11 Oddly Specific Childhood Trauma Issues

[Music] here are 11 oddly specific childhood trauma issues you might be a little bit freaked out about how applicable these are to you because you've probably thought that these only are unique to you but they're actually pretty common for childhood trauma here's how I'll format this video real quick I'm going to talk about the examples of each issue how they might come from childhood trauma and finally some treatment recommendations on how to really rethink them or what to kind of do about them so let's just get into it here you go you might feel an

impact from some of these but just to let you know I see these as a really normal reactions normal things that we have going on for growing up in an abnormal development so number one is something that I call emotional delay emotional delay is when an emotion about something takes several hours or even a day to catch up with you so there's the event then there's you in the present and then there's the emotions kind of catching up to you in the present let's say your boss or your partner asks something of you in the

moment and then in that moment you just kind of automatically said yes and the day goes on and that kind of a thing and then gradually you start to feel a pain of anger or a little bit of an escalation and finally the emotion is like wait a minute was I just taken advantage of could be a situation like that or it could be you see something ugly earlier in the day between other people and then later it catches up with you like something you see on the street or someone tells you that they can't

make a commitment that they committed to you and then you're in the moment you're like don't worry about it it's fine and then later you feel really let down really disappointed this feels like kind of an escalation of emotion that you weren't in touch with at the time of the event earlier in the day and it just simply catches up to you like I mentioned um you'll really know about this if you've ever gotten a rush a buildup of emotion that you can't quite place and then realize it was about that interaction earlier how this

might come from childhood trauma I believe that these delays are really due to the childhood trauma issues of dissociation and Hyper vigilance childhood trauma survivors struggle with not fully being in their body and not being present in their emotions in real time we tend to live in a cerebral kind of anxious place in a thinking place of and maybe that's where the quickly saying yes to things because we live in a little bit of an emergency which will be on another issue coming up later it might be due to that kind of energy we have

going on um the hyper vigilance I believe is when our inner child kind of goes wait a minute you know like this was I just taken advantage of or was I just let down again or perhaps some anger and sadness comes up later you know kids growing up in childhood trauma leave their emotional body they go up into their heads and watch out for what the adults are doing or what the adults need and we're not attuned with ourselves in what we have going on in real time in our childhood like what we need emotionally

we can trace an example of dissociations and Hyper vigilance say if you grew up in domestic violence and let's just say there's a fight on a Tuesday night and on Wednesday you wake up and then the worry about the other parent really start to catch us up with you as you go to school that's an example of where this stuff isn't in real time because during the fight on that Tuesday night the child is too busy being freaked out about safety or just the charge of it you know they're not even thinking they're just kind

of frozen so some treatment recommendations for this practice discussing emotions when they come up with safe people and I know the intimacy of that is kind of scary but that's our way out of this another recommendation is know that when it happens that it's your inner child catching up to the event that happened earlier after kind of living underground because of maybe you're in a baseline other trauma response like just living in emergency start to explore some Daily Inner child dialoguing which is journaling with your inner child it's not just regular dialoguing it's dialoguing between

your non-dominant hand and dominant hand I'm going to be referencing this a lot in this video about what they're feeling in the day-to-day it's almost like the idea is to become a good parent for yourself and really become aware of what is going on with you which is a process in the day-to-day another is to join a group or find a therapist if you can or join a community such as a support group say like Al-Anon or some kind of 12-step I know that those are complicated for a lot of people and start to practice

discussing how you feel in the in the moment around some safe people like in 12-step I learned how to it's really where I learned how to publicly speak and catch up with my emotions in addition to the group therapy that I went in so we should all be getting this stuff from our families but we simply don't moving on to number two which is what I call rushing nowhere rushing nowhere or rushing through life as I believe is due to living in in an emergency due to in childhood we really live that way some examples

you ever catch yourself walking too fast for no really reason like you're in a rush somewhere ever jump into basic things like You're Now on a mission to get it done like securing movie tickets or something like that like a reservation or something ever find yourself treating basic things like life or death situations um you might see this in others and be like whoa where's the fire you know what is going on there this may look very different for those who identify as being neurodivergent just FYI so not everything is like Universal in terms of

applying so this can look like you just got a master's degree and now you feel the the immediate need to get your doctorate or get a new kind of thing or get the spouse or get the house and get the baby it's like a hurry up and and reach you know the Elder years super fast that's kind of one example of rushing or this can look like unconsciously going fast in life over small things where you kind of realize that you have zero chill in life you're very much Johnny on the spot on top of

things that you and you really don't know how to slow down another issue is having too much chill and that's maybe for another video where it's kind of not really related to this but just the other side of it so where this might come from in childhood shame and Hyper vigilance can make us Rush imagine growing up in something like alcoholism or a secretive family or a fundamentally religious family where one false step that you make can have terrible consequences for you or others so when things come up we're on it you know I see

many clients including myself rushing through life or I used to in living in an emergency because they're running from the possibility of making mistakes and looking bad or having others kind of see us as defective or chaotic like the families we come from something like imposter syndrome or that could be a root of imposter syndrome the rushing can also involve unconsciously covering something up like trying to prevent a disaster that isn't really real but it was real in our childhood so we do need to have some compassion for ourselves and a funny example of this

that in as a northerner from the U.S and there was a storm in 1978 called The Blizzard of 78 and there was where we got snowed in for like a week and people ran out of food and they would have to take sleds and go down to the local Kwik-E-Mart and you know get bread and milk so there's this joke about getting bread and milk but still in New England the minute it starts snowing that people have this emergency reaction like I gotta get the bread and milk it's kind of an example of that rushing

where that storm was 40 years ago when we we generally don't run out of food up there but that's still kind of ingrained so some treatment recommendations in this one working with our inner child on really slowing down another is dialoguing and journaling with our inner child about those emergencies that don't really exist but they did exist in childhood and simply asking our inner child on paper what do you think is going to happen if we don't get to the appointment early or on time what what's what's the fear about another is finding ways for

you to work on turning down your internal motor turning down that emergent living about doing things such as yoga meditation breath work things like mindfulness all the stuff that you've heard before those things don't cure trauma or really treat trauma but they do help us slow down moving on to number three this one is really interesting and really unique to me is something that I call refrigerator Buzz depression the issue is you don't notice that you're depressed because you've maybe been that way since early childhood you know like with a refrigerator that buzzes like you

might have had this refrigerator for years and you're like one day you're like what's that sound has that always been buzzing like that what's that depression oh my God have I had that for this long so some examples like I just said you might just kind of wake up to it one day and notice it or friends might be like yeah I don't really live that in that kind of like really shut down lethargic and it isn't part of my everyday life is it like that for you like you might get a reference point from

there and again growing up in it we don't have a reference point because we're just so in the trauma where it might come from in childhood trauma it might come from not getting any help as a child and processing emotions that they come up like whether that's you're bullied at school or a pet dies like there's just really an emotionally vacant family system could be a backlog of childhood situations and dynamics that caused you to shut down but are still there needing to be processed just simply like our parents marriage is enough um alcoholism death

in the family medical trauma hating your oppressive father feeling like nothing would change kind of a hopelessness going on in the first 20 years of our life and being depressed is actually a natural protective mechanism growing up and when we're growing up in all that but now as adults we're still wrestling through it like it's still with us so some treatment ideas for refrigerator bus depression I was able to get out of this being in a trauma group where one member simply said that I was a good person and I didn't have to really be

so anxious or weird or people pleasing in group you know I had never heard that I was a good person before and I had a huge shift and impact on me because a trauma core belief really got hit deep and was kind of like taken out now I had a new belief that I was a good person so that's that's one part of how good Psychotherapy group Psychotherapy can help with that stuff being connected with good people and processing your family of origin trauma is helpful there are really no real life hacks for depression you

can't really Journal your way through it you can't downward dog your way through it um but I do believe that processing what happened to us is a crucial step in sort of treating it um treatment will involve Awakening to how bad it was and of course you struggle with depression but that's what it was like specifically for you like a core belief that things will never get better and I'm just awful um which is really essentially what I felt and as a side note when you start processing your child to trauma depressive symptoms kind of

get worse in the beginning so just be aware of that and it's the right therapy at the right time moving on related to depression is something that I'm called being tired is a trigger this one's really not too complicated simply means that we confuse our natural body's reaction to being tired for depression or failing like it's a getting tired is a bummer for us childhood trauma survivors can be addicted to productivity or being on a mission there's lots of overlap here with ADHD is another reminder of that and we can confuse being tired for failing

like not being good enough or it's again a feeling like we might be abandoned if we're not up or something like that so where this might come from from childhood trauma neglected kids get attached to coping and they aren't parented around basic things like going to bed or taking care of themselves we can unconsciously also associate with going to bed to being alone or being abandoned like going to bed was when we really felt the most disconnected in our day being tired can trigger us to feeling sad so we try to keep the party going

a little bit like any time that we're anytime we come back into our body and being tired will do that we might get triggered to that because now we're going to have to feel things another is the hyper Vigilant trauma brain does not like rest because we can't be vigilant when we're resting another idea is the inner child might fear fear of missing out or fomo about kind of going to bed or being tired so some treatment ideas on this one is really simple is to connect with your inner child like again with this dialoguing

tool and ask them why getting tired might be a bummer for them what does it mean what do they feel like they're missing out on what is it does it make them feel a little bit sad or disconnected so in the inner adult can do some work around better sleep hygiene such as doing some somatic mindfulness around reclaiming the idea that being tired is such an okay and natural thing and it's about our body communicating with us while the trauma brain is stepping in to say oh no it's not about it's about something else I

don't want to I don't want to feel tired moving on to number five is something that I Call Chameleon but don't mix certain friends can't know about certain friends this one isn't just about being a chameleon where we can change Vibes and personas to fit in I remember in in high school I can I could hang out with the socks or the burnouts or the the Nerds and be part of them and switch gears and kind of you know adapt to whatever social situation I just really think it's many of us kind of can do

that growing up in childhood trauma because we don't really have our own authentic sense of self so we can just take on a whole bunch of personas um it's a skill of adapting but we struggle with knowing what our real identity is to not being able to develop one in safety like other healthy kids might be able to do that so an added layer to this is not mixing for some reason we have issues around co-workers that we like not meeting our outside friends like we tend to compartmentalize a little bit or there's something going

on there this you this one may not be unique to you this one is is very specific it might come from trauma in the following ways many of us hit our home life and the hiding of our family or our original group was happening really early we might be hiding about Intimate Secrets and things like my dad my dad works for the government when the reality is your dad works at a sewage treatment plant and you're hiding some kind of reality there parents could model similar things around not mixing because of their own shame or

their own hiding another idea is that mixing could have had terrible consequences like for kids in the divorce and they pick up on all the energy going around in the bigger family system about going to grandmas who now trash talks mom or something like that and surviving trauma can be about keeping things separate to not hear criticism from one party to the next so that might be some reasons so some treatment ideas for chameleon but don't mix start to take some risk and simply introduce others to each other if you have different friend circles dialogue

again with the inner child and walk through what the fear of what is going to happen if this person knows that person how could things go wrong according to them and embrace the idea that there's safety in adulthood that people can make their own choices about vibing with each other or liking each other moving on to number six this one is a big one something that I Call On The Spot Association being on the spot involves everything from speaking at a work event to being simply asked a question or by a friend that might be

a little bit intimate or even not could be just a simple honest question having attention on us and giving a response to that attention or presenting feels like an attack and we might leave our bodies or we're in danger it's not just being shy it's not about just you know I mean that can be a two or cannot it's not just about being nervous this is really when we check out when we're on the spot this can happen in tiny ways like simply a friend asking oh hey what happened with that person you're dating um

to having to present a PowerPoint presentation in a meeting and you you have an anxiety attack and lose your words another common one is like being on the spot is when when you think about what happens to you when someone sings Happy Birthday to you and the family you know your partner at work getting all that attention can really make us feel freaked out I mean it's I don't think it's ever comfortable I think if you're super comfortable with that that's a little bit weird maybe it's cool if you're three or four years old or

if you're five but it's always just like oh God please finish the song but for others it can be an extreme trigger about being the focus in that way and it can feel excruciating and it's funny I joke with people I'm a musician I play multiple instruments and stuff like that but there's this joke to say like I'm a pretty good musician until you put a mic in front of me that's another example of being on the spot um where this might come from in childhood trauma this um amazing psychologist named Irvin yalum talks psychiatrist

I believe actually talks about how we we only usually experientially talk to a child in this way look at me when I'm talking to you look at me when I'm talking to we only tend to do that if we're abusive and we only tend to do that to children that's an extreme version of when we're on the spot and many of you may have really grown up with that finger in your face what did you do like that aggression hyper-abusive hypocritical um that's a big example of where this stuff might come from it might come

from not having a safe person in early life where when you think about being securely attached and children needing a lot of help you're in daycare and there's a play date and you're just dropped off instead of having a safe person that you can help with all that focus with all that newness you know so I hopefully I'm making sense here but children need a lot of hand-holding in that way but many of us are so neglected that were just dropped off first day of kindergarten and picked up and not even asked how it was

and we're terrified the whole time the the terrorists were on the spot we have to like talk to the adults adults can be terrifying especially if you're struggling with shame and if you're if you've really neglected another example where it might come from is not being given any space in the family um having parents who are terrified themselves about being seen like they may maybe they have extreme neurotic stuff about being in a picture or something looking bad in some way and there could be a lack of safety being visible while expressing emotions and just

feeling like we're in trouble if we're emotional or if we have to present or if we have to talk some treatment recommendations for this one like with the others find safe people to talk about emotions in real time and when increasing your window of tolerance for being part of and being seen increasing the window of Tolerance from hating the happy birthday thing to kind of like really tolerating it more and more and getting your inner adult in place to be present for things like that more so even if you don't like it um practice recording

yourself you know um being on camera all the time when I started my videos this was excruciating for me and now it's kind of like no big deal it's like I've been a two-year process of just getting more and more comfortable um and lastly dialogue with the inner child again about what is going to happen if we make ourselves seen or we have to present or what happens to us when we are the focus talking to them about specific examples of being on the spot at home growing up is going to be helpful too moving

on to number seven is what I call laughing about the pain this is a subtle social issue that comes up when we're expressing a bit of ourselves or a bit of our story what this looks like is when we jokingly talk about our abusive or horrific childhood situations and kind of an overly casual or kind of funny way you'll know when this happens when others are like you know whoa you know like you okay you know like while the Survivor isn't fully connected with the severity about what they're talking about and they essentially they're not

taking themselves seriously because that's a thing and I think our inner child pops up in these situations and starts to tell the truth about what happened to us which comes out sideways which is another thing on the list we don't know how to take the truth about what happened to us seriously because no one else did again some examples you know when we might be kind of saying like yeah well they dropped me off at college but didn't tell me they didn't pay for any of it and I had to sleep in a dorm hallway

for four days and they wouldn't return my calls haha you know or well my mom dropped me off at my uncles for babysitting telling me to not go into the bathroom alone with him isn't that wild um there's a charge to that kind of expression and we are you know uncontrollably kind of bringing humor into it because I think we don't really know how to feel about it or how to talk about it otherwise where this might come from um I find this one to be of growing up in a highly toxic family wrapped up

in some extreme neglect that tends to be in my mind when I see a client doing this and I think it can also come from um I I was doing this as well so I think it can also come from growing up in a highly caustic or sarcastic family like the anti-love family from my seven types of toxic family systems where there's really kind of a nastiness to the day-to-day life you know where the family scoffs at emotional experiences and looks for opportunities to make fun of emotions make fun of kids make fun of vulnerability

it's really quite quite gross when you really think about it um or parents could live in a sort of f my life kind of existence and they don't take themselves seriously as well so some treatment recommendations be mindful of this tendency when we do this because when we do this we don't walk away feeling good about ourselves either we just kind of go like oh that was a little bit awkward or that was a little bit weird try to look at it as a symptom from your family of origin abuse start talking about what happened

to you a bit more seriously no one benefits from making fun of your story especially you it actually creates distance when we do this find some supportive people where you can practice discussing your emotions in real time and learn how to actually feel the anger or feel the grief instead of just kind of making fun of how bad it was moving on to number eight which is something that I'm simply calling crying valve crying valve is this one is pretty simple either you can't cry or you can't stop crying you you can often think about

childhood trauma on a spectrum I do this with many of these Concepts where the the goal is somewhat heading towards the middle and to become more balanced in these things extreme left on the Spectrum whichever you whichever your left or right is Extreme left on the spectrum is being shut down and they can't access grief and extreme right is the emotional eruption think like volcano of hopelessness and overwhelm which isn't exactly processing grief either examples going into therapy and feeling really on the spot and not knowing what to do about the grief because that feeling

is missing from your insides same with the possible big situations like a wake or a funeral and you're not feeling anything you're not a sociopath it's just a symptom of trauma going to therapy another the other side of this is going to therapy and you can't stop crying in front of the therapist and you can't get you kind of get it together to have the discussion or you can't regulate I'm not criticizing you these are just common childhood trauma symptoms where this might come from every child has their own strategy growing up in childhood trauma

some really leave their emotional body in an extreme way and shut down to the numbness which is a really good strategy and some kids go to a survival strategy of Cry for Help they and they kind of can live in that in adulthood the adult who is overwhelmed with crying the upset might be about crying for help more than it is about the feelings underneath so it's it's a little bit complicated it's almost like there's the grief down here but then there's the Cry for Help strategy I think up here some treatment is I really

think EMDR is very helpful for any of these EMDR can be helpful for both presentations DBT is somewhat helpful for the emotional regulation skills but it's not trauma work I want to be clear about that um might be a good step to do um but DBT might be a good step to do before doing some trauma work finding support where you can talk about the stuckness or or the numbness or work with a therapist who can help you talk about the abuse while staying present and not going into the overwhelm or not going into the

shutdown about it dialoguing with the inner child and ask them what happens when you try to cry or process when something overwhelming comes up to figure out what they might need from you the inner adult or there might be a belief going on about the shutdown about not crying that might be you know just like Boys Don't Cry or something it could be something as simple as that or it's just really being removed from our emotional experience as a little person um another is looking at both extremes as standard trauma issues and that really I

want you to take this and you're re it's not about being defective in any way it's a standard what happens to kids when they don't grow up in safety moving on to number nine this one's interesting something that I call glass frog they can all see right through me glass frog is something simply that I made up it's a species of frog that is completely transparent and you can see all their organs and it made me think of childhood trauma survivors like myself who struggle with shame and Hyper vigilance the idea is the feeling of

being completely transparent when you're social when you're around others like you go to a coffee shop and it feels like they all had a meeting before you got there about how you about you about how you're a loser how you suck this is what I would experience when I would go this wasn't exactly conscious it was just feeling like they were just like it was feeling like being raw and exposed Um this can feel like refrigerator Buzz depression where you might not be fully conscious you have this going going on until you kind of wake

up to it you know it feels like being totally exposed to the world and everyone at work knows that you're this or you're that or you're late or you had a fight with your partner or your tank is on empty or whatever or your car's a mess shame hyper vigilance the hyper vigilance is being so focused on what other people think where it comes from again if major off things are happening at home for the child developmentally I'm fascinated by this they think the teacher might know that mom's an alcoholic or that Dad punches walls

it's almost I think it's almost wrapped up in a little bit of early object relations about thinking children think the adults are almost omnipotent and they you know like when you make a mistake in the bathroom in kindergarten it's almost like you almost unconsciously assume that other people already know shame and Hyper vigilance and related to that abused kids have to come up with strategies of hiding what is going on with them and think about it if you've ever tried to sneak into a job after you like because you're 30 minutes late because you're having

a bad morning that sneaking feeling might have been something you've been doing your whole life hoping that you're not gonna be put on the spot all of those things um because we were so vulnerable we were it was pretty transparent um another examples of this is having having to hide how fundamentally religious your family was around others who were not having to pretend or mask your vulnerability due to being abused at home having insane hyper-critical abuse of parents where you had to hide that you watched a cartoon of the friend's house when you weren't supposed

to or you maybe you asked for seconds and you're worried about at the friend's house and maybe your parents are going to find out and shame you about that it's feeling like you're already in trouble with the world and you have no defense or anonymity which isn't true you know some treatment ideas for this one if you can visualize a bubble or force field around you when you go to the coffee shop for now or anywhere socially and that bubble is about your own autonomy and your own anonymity um another is that people related to

that people don't have to people don't know where you come from people don't know what's going on with you and it's really none of their business but your inner child thinks that they might and besides these folks they're way too busy worrying about their own problems in their own lives to be so worried about the fact that we had two Pop-Tarts for breakfast and we're a mess or whatever you know another treatment idea is working with a supportive person or a group therapist on naming the shame that comes up for you around this dialoguing with

our inner child again about specifically re-parenting them on the idea that what do they think people think about them if you can nail that you're really going to know what's going on with a lot of your your your triggers and your problems because there's so much that's really the route to this glass frog Issue Number 10 we're almost close to the end here what I call sideways grief or rage you're probably familiar with this one emotional kind of sappy commercials that come up seeing kids get what they need and in their own childhood like when

you're out and about seeing happy couples um you may have some grief or big chunks of sadness that kind of comes out sideways or rage where you lose it over small things because you're struggling with much bigger things that you're maybe not in tune with um you know that think these are like the low threat we didn't realize how low threshold we were until like we couldn't open the piece of mail or something like that when we when we are repressing trauma or we're putting issues down stuff comes out sideways I'm a visual person so

when you're repressing how bad your parents marriage was and how bad your childhood was comes out sideways when you maybe see a healthy couple or and you might just start sobbing and not being able to relate to two things where it comes from in childhood really my mentor to Amanda Curtin talks about this Reserve well a literal well in US of of pain grief all the situations that are still in process that happen to us it's really like what we're struggling with with this well and it pops up it comes out sideways when we get

triggered could also come from really the unfairness of that step parent that's never been addressed that your other parent never protected you from Rage can come out Sideways from that kind of a thing when you see people kind of getting the shaft or not being protected um the offness of being a parentified child you're at work and the rage might come out sideways if someone asked you to bring something to a Yankee Swap or something like that that's where this stuff comes from the pain of not being in a sane and connecting loving family that's

where those sappy commercials about Grandma you know they pick Grandma up and they they in a snowstorm because they want to have Thanksgiving whether and everyone's like oh my God so triggering because we we never saw that kind of care the caring in our own family systems and as a side note the sideways stuff is if you struggle with remembering the issues around your childhood this is where that phrase your body remembers your body remembers in the way that things come out sideways so it's really important to pay attention to them like those are your

clues some treatment ideas is finding safe people to start processing not just talking about what happened but processing in it with with a therapist or with a group if you can get one if you can find one I know that that's loaded start making some notes in your phone about when it comes up when things start to come out sideways and why like when you saw pets not being cared for like when you're seeing um a family being supportive of each other and trying they're like doing that seamlessly another is or another example is like

when you can't handle minor frustrations like trying to find a parking spot and you just can't and it's like you have a rage meltdown kind of a thing tells you have some other stuff kind of going on and it's coming out sideways in that moment another treatment idea is dialoguing and journaling can be really helpful to be more in touch with what you have going on in the present and look at that as a bump say with your partner as opposed to having these sideways reactions and you're like where did that come from to try

to really know what is going on with you in real time before things blow up sideways if you can and it's not just that last bit it's really that that well of grief and pain that I mentioned um as well as not being connected with what's going on in our present lives and last one coming in last is something that is this one's very important something that I call waiting games I will do X after y takes place waiting games is also known as mood dependent behavior of some examples um this was me I'll quit

smoking once I get a gym membership I'll leave this relationship once I feel like I can make it on my own I'll give them another chance and see you know and then you're on chance number 89 with a with an abusive person I'll go to therapy once I'm sure I have issues that I'll have to talk about you know it's there's this really you know it's game it's kind of game playing that we do with ourselves children are like this developmentally we come up with these strategies to kind of avoid pain but we we stay

unfortunately in that undeveloped mindset as adults SO waiting games are really evidence of being in our inner child who is very accustomed to waiting for things to get better on their own without really taking any action as a side note that's my favorite definition for a codependent person someone who doesn't take any action is just waiting for things to get better don't take that as criticism I hope it was just very helpful about that definition think stuckness so have you ever played these kind of waiting games with yourself like even things like I'm gonna get

going in my day after I get some energy and then you end up just Doom scrolling until it hits kind of critical mass those are terrible awful stuck places that feel impossible to get some movement on I've been there and this is right in the overlap with ADHD and it should be noted to that but this is really the childhood trauma part that I'm discussing that could lead to struggling with waiting games where it comes from having parents who lived in this my parent my mother specifically lived in this kind of I will do X

after y when things get better could simply come from not being parented like a child doesn't do their homework and it's 11 p.m and they're tired they're going to go to bed and they think I know I'll get up early and do my homework then but they don't operate on like an alarm clock kind of a thing that kind of level of neglect and not being parented can give us these magical thinking which is what waning games kind of are experiencing emotional abuse in childhood where you're taught that you're not good at getting anything done

or you you believe that because you're you're neglected and you're overwhelmed or you're emotionally shamed for being an F up child or you're you're hearing things like who do you think you are that you can make those Band tryouts kind of stuff like all that garbage is essentially being shot down before you even start so we play these games about because we don't have enough gas in the tank because of all that emotional abuse so some treatment ideas being more and more aware of how your inner child believes that change only comes from being in

the right mood or having the right energy at the right time which is false the inner adult taking over gently and just starting to try to do things while feeling literally like poop about it like the energy comes from doing the thing after not before and if you can get the group therapy individual therapy if that's available to you and start examining about how you were parented around things like bedtimes limits sugar getting things done age appropriate tasks for your development so some final thoughts on this you know these are just my ideas of what

I saw in myself and what I see in my clients I've named these things and how they kind of make sense to me others may have different names from them it's totally okay there's a lot of overlap in ADHD and ASD worlds such as especially things like the glass frog thing or rushing here I'm talking about these things and how they relate to not growing up in safety in the toxic family system but both things can very much be true both sets of symptoms from different types of diagnoses can be true as well I mentioned

dialoguing quite a bit you can grab an e-course here right up here or you can join my monthly healing Community which included in that too and try to work on these issues of dominant hand non-dominant hand writing on paper and really starting to parent our inner adult in that way I liken that exercise to EMDR because we are getting bilateral stimulation between the hemispheres which helps us soothe and it helps us develop a stronger relationship with our inner child and gets our adult in place it's really my favorite tool that I use you can grab

it all like right up there these issues are not forever and they are not set in stone as I still grow and change I don't struggle with these symptoms anymore but they used to really run me and they used to really freak me out so just know that they're really normal reactions to an abnormal family abuse and the more that you work on yourself the less powerful the less power these things will have over you so I hope that was helpful and as always may you be filled with loving kindness may you be well maybe

be peaceful and at ease and may you be joyous and I will see you next time foreign [Music] [Music]