How to Avoid Losing Yourself in Words | Eckhart Tolle

when you are talking are you able to to maintain self remebrance now self does not refer to the way he use it does not refer to the egoic self it refers to the self that is the presence are you so are you able to remember your own presence it's not your own I'm just saying it's that are you are you able to remember your own repr and when you well when I say remember it's not a thought usually remember is something to do with a thought that you bring up but this is a deeper remembering

are you able to remember yourself to know yourself instead of losing yourself in the words is there some is there some presence left that's not the words the word come out of that so you don't Lose Yourself completely in the Stream of words that is a skill that is develops gradually but you need to uh use all these opportunities when you're interacting with with people verbally use the opportunities to and practice as much as possible this act of self-remembering so many times you may find you lose yourself in the Stream of words and then after

a few minutes perhaps you wake up and and it's amazing when you you can observe when this happens to people how they are completely lost in whatever comes out of their mouth the entire sense of self is is invested in it and often they get very often accompanied by negative emotions because there's an identity in there there's an identity in every in that stream of thought they it's them in in other words it's spiritually speaking they are unconscious but even people who are already Awakening find that quite often or or sometimes they are still they

still find that they lose themselves in certain types of interaction verbal interaction they lose themselves in the Stream of words and at some point you suddenly remember perhaps well either after it's just happened or even better if possible in the in the moment of it happening you s remember that you're completely lost in the whatever arguments come out of your mouth and you and you you're completely lost in it so you forgot yourself completely the presence is lost but the moment you realize that the presence is lost the presence is there because only the reising

of presence can know that the presence has been lost uh so there isn't the isn't a simple trick to that it's a it involves more of it's an organic way of [Music] gradually uh losing your F less and less frequently over shorter periods although I can say a few things that might be helpful when you're interacting not to Lose Yourself because when you're verbally interacting with either one person or group of people there will be times when you speak and there will be times when they speak and while they speak you are listening uh and

the those moments when you're listening are great opportunity for stepping back into presence while you're listening instead of continuing the argument or the discussion in your mind so your not really listening they are speaking and you in your mind so if you can you as a spiritual practice when you're interacting verbally the moment they speak you are listening and make sure that you're really listening so you step back into presence because only if you're present are you able to really listen to the other and when you listen to the other you're not just listening it's

not just the listening to the words behind listening is the presence when you're really listening and then it may even be possible for you to not only to to become aware not only to be aware of the words that they are speaking but also to be become aware of their presence behind the words that behind whatever they're saying which might be the complete opposite of your Viewpoint or mental position and yet behind it there is a presence and that presence is one with your presence so you can you can listen there are words but there's

also something behind the words while you're listening that is in yourself you f sense it in yourself and then you can also sense it in the other so in a conversation your practice then can be to to whenever you've said something the other person starts speaking step back into presence and that may change the entire nature of the interaction and then your participation uh will become quality let's say qualitatively enhanced because what you say next next will come out of the Stillness so what so when you participate in a discussion for example so you step

back into Stillness while they speak and you listen and then words come out of your mouth when it's your turn again to speak and you find there's a there's more power behind those words because they come out of that the the the pre the still space of presence so you may be able if it's a discussion to contribute something helpful to the discussion instead of just defending your mental positions and contribute something helpful uh so it changes everything so a a good way of uh practicing not losing yourself in the words is whenever you've said

something step back into still while you listen to the other and then also the compulsion to be right uh will gr will disappear and then it's no longer a case of who is right and who is wrong it becomes something you can you can actually have a discussion with someone have very totally different views without ego involvement you have totally different viewpoints and perhaps you want to express your Viewpoint that's fine but you're not identified with your Viewpoint so you can still express it even forcefully this is what I believe without your seeking your identity

in it that's a huge difference and then you can have you can talk a repu let's say United States a republican can talk to a Democrat without completely losing themselves in their their mental identity seeking their identity in mental positions and then you can realize that the other is also a human being not just not just a Republican or Democrat he's also you now perhaps they have very bad opinions um but they opinions okay so if if you let go of seeking an identity in opinion your opinion then you also do not equate somebody else's

opinion with their real identity then you can just see perhaps their their opinion is delusory perhaps it's really grown but it's not their identity it's their opinion so and that that brings that brings about a completely different energy field the interaction the other is no longer your enemy he may still be in your Viewpoint he may still be totally wrong but he's not your enemy and so that's it's a practice uh some people find one additional thing some people find that um in a discussion especially when it's becomes a heated discussion heated usually means ego

involvement uh body awareness while you are talking to somebody or in participating in a group discussion inner body awareness can help as an anchor for not completely losing yourself in the Stream of words that come out of your mouth so have a little bit of your attention in the inner energy field of the body we most of you know what I mean when I say in a body awareness to sense the energy field that pervades the body so have some attention is an energy that is in your hands your feet your legs it's it's the

aliveness of the body the animating presence is so if you can have some of your attention in the animating presence in your body that means you're not totally losing yourself in the Stream of words so that can be an anchor for staying present while you speak especially especially to be used in difficult interactions and you know the type of interactions that are difficult sometimes it involves family members sometimes it involves interactions that take place during Thanksgiving dinners coming up very soon uh it involves often people with whom you share a lot of past can be

difficult or it's something to do in your professional situation your job situation where there may be lots of egos around and so especially there when you know I'm now going into a difficult situation where I have to talk I have to interact but I know it's going to be challenging then it may be helpful to have some of your attention in the inner energy view of the body or or and alternatively or in addition be aware that you're breathing and this can be combined with uh when you're listening to some to other people to have

some attention to on your breath the the ingoing and the outgoing breath that's intimately connected with inner body awareness they kind of almost go together so while you're listening while you're there continuously as much as possible return your attention to your breathing while you're listening if if you're not able to simply just simply step back from so these are old little things you can do and then gradually you'll find that you can actually speak even in difficult situation without completely losing yourself or if you lose yourself you won't be losing yourself for very long just

maybe just a few minutes who knows uh so is that helpful or um do you very helpful thank you eot yeah yeah well I wish you well in your practice the plenty of opportunities in this world practicing presence when interacting with challenging humans and most of them are challenging e