The Only Skill You Need To Get Ahead of 99% of People

If you're a regular viewer of this channel, you  probably have aspirations to do well in life. However, to do that, you need to  separate yourself from the crowd. After all, if you do what 99% of people do,  you'll just get the same results as 99% of people.

But if you want to be in the top 1%, you  have to do things a little differently. And there's a skill I'm going to share with you that absolutely needs to be developed  and mastered in order to achieve that. First we need to go back to the year  1970, where a Stanford professor named Walter Mischel conducted one of the  most famous psychological studies.

Through this experiment, Mischel and his  team stumbled upon what I believe is one of the most important factors required  to achieve success in any life domain. Whether it's related to health,  money, work, or relationships. This one factor is what separates  the successful from the average joe.

The experiment went like this: The researchers enrolled children  aged between 4 and 5 years old, and sat them down individually in a private room. Then a marshmallow was presented  and placed in front of each child. The researcher told the child that  she's going to briefly leave the room, but that she'll be back soon.

But before she left, she gave the child a choice. She told them: "You can eat the marshmallow now. Or.

. . if you don't eat it until I come  back, you can have another one.

" The researcher then left the room and made  the child wait for roughly 15 minutes. It was a seemingly simple choice to make. One marshmallow right away,  or two marshmallows later.

But when you're 5 years old,  this is equal to torture. Many children ate the marshmallow the  moment the researcher left the room. Others resisted for a while, bouncing in  their chair, trying to restrain themselves, but eventually gave in to  temptation just minutes later.

However a select few managed to wait  for the whole 15 minutes and they were able to enjoy 2 marshmallows  once the researcher returned. This experiment was later  known as the Marshmallow Test. But this isn't where it ended.

The interesting part came years later. As the children grew up, the researchers  followed up on them to see where they ended up. They tracked them for over 40 years  and the results were fascinating.

The children who were willing to  wait for the whole 15 minutes, instead of giving into their temptations  right away, ended up having higher grades, were less likely to abuse drugs, were  healthier and less likely to become obese, had better social skills, and performed  better in a multitude of other life areas. The answer was conclusive. The children who were able to delay gratification, were  the ones who got ahead in life.

And if you think about it, it makes perfect sense. If you're able to save a portion of  your income, rather than spend it all on luxuries and immediate wants, you'll  save more money and you can retire earlier. If you opt for healthy foods and exercise, rather  than indulging in a lazy and unhealthy lifestyle, you'll feel better over the long run.

If you study diligently and read more books, instead of opting for the quick fix  of scrolling through social media, you'll be smarter and have  more options in the future. There are many more examples,  but basically it shows that thinking long term, instead of short  term, will get you further in life. But wait a minute.

The participants of the Marshmallow Test were children. And if the ones who waited for the 2nd marshmallow became successful, all the  while those who didn't wait became average, wouldn't that mean that the  ability to delay gratification is actually a pre-determined trait  that we're either born with or not? We actually got the answer to  this question through another study that took place at Rochester university.

They tried to replicate the Marshmallow  Test, but they added a little twist. Before being offered the marshmallow, each child had a few extra experiences  with the researcher beforehand. One group of children was exposed to unreliable  experiences and undependable researchers.

For example, they gave the child some stickers,  and then promised to bring them a bigger and better selection of stickers. But they never did. Or they gave the child a small box of crayons, and promised to bring them a bigger one later.

Which again, they didn't do. All the while, the other group of children had very reliable experiences  and dependable researchers. The bigger box of crayons?

They got it. Better stickers? They received them.

And you can guess how these experiences  impacted the following Marshmallow Test. The children in the unreliable group  had no reason to trust the researcher. They didn't believe he would  bring them a second marshmallow, so they didn't wait very  long to eat the first one.

On the other hand, the children in the  reliable group saw the opposite result. They trusted the researcher, so they waited an  average four times longer than the other group. Just a few minutes of reliable  or unreliable experiences were enough to change the actions of  each child in either direction.

This also means that the ability to delay  gratification isn't a pre-determined inborn trait, but can be influenced by other factors. And we can actually train and improve our ability to choose delayed  gratification over instant gratification. Now make no mistake.

There's a reason  why most people can't do it. It's hard. Our brains are hardwired to seek  instant gratification after all.

We want the rewards as soon as possible. If we're given a choice between: eating a burger, scrolling on Instagram,  and watching Youtube videos, or, eating a salad, reading a book, and building  a business, we'll gravitate to the former. Delayed gratification simply isn't as enjoyable  in the moment.

And it might take weeks, months, or even years to see the potential rewards. We'd much rather indulge in things and  activities that give us instant pleasure. Large corporations know this, and  it's why everything is designed to be as instantly gratifying  and as addictive as possible.

So it's no wonder that most people have  a hard time delaying gratification. The environment is working against them. But while that might sound grim, it's also an  opportunity for you to get massively ahead.

You might not be able to change the  world, but you can change yourself. If most people are hooked onto instant  gratification, all you have to do is look past those impulsive pleasures and  focus on the vision of a better future. So how can you train and improve your ability  to delay gratification in order to get ahead?

First I just want to clarify that I'm not saying you shouldn't enjoy anything  anymore. You definitely should. It becomes problematic when delayed  gratification is taken to extreme, as it results in no gratification at all.

Which in all likelihood, is not what you want. Rather, you probably want to be able to  control your desires and keep them in check. Which is more than doable.

You just need to set some conditions  and create limits for yourself. So for example let's say you've heard  about a brand new Netflix series that's apparently really good. You decide to watch it But you don't just binge watch the whole  thing and feel like crap afterwards.

No. You set some conditions. You can only watch it after  you've done everything on your to-do list for that day and only after 7pm.

Also, you set some limits. You can only watch 1 episode per day  and a maximum of 5 episodes per week. The conditions are what needs to happen  before you can enjoy the activity, while limits are how long and  how often you can enjoy it.

And this small tweak makes all the difference. You still get to enjoy the thing, but rather than it being an impulsive choice, it's a reward  for your patience, discipline and hard work. Basically what this is, is  self-negotiation.

Kind of like self-parenting. Similar to how you would tell a child: "You can have the ice cream, but you  have to eat all the veggies first. " It's the same principle, but you're  the adult talking to the child in you.

You can create your own restrictions and  adjust them depending on what you want. They don't have to be drastic, just something to show yourself that  you can follow up on your own promises. So create some limits, give yourself a  condition to be met, and then deliver on it.

That's how you build the skill  of delaying gratification. Just like the children and the  researchers in the Marshmallow Test did, you promise something and  then you deliver on the promise. However, not everything can be divided  into delayed or instant gratification.

Some activities actually  fall into both categories. And these are the best pursuits you can have, as they make getting those  delayed rewards almost effortless. Playing basketball with your  friends can be such an activity.

You get to enjoy hanging out with friends, but  you also get the long term benefits of exercise. Of course, not everyone will enjoy playing  basketball or hanging out with other people, such preferences are different from person to person. That's why you need to find your own activities that you enjoy in the moment and that  bring long term rewards at the same time.

The more you can find, the better, as it  makes delayed gratification infinitely easier. But if there's nothing you can think  of that would fit both categories, what you can do is try pairing instant and  delayed gratification together yourself. For example: Watching TV only while on the treadmill.

Drnking coffee only when doing productive work. Listening to music only when cleaning. That pleasurable activity can serve as a way to  motivate yourself to start the harder activity.

Not only that, but your brain will also  connect the two activities together, assuming you only do them with each other. I've done this myself, and one interesting  thing that happens is that you start to look forward to delayed gratification, because you  know it will also bring instant gratification. However, all of this does still require  some discipline or self negotiation, since you have to rely on yourself not to overindulge.

Most people make this mistake and what is supposed to be a treat, becomes their primary activity. Basically they end up breaking a promise to themselves, and they just end up just  watching TV, without using the treadmill. Don't make this mistake, negotiate with  yourself and set some limits instead.

You might find that some successful people  don't seem to be delaying gratification at all, and are just having the time of their life. But don't be fooled, to get to where  they are, sacrifices had to be made. They are able to enjoy the  fruits of their labour now, because they delayed gratification in the past.

However, this can also be a  fatal trap for many people. If you're experiencing success today and  you start partying daily or whatever, you might remain successful for the next 5 years. But those actions will eventually catch up with you.

The results of your efforts  are always lagging behind. You might be average today, but if you delay  gratification, you're on the path to success. Or you might be successful today, but if  you just indulge in instant gratification, you're on the path to mediocrity.

If you think about it, if you skip  a workout today, there won't be a visible change to your body tomorrow. Neither will it be much different if you actually go workout today. But when you extend either choice over a longer period of time, that  one workout is all that matters.

So don't be discouraged if you don't see any  benefits of delayed gratification just yet. Nor should you become care-free if you're  already enjoying the benefits and only indulging in instant gratification. Things can and will change.

Since the results of your actions are delayed, it means that you're always  either progressing or regressing. This is why all that matters are the actions  and the choices you make this very day. Don't make the mistake of thinking  they don't make a difference.

Over an extended period of time, they are what  separates high performers from the rest. So I urge you to resist those cheap temptations, resist that one marshmallow,  and delay gratification instead. Make the first step down that path today, and I assure you, you will end up better than yesterday.