Zones: A map of relationship types to help relieve dating confusion

[Music] okay this is the new zones chart it is replacing the old zones chart this one is pretty much fully fleshed out as usual if you can find something that I missed please let me know but I think I got it all this is a chart that is divided into the way that men categorize women and the way that women categorize men men have one set of values men add up what we think about your looks your personality we subtract how much availability you're giving to other men and then here I drew a cabinet which

is the male version of the Galaxy because there are other things that can make women more and less valuable to men but it's not very much these many many things can make a big difference a big impact on how women like men but over here it's not that big of an impact so this is basically the way that men decide how much they value you and then once we decide from the best I can get to the worst I'll take where we're gonna put you you kind of end up in one of these boxes and

it can be pretty hard to leave in order to do that you would have to either improve your looks or your personality or get rid of the email attention that you have in your life and you're not going to really be able to do it with this if if this isn't cutting it for us this is a big lesson that a lot of women need to learn you can't overcome lack in this department by wearing a t-shirt that he likes or picking up a hobby that he likes that's why it's a cabinet it's very very

small it makes a small impact if your cabinet is perfect for the man that you want it might give you half a point to a point this is really most of it women on the other hand they have two sets of criteria that they evaluate men on they have good guy stuff and bad boy stuff and this is one of the reasons that there's so much confusion in our culture about what women want because they say they want good guy things and then they actually go with men who have bad boy things but the truth

is they want both and you don't have to choose in our language we say I'm a good guy or I'm a bad boy or I'm good or I'm bad or this is but really you can be both of these things and in order to be both of these things you have to maximize your physical attractiveness Face Body height voice all the things that you can do lose weight get muscle maximize it and maximize your masculinity dominance power confidence smoothness which is I'll explain that later smoothness is basically how well you understand women if you can

approach a woman and you know what it is that she responds to she's gonna go oh you understand women that's your smooth that requires some more unpacking and women also respond to dark Triad traits this is a big difference between men and women men do not need women to have any evil stuff any bad boy stuff we don't need bad girls some guys like bad girls but that's a personality thing they men in general don't need girls to be bad women need men to be at least somewhat bad you've got to be dangerous you have

to have the ability to be dangerous not necessarily go to jail but you have to be capable of it and that will boost your bad boy score which is what you really want you would it's better to be all bad and no good than it is to be all good and no bad because then you end up in the friend zone so both of these speech and thought bubbles are arranged the same way the higher up you go the more it is based in love which is supportive public monogamous emotional and the farther down you

go the less love there's gonna be and the more lust which is going to be opportunistic secret multiple partners at many times and impulsive so of course a man is going to have lust for a keeper of course he is because that means that he likes the way she looks but he's going to have a lot of love for her way down here he's going to have no love at all and it's going to be entirely a lust-based relationship sleepers in the Middle where we have what women call situationships that's where there's some level of

emotional connection but it's not really enough to be the one and only you're kind of in a middle Zone and and the man will say things like I don't know where I'm gonna be in three weeks you know like I don't I don't know what my life is yes we do we do know what our life is we do know where we're going to be we just kind of want to wait for someone who we're definitely going to put in here you gotta stop listening to these things so for women avoiding getting into these bad

relationships is a lot easier than it is for men to avoid getting in these bad bad relationships you just have to know how he feels about your looks your personality and your exposure to other men and the stuff you have in common figure out how much he likes you and judge it by how much investment he's giving you how much of his time and energy and money and whatever it is that you value because every woman values different kinds of investment but if you value something and he's not giving it to you because this is

the higher you go with more investment the lower you go the less investment if he's not giving you the investment that you want that's a very clear signal that you're not here and you either have to change something to get here or you have to leave and find another guy who likes you so just really quick for men Keepers is obviously my one and only this is the one woman that we care about the most sleepers is these are girls who we like and we're attracted to them and as you can see this is the

public private line there are sometimes that sleeper relationships enter into the public Arena and will go out with you but we still aren't really committed and we kind of waffle a little and then there are some times where sleeper relationships are like let's just keep this between us just come over at midnight right once you get down into sweepers this is usually just mistakes we usually wish we hadn't done this it might be related to alcohol or maybe it's been a really long time but if there's any ever any kind of contact here it's called

sweepers as in under the rug because we don't want anyone to know about it so if a guy has ever had any level of a relationship with you and tried to hide you and not answer the phone and disappeared and everything that's where you were and you need to not be there because it's pretty uncomfortable so for women it's obviously a lot more complicated because women have two sets of criteria that they judge men on one of them is good guy stuff and one of them is bad boy stuff good guy stuff the level of

good guy things that you have which is of course how much you're investing in her is it enough for her are you presentable does that make you look good that's um for women looks is broken down into presentable and face and body and height and voice so there's men have that both in one thing but women have looks separate so if you're really you know physically unattractive guy but you're very well put together and you're giving a woman a lot of investment then you would have a really high good guy score in a very low

bad boy score and you would end up in the friend zone so the amount that a woman thinks you are a good guy is going to be the amount of investment that you're giving her compared to what she wants the amount that you make her look good when you're seen together in public because that's going to push you above the public line and then this is important men subtract other men from their valuation of women and women subtract other women from their valuation of men in the good guy Zone but women will very often keep

going back to a bad boy that has a lot of girls or a situationship with a guy who has a lot of girls that women generally do not subtract other women from the bad boy score they take other women from the good guy score because that's going to take away your investment in her and over here having other women does not take away your investment in her because it's all based in excitement and and physical things and then finally of course women have the Galaxy and that's many many many little things that each individual woman

values separately which is the male version is the cabinet in here a woman might have like being good with kids or liking pets or having the same hobbies in common or wearing a particular kind of shirt there's lots and lots of little details in here that don't quite fit into anything else it's just what fits with her life what matches with her experience and with her feelings and it's difficult to really predict what that's going to be it's very individual for everybody and this is very individual for everybody too but this only matters a little

bit and this if you have what a woman wants in here it can give you a few points like if you're not particularly presentable but you're okay and you don't have a lot to invest but you're okay and you have a low of things in common with her it can boost you up a few points on the good guy score again not the bad boy scorer so all of those things in the good guy score they measure how much the woman trusts you to be able to be there for her and make her look good

and have a very public relationship very public the more you are a good guy the safer that she will feel going out with you and being seen with you and the friend zone husband's owner the prince charming Zone but again if you have only good guy traits she's not going to like you enough for any of these zones you have to have some bad boy traits and it could be just looking good that's enough for some women it can be there are some guys who don't look that good but they're very very smooth again and

they have experience with women and women like it when they know you have experience with women if you are very dominant if you're good at something like a sport if you're the head of your social group if you're the boss at a job like if she works somewhere and her boss is very very dominant over other people that's going to sort of trigger something in there it triggers something in the in the bad boy continuum men who are very confident in themselves dark Triad traits also appears here dark Triad traits are linked to power and

one of the ways that power is most easily accrued for men is by being kind of brutal to other people and using them and tricking them and it can get pretty dark that's why it's called that but it does result in men getting more power and more money and more status and all of those things are attractive to women again different women value different things differently and you can have no looks at all but very high masculinity and women will like you like this that their women are very different from Men in that way if

a woman is really unattractive but has a great personality we generally will not say well her personality is worth enough to get up here you have to have at least a bare minimum of looks for men but for women I want you to Google Henry Kissinger he is not an attractive man but he was sleeping with supermodels because he was very very powerful on a global scale masculinity is very attractive to women so you can have a maximum bad boy score if you have super high masculinity if you have super high power and no looks

it's different so the way that a woman feels about your two scores she's going to evaluate what are your good guy traits and what are your bad boy traits and she's going to evaluate how she feels about you that creates I split it up into nine zones and I just used terms that are familiar in our culture to make it easier for people to understand we'll start with nothing if you have no bad boy traits at all and no good guy traits you're a ghost women don't even recognize you you're just a thing you're you're

if you're the mailman you're just the thing that makes the male come unless you're very attractive and then you would jump up to here uh let's start by going up the good guy scale if you are less than half good if you're if you're below this public line and you have no bad boy traits at all and you're less than half good and you're pursuing a woman she's gonna say ew you're a creep you don't have you're not attractive to me at all and you're not very good so I don't want to be around you

if you go a little bit above half women will have a gold digger relationship with men in this area if they have a lot of money if they don't have a lot of money it's kind of like ick it's kind of just okay this guy is pretty nice but I don't feel anything for him and so it's just kind of gross and leave me alone it's similar to creep but a creep is like someone who you would not want to talk to at all someone who you would want gone from your life but you'd be

aware of him you would not be aware of the ghost it would be something like well I he has to be around and I have to tolerate him but I don't really want to think about you know starting a relationship with this guy unless he has tons of money and then some women will put up with it again some women again everyone is different if you max out your good guy score and you have no bad boy points at all you're going to be in the friend zone women will go out in public with you

they will let you buy them things that that if you're very very good to her and you're treating her with investment and you're making her look good and you don't have other women I I had a video recently with a girl talking about having a guy in the friend zone and he got a girlfriend and so she lost her investment and she said well that makes me feel bad but then again it wasn't a relationship so I can't say anything she was just talking about losing free investment from a guy who she didn't like at

all so this is not somewhere you want to be and this is something that a lot of men have trouble with they they be as nice as they can be and they go why don't women want me because and it's because women are not attracted to this it's what makes them feel safe and comfortable and it's what makes them want to spend time around you it's what makes them trust you it what may it's what makes them want to be seen with you or build a future with you but it's not what makes them attracted

to you this confuses men because when women give us what we value they shoot right up this chart and we wonder why that doesn't work for us and the reason is that you either are not good looking and you I mean God forbid that you're you have unfixable things about you but hopefully you can lose some weight and gain some muscle and start dressing better and become more masculine if there are things that you cannot fix about your body you have to at least be more manly and then that's going to give you some degree

of points so if you are maximum nice and you become more manly by working on yourself take care of your face and your body and and become more of a man you might move into the husband's own if you do a fantastic job you could move into the prince charming Zone but this is very very very very very rare so we did the First Column let's do the second column if you are a medium bad boy if you're me and bad if you're medium attractive or medium masculine kind of manly but not really and you

have no good guy things at all sometimes you will be women's drunken mistake this is kind of like the female sweeper she might make a mistake and and she'll feel like Well you aren't really a bad boy you don't really do it for me we shouldn't have done this I thought that you were going to be more exciting but you're really lukewarm and you're not nice at all if you are medium bad and you're again under half good this is a bad situationship this range is situationships and this one is settling because at this point

this can become permanent in public but in all three of these this these are where the man will not commit and this is where the woman will not commit so they're all situationships but different kinds this one again the bad situationship is with a guy who's half attractive or half masculine half what women you know get excited about but not nice enough to settle for and not even close to nice enough to be in the husband's own not giving enough investment not presentable enough kind of dumpy not doing great in life that's a bad situationship

where the woman will not turn the key if you go above the half point of the good guy traits then you get to the settling point and at a certain point women will settle and I kind of I picked colors for these things that I think represent the emotions settling is kind of Dusty it's like an old pillowcase that hasn't been washed in a while it's just like huh it works I guess it's not very exciting but it's often better than nothing and then if you work really really hard to bring all of these to

her if you have everything in common with her and you're supporting her really well and you make her look really good you can be in the husband's own and the way that women will think of you in the husband's own as well he's not that much of a man he's not super attractive and he's not super manly but man does he ever take care of me and that's my husband and I'm proud of him so then let's do the last column the last column has both of the kinds of relationships that women like the most

women do like friend zone relationships but they're not nearly as fun as bad boy relationships not even close and they're not as good as Prince Charming relationships which are again very very rare the prince charming relationship is the ideal long term and the bad boy relationship is the ideal short term which is a really difficult thing about women this is one of the most difficult things I've ever learned about women that even if you manage to be Prince Charming the bad boy is still more exciting because it so bad and so short term it's it's

paradoxical that being good can make her less excited for you she'll be more excited for a bad boy than she will be for Prince Charming because there's something about stability that kind of dilutes this and this is the most healthy kind of relationship when the the man is here for the woman and the woman is here for the man but the way that Society is going lately in the way that it typically goes in human history when a guy gets this valuable he ends up having multiple women and then they're all in a Harem which

is a kind of situationship which usually the women think is either a good or a mid level situationship it's either one where they go out with a guy and they're seen with him and everyone knows he has multiple women or it's just a quiet thing where they go over his place and that's all that they're that they're gonna get and that's all that he's willing to give I have a story I always tell everyone about when I was driving for Uber and I met a girl who figured out that I was good at this kind

of stuff she just picked it up really quick and she asked me she said hey I'm seeing this guy and he has all these other girls and he won't commit to me and and I'm stuck here basically is what she was saying and she said how do I get him to pick me out of all the other women and you know I looked in the rear view mirror and I took a look at her and I had listened to her talking to her friend for a minute and I knew what kind of you know life

she was living roughly and I pretty much assessed that you know there's not a lot that you can do here especially if this is the only other guy you're seeing and I asked her that I said is the only guy you're seeing and she said yeah it was just the one guy but he had four or five girls she actually didn't know how many it was and so I said to her how well do you know this guy and she said pretty well and I said what do you think he would say if you told

him you have to have only me and get rid of all your other girls or I'm leaving do you do you think he would keep the four other girls or keep you and she said she that he would keep the four other girls and I said and let me ask you this what if I gave you a hundred percent of my love and devotion and and I gave you all of the good guys stuff I had to give would you dump him for me and she got really quiet and I said don't worry about it

you're not gonna hurt my feelings we're in an Uber it doesn't matter and she said no I would not do that so she told me that a hundred percent of what I could give her would have been in this range or this range and what she was getting from this other guy was either here or here she valued being in his Harem more than having me all to herself because in her evaluation she likes men that have more than I do and so this is a a lesson that I'm really hoping that women can learn

I'm hoping that I can can get it through to some women that you can't if if you can't improve this you can't improve this you can't get rid of male attention and you have maximized this and he's putting you here he's not he doesn't like you this much and he never will if he's got five women why would he get rid of four of them to keep one he would get rid of one of them to keep four you're just here and if you want to be here that's your choice I can't make that no

one can make that choice for you if this is what you prefer this and that's what this girl said she said she would rather be here with him than be probably here with me at least in her evaluation maybe I maybe I would have been able to do this for her maybe but in her assessment I was in this icky Zone this kind of I don't really want that I'd rather be with an exciting guy 20 of the time so that's pretty much it that's how the zones work and that's how men value women and

how we place you in here and that's how women value men and how they Place Us in here and a lot of the problems that we're having in the dating Market are in the way that we're negotiating women would rather have a part of a guy than a whole you know mid-level guy and men would rather have one or two or five women in this Zone than pick one of them and have a one and only it would probably make us happier if we had those kinds of relationships but the way that we're negotiating lately

we're ending up here and here and everyone's getting all hurt emotions over it and of course we're ending up here and here as well so I I can't make your decisions for you I can't change what you value but I can give you a map so that you know how to make your own choices that's pretty much it that's the zones map let me know what you think and report back if this is making any positive changes for you I'd love to hear it [Music]