Why You’re Not the Man You Could Be

in the name of the father and of the son and of the Holy Spirit I often get asked by young men father what do I need to do to make progress to keep moving forward and to kind of grow exponentially and to maximize the time of growth especially uh in your 20s as you're kind of rolling into adulthood potentially you're not married or maybe married have one child or whatnot so number one thing to keep in mind is we are made in the image of God this means that we have creativity we have Minds we

have a soul we have a soul that's big enough to actually contain God within it which is a whole another kind of metaphysical quandry that we could dive into at some point but the main thing is that we are creative We Are Made In His Image what does this look like practically when you see one of my sons you would say that looks like a little father Moses like people see my kids at church and they're like oh I know who your dad is okay but here's the key the question is will you grow into

the likeness see we start with image and we grow into likeness if my son grows up and makes a bunch of bad decisions and God forbid you know turns away from the faith and screws up his life everyone will say hey he's in my image he looks like his father but he'll say he isn't in his likeness he's not like his father see when we don't have God we don't have real manhood because all of real genuine authentic masculinity and manhood is based on the person of God this is why uh there was a Scott

Galloway character who was talking recently in a TED Talk and he said that he was having such a hard time defining exactly what it is that makes someone a man and what is masculinity and the reason for that is is because he doesn't have Jesus Christ right he doesn't understand that Christ is the image of the Eternal Father he is co-eternal with the father but when we see Christ he says you have seen the father you have seen uh in a sense all three persons of the godhead right this is very important because real masculinity

means that you are in touch with God not like an idea but like a person and I'll give you an example for this if you watched my videos you know who I am you know my backstory you know you know I've been vulnerable in my videos you know about me the question is if we meet each other on the street will you know me and the question is or the answer is you don't really know me you know about me but you don't know me personally this is the problem with how many people approach the

scriptures and the spiritual life is they start knowing about God but they don't know him they have stalker syndrome they know all the facts but they don't know the person so the number one tip if I was to give anyone how to increase and masculinity what does that look like it's an easy one silence silence silence is the destroyer of all boys when you are forced to sit by yourself in silence and pray to God not only are you facing the abyss of whether or not God is actually there and hears your prayer but you're

also facing the existential reality of who you are as a man or lack thereof and there's nothing to hide it if you were to ask me what is the kind of most frightful terrible you know reality I would say it's silence because silence reveals everything about a person's personality insecurities fears anxieties all of that is brought to light and silence in fact they have that that room I don't know where it's at I believe it's at a college campus and it's and it's considered the most silent room in the world it has a noise like

hyper levels of noise dampening and they say that if you stay in this room you can actually hear like your heartbeat and they say that you can hear the blood uh going through your veins like pumping out from your heart because it's so silent they make some absurd comment like no one has lasted 24 hours in this room but that just highlights the fact that it's not doing something noisy and loud and boisterous and and difficult it's about being with ourselves when we're with ourselves in this reality we're also with God because God is everywhere

present and so if somebody ask me what is the most manly thing to do in the entire world I would say it's prayer it's silence hands down nothing is more difficult nothing is harder more challenging uh try it try try to lay out even 30 minutes a day for Silence of just silently saying the Jesus prayer Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on me and just being silent for 30 minutes a day you will never feel like you've run into such a rock wall of difficulty but in that you are actually exposed to God that's the

difference when you're sitting in silence there's nowhere to go and either God is there or he's not there either you connect with him or you don't but you're fighting to make that connection that is by far my ultimate uh recommendation for furthering your spiritual life what's another one another one is finding a spiritual father it's like it's like you're down here walking through life and your spiritual father here you're down here walking through life and life is like a labyrinth right but it's a finite amount of decisions and choices that are happening especially kind of

in your 20s and into your early 30s you've got issues with trying to find a spouse trying to find a career trying to make enough money you know these sort of things and so you're weaving your way through a labyrinth down here of decision making and you're constantly running into tees where you got to decide if you're going to go right or go left what's what am I going to do for my career what am I going to do I'm not a girl should I pursue this and take it farther or should I not when

you have a spiritual father up here it's like a cheat code it's a cheat code for life because he literally looks out over all of what's going on in your life and he has this amazing view where he can see things in an un constructed way he's able to really guide and shape you because he knows who you are he knows where you're trying to go and what you're trying to do and he's able to see all the pitfalls especially of like a person's character when he's looking at them and saying hey don't do this

because it doesn't coincide with this aspect of yourself or especially when you're in your 20s as a man you have kind of hyper impulsivity issues you may go hey you know what I'm ready ready to leave my secure job and and I'm going to go to Alaska and I'm going to go fishing and this is something I've always wanted to do and you're two years out of college and $40,000 in debt and your spiritual father's like don't do that it doesn't make any sense you're derailing the next five years of your life for something that

you think is temporarily fun and exciting so another easy one is find a spiritual father we could get into all the criteria spiritual father but I'll I'll tell you this in in essence which is your spiritual father has to be somebody you want to emulate and they have to be somebody you want to become like this doesn't mean that you'll ever take on their personality if you're an introvert and your spiritual father is an extrovert you're not going to become an extrovert right his guidance is going to not lead you out of your personality what

I mean is when you see your spiritual father and the way that he conducts himself in public the way that he conducts himself with his family his relationship ship with his wife his relationship with his children that's his character and the word for character is actually chiseled into a tablet is basically what it means a charact your character is chiseled into you and you take it everywhere you go your spiritual father is seeking to endow you with the same character that he has so if there are things about him that you're like ah I can't

go there I I'm I'm not seeing eye to eye he's got these views and we don't really line up you got to find a spiritual father who you can line up with and the two of you can be in a Harmony because he's going to take you where he's going that's why he's up here you know leading the way he's leading you through the Labyrinth to develop into the type of man that he is actually like that's his guidance so the number one thing is find a spiritual father that you love that you respect that

you love and respect his way of life and that you want to emulate the things that he has because that's where he's going to lead you he's if he's a lazy slothful unproductive person forgive me does happen he's not going to teach you how to be hyper productive and competent in a bunch of areas of life if he's never worked a corporate job if he's never made any real money then you're going to need to find mentors who can help and shape you in that way because he may not have all the answers for every

aspect of your life in terms of those things the last one and this is a biggie this is a biggie acceptance somebody said acceptance is the key to all of my problems today but really when you're in your younger years it's acceptance of self this does not mean that you accept your bad behavior your character flaws your faults your sin that's not what we're talking about what I've noticed especially in young men is that and myself included when I was in my 20s is that we often want to be someone different so if somebody is

quiet and reserved they go you know what I wish I was more of an extrovert I wish I was more loud and boisterous and had a bigger personality then you get somebody who's like loud and boisterous they're like oh I just wish I could be silent I wish I could be an introvert or you've got somebody who's like geared towards business or Finance or something and they go I wish I was more of an artist I wish I knew how to use those talents your personality is So hardwired Into You and I can tell you

this as a dad of five Sons which is so much of personality is developed in the first year or two I mean you can go back and look at photographs of your kids when they're 2 three years old and the things that they're doing and the way that they're behaving and acting and all these different things and then six seven 8 years later like it's the same personality personality is not a defect your personality is actually gifted to you by God it's the unique makeup of how you are and how you see the world it

doesn't mean that it isn't flawed and that's why we need character but the core aspect of who you are as a person the things that you like to do the things that energize and excite you um they can be harnessed for good or for evil and you've got to come to accept that your personality is very much set I can't remember who said I think it was St pisos and he said something like there's no cure for personality you know my whole life people were always telling me like you're too intense you're too intense and

it was always the too intense part too intense part for me it was just who I am I that is a hard wirring within me what's ironic was that I you know I read the lies of the Saints and all the saints are too intense but they harnessed all that intensity for good and so it wasn't the intensity and my desire to get after life and to crush things and to succeed and my competition and my drive and all that that wasn't the issue the issue was that it was so often directed towards negative things

and so when you have a character quality like intensity it's great it's a gift from God but it has to be utilized in the right way and this is why especially in your younger years you've got to learn to accept who you are with all your strengths and the corresponding weaknesses all of your strengths are also your weaknesses that's the definition of of of how a human being works if you look at anybody else and you say hey this person has a strength they're very go with the flow they're able to accept things they're very

laid-back well you they're going to be a corresponding weakness where you know they're not on time they're not good with time management you know um they don't pay attention to tracking uh they spending and other habits that are corresponding to that same strength so you've got to understand hey my personality has strengths and weaknesses I have a core personality that's given to me by God and I've got to find a way to manifest and use that personality for God's glory and direct it to good things and cultivate my character because I am who I am

and that acceptance I believe is a superpower because in a world where everybody wants to change themselves and people don't like themselves and people want to be somebody different if you can accept yourself and truly be at peace with who you are and make peace with yourself as St Isaac the Syrian said make peace with yourself and Heaven and Earth will make peace with you what does that mean it means when you accept who you are with all your strength strs your weaknesses your foibles your insecurities your anxieties everything that's good and the bad and

everything in between you bring a certain peace and Harmony to life because you're not trying to be anybody else you're just trying to be yourself I pray that these tips help you to fully embrace your masculinity to develop your masculine character and to become the man that you could be God bless you