De-sexualizing My Brain Changed My Life

what's up team welcome back to the man talk show Connor beaten here today we're going to be talking about desexualizing your brain for a better life healing your brain from maybe the damage that overc consumption of porn has caused or healing your brain from just the ridiculous amounts copious copious amounts of sexualized content that is easily accessible on the internet now I'm making this video for a number of reasons but one of them is that I know what it's like to be a man whose internal landscape is so riddled with hypersexualized thoughts and desires and

hopes and wishes and Fantasies and everything that it's very hard to get anything done you know I've been on this Mission lately to help men quit porn to help men uh regain some control over themselves and their impulses because the reality is is that I was once a man who had zero impulse control and my life sucked my life was just [ __ ] it was terrible and it was terrible because I had no control over myself I didn't feel like I could make healthy decisions I didn't trust myself I didn't feel like I had

discipline and I see a lot of men struggling with this and the reality is is that we live in a time where where sexualized content is so unbelievably easy to acquire it is everywhere everything has become sexualized women's pole vaulting right I talk to men from around the world and so I know I know what your YouTube feeds look like I know what your Instagram explore Pages look like I know I know what's going on okay I know the thirst traps that you guys fall into right the women's volleyball all that manages to show up

randomly on your recommended page on YouTube or the women trying on uh lingerie or bikinis that's easily accessible on YouTube these things are all available and guess what if you're a parent these things are all available for your sons this is why the average young boy is going to come across some type of porn now between the ages of 8 and 12 right that's the reality it's shitty it's not great it's a harsh truth to have to face but this is part of the reason why I'm making this video is that I was once one

of those men whose life was ruled by uh sexual content and by invasive sexual thoughts and by just terrible impulse control and in today's world you can literally go onto any single social media platform and find soft pornographic content um that's on there and and sexualized content that's on there and so with all that said let's just get straight into the video because you are probably watching this thinking like yeah yeah I got it that's me that's why I'm here that's why I'm listening to this uh let's get into the meat and potatoes of it

so okay first and foremost number one the number one thing that I want you to know about desexualizing your brain is that you are probably not only over over stimulated over sexualize because of all the content that you've been consuming that's easy to access but you're probably going to those sexual thoughts because number one you are feeling [ __ ] you don't like and you're moving to sexual thoughts or thirst traps as a quick way out so you're feeling something you don't like feeling anxious you're feeling bored you're feeling lonely uh you know you're feeling

kind of alone and down and it's one of those nights where like you've texted a couple buddies and nobody's available and you kind of feel like crap and you don't know what to do and you've gone on Tinder or you've gone on Bumble or hinge and you're not having any luck and so all of a sudden you find yourself with the thoughts right the sexual thoughts of go on to Instagram or Tik Tok or YouTube or pornhub or whatever it is where you consume your sexual content your sexual meals if we will and that helps

you move move away from whatever it is that you're feeling right even if it's at work right you're writing emails to your boss your colleagues you're stressed out you don't want to feel that stress boom there's the sexual thought immediately there it is thinking about some sexual conquest or some porn that you watched or whatever it is so that's number one it's very likely that you're feeling something that you don't like so you have to start to pay attention to what are you actually experiencing underneath the sexual thoughts all right that's number one number two

is if you want to desexualize your brain you have to get some freaking excitement into your life the reality is is that it is so much easier so much easier for you as a man to continue to watch sexual content to continue to consume hypersexual content on social media platforms if you dislike your life if you are unhappy happy with your job if you are miserable in your relationship if you dislike your body if you don't like the way you treat yourself if you just don't like who you are in general it is so much

easier to turn to that type of content because there's no excitement in your life there's no real joy to grasp on to and so where do you get it from you get that dopamine hit you get that little bit of joy that little bit of excitement from sexual content feels exciting you get a little bit of a thrill you know maybe you work in uh something a little taboo whether it's the porn that you watch or where you're masturbating or where you're looking at the content right maybe you're sitting on the toilet taking a dump

your girlfriend or your wife is in the other room and you're looking at things that you shouldn't be looking at right or that you don't want to be looking at not even shouldn't be looking at but that you don't want to be looking at so number two get some excitement in your life get a damn hobby get some better friends that you can go on adventures with and start focusing on building a life that you actually like that will divert a lot of this attention that goes towards sexualized content away from it and onto something

not even productive it's not even about productive but onto thriving onto actually living your life number three three cut out the Thirsty triggers right the Thirsty triggers so the IG uh explore page that you go to the YouTube videos that you go and look up The Tick Tock the whatever it is whatever the triggers are for you right if that's you know scrolling on Instagram and seeing a chicken a bikini or there's certain accounts that you follow that you know are questionable and you really if you ask yourself at the end of the day you

know why you are following them right because they're a thirst trap and they help you feel better and you know maybe they're very beautiful and attractive start to unfollow start to block start to delete all of the things that are thirst trap triggers so you really need to change what it is that you are consuming so if you think about this hypersexualized content that you've been consuming as like sugar right if we just make the analogy of trying to get into better shape trying to lose a little bit of weight and get into better shape

step number one would be really looking at what you're consuming and this is no different you have to really pay attention to what are you actually consuming because content is psychological and mental sustenance right the content that you consume is psychological and mental sustenance so if you look through your Tik Tok your YouTube your Facebook your Instagram whatever other social media platforms you might be on and you start to pay attention to the type of content that you're actually consuming you'll get a very quick understanding of whether or not that content is helpful for you

whether it's generative it's actually supporting your growth your development your betterment as a man or whether it's empty calories right if you're sitting in front of your computer on YouTube watching women's pole vating or high jumping or women's volleyball uh because you're bored and it's a little bit exciting and gives you a bit of a sexualized thrill that's probably not the content that is going to help you feel better in the long run it's probably not the content that is teaching you a valuable skill set and it's probably not the content that and I'm laughing

because I have talked to so many men that have fallen down these traps right on Instagram you know you they they give you one fitness model who's wearing the booty shorts and the you know whatever top that barely covers the top and all of a sudden you're you know 15 20 minutes down the rabbit hole you've seen hundreds of women and you're thinking about masturbating when you should be working right this is this is a daily occurrence for so many men and so you have to really start to check the content that you are consuming

which brings me to point number four stop chasing empty dopamine calories and start working for it right these porn pornography thirst traps on whatever social media platform that you are looking at that's empty calories it's empty dopamine calories CU what you're getting in that moment is like little tiny bits of dopamine little bit of tiny tiny tiny whiff and hit of feel better this distraction from whatever it is that is going on in your life in that moment the boredom the stress the overwhelm the anxiety the anger the frustration the loneliness the bitterness the resentment

whatever it is that you don't want to pay attention to within yourself it gives you you a little bit of a distraction away from it now dopamine isn't a bad thing it's a great thing when we start to develop it and pursue it in specific ways so you can start to meditate you can start to do breath work you can start to whatever it is which brings me to the next Point number five which is use the tech tools properly Right Use the tech tools properly I'm not really the person that's like all technology is

bad and you know we should go back to living in the forest I don't think that's really realistic use the technology that you have properly which means use airplane mode I discovered this thing years ago when I was traveling when I first started man talks this is like 9 or 10 years ago and I would get on airplanes and I would have my email open and I'd have you know 30 emails that I needed to respond to I'd get on the airplane the plane would take off I'd open up my laptop and there would be

all the email and I use apple mail and so I would hit reply and I would write the email and I would you know put the window down and and just respond to 30 emails and wait until I got to Wi-Fi next and then I would send off 30 emails and I started to realize that every single time I traveled I got so much freaking work done I got more work done on airplanes than I did sitting at my desk in my office and so I started to realize that this whole working on an airplane

thing is great how could I do that in real life oh there's a thing called airplane mode so put on airplane mode you know open up whatever it is that you need on your computer if you want to work and and start to actually Focus for more than 30 seconds at a time use your Tech tools properly maybe you need to install a porn blocker maybe you need to do those things maybe you need to you know use timers but for me one of the most um supportive things that I have found is to literally

turn off the Wi-Fi to put airplane mode on to get work done and if I need to research something if I need to look at something I'll turn it back on for a moment and whatnot but then I'll I'll turn it back off and I get so much work done when I have airplane mode on and I'm not distracted and I'm not distracted by my phone by social media cuz I can't go on because it won't load so that's that one the last piece is use use better tools so do breath work start doing meditation

start to do yoga start working out have a friend that you are going through this process with where you actually communicate hey I'm going to start desexualizing my brain and what that means is I'm going to really start to delete all of the stuff that I would normally use in order to consume that type of content and in instead I'm going to replace it with things that are more generative so when I want to go watch porn I'm going to go meditate when I want when I find myself going down the whatever Instagram YouTube Tik

Tok rabbit hole and watching thirst traps I'm going to go and sit and meditate or do breath work or do yoga or go workout or go for on I'm going to do something I get a journal I'm going to do something to shift onto a generative habit that is going to support me versus the you know content that I'm used to consuming and this is a great thing to do when you start to spiral when you catch yourself in the act of consuming this content have something that you have decided that you are going to

do whether it's meditate for five minutes you set a timer you sit down I remember when I started doing this years and years and years ago before all of this kind of self-help content for young men and men was out on the internet this is what I used to do okay I'm going to give you the secret it's it's super simple and it's really [ __ ] hard and annoying every time I wanted to watch porn I would go sit my ass down on a meditation cushion and I would set a timer for 5 or

10 or 15 minutes and I would close my eyes and I would breathe and that's it and I would feel whatever the hell was going on inside of me whatever I didn't want to feel the anxiousness the boredom the loneliness the anger and frustration the resentment the sadness the grief the whole thing and slowly over time I reconditioned myself to have focus and attention and I conditioned myself to move away from the invasive and the intrusive over sexualized thoughts and content that was ruling my life now this is not easy right if you watch any

YouTube video or listen to any podcast and they're like ah you know I stopped watching porn in 5 days and I desexualized my brain in 7 days they're probably lying to you or they didn't really have that bad of an issue with it to begin with I was off the de end I really had a hard time with pornography and with sexual content it was pervasive in my life on my computer on my phone it was bad and now I don't have any problems you could come to my house today you could look at my

instag if you ever meet me in real life you can take my phone and look at my Instagram content because it's pretty much the only platform that I go on you can go on my YouTube you can look at my watch History you can do whatever you want and you are not going to find sexual content on any of those platforms because I have freed myself of those things and now that doesn't make me better than anybody it just makes me not worse than anybody so just so we're clear but I had to work tirelessly

tirelessly I promise you for years I had to work tirelessly to move out of this way of being and the last thing that I want to say and I'll wrap up here because I've actually said more than I thought that I would is this is one of the best things that I have done for myself in my life and maybe I should have put this at the beginning you know Food For Thought for for later but this is one of the be best things that I have ever done in my life because I was so

run by my sexual impulses the impulse to think about sex the impulse to go and look at sexual content whether it was just on some social media platform that seemed kind of harmless and not like watching porn or actually watching pornography it was it was bad it was all throughout my day and when I started to move away from this I freed up time I freed up energy my mind became more clear my thinking became more clear my decision making became much more clear and much more effective I trusted myself to make better decisions my

sense of discipline started to elevate and Skyrocket and so all of these things that you probably are wanting to work on or develop within yourself this can be a pathway if this is something that you are struggling with and this isn't to shame you sexually because I think for a lot of us men the reality is that we enjoy sex we like sex and for many of us that desire that joy that natural joy and that natural connection to the Joy of Sex Is hijacked by the Internet by online content by porn web websites by

only fans models and whatever and it distracts a lot of it takes away and sucks a lot of our Sexual Energy out and so you end up not engaging in the type of sexual interactions that you really Desire with your partners or that are even possible because you've given so much of your Sexual Energy out into whatever it is that you are watching and consuming so that's it thank you so much for tuning in if you're watching this on YouTube comment below don't forget to give a like subscribe uh hit the Bell notifications so you

get alerts when this comes out and subscribe wherever you're tuning into this whether you're on Spotify or apple or on YouTube wherever you are and please man It Forward share this with somebody that you know could use this conversation until next week this is kind of beat and signing off m