Quarantinewhile... Can You Trip Off Shroom-Infected Cicadas?

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The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

Quarantinewhile... Evie Colbert and John Krasinski join Stephen for this once-in-17-years update on the death zombie fungus that stalks cicadas. #Colbert #Meanwhile #Quarantinewhile Subscribe To "The Late Show" Channel: http://bit.ly/ColbertYouTube Watch full episodes of "The Late Show": http://bit.ly/1Puei40 Like "The Late Show" on Facebook: http://on.fb.me/1df139Y Follow "The Late Show" on Twitter: http://bit.ly/1dMzZzG Follow "The Late Show" on Instagram: http://bit.ly/29wfREj Watch The Late Show with Stephen Colbert weeknights at 11:35 PM ET/10:35 PM CT. Only on CBS. --- The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via Paramount , and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes.

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♪♪♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW." LET'S CHECK IN WITH OUR FRIEND MR. JON BATISTE. HELLO, JON. >> Jon: HELLO. WHAT'S HAPPENING? >> Stephen: SO MUCH IS HAPPENING. YOU KNOW I HAVE A GUEST TONIGHT. >> Jon: YES, I SAW THAT, TWO GUESTS. >> Stephen: EVIE IS CREW AT THIS POINT. JOHN KRASINSKI IS RIGHT THERE. THERE HE IS. DID YOU EVER WAIT TABLES? >> Jon: I WORKED AT THE SUPERDOME. >> Stephen: THAT IS FINE DINING. >> Jon: THE SUPERDOME HOT DOGS AND THE CHEESE DIP. I HAVE BURNED MYSELF ON A HOT DOG AND CHEESE DIP IN MY DAY. I WAS NOT GOOD AT PUTTING THE HOT DOGS TOGETHER. THEN THE RUSH TIME WHEN YOU MAKE THE HOT DOGS, IT'S A TERRIBLE FEELING WHEN YOU BREAK THE HOT DOG IN HALF OR YOU GO THROUGH THE BUN AND A LINE OF PEOPLE ARE WAITING. >> Stephen: CAN'T YOU USE THE PUMP CHEESE TO GLUE IT ALL TOGETHER? YOU PUT ENOUGH PUMP CHEESE ON THERE, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SELLING THEM. >> Jon: THAT'S RIGHT. I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT TO PEOPLE. I WANT TO KEEP IT NICE AND NEAT. YOU HAVE SOMETHING YOU CAN JUST HAND IT TO THEM LIKE THAT. >> Stephen: WELL, I'M GLAD IT WASN'T TOO SEVERE OF A BURN, JON, BECAUSE I WOULD HATE TO SEE ANYTHING HAPPEN TO YOUR HANDS. DO YOU HAVE ANY MUSIC IN CELEBRATION OF MR. KRASINSKI IN HERE? ANYTHING THAT HE INSPIRED YOU TO PLAY? ♪♪♪ >> Stephen: THAT SOUNDS LIKE HIM TO ME. JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY. THANK YOU, JON. >> Jon: YES, INDEED. >> Stephen: YOU KNOW, FOLKS, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME ASSEMBLING THE DAY'S MOST TOPICAL SNAKEWOOD, EBONY AND TORTOISE SHELL HORN, HAND-CARVING IT WITH THE MOST CURRENT IVORY ARABESQUES AND INLAID MARQUETRY, THEN HAND-STITCHING THE DAY'S MOST IMPORTANT NEWS VELVET, TO FASHION FOR YOU THE LOUIS QUATORZE FOUR-POSTER CANOPY BED THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE. BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES, FOLKS, I STEAL THE ROTTING WOODEN PALLETS FROM BEHIND A COSTCO, GLUE THE BOARDS TOGETHER WITH SOME ELMER'S AND DUCT TAPE, STEAL THE CUSHIONS OUT OF MY NEIGHBOR'S FISHING BOAT, AND SLAP IT ALL TOGETHER TO MAKE THE HOBO FUTON OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT: >> QUARANTINEWHILE! >> STEPHEN: QUARANTINE-WHILE, ANGELINA JOLIE WENT VIRAL TODAY WITH THIS INSTAGRAM VIDEO OF HERSELF COVERED IN BEES TO RAISE AWARENESS OF WORLD BEE DAY. OR, ON THE BEE CALENDAR, IT'S WORLD ANGELINA JOLIE DAY. EITHER WAY, IT'S RAISED MY AWARENESS THAT I DO NOT WISH TO BE COVERED WITH BEES. QUARANTINE-WHILE, SCIENTISTS HAVE UNRAVELED A MYSTERY ABOUT A NAKED GIANT CARVED INTO AN ENGLISH HILL. HE IS SWINGIN' A BIG CLUB. AND THE ONE IN HIS HAND'S NOT BAD EITHER. HE IS FEE-FI-FO-HUNG! NOW, HERE'S THE THING. WE CAN ALL SEE HIS BEANSTALK. BUT YOU AT HOME ARE GOING TO SEE A BLACK BAR COVERING HIS GOLDEN GOOSE, EVEN THOUGH HE'S LITERALLY COVERING AN ENTIRE HILLSIDE IN ENGLAND, CLEARLY VISIBLE FROM ANYWHERE IN THE SURROUNDING AREA. IN FACT, THE ONLY MAN-MADE THINGS ASTRONAUTS CAN SEE FROM SPACE ARE THE GREAT WALL OF CHINA, AND THIS GUY'S DONG. AND YET CBS MAKES ME PUT A BAR OVER IT. UNTIL NOW, RESEARCHERS BELIEVED THE ROMANS MADE HIM 2,000 YEARS AGO, WHILE OTHERS THOUGHT IT WAS DESIGNED TO MOCK THE 17TH-CENTURY LORD PROTECTOR OF ENGLAND, OLIVER CROMWELL. MAYBE NOT THE BEST WAY TO MAKE FUN OF SOMEONE? "OI, HOW SHOULD WE MAKE FUN OF THE LORD PROTECTOR? I'VE GOT IT, LET'S GIVE 'IM A MASSIVE BANGERS AND MASH! THA'LL SHOW 'IM!" PERFECT ENGLISH ACCENT. >> I WAS TRICKED INTO IT. >> Stephen: WAS IT EMILY? IT IS EMILY. >> Stephen: BUT A TEAM OF ACOLOGISTS HAS NOW CONCLUDED THAT THE GIANT WAS CARVED INTO THE HILL BETWEEN THE YEARS 700 AND 1110 A.D. SO IT'S A MEDIEVAL PENIS PIC. THAT'S RISKY. WHAT IF THE WRONG PERSON SEES IT? "NO, MOM! YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO GO TO THE STREAM TO PICK FIDDLEHEADS TODAY! THAT HILLSIDE WAS FOR GERTRUDE! ...DID YOU SEE HER? DID SHE SAY ANYTHING?" QUARANTINE-WHILE, "MICROSOFT IS FINALLY RETIRING INTERNET EXPLORER IN 2022." AT LEAST THEY CAN REST EASY KNOWING THEY HELPED SO MANY PEOPLE DOWNLOAD GOOGLE CHROME. QUARANTINE-WHILE, IT'S TIME FOR MY ONCE-EVERY-17-YEARS SEGMENT "CICADA UPDADA!" >> GOD, I NEED A CUP OF COFFEE! >> Stephen: EVERYONE'S TALKING ABOUT THE BROOD-X CICADAS RE-EMERGING IN 15 STATES AFTER HIBERNATION, AND ACCORDING TO EXPERTS, PEOPLE ARE NOW EATING CICADAS FOUND IN THEIR BACKYARD, AND YOU CAN TOO. SURE I CAN, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I SHOULD. I CAN EAT ANYTHING IN MY BACKYARD. FLOWERS, GRASS. I COULD EAT THE SWING SET IF YOU LET ME DEEP-FRY IT FIRST. BUT GETTING EATEN MIGHT BE THE LEAST OF A CICADA'S WORRIES, BECAUSE, QUARANTINE-WHILE, "BROOD X CICADAS FACE A 'DEATH-ZOMBIE FUNGUS' THAT EATS AWAY AT THEIR BUTTS." WHICH RAISES THE OBVIOUS QUESTION: WHEN DO YOU TELL NEW ROMANTIC PARTNERS THAT YOU HAVE A DEATH ZOMBIE FUNGUS EATING YOUR BUTT? I'M GOING TO SAY FIRST DATE SINCE, YOU KNOW, THE CLOCK'S TICKING ON YOUR BUTT. NOW, I FIRST TOLD YOU ABOUT THIS UNBELIEVABLY DISGUSTING STORY BACK IN AUGUST, BUT THERE ARE NEW DETAILS WHICH ARE EVEN MORE UNBELIEVABLY DISGUSTING-ER. WHICH BRINGS US TO OUR "CICADA UPDADA UPDADA!" (CICADA SOUNDS) >> OUCH, MY BUTT! >> Stephen: HIS VOICE REALLY CHANGED BETWEEN THOSE TWO. ( LAUGHTER ) APPARENTLY, IF INFECTED, THE MASSOSPORA FUNGUS EATS AWAY AT THE CICADA'S BUTT, WHICH WEARS AWAY "LIKE AN ERASER ON A PENCIL." CAN I GET SOME OF THAT FUNGUS? BECAUSE AFTER 15 MONTHS IN LOCKDOWN, I'VE GOT SOME SPARE ASS I WOULDN'T MIND ERASING. BONUS, THE FUNGUS "PUSHES THEIR MATING INTO HYPERDRIVE," THEN, "AS THE CICADAS' WINGS BEAT, THEY PROPEL INTO THE AIR SPORES THAT LOOK LIKE SALT AS THEY RAIN DOWN," TURNING THEM INTO WHAT RESEARCHERS NOW CALL "SEX-CRAZED 'SALT SHAKERS OF DEATH'." OKAY. NW THEY'RE JUST THROWING MAGNETIC POETRY AT A FRIDGE.Ñi AND GET THIS, THE FUNGUS ALSO CONTAINS "CHEMICALS LIKE THE ONES FOUND IN HALLUCINOGENIC MUSHROOMS." SO REMEMBER: IF YOU ARE GOING TO EAT A CICADA, YOU WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU SWALLOW IT ABOUT 45 MINUTES BEFORE HEADING TO THE PLANETARIUM FOR LASER FLOYD. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JOHN KRASINSKI. THAT GUY. ♪♪♪ I couldn't imagine doing this jog without Propel Immune Support. I prepared a short speech. I'd like to thank Vitamin C, Zinc, Electrolytes... HEY. I... Propel Immune Support. Vitamin C and Zinc. (VO) Ideas exist inside you, electrify you. They grow from our imagination, but they can't be held back. They want to be set free. To make the world more responsible, and even more incredible. Ideas start the future, Just like that. Struggling to manage my type 2 diabetes was knocking me out of my zone, but lowering my A1C with once-weekly Ozempic® helped me get back in it. ♪ OH, OH, OH, OZEMPIC® ♪ My zone? Lowering my A1C and losing some weight. Now, back to the show. Ozempic® is proven to lower A1C. Most people who took Ozempic® reached an A1C under 7 and maintained it. And you may lose weight. Adults lost on average up to 12 pounds. Ozempic® isn't for people with type 1 diabetes or diabetic ketoacidosis. Don't share needles or pens, or reuse needles. Don't take Ozempic® if you or your family ever had medullary thyroid cancer, or have Multiple Endocrine Neoplasia syndrome type 2, or if allergic to it. Stop Ozempic® and get medical help right away if you get a lump or swelling in your neck, severe stomach pain, or an allergic reaction. Serious side effects may include pancreatitis. Tell your provider about vision problems or changes. Taking Ozempic® with a sulfonylurea or insulin may increase low blood sugar risk. Side effects like nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea may lead to dehydration, which may worsen kidney problems. Once-weekly Ozempic® helped me get in my type 2 diabetes zone. 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VO: Worried about your friend but don't know how to reach out? ♪ You can say "how are you?" ♪ ♪ or get a fake tattoo ♪ ♪ You can ask with an app ♪ ♪ If it works for you ♪ ♪ You can chat with them in VR ♪ ♪ It's all good ♪ ♪ If you think you should check in ♪ ♪ Yeah you should ♪ ♪ Whatever, whatever ♪ ♪ Whatever gets you talking ♪ VO: Reach out to a friend about their mental health. ♪ Whatever, whatever ♪ ♪ Whatever gets you talking ♪ VO: Learn how you can help at SeizeTheAwkward.org (VETERAN) When COVID-19 hit, I lost my housing and didn't know what to do. Without help from VA, I might be homeless. (NARRATOR) If you or a member of your household served in the military and are facing financial hardship caused by COVID-19, VA has resources that can help you stay in or obtain housing. Call the National Call Center for Homeless Veterans. Due to COVID-19, calling is the best and fastest way to get help. Veterans without access to a phone should visit their closest VA Medical Center. ♪♪♪ >> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY. YOU KNOW MY GUEST FROM-- SITTING OVER THERE-- BUT ALSO AS THE WRITER AND DIRECTOR OF "A QUIET PLACE PART II." P ( SIREN ) RP ( CAR DOOR SLAMS ) >> RONNY, WHEAFGHT. UNITS HEADED OUT THERE NOW, E.M.S. AND FIRE. >> STEPHEN: PLEASE WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW," JOHN KRASINSKI! JOHN. >> THANK YOU SO MUCH. ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: A LITTLE CLOSER. I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO GAUGE IT. >> Stephen: CAN WE MAKE SURE SHE'S NOT IN THE SHOT. >> I WAS WONDERING IF SHE COULD BE IN THE SHOT. IT'S SORT OF A SECURITY BLANKET FOR ME NOW. CAN I GET MY CUP? VERY DYI NOW, GET YOUR OWN WATER. >> Stephen: DO YOU WANT A DRINK? >> WHAT ARE YOU HAVING? >> Stephen: BOURBON. MM-HMM. SO, JOHN, THE LAST TIME WE WERE TOGETHER WAS MARCH 9, 2020. ( LAUGHTER ) >> OH! OH, YEAH. THEY ALL THAT THE COVID MANHATTAN. >> Stephen: MM-HMM. YEAH, THERE IT IS. THAT WILL KILL IT. >> Stephen: ( BLEEP ). ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: I DON'T USUALLY MOVE THIS MUCH. DAMN IT, HAT HURT. >> SERIOUSLY, ARE YOU OKAY? >> Stephen: YEAH, I WILL BE FINE. I WILL BE FINE. THAT WILL BE 14 BUCKS. THERE'S A MINIMUM. THERE'S A MINIMUM. >> TWO OF THEM. >> Stephen: BECAUSE THE GIRLS ARE GOING TO BE OUT HERE IN A MINUTE. THEY'VE GOT TO BUY THEM DRINKS, TOO. >> NO PROBLEM. >> Stephen: THE LAST TIME WE WERE TOGETHER WAS MARCH 9 OF 2020, WHICH WAS THREE DAYS BEFORE WE HAD TO BUG OUT BECAUSE EVERYTHING SHUT DOWN. >> THAT'S RIGHT. >> Stephen: AND YOU WERE HERE FOR A LITTLE PROJECT CALLED -- >> "A QUIET PLACE PART II" 1.0. THIS IS 2.0. >> Stephen: AND I WANT TO TAKE A LOOK AT THE ENTRANCE WHEN YOU WERE HERE OVER A YEAR AGO. YOU CAN GET A SENSE WE WERE BEGINNING TO UNDERSTAND THAT SOMETHING BAD WAS ABOUT TO BE COMING DOWN THE PIKE. WE WEREN'T QUITE SURE. THAT WAS IT. >> JUST BEFORE I WENT OUT, SMEBODY WAS, LIKE, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TOUCH THEM ARE YOU? AND THEY'RE, LIKE, AND JOHN KRASINSKI. I WAS, LIKE, AM I SUPPOSED TO? AS I WAS GOING ON STAGE. SO IT WAS ALL IN MY HEAD. >> Stephen: I WANT YOU TO KNOW, WHEN YOU WERE HERE THEN, I DON'T KNOWLY PRETENDED TO HAVE SEEN YOUR MOVIE, BECAUSE I WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO YOU. DID I DO THAT? >> YEAH. >> Stephen: I HAD NEVER SEEN YOUR MOVIE. I HAVE SEEN IT NOW. THAT'S ONE OF THE BENEFITS OF IT BEING DELAYED BEING RELEASED FOR 14 MONTHS. WE SAW IT LAST NIGHT AND LOVED IT. >> THANK YOU VERY MUCH. >> Stephen: FANTASTIC, GREAT REVIEWS. I WANT TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING. >> OKAY. >> Stephen: THIS IS THE D.V.D. YES. >> Stephen: THAT THEY GAVE ME. IT HAS MY NAME ON IT AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW, YOU CAN TELL YOUR BOYS OVER AT PARAMOUNT TO STOP CALLING ME EVERY OTHER HEART BEAT TO GET THE D.V.D. BACK. I'M NOT GOING TO SELL IT DOWN IN CHINATOWN, I PROMISE YOU. >> BUT YOU DID COPY IT. >> Stephen: I DID. THAT'S FOR YOU. >> THANK YOU VERY MUCH. OH, THAT'S GREAT. I FEEL STRESSED BECAUSE NOW THEY'RE GOING TO CALL ME. >> Stephen: THEY LITERALLY SAID I WANT A VIDEOTAPE OF HIM DESTROYING IT IF HE DOESN'T RETURN IT. >> HANDING IT TO ME IS LIKE DESTROYING IT. >> Stephen: YOU DELAYED IT THREE TIMES. YOU KEPT THINKING IT WAS GOING TO BE RELEASED. >> YES. I'M EVER HOPEFUL. I'M LIKE A SIX-YEAR-OLD OPTIMIST, ARE THEY READY? NO. WE KEPT PUSHING. IT WAS A BY CZAR THING AND REALLY RIGHT THING TO DO SO THAT TAKES THE EMOTION OUT OF IT. >> Stephen: THIS IS THE KIND OF FILM YOU WANT TO SEE IN A THEATER. >> I BELIEVE YOU HAVE TO. >> Stephen: I'M NOT GIVING ANYTHING AWAY WHEN I SAY THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES OF THE MOVIE MIGHT BE THE MOST TERRIFYING AND NOTHING ( BLEEP ) HAPPENS. >> WOW, THAT'S THE BEST REVIEW EVER. >> Stephen: BECAUSE IT'S THE SOUND DESIGN. >> YEAH. >> Stephen: IT'S THE SOUND DESIGN. EVERY TIME -- CAN I SAY WHAT HAPPENS AT THE BEGINNING THAT IT'S BEFORE -- IT GOES TO BEFORE THE ACTUAL ALIENS ACTUALLY GET THERE, SO IT'S LEADING UP TO IT. IT'S JUST NORMAL LIFE. EVERY TIME SOMEBODY DOES THIS -- YOU GO WHAT THE ( BLEEP ) YOU' DOING? I LOVE HOW IT'S CONSCIOUS. THE CHOICES YOU MAKE OF WHAT SOUNDS WE HEAR. AH, THE APPLE SHOULDN'T MAKE A SOUND BUT THE BAG SHOULD. >> WE GOT TO PLAY WITH ALL THAT. I TWEAKED THE APPLE BITE. MAKE PEOPLE NERVOUS. >> Stephen: WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY TO EVERYBODY A HOME IS THIS MOVIE IS JUST AS GOOD ON THE RADIO. HISLY -- >> NO, LISTEN, IT'S A RADIO PLAY. WE MADE IT AS A RADIO PLAY, AND THEN THEY SAID YOU SHOULD PROBABLY SHOOT IT. >> Stephen: YOU'VE ACTUALLY BEEN DOING THIS THING I LOVE, IS THAT YOU HAVE BEEN SURPRISING PEOPLE IN THE THEATERS TO CELEBRATOR. >> YES. >> Stephen: TO CELEBRATE. TO CELEBRATE COMING BACK TO THE THEATERS. MY WHOLE THING IS NOW THAT PEOPLE FEEL COMFORTABLE, IT IS SO EXCITING PEOPLE ARE COMING BACK TO THE THEATERS. YES, COME SEE MY MOVIE BUT GO SEE ANY MOVIE. >> HERE'S THE DEAL. I SAID I WAS GOING TO BRING OUT "A QUIET PLACE PART II" WHEN WE COULD ALL GO SEE IT TOGETHER. IT'S TIME AND IT'S MIAMI. LET'S GO! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I'M GOING AROUND THEATERS ALL ACROSS THE COUNTRY. POPPING IN LIKE THIS TO SAY THANK YOU. CAN I GET IN THIS PICTURE? COME BACK TO THE THEATERS. LET'S WATCH MOVIES TOGETHER AND BE TOGETHER. LET'S DO IT! THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! WHOO! ( APPLAUSE ) >> COME ON, GUYS. I NEED A LITTLE -- THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. ( APPLAUSE ) I AM SO THRILLED TO BE BACK IN THE THEATERS. I WAS TOO EXCITED. I WAS, LIKE, I'M GOING ACROSS TO THEATERS ALL ACROSS THE COUNTRY. >> Stephen: DID YOU WEAR THAT SHIRT IN THERE. >> I SLEEP IN IT. SOMEBODY IN MIAMI SAID, COOL, YOU'RE DRESSED FOR MIAMI. I'M KIND OF DRESSED AS A BOSTON KID WHO THINK THIS IS HOW PEOPLE DRESS LIKE IN MIAMI. >> Stephen: YOUR TALENTED WIFE EMILY IS SO GREAT IN THIS. IT'S NOT ONLY ONE OF THE MOST TERRIFYING MOVIES I'VE EVER SEEN, BUT IT IS. I DON'T DO THE JUMP SCARE AS WELL. AND WE MIGHT HAVE WATCHED SOME OF IT WITH A SOUNDOFF. WE MIGHT HAVE MUTED A FEW MOMENTS OF IT, YOU KNOW, AND I KNOW THAT'S -- >> THAT'S A HUGE COMPLIMENT. YES. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS FILM HAS? HEART. >> OH, THANK YOU. >> Stephen: IT'S ACTUALLY A DEEPLY MOVING STORY AT THE SAME TIME. >> THANK YOU SO MUCH. >> Stephen: HOW DO YOU MESH THOSE TWO? I DON'T USUALLY ASSOCIATE DEEPLY MOVING HUMAN STORY AND HORROR. >> I ACTUALLY LEARNED THAT LESSON FROM GREG DANIELS IN THE OFFICE. IT WAS THREE WEEKS INTO THE SHOOTING AND I WAS SO NERVES IN THE SCENE. HE SAID, YOU OKAY? I SAID, YES, THIS IS MY FAVORITE JOKES IN THE DRIPT. I WANT TO MAKE SURE I DELIVER IT FUNNY. HE SAID, YOU JUST DELIVER IT AND LET PEOPLE DECIDE WHETHER IT'S FUNNY OR NOT. I SAID OKAY. HE SAID, YOU DELIVER THE CHARACTER AND THEY'LL FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU AND GO ON ANY RIDE. SO I THOUGHT, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO ANY HORROR MOVIE, SO I DID A FAMILY DRAMA AND LET I'VE BURN FALL IN LOVE WITH THE CHARACTER. YOU SAYING IT HAS HEART IS THE BEST COMPLIMENT EVER. >> Stephen: EMILY IS TRULY, YOU SEE HORRIFIED, A MOTHER ABSOLUTELY ON THE EDGE IN THIS. >> THE TRUTH IS I THINK SHE'S THE MOST TALENTED ACTRESS WE HAVE. I MEAN, SHE'S JUST THE MOST UNBELIEVABLY TALENTED PERSON, BUT, ALSO, MORE THAN ACTING, SHE'S JUST AN INCREDIBLE PERSON TO HAVE ON SET. THE ENTIRE CREW, EVERYBODY WHO'S AROUND LOVES IT THAT MUCH MORE WHEN SHE'S ON SET. IS SHE -- SHE'S NOT HERE TODAY. IT'S GOING TO BE A DISASTER, GUYS. OKAY, LET'S SHOOT. >> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU SAY AFTER -- THERE'S A CRITICAL MOMENT WHERE THE CHILDREN DO THINGS NEAR THE END OF THE FILM. >> YES. >> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU SAY. I SAID, JOHN REALLY LOVES HIS CHILDREN. >> THAT'S AMAZING! >> Stephen: THAT'S WHAT TELEGRAPHS IS HOW MUCH YOU LOVE YOUR KIDS. >> AS PSYCHOTIC, THESE MOVIES ARE A LOVE LETTER TO MY KIDS. THEY REALLY ARE. >> Stephen: TOTALLY BELIEVE IT. NOW, DURING QUARANTINE, MANY PEOPLE INDULGED THEMSELVES -- SELF MEDICATED, WHETHER IT BE ALCOHOL OR FUDGE. I KNOW YOU'RE ALL JACK RYAN HARD NOW. >> YEAH. >> Stephen: DID YOU LOSE IT DURING QUARANTINE. >> OH, YEAH. >> Stephen: DID YOU BLOAT UP. THERE WAS A MOMENT THERE WHERE WE WERE GOING TO SHOOT AND I SAID I'M READY, WE NEED TO CHANGE THE NAME OF THE SHOW TO FAT RYAN AND WE'LL DO IT. I WAS ADDICTED TO POPCORN. MY KIDS HAD MOVIE -- MICROWAVE MOVIE POPCORN AND THEY LOVED IT AND SLOWLY THE TIME STARTED GETTING EARLIER AND EARLIER. AT, LIKE, 9:00 A.M. AT BREAKFAST I WAS, LIKE, ANYBODY WANT POPCORN? EMILY WAS, LIKE, YOU HAVE TO COOL IT ON THE POPCORN, YOU HAVE TO STOP MIKE WAIVING POPCORN AT 9:00 A.M. >> Stephen: I HAVE THE SAME THING WITH VODKA. >> AND YOU OFFERED IT TO YOUR CHILDREN. ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: AN ESPRESSO MARTINI FELT GOOD FOR BREAKFAST. I NEVER ACTUALLY BUT I WAS LIKE, GOD, THAT WOULD BE ( BLEEP ) FANTASTIC. >> YOU'RE STILL GETTING THE BENEFITS OF THE ESPRESSO. >> Stephen: YOU GET ALL THE VIET HEN ESPRESSO. >> THEN YOU PUT VITAMIN IN YOUR GREEN JUICE AND IT'S THE HEALTHIEST. >> Stephen: WHAT IS GREEN JUICE? >> IT IS JUICE THAT IS GREEN. >> Stephen: OKAY. THAT'S WHY YOU'RE A MOVIE STAR. >> YEP. >> Stephen: THAT'S A MOVIE STAR. >> YEP. >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK. DON'T GO ANYWHERE. WE'LL BE BACK WITH MR. JOHN KRASINSKI. ♪♪♪ GLNCHTD Facing leaks takes strength. So here's to the strong, who trust in our performance And comfortable long-lasting protection. Because your strength is supported by ours. Depend. 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[<i> Heavy-metal music playing</i> ] -[ Snoring ]<i> -And a high of 89 degrees.</i> [<i> Electronic music playing</i> ] Ooh! Ooh! Who just gives away wood? <i> The Snapshot app from Progressive</i> <i> rewards you for driving safe and driving less.</i> There's an app? -[ Chuckles ] Beth.<i> -Save money with Progressive.</i> [ Tires screech ] Well, that came out of nowhere. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪♪ [ACTOR TEA LEONI] Unreasonable, Relentless. Stubborn. The world's children need people like that. People who see impossible as an incentive to try harder. Who will find one good reason To keep going in the face of a thousand reasons<i> to stop</i> . UNICEF. We are thirteen thousand strong and we won't stop until the rights of every child are protected. Will you help us? UNICEF. For every child. MOTHER: Right here, baby! VO: The sooner you recognize the signs of autism, the sooner you can make a lifetime of difference for your child. Start by answering a few simple questions at screenforautism.org ♪♪♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. WE'RE BACK HERE WITH JOHN KRASINSKI. JOHN, IT'S REALLY LOVELY TO HAVE YOU HERE. >> IT IS JEN RIAN HONOR TO BE YOUR FIRST GUEST. I HAVE TO SAY THAT. FIRST LIVE GUEST. >> Stephen: FIRST LIVE GUEST, EXACTLY. I'M GLAD IT'S YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE A FRIEND AND I'M COMFORTABLE WITH YOU. >> THAT MEANS A LOT. YOU'VE NEVER CALLED ME A FRIEND IN PUBLIC. >> Stephen: THAT IS THE ONLY PLACE I WOULD CALL YOU A FRIEND, BECAUSE THIS IS SHOW BUSINESS, BABY, AND IN PRIVATE DOESN'T GIVE ME ANY JUICE. >> THAT'S TRUE. >> Stephen: ONE REASON I'D LIKE TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH YOU IS TO GET TO KNOW YOU BETTER BECAUSE EVEN WHEN WE SPEND TIME LIKE THIS, IT'S HARD TO PLUMB THE DEPTHS OF SOMEBODY WEN WE TALK ON A SHOW. THE TEAM OF SCIENTISTS ON "THE LATE SHOW" FIGURED OUT 13 QUESTIONS THAT GO STRAIGHT TO THE HEART OF SOMEONE AND ALLOW THEM TO BE KNOWN IN A FULL WAY. IT'S CALLED THE COLBERT QUES UESTIONERT. JOHN KRASINSKI. DO YOU HAVE THE COURAGE TO FACE IT. >> LET'S DO IT. >> Stephen: FIRST QUESTION, JOHN KRASINSKI, WHAT IS THE BEST SANDWICH? >> MEATBALL SUB. WOW, I JUST GOT JUDGED. IS THAT WHAT IT LIKES LIKE WHEN YOU'RE JUDGED. IT IS. COPY THAT. YOU CAN GET A MEATBALL SUB ANYTIME AND THEY'RE DELICIOUS. >> Stephen: WHAT'S THE ONE THING YOU OWN THAT YOU SHOULD REALLY THROW OUT. >> OH, MAN. ACCORDING TO ME OR MY WIFE? >> Stephen: ACCORDING TO WHOEVER MAKES THE CALLS. >> THERE IS A CELTIC SHIRT THAT I HAD IN COLLEGE, IT'S LOOM LIKE A PLASTIC FILM UNDER HERE. >> Stephen: UH-HUH. AND FOR SOME REASON THE WASHING MACHINE HAS LET ME DOWN IN THE LAST 376 WASHES AND IT JUST STAYS PLASTICKY. >> Stephen: YOU COULD FRAME IT. >> IT'S FRAMING ITSELF. >> Stephen: WHAT'S THE SCARIEST ANIMAL? >> CROCODILE. ANYTHING THAT HAS THE DETERMINE "DEATH ROLL" IN YOUR -- >> Stephen: OH, YEAH. NOT ONLY THE BITE'S NOT BAD ENOUGH. THEN YOU HAVE TO ROLL ME INTO -- >> Stephen: WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF A CROCODILE GRABS YOU IN THE WATER, WHAT WOULD YOU PLAY? >> I'D PLAY WHAT WOULD YOU YOU DO ALL THE TIME AND I THINK WOULD JUST GENUINELY YELL NO! NO! NO! >> ■Stephen: THUBS FOR THE EYES. >> YEAH. >> Stephen: APPLES OR ORANGES. APPLES. >> Stephen: CAN'T PUT PEANUT BUTTER ON AN ORANGE. >> I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU THINK THIS IS THE FIRST ONE I GOT RIGHT. THE OTHER ONES WERE HIGH JUDGMENT. >> Stephen: WHAT? WELL, THIS IS A BINARY CHOICE. >> BUT YOU HAVE YOUR OPINIONS ABOUT THINGS. >> Stephen: WELL, I NO EWHAT THE RIGHT ANSWER IS. NOT MY OPINION. I KNOW WHAT THE RIGHT ANSWER IS. I KNOW WHAT ALL THE ANSWERS ARE. BUT YOUR ANSWERS HAVE BEEN GREAT. >> THANK YOU. >> Stephen: BECAUSE THEY'RE COMING FROM THE HEART. HAVE YOU EVER ASKED SOMEONE FOR THEIR AUTOGRAPH? >> OH, YEAH, WHEN I WAS A LITTLE KID, MY DAD WAS A DOCTOR AND HE ACTUALLY KNEW THE DOCTOR OF THE RED SOX, AND, SO, I GOT TO ONCE GO DOWN THERE AND MEET MY HERO AT THE TIME WAS KIRBY PUCKETT FROM THE MINNESOTA TWINS. >> Stephen: I HAVE ASKED THIS TO YOUR CLUNEYS AND IT'S MOSTLY BASEBALL PLAYERS. WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENS WHEN WE DIE? >> I HOPE IT'S GREAT. OKAY? >> Stephen: WHATEVER IT IS, YOU HOPE IT'S GREAT. >> I THINK THERE'S DEFINITELY SOMETHING WAITING FOR US. >> Stephen: FAVORITE ACTION MOVIE. >> OH, MAN -- THE DARK KNIGHT. >> Stephen: NOT BAD. FAVORITE SMELL. >> BABY'S HAIR. THEY HAVE A DIFFERENT SMELL WHEN THEY'RE THAT YOUNG. >> Stephen: SURE. YEAH. >> Stephen: LEAST FAVORITE SMELL. >> BABY'S POOP. >> Stephen: MIXED BAG. WHEN IT'S LIQUID. >> Stephen: SURE. MMM... EXERCISE. >> EXACT ABOUT IT? >> Stephen: WORTH IT? YES, VERY. >> Stephen: FLAT OR SPARKLING? FLAT. >> Stephen: MOST -- ARE WE GOING TO EDIT THAT OUT? >> Stephen: WHAT OUT? MOST USED APP ON YOUR PHONE? >> SPOTIFY. I ONLY JUST -- I AM 94 YEARS OLD. I JUST RECENTLY FIGURED OUT THAT THEY HAVE RADIO CHANNELS THAT MIX UP YOUR FAVORITE ARTISTS. SO YOU SAY, LEON BRIDGES, AND YOU CAN LISTEN TO ALL LEON BRIDGES. DO YOU KNOW ABOUT SPOTIFY? AND THEN -- >> Stephen: ARE YOU SPONSORED BY SPOTIFY? >> SPOTIFY. THE ONLY WAY TO LISTEN -- ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: YOU GET ONE SONG TO LISTEN TO FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, WHAT IS IT? >> MMM -- MAYBE THE CURTAIN FALLS BY BOBBY DARREN. MORE? >> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW THAT ONE. "BEYOND THE SEA" IS IN THE DAMN MOVIE AND THAT'S BOBBY DARIN. >> YES, I BELIEVE IT WAS HIS LAST TOUR EVER, ONE TO HAVE THE LAST THINGS HE SANG LIVE WAS THIS SONG CALLED "AS THE CURTAIN FALLS" AND IT'S BASICALLY HIS GOODBYE SONG TO SHOW BUSINESS AND IT'S BEAUTIFUL. IT WILL MAKE YOU CRY, SO -- WHEN YOU GO ON SPOTIFY -- >> Stephen: WHAT NUMBER AM I THINKING OF? >> SEVEN. >> Stephen: NO. OKAY. >> Stephen: DESCRIBE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN FIVE WORDS. >> I HOPE I MAKE IT. >> Stephen: JOHN KRASINSKI, CONGRATULATIONS. >> THANK YOU VERY MUCH. >> Stephen: YOU ARE KNOWN. WOW, THANK YOU. ♪♪♪ >> SO GOOD TO SEE YOU. WE HAVE TO REVIEW THE HOOK. BECAUSE NOW WE GET TO DO IT. >> Stephen: READY? LET'S DO IT. >> OH, VERY NICE. SO NICE. >> STEPHEN: "A QUITE PLACE PART II" WILL BE IN THEATERS ON MAY 28. JOHN KRASINSKI, EVERYBODY! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH <i> Where there's commitment...</i> <i> there's confidence.</i> <i> Where there's teamwork...</i> <i> there's trust.</i> <i> Wherever there's hope...</i> <i> we'll be there to take care.</i> <i> Walk in or schedule your COVID-19 vaccine</i> <i> with CVS Pharmacy at Target.</i> ♪It's, oh, so quiet♪ ♪Shhhh Shhhh♪ ♪It's, oh, so still♪ ♪Shhhh Shhhh♪ ♪And so peaceful until...♪ ♪You blow a fuse♪ ♪Zing boom♪ ♪The devil cuts loose. Zing boom♪ ♪So what's the use. Wow bam♪ ♪Of falling in love?♪ Freedom. It's at the core of who we are. The freedom to live without fear. To jog where we please. To wear a hoodie. The freedom to breathe. Before we celebrate the freedom most Americans have, we must fight for the freedom all Americans deserve. Because all lives can't matter, until Black lives matter. (drumsticks rattle, feedback hums) (door closes in distance) ♪ ♪ (overlapping voices): We are producers, engineers, singers, songwriters, musicians, tour and live production crews, and thousands more of us. (male voice): Without us, the music stops. (overlapping voices): We need your help (female voice): to keep the music playing. (male voice): Support those impacted today at: MusiCares.org. ♪ ♪ Smooth driving pays off. Saving is easy when you're in good hands. Allstate. Click or call for a quote today. When it's hot outside your car is like a sauna steaming up lingering odors. Febreze Car Vent Clips stop hot car stench with up to 30 days of freshness. Get relief with Febreze. I couldn't imagine doing this jog without Propel Immune Support. I prepared a short speech. I'd like to thank Vitamin C, Zinc, Electrolytes... HEY. I... Propel Immune Support. Vitamin C and Zinc. Whoa, Susan! Ohhh... I'm looking for coupon codes. Well, Capital One Shopping instantly searches for available coupon codes and automatically applies them. Save me some cheddar! Capital One Shopping. It's kinda genius. What's in your wallet? ♪ [truck horn blares] (VO) The Subaru Forester. Dog tested. Dog approved. NARRATOR: COVID-19 has changed how we show up and show out with our family. Now it's time to take the first step that lets us get back to talking smack with a side of mac and cheese. Before we can safely come together, we need the facts. As COVID-19 vaccines become available, you may have questions. MAN 1: Should I get it? MAN 2: Is it safe? WOMAN: Should I wait? NARRATOR: It's smart to question. Now get the facts at GetVaccineAnswers.org so you can make an informed decision when vaccines are available to you. make an informed decision when vaccines are available to you. ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪ ♪♪♪ ♪ ♪♪ ♪ ♪ getting screened that are easier than you think. Get informed If you're a man or a woman, 45 or older, take control, get screened for colon cancer. Since 1943, the Entertainment Industry Foundation has been amplifying awareness and support for causes like these. To learn more, please visit eifcares.org. >> STEPHEN: WELL, THAT'S IT FOR "A LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY. JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. GOOD NIGHT. <font color="#FFFF00"> Captioning sponsored by CBS Captioned by</font> <font color="#00FFFF"> Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org</font> <font color="#00FFFF"> Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org</font> ♪ ♪ ♪<font color="#FFFF00"> Captioning sponsored by CBS</font> ♪<font color="#FFFF00"> Captioning sponsored by CBS</font>

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