Matthew McConaughey’s Dating Advice

talk about love stories you know and you said it the relationship with our life that's a love story you know the relationship with ourselves as a love story [Music] oh do I have something cool for you lot today I had the insane opportunity to talk to none other than Matthew McConaughey about dating love life we were very much on board with the reconnaissance as it became known yeah but he didn't stop there he went and wrote a book called green lights a book that I read in the last few weeks an incredible book where he showed himself to be more than an extraordinary actor or someone capable of taking huge risks in his career but a philosopher a poet an amazing Giver of Life advice and someone who can provide a road map for living life to the full and having read his book I was so excited at the opportunity to talk to him and it happened I got the chance to speak with the man and whatever you do watch till the end of this because there is something happening that you need to know about and we talk about it at the end of this video I'm so excited I can't wait for you to see this I present to you Matthew McConaughey Matthew how you doing pretty damn good man I'm good I'm happy to say I've I completed your book green lights in the last three days and uh you know I've I've spent 15 years of my life helping people work on their love lives it seems to me you've given people this Incredible manual here for how to love their life which is one of the most important things I think you can possibly do in having a great love life is develop a great relationship with life itself and through your stories and through the vulnerability and everything you talk about in this book it's extraordinary to me what a practical kind of manual you've put together for people to be able to do that ah thank you thank you yeah you know we we talk about love stories you know and you said it the relationship with our life that's a love story you know the relationship with ourselves that's a love story you know and uh um I I've been happy to hear from people that said oh you know you gave me some tools to reapproach things in a different way you showed me how you yourself Matthew you know did not navigate the best way sometimes did not navigate that relationship um you know I've had a lot of people say you helped me take more risk in my life and see myself as the subject in my own story in ways that I haven't been and I haven't been able to do before and and then that felt really good to hear that well when you say people say you you encouraged me to take more risk there was a a phrase you used in the book that really stuck with me which was less impressed more involved yay and you told this story of being this guy in high school who had a truck and you know you were having fun dates with girls and you're having a fun time with your friends and people you were popular people wanted to be around you and the energy you created and then you got this red sports car and you thought that would be an upgrade but actually as soon as you started acting like the cool guy with the red sports car some of that attention died off could you could you just explain that idea of like less impressed more involved because I think it's so powerful even for people's love lives yeah well it came to me after my father passed away and you know if you've had a loved one pass away especially I guess a parent it sobers you up pretty quickly and I remember that soon after he passed away I noticed that everything that I had been revering in life like looking up to wow so impressed with and I was impressed I just become in my first acting gig and all my future and oh my life's really good wow everything that I revered lower down to eye level and I looked at the eye I also noticed that everything that I had been sort of condescending and patronizing and looking down upon is oh that's not worthy of me rose up and I looked at my level and I remember writing the World is Flat something about that gave me courage to go oh well what are we doing let's go more boldly forward um be less impressed and more involved um in my acting career it had to be less impressed and I still to this day with success gotta be less impressed with the things that I've got be respectful very respectful but if I'm if I'm overly impressed to be talking with you right now I won't be able to be present with you right now because I'll be like I've got you on a pedestal we do it in relationships all the time or our mate we we hold them up there as Wonder Woman or Superman and it's not fair not only to them it's not fair to us because no one can live up to it but we're so impressed we can't be involved or be all honest or authentic in it this was a time in my life where life was going good in high school I was rolling I decided I'm gonna get this candy red sports car with t-tops I was like ah just an upgrade as you said it was not an upgrade it wasn't me and what I found it what that red sports car did and we all have our red sports cars in our life that we need to unpack I began lean in against that red sports car letting that red sports car trying to do the work for me thought I was thought I was cool because of my red sports car and the people around me were like you're kind of boring now bro you're relying on this damn car you're laying against and used to be the fun guy man used to be we used to go in your truck mudding after school you had the speaker in the front of the truck where you'd Jack with everybody in the morning in the parking lot now you're just leaning against sports car I became the guy at the party who leans against the wall and smoking cigarettes to look cool instead of the guy who goes and gets on the dance floor and actually has a good time that's what that red sports car became a crutch and I relied on it and I noticed that I was like man my social relations have gone dry people don't want to hang out with them anymore uh what's going on and I looked at that sports car I said you son of a I went down and I traded it back in for the truck came back next day I was back but I was impressed with this red sports car I was impressed I got another story in the the the book about when you can ask yourself if you want to before you do it's that story about when I got my jeans pressed for the first time I had a housekeeper for the very first time and she pressed my jeans and I was like telling a friend it's so awesome man I've got this housekeeper she cleans the room she makes me milk check this out she presses my jeans man she makes that crease that line down the front and my friend was like well that's cool if you want your jeans pressed and I was like I never thought of that before I just thought I was very impressed with it because of the first time I could get my jeans pressed and I said I don't like that lying down my jeans and I should quit doing the like quit pressing my jeans from then on so there's certain things that we're impressed with because we can get them or because society says oh that's the cool way to go the red sports car makes you cooler or the jeans pressed is something more Chic to get because you can get it that we got to kind of ask ourselves wait a minute that may be more somebody may tell me that's cooler but is it really for me and like though they weren't and I've watched people do the same thing with people where they're on a they're on a date they're trying to find love and they're so busy wondering if they can get someone that they never stop to ask themselves is this someone worth getting and they may see a lot of things in those early stages where you know you you talk all about what represent green lights or yellow lights in the book there's a lot of things in early dating that represent red lights like this person's not gonna make you happy this person's not going to be good for you they're not well behaved they disrespect you they just treat they mistreat you they don't show you they're really investing and we pursue them anyway because we instead of seeing a red light that oh this is a this should be telling me to go in a different direction we see it as a green light to try harder how do you recognize the red lights in situations like that and then have the confidence to act on them why do you think we ignore those red lights when we see them look we not only in love but we have relationships where we we get in them and it doesn't quite live up but we think we can coach them up we think we can kind of mold them we kind of we're giving ourselves credit away I can change this person and and usually there's some things we we you can but usually those red lights and those yellow lights and relationships are like hey this is if there's any time that the person that I'm interested in is showing their best behavior it's now all right if anybody's overselling who they are it's now it's not going to usually get better if anything it's going to drop down to more of a realistic place where you're going to go oh I saw the signs early and now they're just even more illuminated but we want to we want to be accepted we want approval we want to get their approval we feel like like as I said we that we can maybe mold them in that maybe we should even sacrifice something of who we are maybe I shouldn't be upset with that that trait of that person maybe that's on me okay that's a good thought we got a compromise as well in relationships but the ones that go against and that word authentic is thrown around but it's a good word the one that goes the ones that go against we gotta have a more bottom line bottom line what we can put up with what we can do We're Not Gonna We're not gonna find I don't think love and someone that's just like us hell that's boring but if we're gonna find something you know what more bottom line we we we're in sync and what we stand for what we stand against what we can put up with what we won't put up with how we respect ourselves and how we can respect each other but uh you know after after that if if something crosses those lines they're usually not coming back that's a good sign to go you know what probably not for me thank you for showing your true colors by the way because in that oversell thing we've all done and I know I've done it oversold myself early and I painted myself in a corner because I couldn't live up to it later on you know what I mean and we've all been there where that person like what happened to the the honeymoon phase man oh you were bullshitting back then oh okay uh oh well now now you let me know that this isn't for me but those early signs if you if you meet on a more bottom line I think they're worth discussing and we're saying hey can we update that a little bit can we can we can we shine the car on that a little bit can we amend that behavior a little bit because it may not bother you but it really bothers me and it bothers me more than you actually enjoy it you know that's real confidence is being able to do that right because that's where you're actually in a way you're testing whether it's a yellow light or a red light because if it's a red light and you have that conversation it doesn't improve if it's a yellow light and you have that conversation it can turn into a green light because you go oh progress one of the the big reasons we ignore those red lights is I think this scarcity mindset we have that something better isn't coming and the a part of the book that really spoke to me was the time in your life where you were wildly successful doing wrong McCombs you wanted to do a different kind of acting you felt like you needed to there was more work for you to do internally to actualize in self-actualizing your abilities there but it represented this huge risk that you are going to have to as you put it say yes by saying no and you went through this whole period of time where you were saying no to things and you didn't know if something better was gonna come but you you had that leap of faith I I feel like that's true in every part of our Lives we have to be willing to say no to the wrong things now for the right thing to come what gives you the courage to do that when so many people just grab at the shiny thing because they're like I don't know where the next great thing is going to come from and if I say no to this maybe I'll be punished for it by life and nothing good will ever come that's part of the art I live in there isn't it I mean because on the flip side we miss out on things and we look back and we go why didn't I take the chance why didn't I follow through but then I think of equal value is and I would say probably even maybe more so when it comes to Affairs of the heart and love is going and believing that time is on our side and but we we have a clock I have a friend or who had his life planned very successful guy I'm gonna go through 20 as a graduate or get a job 30s I'm gonna early 30s I'm gonna meet the woman for me I'm going to be married 35 when I have kids at 36. so he was racing and and pressing to get in relationships because he was coming up on 30 and then he was in there 30 31 32 and he hadn't met the one so he was pressing trying to force relationships to work because that was going to fit his timeline and all of a sudden at 35 none of those had worked out and this was the time he was supposed to be married and start having kids 36 it hadn't worked out 40 it hadn't worked out 50. that time worked out now if you want to go back and deconstruct going backwards I would argue you had a better chance if he would have tried to force things to work to meet that timeline when he was in his late 20s and early 30s and actually been patient and believed a little more in himself and going you know what I need to really check and and and and measure if this if this person's right for me or not instead of trying to force my hand or trying to turn them in or trying to make them work for me because you seemed to me from the outside as his friend that doesn't that's not a good match um and now he's looking up at 50 going what the hell happened well now do I get patient I'm I'm behind the eight ball I missed my I missed my timeline you know um but to believe times on our side at those times like I'll say this I met Camilla she the right woman for me yes was it also the right time for me I believe so sometimes we'll may meet the right person but it's not the right time for us to receive their love sometimes we're in the right time where we're open and it's not the right person and we got to watch because we feel like what we're talking about in the first question oh no I can make this work because I can see the beauty in them I can make I can see the upside I can be The Optimist on this I'll just I'll just keep I'll keep brushing over the reality and say no this will work we got to watch that too which is what the first question you were bringing up is is part of what we got to watch so I think it needs to be the right person and the right time um and we gotta calibrate those two because we enter that relationship make sure that someone's not Crossing or trespassing across are more bottom lines that they really hopefully appreciate us for the most of who we are and hell we're all trying to figure out who the hell we are all the time that's not like we there's a ta-da moment and then hopefully we meet some that we can grow with them and you know this now I know this most of us all out there I think know this they're never who we absolutely hoped they would be we have to be we have to go with the audibles that are called in a relationship as people grow there's certain there's certain relationships and I know I've been in one like wait what happened to the person then that I've when I early on when I fell in love and then the answer is this person's change that person's growing can we grow with them oh oh well they're essentially the same person but I got to be open to going I can't ask them to be that person that they were when I met them essentially I hope they are on those moral bottom lines of time but they're gonna change and hopefully we are too and they can they can change they can respect and not forgive but feed the changes that we go through um it's it's look that's it's it's a it's a it's a balance act going forward but I think if we can just say we know on our own what things we probably are just talking ourselves into thinking this person's right person for me and we don't need to force that hand and if we can trust you know you don't find who you're looking for when you're looking you know I didn't find Camilla it took me a while I was before I found her I was looking in the produce section at every red light I believe looking man maybe yo maybe maybe maybe I wasn't going to meet her like that it was when I was like McConaughey stay with yourself be aware be open be open to receive him but don't be trying so hard don't be looking at every damn street corner trying to go oh I could make that could work oh she could work you know so it was when we do sit back and are aware and are in Pursuit but not not over uh not not over pursuing or looking trying to make it happen we have a better chance of thinking of meeting the right person well I'd love to point out what's what appeared to me to be a key ingredient of that for you and you can tell me if I'm off on this but you talked about a dream you had where you saw lots of children and it was a big deal for you to be a father before you even you know you hadn't met your person but you knew I want to be a dad and that because I deal with a lot of women and that is a major stressor for so many of them is that I want to have a family I want to have kids and and a woman has a different clock than a biological clock than a man a hundred percent and so there's there's this you know people people need to develop I I agree with you that idea of see time is on my side but one of the things that helps us put time back on our side is creating peace with what is or what might be and you you use this beautiful phrase that I love which is um uh being relative with the inevitable and I took that to mean you know when you can't change something or when something is the way it is you can change the way you approach it or you can change your mindset towards it and you can develop a different relationship with it and you had this moment where you realized oh even if I'm a bachelor forever I could still I could still have kids I could still make a family I could still do these things is there any advice you could give my audience about how to get to that place of Peace which is not just positive thinking it really is making peace with an eventuality that you hadn't planned for but could still be happy in yeah I looked for me that was a literal dream that I had that I in the dream I had children but I had not found my mate be at my relationships with the mothers were all good it was a dream and I woke up and it wasn't a nightmare and I wasn't sweating and I woke up and I was like that could be my reality that dream allowed me to do what you just said I I said okay I'm at Pete went now that I'm at peace with that possibly being my future well that's what I found the woman for me that's when I found my mate again when I quit looking at every red light going oh Possible Oh in the produce section oh maybe when I kept I quit trying so hard quit hunting so hard like I said I was still aware I was still looking but I was like spiritually I believe I'm gonna be okay I'm gonna take the hand that's dealt me if it's not for me then it's not for me but I'm but I but but I'm I'm gonna quit trying so hard to make this make make the This Crew fit the the square screw fit the round hole whatever however you want to put it damn it's hard to get to that because like I said that came to me I didn't engineer that thought up I had an Immaculate sort of interruption spiritually to me so I didn't it wasn't an intellectual choice I made it came to me through a spiritual dream that then I made the intellectual Choice ago okay I'm I'm good if I could just be in a father's the only dream I ever really had that could still happen still looking I'd like to find someone mate marry him have a family that'd be ideal but if that doesn't happen I'm gonna be okay with it I'm gonna be okay with myself I kind of forgave myself in a way was part of it part of the submission to the surrender of the idea I did kind of forgive myself because in my eye and my head I still had an ideal that no I need to meet the right person have a family with that person marry that person and that be it that's a that's a fair ideal but I forgave the possibility of that not being the outcome which then allowed me to find the person that made the outcome with now in there in that dance is is some real truth I think for all of us I think even just you saying that is gonna be a tremendous pressure valve for so many people that you gave yourself that possibility and you made peace with it and you forgave yourself for living that path if that ended up being your path I think it's beautiful and I I just think so many people will be liberated by seeing that this very neat and tidy way they've decided they need to be happy actually is not the only way that they can be happy right it's not and it also might be the way that you find that the best better path to finding that that happiness well because I didn't get callous I didn't get no I don't want to meet no I'm not looking for I mean none of that I just shoulder setback I stayed in my I stayed in my place whereas before I was a bit more trusted I was intruding I was coming over in your space like I said at the red light project I was looking I was hunting you know what I mean and when I said huh we I became I think I became much more of attractive mate too to to to Camilla at that in that way I don't think she would have taken me on if I would have been you know that night when I met her if I'd have been she would probably be like slow your roll buddy back off you know and I don't think I would have been as attractive to her yeah so yeah maybe just forgive via your own idea that there's only one that there's only one way when you do accept that it could be another one okay well I will I deal with the with the hand that I'm dealt there and the hand that I play and you might play the one in hand you have a better chance of actually meeting the one that gets you what you want what I love about the way you talk is that you create these little recipes that help people actually create green lights in their life you know it's when I heard you first say less impressed more involved one of the first questions I asked myself was how do okay how do I get how what what can I do like how do I get because that's exactly what that's I Believe In My Bones that's the way to an extraordinary life is to drop the ego drop the identity I created for myself that becomes a prison of its own and and to keep moving and keep growing and keep expanding and the question I asked myself was okay how do I do that how do I become less impressed more involved and I texted our mutual friend Dean graciosi and I was like Dean this book's unbelievable like this is this this is a whole different way of looking at how to create a better life for yourself and he said to me imagine having practical ways of actually applying that and then he told me about something you have going on that got me insanely excited and I'd love to hear it from you because I'm absolutely gonna I'm gonna make sure I'm there because I want to hear everything you have to say but I for everyone else's purposes I'd love you to tell us a little more about what you have yeah so I hadn't done this before on the 24th of April uh um Monday at 9 A.

M Pacific time um for free I'm gonna go go live with Tony and Dean Trent Shelton and Mary forleo and we're gonna get under the hood of all this green lights approaches Dean and Tony came to me after green lights and said man we really dig this approach and green lights we think it's incredibly useful and helpful would you Matthew be interested in getting into making it more of a process a transformative process that people more people can even more personally utilize in their life as an understand a process of how they can make it real in their life I was like absolutely so we started working with them and we put this event together and that's what we're going to get under the hood of we're going to talk about hopefully how you everybody everybody can more personally utilize some of the approaches that were in green lights and make them more of a process some science to the satisfaction and I believe that you got to have the if we can teach and share the science to satisfaction Our Lives that's where we become the artist in our life which is why it's titled The Art of Living now very specifically we're doing at this time because men as you know everybody this last three years or you know four or universally disruptive we were all thrown into uncertainty everybody had different specific ways we were all uncertain but everybody was uncertain you couldn't didn't know who to trust or still don't you know who to trust what to believe in how to navigate forward and it's time we're kind of coming out of that so it's really time now to to actually negotiate what are our solid steps forward on our own road trip life what are our ways what are how can we engineer green lights in our life what decisions we make that we know will pay us back tomorrow and can trust that they'll pay us back tomorrow how do we keep our ears eyes and Spirit open to letting the magical green lights come in that I had no reason when they came in they were only rhymed but there's reason to them that we find out how do we there I believe there is a science to the to satisfaction I know I've been able to measure it in my life I've been able to measure it also when I was not satisfied and found certain habits and choices make I was like oh I see what led to that yeah you kept creating that same habit um and then I was able to get back in line and go well let's get back to those habits that we had when we were catching more green lights and creating more green lines um we're also going to get under the hood of uh uh red lights those things we were talking about those things crisis in our life things that do not make us happy pain loss and not be callous about them not brush over them but actually trust and see that there's a gift in every single one and every single one of them for us and I don't mean that as sort of spiritual Kumbaya I mean there actually is I can go back and and unpack a lot of Red Lights I've had in my life even the death of my father and see gifts that I got out of that um and then finally the yellow lights which are the most like life lights we have a choice oh what I do do I heed the caution and slow down because maybe I need to take a little inventory in my life and renegotiate how I'm going about it look over my shoulder wonder why the hell I'm stepping in that same damn pilot you know what yeah or do I not hate the caution say right here yellow light I'm blowing through you I'm not giving this crisis credit you know and there's a balance there's art there to what what do we do um so we're going to get under all of those those lights that are in all of our Lives um and that's why the cover of my book is all green lights because ultimately the yellows and the Reds do turn green and there are green like gifts within them and we're going to unpack that and do our best to make it practical for for you to go oh I see how I can apply that in my life I see things I can do choices I can make to have more success Joy uh uh balance the the quality value in my life we're going to unpack what what those things are and how and how and how to get them and that's what we're gonna be doing for four hours on April the 24th 9 A. M for free and I hope everyone comes join and joins us I've never done it before I'm very excited about doing it because then I got some great people around me to help me out I mean it's unbelievable first time ever I it's extraordinary and I said to Dean I was like I'm gonna be front row at this thing I'm going to be taking notes and you know by the way for everyone signing up and I would say every single person listening to this or watching this wherever you're getting this sign up to this I'm going to be there it's free you can go there and sign up at mhliving that's living without a g m h live in. com you can sign up in seconds for free you'll get all of the information on how to access this event and everyone should be there I have to give credit to Matthew because the being talking to you is such a an authentic extension of reading your book and ex to experience you you really are someone who lives life and you've clearly encountered so many red lights along the way and yellow lights and difficult moments and challenges but you you live in a way that I think the the rest of us Aspire we want to live that hard we want to live in that way where we feel like we're experiencing as much as we can in this life and you may have had a dream that gave you a sense of Peace about being a a bachelor for the rest of your life if that was what was going to happen but the truth is I feel like you're the kind of person that you have the gift of being able to be happy wherever you are or whatever is going on you have this incredible ability to make the best of it and that to me is like a real superpower even when you talk about your past in the book there's no there's no anger there you you've been through things that other people could be angry about and they could say how did you how do you not speak about that with bitterness how do you speak about that with love or laughter or joy and that to me is to be able to go back into your past and create green lights out of your past not just green lights in your future it's extraordinary and the fact that you're actually giving people a road map of how to do that on the 24th of April is invaluable because that's what we all need we have the theory now we want to know how to apply it uh and we're all excited man so I I appreciate you and and thank you for making this happen my my pleasure I'm I'm as excited about this as anything I've ever I've ever done um it's it's uh uh Dean and Tony been really helpful um you know again in getting to the process to make it transformative to make it transformative for you or whoever can go oh I really see how I can apply that daily in my life and measure it that's what I mean by the science and satisfaction so much stuff is measurable so much of it is so damn measurable the link is mhliving.

com so MH that's my initials Matthew Hussey m h live in without a g. com and you can sign up there in seconds and do it right now before you forget don't go and get into anything else in your day because I know this is this is the kind of event where you'll say this is so important for me to go to and then I'll always have people message me after an event like this who are so upset that they forgot to put it in their diary and they forgot to sign up and then they missed it so put it in your diary now go sign up now mhliving. com and uh I will see you along with uh many many many other people across the world on that day to experience Matthew and Tony Robbins and Dean graciosi and uh a bunch of other guests too who I know will be there on the day but Matthew thank you so much for your time Matthew thank you for yours I enjoyed this man and I'll see you on the on the 24th looking forward to it lovely thank you what an amazing thing that we got to do that uh I'm so happy that I get to share it with you it was a really unique life moment for me to do that Matthew McConaughey was uh one of the actors that I had always looked up to and wanted to meet one day and what a crazy opportunity for us all to experience him actually teaching in the form of self-development on April the 24th and not just with him but Dean graciosi who I don't know if you know Dean but Dean is unbelievably sharp and one of the brightest guys I know someone I've learned a ton from Tony Robbins Tony has been a hero of mine I was around 14 years old when I first went to a Tony Robbins seminar would you believe that in London and Tony was one of my original Heroes uh Powerhouse to this day so I'm super excited to hear what they're gonna say I'm sure you are too let me know if you're joining me in the comments the link again is mhliving.