O que é esquecer alguém com maturidade? | Fred Elboni

Hey guys, how are you, imagine that three videos in a row are great here for us to talk about and as I told you yesterday, my greatest pleasure is to sit down and talk to you without having to choose a really good title. Sometimes a good title comes along but when they didn't come I want to be judged, that's why sometimes we stop recording a lot because we keep thinking about a theme in a title and sometimes the cool thing is to turn on the camera and say take a line and go and that's what I know how to do It 's not the best, so we're here to talk about what it is and how to forget someone with maturity, right? How can we be mature when forgetting someone?

How can we be mature when missing maturity? It's very difficult these two universes are colliding with each other, I mean they are colliding with each other but it is very difficult for them to be there in harmony, that's what I mean when we talk about longing, right, we ended a relationship, separating from someone, forgetting someone who hurt us or that didn't hurt us but we want to move on what it means to forget with maturity, right Maturity first we have to understand what it means to be someone mature is someone tolerant someone emotionally intelligent someone who is aware and sees clearly what actually it's happening So when we end a relationship, maturity means we look at that situation without being so hostage to feelings that control us, right, you know, we're actually feeling it, so someone who is mature, someone who knows what they're feeling, says it because This isn't love This is a lack, this isn't a feeling of just liking the person, it's a bit of comfort Do I miss the person, do I miss the plans I made with them because there's a lot of that too, right? Sometimes We are sad to end a relationship because I had everything planned, everything organized, I had already dreamed of a lot of things.

Starting over is also a pain. Do we really love that person? Or do we love the idealization we have of them?

Another very important question, right? Because we often want the ideal of the other, when the other breaks the ideal that we created, I no longer want the person, so I loved the ideal, I loved the person. These are wise questions that we have to If we have more Fred, we will always have answers about all this, but it's more about knowing how to ask questions than having the answers on the tip of your tongue.

If you're learning to question yourself about this, you're already a little more aware of the possibilities. and that's where maturity comes with awareness of the situation when we talk about forgetting someone with maturity it's not about the feeling that we often have but about the actions that we have about the feelings that we have, right if I I'm distant from that person and I want to forget and let's say that forgetting means moving on, continuing Because forgetting only changes the order of priority of the person in our life, forgetting we won't, right? Unless you have something degenerative in your head You won't forget, right?

So you reorganize, change priorities, become aware that it no longer makes sense, when you begin to understand, when we begin to understand why we are doing the things we do, we begin to become aware of what I mean by that while we just follow the autopilot and what would be the autopilot oh but I finished Oh but I miss you Oh but I'm going to go out with my friends to forget oh but I'm going to stalk but my God I'll never But I'm going to find someone, it's like a person who 's drowning in the sea and keeps hitting themselves, it's when we're drowning that it's important for you to calm down, you know where I have to go, I need to float, I need to direct myself. here Because the more ugly you are the more you drown it's the same metaphor the more you just stay in this loop of oh why did the person do this oh my God I'm not going to find anyone Oh I need to leave Oh because my friends found love and I No, because the person did this to me, is it their fault? Is it bad?

I'm good. Oh my God, when you stay in this loop, you're going to lose yourself when you start to gain awareness, say oh, other people have already ended a relationship in the world because I I'm suffering more than other people Is it because I like it more or because I have more difficulty moving on and what makes it difficult for me to move forward Is it a process of I'm very needy Am I afraid of Not finding another person is it comfort because it's not just a feeling, we often blame it, it's not because I love and that's it, of course it's important, the feeling is part of life but it's not the only thing that governs everything, right? just the feeling, I love, that's an argument for everything and we get older, we list the reasons, gaining awareness, it doesn't mean you won't feel pain, you'll always feel pain, but maybe you won't feel so much suffering and the difference of the pain of Suffering in a Buddhist view, pain as a whole would be the inevitable event, right, so it happened to me, I can't help it, right, from the person, it ended, I lost my job, suffering is how much I dwell on that situation, how much I don't think about a way to go on I'm Oh my God is it worth finding someone to blame in this situation Is it worth dwelling on too much oh the other one made a mistake because the other one did it Is it my fault sometimes I forgive and I want to move on that's why Forgiveness is a very wise thing not only because of maturity in relation to the other but also because I will cultivate anger towards the other in myself if it only harms me, not forgiving the other harms me and forgiving the other is not talking, come here to you forgive, come and sleep at my house, forgive, go your way, I don't want to carry this anger inside me because being angry and not forgiving you is more of a self-punishment than wisdom, so when we talk about forgetting someone with maturity, we talk a lot of awareness of looking at the situation Well, you're stalking someone, let's say you're ok, someone wonders why you're stalking them, if you just talk, it's normal for everyone to do what learning you have, if you start to understand man, stalking me is because I'm wanting to have control over the person's life and this control makes me feel connected to them, does this really make sense until when am I going to stalk?

What is the end of this story when I see the person against someone and then will I stop stalking? Will I I'm not waiting to get hurt too much to be able to move on. Could n't my intelligence make me avoid this process?

That's wisdom, so with maturity it's not just about the thoughts, but what you do with the thoughts and dealing with those thoughts. anxiety of understanding that you are afraid of not finding another calm person you will find it have time patience let life show you new things Sometimes life is trying to show you new things and you want to go back to the past all the time calmly accept the new open your chest and say man I'm going to let you guide me I have no control I did what I had to do Let Life take a little bit your control won't always bring you positive things most of the time it will bring frustration and anxiety so I think it's a relationship with yourself to understand the feelings you have and try to understand what is worth it or not oh I want to go back to the relationship Is it worth defibrillating all this emotion just to heal the pain I have at the moment and the emptiness that I'm feeling but I know that we're going to break up again and maybe that will hurt the other person and me again and then I end up not having emotional responsibility or maybe I'll hold on to my little pain now just to try to cover it up. hole to move on because otherwise I'll be picking the scab all the time and when will it heal, right?

They've forgotten with maturity, that's not it, it's not about not feeling homesick, it's about knowing what to do with nostalgia, it's not about not being curious about the other person's life. It's understanding that being curious about other people's lives will hurt you more than bringing you evolution and being able to move forward is understanding that often it's not about love but about lack and this lack blinds us. It's about looking clearly to be able to move forward.

accepting or running away from life is accepting who we are And so we forget someone with maturity, not actually forgetting but resignifying it, giving it a new meaning, putting it in another shelf order and priority where we have to put it as priority number one and leaving the other being a lower priority because the person needs to move on so this is very important and also of course you need to heal, always focus on taking care of your need because if you are always needy you will always be emotionally dependent, it is a fact you know if you are needy Think to me, it's very simple, I'm needy, I ended the relationship, I'm needy, or I'm going to go back, I'm going to find someone else, I think someone else, I'm going to depend on her emotionally because I couldn't build it, that's why everyone says it's very wise for you to be alone.