20 Signs You're Emotionally Mature

20 signs that you are emotionally mature you realize that most of the bad behavior of other people really comes down to fear and anxiety rather than as it's generally easier to presume nastiness or idiocy you loosen your hold on self-righteousness and stop thinking of the world as populated by either monsters or fools it makes things less black and white at first but in time a great deal more interesting you learn that what's in your head can't automatically be understood by other people you realize that unfortunately you're going to have to articulate your intentions and feelings

with the use of words and can't fairly blame other people for not getting what you mean until you've spoken calmly and clearly you learn that remarkably you do sometimes get things wrong with huge courage you take your first faltering steps towards once in a while apologizing you learn to be confident not by realizing that you're great but by learning that everyone else is just as stupid scared and lost as you are we're all making it up as we go along and that's fine you forgive your parents because you realize that they didn't put you on

this earth in order to insult you they were just painfully out of their depth and struggling with demons of their own anger turns at points to pity and compassion you learn the enormous influence of so-called small things on mood bedtimes blood sugar and alcohol levels degrees of background stress and so on and as a result you learn never to bring up an important contentious issue with a loved one until everyone is well rested no one is drunk you've had some food nothing else is alarming you and you're not rushing to catch a train you give

up sulking if someone hurts you you don't store up the hatred and the hurt for days you remember will all be dead soon you don't expect others to know what's wrong you tell them straight and if they get it you forgive them and if they don't in a different way you forgive them too you cease to believe in perfection in pretty much every area there aren't any perfect people perfect jobs or perfect lives instead you pivot towards an appreciation of what is to use the psychoanalyst donald winnicott's exemplary phrase good enough you realize that many

things in your life are at once quite frustrating and yet in many ways eminently good enough you learn the virtues of being a little more pessimistic about how things will turn out and as a result emerge as a calmer more patient and more forgiving soul you lose some of your idealism and become a far less maddening person you learn to see that everyone's weaknesses of character are linked to counterbalancing strengths rather than isolating their weaknesses you look at the whole picture yes someone is rather pedantic but they're also beautifully precise and a rock at times

of turmoil yes someone is a bit messy but at the same time brilliantly creative and very visionary you realize truly realize that perfect people don't exist and that every strength will be tagged to a weakness you fall in love a bit less easily it's difficult in a way when you were less mature you could develop a crush in an instant now you're poignantly aware that everyone however externally charming or accomplished would be a bit of a pain from close up you develop loyalty to what you already have you learn that you are rather surprisingly quite

a difficult person to live with you shared some of your earlier sentimentality towards yourself you go into friendships and relationships offering others kindly warnings of how and when you might prove a challenge you learn to forgive yourself for your errors and foolishness you realize the unfruitful self-absorption involved in simply flogging yourself for past mistakes you become more of a friend to yourself of course you're an idiot but you're still a lovable one as we all are you learn that part of what maturity involves is making peace with the stubbornly childlike bits of you that will

always remain you cease trying to be a grown-up at every occasion you accept that we all have our aggressive moments and when the inner two-year-old you raises its head you greet them generously and give them the attention they need you cease to put too much hope in grand plans for the kind of happiness you expect could last for years you start to celebrate the little things that go well you realize that satisfaction comes in increments of minutes you're delighted if one day passes by without too much bother you take a greater interest in flowers and

in the evening sky you develop a taste for small pleasures what people in general think of you ceases to be such a concern you realize that the minds of others are muddled places and you don't try so hard to polish your image in everyone else's eyes what counts is that you and one or two others are okay with you being you you give up on fame and start to rely on love you get better at hearing feedback rather than assuming that anyone who criticizes you is either trying to humiliate you or is making a mistake

you accept that maybe it would be an idea to take a few things on board you start to see that you can listen to a criticism and survive it without having to put on your armor and deny that there was ever a problem you realize the extent to which you tend to live day by day into greater proximity to certain of your problems and issues you remember more and more that you need to get out and get a perspective on the things that pain you you take more walks in nature you might get a pet

they don't fret like we do and you appreciate the distant galaxies above us in the night sky you recognize how your distinctive past colours your response to events and learn to compensate for the distortions that can result you accept that because of how your childhood went you have a predisposition to exaggerate in certain areas you become suspicious of your own first impulses around particular topics you realize sometimes not to go with your first feelings when you start a friendship you realize that other people don't principally want to know your good news so much as gain

an insight into what troubles and worries you so that they can in turn feel less lonely with the pains of their own hearts you become a better friend because you see that what friendship is really about is a sharing of vulnerability our emotional barometer is a tool that can help us to more clearly explain our moods click the link on screen now to find out more