stop being REACTIVE: master your EMOTIONS by becoming RESPONSIVE instead

if you're constantly losing control of your emotions and you want to learn how to better manage it this video is for you being out of control emotionally is not something you need to struggle with because I'm going to teach you nine techniques to better control your emotions this doesn't mean that you deny or suppress your emotions because that's still not being in control even though suppression is useful as a temporary tool it's kind of like a knife it eventually loses its sharpness and it builds into something else like resentment or to explode in some other

way so that's not the answer you can't spend your life avoiding bad emotions but you are also not your emotions so you need to get better at managing them and to do that you teach yourself appropriate emotional responses in order to move forward with your life so most of the time we have two psychological modes the reactive and the responsive the reactive mode is the one that feels stressful when we're reactive we lead with the ego and we feel pressured and quick to judge so that's when we start to take things personally we don't know

what to feel so we get annoyed bothered frustrated when we're stressed our judgment and decisionmaking capacity is very severely impaired and that's when we make quick decisions that we tend to regret when an opportunity comes our way we usually too overwhelmed or frustrated to actually see it and if we do see it we're usually being overly critical and negative about the situation whether it's about ourselves or about the opportunity so the responsive mode on the other hand is our most relaxed state of mind being responsive means that we have our bearings we have things together

we see the bigger picture and we take things less personally rather than being rigid and stubborn we're flexible we're calm we're at our Peak we're at the best we're able to solve our problems with Grace and when an opportunity comes our way our mind is open to it so how do we become less reactive and more responsive hi I'm May welcome welcome back to my channel so if you're looking to improve yourself and master your mind thumbs up this video so you see more like these And subscribe to my channel if you like the vibe

okay let's get into it if you're immediately reacting to something that someone says or does and you feel emotionally provoked and triggered if this happens to you this means that you may have a problem with setting certain emotional boundaries if someone's able to cause havoc in your head just by doing or saying something they are in control of your head at that point you lose control you need to remember nobody else can actually make you feel annoyed they are not annoying you are annoyed by them they didn't make you angry you have anger your feelings

are valid but it's the blaming others that takes all of your power away taking responsibility for your emotions gives you the power back to be aware and make the change to become better about it you have the power to choose how to respond before you react this involves a little bit of detaching from the situation no more spur of the- moment reacting with your emotions so take a second again put on your logic hat and tell yourself I have the power to choose how I respond in this situation whoever is making me feel this way

does not actually have power over me if you choose to respond instead of react you remain in control with your options and your choices and if you feel yourself about to react step away for a second and regain control of yourself first the distance between responding and reacting is having the choice when you react they are in control when you respond you are in control and you have all your choices especially if you're dealing with something that's emotionally charged like an argument if you lose control of your temper you lose the argument period so here

are some techniques you can learn to become more responsive instead so to master your emotions you need to First notice them when they come up for you get in touch with and learn to recognize your own emotions there are so many different types of feelings but the most basic ones are Joy fear surprise sadness disgust and anger we experience all of these to various degrees but beyond that there's so so many other different ways to describe emotions so this is called the feeling Circle the most basic ones in the middle we practice identifying exactly how

we feel by expanding and choosing what the most suitable feeling is you can feel free to screenshot that it's only when you know how to recognize your emotions exactly how you're feeling and when it comes up for you then you can separate your ego from your emotions and that's how you regain more control recognize that Emotions Don't just come out of nowhere there is always an origin story so try and pay attention to exactly what you're feeling and also the subconscious emotions that might be bubbling up for example throughout the day ask yourself how am

I feeling right now do a little checkin of yourself and then use that chart that I just showed you to pinpoint your emotion then notice how certain people and situations can give rise to certain types of predictable habitual emotions you notice the patterns that start to form and then from there you can become more aware and less triggered train your mind to be calm so this is a skill that actually needs to be practiced so that your brain gets used to it I used to be terrible at staying calm because I had so much anxiety

and a lot of problems of controlling my emotions because I believe that back then a part of me actually really identified with the anxiety I saw it as part of my personality so what eventually worked for me to get rid of the habit of choosing the anxiety as my first reaction was to reprogram my mind to enjoy and seek calmness and peace instead and how I train my mind to be calm is through learning skills like meditation and hypnosis which was personally huge for me recently I've been using this all-in-one app called Aura which has

made meditation for my mental health 10 times better for me it's an award-winning Wellness app that's used by millions of people and personally for me just sitting in silence to meditate is really hard so instead I've been using their guided meditation because following instruction actually helps me get into the Zone faster it helps me concentrate better and not get get lost in my thoughts and also the more you meditate the more your brain can actually learn how to become calm because it's like a muscle that you can train aside from meditation they even have other

things like sleep hypnosis affirmations life events and also one-on-one coaching all of the content on the app is created by hundreds of professionals like meditation coaches clinical psychologists and hypnotherapists and if you want to try it out you can use my link in the description box I'll also link it somewhere in the video and the first 500 people can get a completely free 7-Day trial plus an extra 25% off your first year subscription thank you so much to Ora for sponsoring the portion of this video supporting a small Creator like me and for helping with

my anxiety so next is introspection try and figure out what was going through your mind when you experience an emotion this means you get out of your emotions for just a second stop and analyze your thinking at the time and ask yourself why do I feel like this what was the thought that provoked it in introspection can be a really useful tool it allows you to understand where all your feelings come from just by looking within yourself and figuring out why you are the way you are and if you keep doing this after a while

as you deal with negative emotions you will deal with it on a more accepting level this tool is quite gentle and it should be used as a first choice if you have the time to develop a more higher understanding of yourself ego rushes and reacts but peace moves purposefully and gently don't address or confront a situation that's upsetting you unless you're 100% sure you can do it calmly if you're even slightly unsure walk away for a second and work on your emotions until you're ready to address it maturely instead of blowing up and feeling like

you took 10 steps back being calm about everything actually lets your mind find Solutions calmness is also a state of trust so instead of overthinking and reacting to everything you just surrender for a little bit for that moment and just allow yourself to receive the kind of guidance for what doesn't make sense to you so when you learn the skills of being calm and being responsive you're no longer trying to match People's Energy you're maintaining your own energy so that you can attract what aligns with you and anything that doesn't align with you will naturally

remove itself so next up be logical not every single thought you have in your head is actually logical and you don't have to voice every single feeling that you have you don't need to be vulnerable to win the argument in fact most people don't deserve your vulnerability so save your vulnerability for situations that actually deserve it and don't even think about weaponizing it because that is not how you win look for the evidence that both supports and contradicts the thought that produce the emotion so you need to get into your logical head and analyze how

balanced your thinking is at the moment ask yourself does it tell the whole story does it actually reflect reality or is this just my side of the story and is there is there another way of looking at it a way that's maybe more rational and accurate if you don't know what to do or what to say say less until you can think through it a bit more and I promise you that is always helpful to you so no more super long double or triple texting no more 20 minute voicemails reclaim your Power of Choice usually

the best thing to do is to slow down and spend some time developing a clearer and more informed perspective you got to remember that we always have a choice in how we react to people and situations and we usually assume that there's only one way to act and that's how go-to but the truth is you always have that choice you can in fact choose to not react at all and just don't say anything and just don't do anything and then as another option because what you normally do doesn't really work out the way you want

so try and do the opposite of that next work on developing and then maintaining a very positive self-image and healthy self-esteem if you really see yourself positively and you really believe that you have the gift and you have the strength to be emotionally strong and to manage your emotions correctly then we're not so much at the mercy of other people other situations other circumstances or even just other people's negative opinions and then there's learning to go with the flow so what does giving into the flow mean so it just means that you're going with the

flow of the situation and you're not trying to control it so the flow is essentially surrendering and if you're just chilling and you're going with the flow you're not agonizing and being stressed out over things but the hardest thing to do is to let go and surrender to the flow so that means this only works if you give in so you need to trust that the flow is going to take you where it needs to take you and the reason why you can't surrender is because you are either fearful of it or you're doubting that

it might just take you to the wrong place think of it this way it's like you're in the River Rapids and you're okay with being swept away so there's no use resisting the Rapids because you'll get exhausted it and I've learned this lesson so many times you guys every time I try and resist the flow it not only doesn't work the universe ends up kicking me in the ass surrendering to the flow as a tool is a bit harder than introspection because in the beginning you need to fully accept and feel whatever negative feeling that's

coming at you in order to build up more familiarity with it so next time you experience it you're like aha I know exactly what this is it's extremely important because you will learn how to allow it to pass through you you're going to feel it but that's so normal that's human and you know very well but every time you come across it you know exactly what it is like whether it's because you know what the reason is you know how severe it's going to be and you know how long it's going to last and you

let it pass through you without letting it damage you this takes skill this is a discipline and it takes practice but it's also worth it every oun of your time that you spend on this you're going to regain control in difficult situations without being confused and frustrated and stressed out by it and also without the danger of erupting and causing a meltdown caused by suppressing and storing your feelings from the past but also honestly with all that stuff being said I think that the root cause of why a lot of people do get really reactive

is because a part of themselves is still not healed yet imagine you're holding a cup of coffee and someone comes along they bump into you and they make you spill your coffee everywhere why did you spill the coffee it's because there was coffee in your cup because if there were tea in your cup you spilled tea the point is whatever is inside your cup is what's going to spill out so when you get reactive instead of acting on it get curious about it why did you feel that way where do you feel it coming up

in your body is it a physical sensation for you if you try out these techniques that I taught you and really learn to analyze your emotions instead of being Swept Away by it you're going to know and recognize where there are wounds just asking to be healed so that when life comes along and shakes you up which it tends to do whatever is inside of you will come out and it's easy to fake it or suppress it until you get rattled and stressed out and you lose control so we need to ask ourselves what's in

my cup when life gets tough what is going to spill out of it the next time I spill my cup how do I respond am I rational am I calm and peaceful do I have humility or am I going to stay mad about it and get bitter and have harsh words and reactions coming out of my cup so that is the choice that you need to make if this was was helpful to you make sure to like And subscribe to my channel if you haven't already and thank you guys so much for watching I'll see

you in the next video [Music]