going to look outside of you for something that makes you cope i was working with a girl recently you had a very bad drug problem i told her something i said you know what drugs that are people who can't cope with reality realities for people who can't cope

with drugs and she laughed and said i never thought about that drugs are for people who can't cope with realities if i cope with reality that means i don't need drugs of course well that when we're in grief again i need medication i need something to take away the pain i need a pill i need a drink you see it's a belief it's an action i need something out there medication drugs drinks cigarettes cakes i need something out there because i've just told myself i can't cope in here in fact when you can cope in

here you don't need anything out there and you can cope with grief as painful as it is you can cope with loss you can cope with setbacks because when you medicate when you push them down with a massive tub of ice cream or with some drugs or with some alcohol when you push them down they don't go away they regroup and they come back stronger than ever all of my clients and antidepressants say you know it doesn't work one of my clients came to me and said i can't have sex with my husband so i

went to my doctor he put me on prozac you know what's happening now i still can't have sex but i don't care i'm just so numb i don't care something was driving me crazy now i'm on medication and i'm just numb i'm not up i'm not down i'm numb you don't really want to be comfortably numb you want to feel and joy and pain like the weave of a cloth you can't have one without the other we can have moments of immense joy but there's also pain our parents will probably get old and die we

will get old and die things happen but when you believe i can cope with anything life puts in front of me then you can indeed cope i lost both my parents and one of my dearest friends all in the same three-month period that was hard but i was just so glad i had my parents for such a long time i was so glad i got to be with them at the end and talk to them and say goodbye and my father was saying i've had a wonderful life i've had such a great life it's been

an amazing life he was a copa my mother had a very different passing and i felt no pain when my father died apart from i missed him i felt a lot of pain about my mother because my mother wasn't a cop my father was my father decided he'd had an amazing life and my mother didn't quite think the same thing be a copa you get to choose remember you can choose to be a copa you can choose to believe you're an article but you can't choose what believing you are not a copa does to your

body to your adrenals to your cortisone levels when you believe you are a copa everything is easier so be a copa all the time thank you so much for sending me in your questions particularly about confidence and self-esteem because we all share the same problems when you send me these questions and i get to answer them it's helping so many other people are watching now here's the first question that's come in hi marissa i really need your help i don't know how i can build my confidence up again after losing my job i wasn't kept

in my role because they made cuts and favored others i need to pick myself up but it's so hard with this recent rejection in my mind we have my sympathy because human beings react very very badly to rejection here's the truth 500 years ago you could have died from rejection if you were banished cast out maroon put into isolation you probably wouldn't make it we understand one thing 500 years ago a thousand digits survival was a numbers game after all if you've watched game of thrones you understood that your survival was absolutely linked to belonging

to a group you were safe in a group you were not safe on your own and we always had this feeling i would die from rejection if i'm alone i can't make it that was true once it isn't true now but you know what it actually still feels true and then we hear all these songs i'll die if you leave me i can't live without you i can't go on without you and that's not true but all these songs don't leave me this way convince you that rejection will kill you it convinces you that we

are fragile human beings who die from rejection i'm going to tell you the truth no you don't imagine you could decide i wouldn't recommend it but you could decide to live in an apartment on your own forever never see a soul have amazon deliver everything you need and you might make it until you're 102 wouldn't be fun but some people live on their own with no people i'm happy i love my own company but let's go back to you feel the rejection has hurt you damaged you and you're not alone i see many clients in

my office who say you know i was bullied at school to this day i can't be around people i got fired in front of everyone and i was so humiliated i cannot get another job so let's look at this your company made cuts they kept on some people not you and you've taken that very personally of course but they may have kept other people on for reasons that you don't know perhaps they could multitask perhaps they had more experience we don't know why they kept them and i can only tell you that i look back

on my life i've been fired i've been let go of i've been dumped i've been rejected most of us will say oh yes i got fired from a job i love the person i thought was going to make a future with they moved on but when i look back now i am so glad i was asked to leave college when i was 19. that was my fault i wasn't applying myself it ended up being one of the best things that ever happened when i went back to studying later i was ready to apply myself when

the love of my life dumped me he did me the most enormous favor so the only thing you can do is go okay they let me go they didn't reject you they didn't dump you they let you go they were forced to make cuts it's a shame they didn't keep you but they had to make a choice and it's very hard to let people go i've had to let go of people in our company that just weren't right for all kinds of reasons and it's hard for instance we had a pr and then we decided

to get a big pr companies our in-house pr became not right for us that doesn't mean he wasn't amazing back to you you have to change the language and they rejected me they favored others over me because the way you feel is down to the language you use and the pictures you're making in your head they rejected me they preferred others i wasn't enough tell yourself the truth they let you go that's a shame but think about why you got that job the qualities you had what you learned there is another job view it's probably

better you're going to find a better job and a better company with better you have to really tell yourself i've got something to offer the world you know robbie williams was kicked out of take that and yet he went on to have an incredible career on his own might have never done that if he hadn't been kicked out piers morgan was fired he was a very famous newspaper editor in the uk he was fired and they got an amazing television presenting job you can look at many people martha stewart went to jail but she's still

here and she's still got an amazing career it's not what happens it's what you make of it events don't affect you i know that's hard to grasp being fired does not affect you what you feel about being fired will affect you otherwise robbie would have said they fired me well that's the end of the world for me but he didn't he went well i'll be so low i'll come back you have to have the bounce back fact to be like a big rubber ball say hey i'm going to be like robbie williams i'm going to

be like piers morgan and other people i can think i've been fired being let go been replaced i'm going to move on i'm going to remember i've got something to offer the world i promise you you have so take your focus off being fired and rejected because whatever you focus on you get more of and put your focus on why that company employed you how long you were with them what you did for them look at your skill set go to a new company and if they say what happened to say oh my last company

made cuts but i was ready to move on and i was looking for something else anyway i promise you as long as you stop using those words rejected dumped fired let go of and just understand that it happened i i had someone who was a nanny to my little girl i have to say she was a terrible nanny but i really liked rwanda i said you know what i'm going to tell you the truth you're not cut out to be a nanny you're a great girl i like you so much but this is not your

calling and i let her go and she found a much better job we're still friends i still adore her she just wasn't the job for her and when she found a job that was she was a million times happier and sometimes that's how it is i've been fired at least twice once i was let go of just like you they didn't have the money and i was fired from something else i don't know what it was now oh yes it was when i was a personal trainer and both times i looked back and they did

me a favor i'm so glad it happened there was something way better for me and there is something way way better for you here's another one hi marissa i have such low self-esteem i even feel hopeless about taking actions to try and overcome it i'm not young i hide in plain clothing and feel self-conscious about my looks how can i stop feeling so down on myself well do you know what self-esteem means a lot of people don't and that's perfectly okay self-esteem means what i think of myself if i said hey i hold you in

the highest esteem that's what i think of you but self-esteem is what you think of you and again a lot of the way you feel comes down to your words i feel hopeless about taking action i don't know how to overcome it i'm not young i hide in plain clothing i feel self-conscious about my look so you need to stop all of that and decide that your looks that's just the wrapping so i'm going to pick some words out of your question you say things like i feel hopeless about taking action i don't know how

to overcome it i'm not young i wear plain clothing i hide in plain clothing and i feel self-conscious about my looks but i want to tell you the truth you are not your looks you're not the numbers on your birth certificate you're not the numbers on the scales you're not the labels on your clothing you're not your age you're not your past you're not any of those things you are lovable exactly the way you are you know i had a very glamorous mother but i loved my grandmother she had big arms and she would hug

me and she was very frumpy but i just loved everything to me she was the most beautiful person in the entire world so i want you to start by changing your language i want you to stop using the word hopeless because it means i have no hope i want you to stop using the word you're not young young doesn't mean anything many people say you know i never want to go back and be 25 again i was a mass of insecurities when i was 17 i think i was one of the most insecure people in

the world and then i grew up i got to like myself i had to like me before other people would like me because when they liked me and i was insecure i always thought well they don't really like me they they like who they think i am and that's not me at all and stop hiding wear the clothes that you like be you don't feel self-conscious about your looks because you're not your looks your looks are just the wrapping who you are inside is what matters so i want you to stop berating yourself i want

you to start recording the way you talk to yourself let's imagine you get up you look at them and go oh my god look at the state of me i'm not young i look old these clothes are very dowdy imagine if you shared your house with a roommate and the first thing you said was well you look terrible i mean you look hopeless you don't look young you're just hiding in those plain clothes you're never gonna make it and you criticize them constantly throughout the whole weekend they would find another roommate very fast they'd find

another place to live you have to start being your own very best friend you must be kind to yourself you must love yourself so how do i even do that when i hate what i see in the mirror well you have to do you have to go look at you look at me i'm a warm person i'm a kind person i'm a nice person i'm a good person smile at yourself treat yourself the way you would treat your very best friend install a cheerleader who says look at you you can do this you've got this

you see there are many people who look stunningly gorgeous breathtakingly beautiful with designer clothes who are miserable i know because many of those people are my clients they come and they go yeah but you know i look like this but i'm unhappy i've got everything but i'm miserable because they don't have what you don't have self-esteem and i have clients or billionaires living on yachts with everything except self-esteem we're saying am i okay do i look okay did i do okay the most important word you will ever hear in your entire life are the words

you say to yourself so start changing it and here's how to go through your little paragraph and change it all i want you to start by saying i like myself i'm a good person i want you to say these four things over and over again i am lovable just the way i am i'm significant i am enough and i matter every day you must say this i'm lovable i matter i'm significant i'm enough and you can add to that i like myself i believe in myself i'm a good person think of all the good things

you've done think of every bit of praise you've ever had in your whole life you say i'm not any it's never too late praise yourself there is nothing nothing nothing that will boost your self-esteem like praise particularly your own praise so you have to do it hey look at you there you are in the mirror you're a good person you're a nice person you're real you're genuine you're authentic you have a good heart you're caring i know all of these are true about you already and then so i'm taking action i'm liking myself so much

that other people like me too as i raise my self-esteem as i as you raise your sense of self worth self value self image and self assume you give everyone around you consent to raise their sense of your worth and value and esteem and stop hiding in plain sight where what you want to wear wear bright colors somebody wrote to me a little while ago in fact it's still up on youtube said hey marissa pierre you're why do you wear young clothing why don't you dress like the old woman that you are and you wave

your hands around like a stupid person and everything you say is stupid and i read that and thought okay i never actually thought a silk shirt and had an age restriction on it but you know what i dress for me i'm not going to dress to please you i dress for me sorry i don't like the way i dress but i dress for myself i'm not changing any time soon i'm not going to demure and frumpy because i like the way i dress i don't mind if i wave my hand and if you think what

i say is stupid that's fine i think it isn't my opinion mattered more to me than hers i didn't let it in if i'd let it in i couldn't share it with you i was going oh my god i'm so hurt i'm so sad or i'm so angry because i'd let it in i didn't let it in it went straight over my head because it's her opinion not my opinion your opinion is what matters to you so wear bright bold clothes make a statement go out live your life be nice to yourself don't be down

on yourself big up yourself is it when your life is ending no one says oh i wish i'd stopped drawing it i wish i'd been quiet and reclusive to say i wish i'd lived more wish i'd got up early gone to bed late and lived a life this is your life grab it with both hands do what you want to do and do it for yourself have fun believe in yourself raise your own self-esteem with praise because that will do it massively powerfully permanently and remember so many people listen thinking wow that could be me

thanks for writing that letter you've helped me you've helped a lot of people today just by being so honest but the things you said are opinions about you they're not real you're probably a lovely wonderful warm person and you'll always be that way so believe in yourself be kind to yourself live your life and i wish you every success hey marissa i've moved to a new city recently for work and i only know my colleagues how can i find the confidence to meet new people i would really like to have a friendship group here but

i find it hard to get to know others well i wonder why you find it hard because you know people like people the whole covert thing has made us all understand the truth it is our relationships with people that make us feel good i'm going to give you lots of hints about how to find friends but the first thing you must do is decide you are a friend worth having you are a person worth getting if you find it hard to get to know others that must mean that somewhere somehow you don't believe you're worth

it i want you to go i'm worth being with i'm a great friend i have so much to offer say it state it think it make it real and then decide okay i want friends well first of all go to a gym go to some classes people love meeting all the have stuff in common you do a workout and you go oh my god that was harder wasn't that great didn't you love that teacher go to a gym find things that you love if you love greenpeace or friends of the earth or running in a

city there will be running groups conservation groups something you can join and when you find something you have an interest in of course you'll make friends because we like people who are like us i went to something in london called eat with i went with my husband and it was this amazing thing where you could just go to someone's house and they did these dinner parts we met a girl there all on her own and she invited us to go to her weekend house for the weekend and we went and we had a great time

we met even more people but she was on her own just now i have to go to these events alone but i meet people they were small groups of eight or ten people never feel bad about being on your own you're not alone alone means all one but you have to make an f a lot of people think hey i'm just going to sit at home a manifest friend no you've got to put in the work think of the people you like do you like techy people do you like people who are fit do you

like people who love cooking whatever you're interested in find a group and join that group there's nothing wrong with going to evening classes going to cookery classes joining it going to play golf join a poker school do anything that will put you around people offer to walk someone's dog go on to the computer there are so many different people looking for people like you and the other thing that's important is wherever you live go to the local hairdresser and talk to them go to the local sal on the local spa and just get to know

people don't be scared of going hey um you look interesting oh gosh i love what you and that book that you're reading looks amazing i chat to people in the nail spa all the time and finally the colleagues you have let them know hey i've just moved here and i'd love to know where i should go i want to go hiking on a saturday is there a hiking group i want to go somewhere where's the best restaurant please be confident enough to say i'd love to meet more people could i join you for the weekend

and meet your friends i'm going no you can't they're going to go sure of course so be honest tell people i'm just new here i'm really interested in x y z could you recommend where i should go and by the way invite those people to your house have a barbecue have a picnic invite them over because they will bring other friends and you just never know what you're going to find one of my clients decided to walk a dog because she was so lonely she walked an old lady's dog and she started to date that

lady's son who happened to be there one day when she came to get the dogs you know i didn't walk her dog to find a boyfriend but i definitely found a boyfriend by walking her dog there's lots of people that have camaraderie you could even go to a shelter at the weekend and help feed newborn kittens there's so many things that you could do that i'm not interested in that that's fine but if you want to meet people put yourself out think about where they'll be volunteer do things join groups join online groups in your

area too and in no time at all you will have friends if you want a friend be one think about the kind of friends you want decide that you are absolutely lovable you're enough you are worthy of friends people are all around the world we love people we love meeting new people when i moved to the canals in venice i didn't know anyone and we met so many friends we put ourselves out i would walk those canals every day fossil fossils and the dog they go oh your dog is so cute what's his name can

i pet him might have to say how do you meet all these people i go stop and talk to them i go oh your garden is amazing but i particularly use their pets and i found myself getting one day i was paddle boarding down the canal and this person said hey drop your paddle come and have a drink so i had a drink i called my husband he came and joined us and that was a wonderful community but you have to make the first effort you have to talk to people and people like talking to

people put yourself out i've now got so many friends on the canals but they didn't come to me i went to them the week i moved in i had a dinner party invited people over in fact i'd lived there five days i didn't even have any silverware i had paper plates but i just wanted to be a part of this community and now i am in the same thing in my london home i invite people over i speak people in stores in the street it sounds hard it's easy fortune favors the brave just do it

the more you do it the easier it is the easier it is the more you do it and you will have enough friends after all you don't need many but you'll have them and join online groups too in your area learn to speak or learn to be vulnerable learn to be yourself and remember one final thing the basis of all friendships is this we choose people who share our vulnerability don't be scared to ask don't be scared to go hey i'm a bit bored would you like some company hey i'd love to go to this

movie would you like to come with me i'm thinking of trying this restaurant i'd love company people who share their vulnerability have friends people who go i'm perfect and pretend that everything is okay i don't need anyone are lonely that doesn't have to be you ever check out my next video here the way you feel about anything at any time is down to two things the pictures you make in your head and the words you say to yourself and number one habit to stop you being successful is waiting for perfection [Music]